User talk:The Humbled Master

Welcome!

Hello, The Humbled Master, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! --—Braydie 11:50, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

Your orthagonal counter-blessing has registered on the zim_ulator_o_meter... ah! too... many... underbars!... gonna... be... sick!

Sorry about that. Hey, next time, sign your messages like this ~~~~. so lazy bastards like me can more easily get a message back to you. Where was I? Oh... anyway... _

Congrats on your featured article, by the way... I found it well-written, amusing, and just stupid enough... lovely bits, the stupid parts.

So, have a bunch of crap right back, including the blessing and one of my favorite pics of Christ. It's Evelyn, my dogs favorite too. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 12:38, 29 December 2006 (UTC)

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

the important stuff about UnNews articles

Welcome to UnNews, and thank you for contributing some crap. For a very quick introduction to the ins and outs, please take 30 seconds to read Help:How to write an UnNews article. Please note that proper formatting of an articles title has only the first word (after UnNews:) and proper nouns capitalized. The second offense of this cardinal rule gets your ass banned. Heh, just kidding... maybe.

Also, a perusal of HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article may help you sink to the average level of UnNews mediocrity, and go on to fame, fortune, and celebrity. Cheers!

Prototype: how to do an unnews audio

Note: this crap is a work in progress

Jesus bought the Holy Ass, depicted here as a raptor, from zim in 1066 AD.

As for doing the UnNews Audio Perpendicular Mambo, first you'll need software to record sound files on your computer. I currently use Cakewalk Sonar, but many other applications such as the freeware Audacity, or other commercial applications like Steinberg's Cubase and Pro Tools Digital Audio Workstation will be great.

Having that in place, there ar UnNews jingle files you can download, and add to your files here:

• https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/File:UnNews_Jingle_British.mp3
• https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/File:UnNews_Jingle_American.MP3

You'll need to upload your final audio file in mp3 format.

Once uploaded, you'll need to tag the article you've read like this

{{UnNewsAudio|Your_soundfile_name.mp3}}.

Next, go to this page https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Template:FrontPageMediaMenuBeta, add your file with pointer and file size arranged like this:

Your_soundfile_name.mp3|article_title|<file size>KB|

The file size information can be found on the info page of the audio which you've uploaded.

The procedure for setting up your file for podcast is a secret freemason thingy which Olipro and I currently manage. I'm around almost daily, so I look for new audio files to delete fix, or whatever. If you get hung up with any of these steps, let me know, or alternately check out #unnews and #uncyclopedia on IRC. Cheers!

UnPoetia

Hey, I moved your articles to the "UnPoetia" section of the site. I think you tried to do that but spelt it wrong, I don't know. If I've screwed it up even more, head on over to my talk page and say. —Braydie at 16:37, 29 December 2006 (UTC)

Moving articles around at VFH

Please stop. It's annoying me, and I don't want to have to ban you for something this silly.--<<>> 05:04, 2 January 2007 (UTC)

Hey

Thanks for your edits to the HowTo:Go Christmas shopping at the last minute page. Unfortunately, not all the edits really fit in, so I reverted to an earlier version, but I saved your edits somewhere else. I'm gonna merge some of your edits into the article later, as soon as I can get to it. Thanks a lot for the ideas! -- The Llama Llover!!! 23:37, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

Church of God the Wholly Incompetent

I appreciate your enthusiasm for the article; however, I reverted the most recent Mormon-themed change. Many of these edits are pulling it from its original intention, and I'd rather not see it become another Kitten huffing article. You've got a good imagination, and many of these things you put in would be good stand-alone pieces. Try that.--Procopius 03:54, 15 January 2007 (UTC)

WHAAM!

	BANG BANG BANG!!! The victory bells(?) have rang!
	NeedABrain thanks you for voting on Onomatopoeia

herr doktor needsAV2  [scream!] 22:25, 17 January 2007 (UTC)

OY!!

21:40, 17 January 2007 The Humbled Master (Talk | contribs) m (moved 2000 to 2000 AD - 2099 AD)

Have you any idea how many double redirects you made doing this? I don't know if I have the time (or inclination) to fix 'em all. Check Special:DoubleRedirects next time you're here.   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN • Eh? • Oh! • UnTunes! •• I my cat! 10:35, 19 January 2007 (UTC)

21:39, 17 January 2007 The Humbled Master (Talk | contribs) m (moved 2100 to 2100 AD - Before the End of Time)

I'm trying very hard to be polite, here. I suggest the next time you indulge in moving pages you read and follow all the instructions we have so thoughtfully provided on the "move" page, to wit:

---

Note: Before moving pages, check the Whatlinkshere of the page. If any redirect pages link to it, the page move will cause them to become double redirects! This is very annoying to clean up later. It is your responsibility as the page mover to fix these. Failure to do so could result in some plague or famine or such.

Also note: If Uncyclopedia does not need the redirect that will be automatically created when moving this page, please place it on the QVFD so it can be deleted. Also note that if you move a talk page, you should list the talk page redirect on QVFD in most cases (there is little reason to have one talk page redirecting to another).

Also also note: Moving a page can be a drastic and unexpected change for a popular page; please be sure you understand the consequences of this before proceeding. Moving a page to a silly name is not in the spirit of Uncyclopedia, as humor isn't funny if you can't find it. We prefer to have accurate titles for most pages. Thanks.

---

</rant>  Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN • Eh? • Oh! • UnTunes! •• I my cat! 10:47, 19 January 2007 (UTC)

In regard to HHH

You asked WTF is this so I decided it'd be best to answer you, it's just a coincidence in possible nicknames of a politician and real WWE wrestler Triple H I think I've nominated this article twice and then semi-gave up on it but my strange freind and oddly enough semi-supporter of some of my more recent articles Gaberou told me in a message that he wants to give it another round he's hoping wrestling fans will vote if it doesn't get in I'll never PERSONALLY nominate the article again but hey one can dream huh?--Lt.Wyoming 02:44, 28 January 2007 (UTC)

My Ringpiece

I prefer my version of the "accident" simply because the hero is an innocent, unable to see that his mother is a whore, his "friends" are thieves, and that his comrade has actually murdered the Baron. Your version changes the focus, he is party to what happens to the Baron, and meaning of the "accident" changes. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Thanks

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

--Alksub - VFH CM WA RV {talk} 08:26, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

UnNews Lead Article Template

Please follow instructions clearly laid out on this template, specifically, move the stories down the line of Lead templates. Oh, and by the way, writing the article yourself isn't a great reason to feature your article. Consider yourself hozed. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:51, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

I stole a template from User:Needabrain, and made one in your honour. Thanks for inspiring me! cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:19, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

	YOU'VE BEEN HOZED!!! Listen to your doom!
	Rev_zim has performed a Hozing on your soul; apparently you've done wrong in the eyes of doG. Take off, eh?!.

Be patient, dammit!

If your article isn't shite, Zim will feature it. Until then, don't touch it. --++++++++[>+++++++++++>+++++++++++++>++++++++++++<<<-]>----.>.---.++++++++.>+.<+++++++.--.>++++++++.<++++++.>----.----.<----.-.++++++.----------.++++++. 08:08, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

hey hey hey

:) Thankyou!!!


- jack mort | cunt | talk - 12:54, 8 February 2007 (UTC)

Asplode!!

	Gneomi has awarded you some hot stuff to jihad your own ride!
	For voting on Jihad My Ride.
	"Never forget: Jihad is not all about war. It is about creating cool stuff and making cars look better. Yo jihad yo!!"

Thank you!

	Congratulation! You are now happy owner of new proud fat kid with an Accordion from El Zoof!
	Much felicitous appreciations for happy double nice good voting for HowTo:Stop Playing the Accordion

--El Zoof 01:05, 22 February 2007 (UTC)

Porchesia

Hi, would you be so kind as to stop editing Porchesia, you are changing some elementry parts of the article, such as the wikipedia-watch quote, and the Latin phrase, which I worked to hard to locate and I happen to like. Thanks. ~ 13:21, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

Borat v Smirnoff

To be honest, I prefer the Smirnoff version. It reminds me of Yakov. Yes, I know the Russian Reversal is treated like the plague around here, but I figured that it must have had an early, even worse version. A prototype version in the 50s is perfect. It probably doesn't help that I dislike Borat. Sasha's stuff has moments of brilliance, but would be better to the nth degree if it was...smarter. --Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:07, 4 March 2007 (UTC)

Chainsaw

Sorry about the revert. I was just acting how I thought the writer would want it. It will probably be reverted by tomorrow/morning (depending where you are). I suggest you take it up with him if there's a problem. —Braydie 02:17, 11 March 2007 (UTC)

If I May...

..add my voice to the venerable chorus here suggesting that your additions to articles need reverting. You've done it to me twice now, and it's kind of irksome. Revisions are ok, suggestions are ok, but a wholesale co-opting of brand new featured or about-to-be featured articles, and then practically re-writing them, is not necessary.

I liked some of what you added to The Beatles: Ecological Number Ones, especially the structural stuff. But you just kept on going, removing large chunks of jokes and replacing them with different ones that were not in keeping with the article and not an improvement.

You clearly have the enthusiasm to contribute, and you have a style of your own which is strong and distinctive - so you really should try writing an article of your own. I'm sure it would do well. --Sir Hardwick Fundlebuggy - (Ring for service) 11:25, 24 March 2007 (UTC)

Thanks!

I award you an award award! Jocke Pirat awards you the award award for giving them an award!

I'll try to fix the error with the date...

--~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

UnScripts:Who Killed God?

I really love the additions that you have made to my script. Have you ever thought of doing a collaborative article? --General Insineratehymn 23:36, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

UnNews articles

First thank you for the audio for the Chavez UnNews piece. The stuttering was the effect I tried to create with the strikeouts. I just wonder why the Bush Resigns article was removed from the headlines? Someone nominated it for VFH, so at least someone else thinks it is funny. I guess it wasn't funny enough for VFH and got voted down. Is that why it was removed from the UnNews headlines? Nobody really told me that it was unfunny. I might submit it to Pee Review or something and get feedback on it. If you don't like it and think it needs to be removed from UnNews headlines, could you let me know why? I want to write better articles and feedback is important. Thanks. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 17:53, 31 May 2007 (UTC)

Umm... I didn't put audio on your Chavez piece. I don't even know what you're referring to. Secondly, I've got a Bush article coming up, and this one would interfere with what I'm setting up. Thirdly, I'm glad you want to write better articles; maybe I could help? Thanks! The Humbled Master 18:46, 31 May 2007 (UTC)

Never mind, I confused you with Zim somehow. I would welcome feedback if you don't mind on the Bush resigns article. I got angry talk from some left-wingers on the Chavez article, and instead of them telling me what I should do to improve it, they did personal attacks. Anyway one of them rewrote it so it had a left-wing instead of a right-wing slant. The Bush resigns article was nominated for VFH by someone else but got voted off. I didn't know why it wasn't funny enough to be voted VFH, and the VFH page does not encourage discussions. I just don't want angry left-wingers getting upset because part of it mocks left-wingers, well it mocks right-wingers as well, I try to be fair on that. The Bush article was supposed to show that if Cheney took over, things might be worse. It also mocked liberals for their blogs attacking Bush using AdSense as a source of their income, and Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly and other right-wingers being out of a job because they got their viewers and listeners by defending and protecting Bush. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 23:21, 31 May 2007 (UTC)

Interesting point. Do you think there should be an article of, say, Mahmoud Amadinejad resigning, with nobody caring? I think it'd be a rather ironic counterpoint. The Humbled Master 01:06, 1 June 2007 (UTC)

Perhaps so, or Hugo Chavez resigning and nobody cares. I guess it would be funny because at least some people would be upset that Mahmoud Amadinejad or Hugo Chavez resigns and blames the USA for forcing them to resign, and some people would be glad because they saw them as threats to the world. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 13:32, 1 June 2007 (UTC)

Or, maybe both of them could resign, and then flee to Havana or something to have a forbidden love-tryst. Hey, it could work! The Humbled Master 20:38, 1 June 2007 (UTC)

I thought you should know...

Every time I read your sig, it looks to me like your name is "The Mumbled Hamster". --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 18:48, 16 June 2007 (UTC)

Umm... okay. I don't know what you mean by that, but thanks for the comment. The Humbled Master 18:50, 16 June 2007 (UTC)

Yeah, sorry. It was late, and that particular spoonerism just kind of occurred to me. I'm not even dilsexyc! Whoops... anyway, disregard my lunatic comments completely. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 07:36, 17 June 2007 (UTC)

All right, then. Thanks, anyway! The Humbled Master 16:22, 17 June 2007 (UTC)

thanks

User:THE... ...could not think of a creative "thank you" template for voting for HowTo:Turn Your Computer On. But thanks for voting anyway.

thank you for votingizing --THE 12:13, 18 June 2007 (UTC)

With Thanks

A tall, dark man pushes a note into your hand; it reads: "The The Don thanks you for voting for Film Noir. He offers a free secret from Jimmy the Shoeshine Boy as a reward." The man turns away, muttering he has an appointent with someone's mom...

Thanks for your vote. Don alun 21:53, 19 June 2007 (UTC)

Appreciated

Hey, I saw the edit history on Why?:Pour Boiling Hot Water Down Your Trousers? and just wanted to say thanks for your understanding on that. Once its either featured or Darwin'd, feel free to do anything at all to it (especially reinstating the edits I originally undid, which I definitely thought were funny) :) --THINKER 06:53, 20 June 2007 (UTC)

All right, then. Thanks! The Humbled Master 18:33, 20 June 2007 (UTC)

BB thanks thee!

Thanks again! -- CUN PLS VFH (Miniluv•Minitrue•Unsoc) 11:34, 20 June 2007 (UTC)

THANK'D!!

REJOICE!
You have received the
Double-Douser's Award
for exemplary utilization of boiling, scorchingly hot water.

Thank you for helping make
Why?:Pour Boiling Hot Water Down Your Trousers?
the most strongly favored article in Uncyclopedia history!

We made it! Hold off one day (so as not to be confused with the IP vandals that will be coming around any second now), but thereafter edit her however you see fit. Your enthusiasm towards my work is sincerely appreciated. :) --THINKER 06:34, 22 June 2007 (UTC)

A slightly belated thank you

-- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey)  19:20, 26 June 2007 (UTC)

The US Government Salutes You!

Thank you for your help in the capture of
Mumulla Abdula Krall
Your vote has aided the US Government in it's ongoing fight against granny terror.

Thanks a lot man!! Please continue the generic Islamic chanting now; I can see why they do it so much, it really is great fun.. :-D --THINKER 05:16, 2 July 2007 (UTC)

Belated Thanks!

I'm not really good on making banners, so here's a little gift for voting for A Visit with your Psychopathic Grandmother:

User:Mr.Vib has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

User:Mr.Vib has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Thanks!--Mr.Vib 02:42, 5 July 2007 (UTC)

Mr. Beluncle

Hallo! Was it you what added Chapter 23, the Death of Beluncle, to the UnBook? An interesting ending, if somewhat American in flavour. Which is fine. The author of the real Mr. Beluncle was rather kinder to his characters than either of our endings...as I recall, in the actual novel Henry begins to see a constructive way out of his father's domination whilst Mr. Beluncle himself continues bumbling along without actually imploding. V.S. Pritchett was one the kindest of authors with respect to his characters -- he almost always lets them find a reasonably healthy way to get on with their lives. Not for him the despair of living on the street and pushing drugs, or the violence of shotgunning one's father. I would guess that his interest lay in the startling ways intelligent people find to cope with the naughty old world, and not in the way the world can crush even intelligent people. Which, I suppose, makes either of our endings appropriate for a parody of him! Anyway, this is a longwinded way of saying thanks for your work on the piece. ----OEJ 14:58, 6 July 2007 (UTC)

Oh, any time! I'm glad it finally got featured; it was a heck of an UnBook. The Humbled Master 22:06, 7 July 2007 (UTC)

America Colonization

Hey THM. I thinned out the cast of UnScripts:American Colonization: The Musical! in order for it to fit within a concept I've thought up for it. Because of this new concept, I'm gunna have to hack up a lot of the current content (dialogue, etc.), and I'm probably gunna have to exclude the prologue as well (which you should use elsewhere, because its a nice little parody that could be tweaked for a different piece, I'm sure). As such, I just wanted to know if you wanted to try to do some editing within the new concept, or would you like me to just gut the piece and go in this new direction like that?

If you'd like to work on it further I'll detail the new ideas for you. Later bud. :) --THINKER 15:28, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

Thank you

You've already gotten an Award Award from me, so I think posting it here again would be a bit redundant. Congratulations on the win. --~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

16:17, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

Thank you, good sir. :) The Humbled Master 02:19, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Template:Lead Article

That's a Zim thing. It's his gig. Swapping it out for another page when he's not around is okay, but swapping it out for your own page is not. Also, you forgot to bump the lead to second and second to third (most of which Zim himself basically told you a couple of years ago on your talkpage), but that first sentence is the important one in this particular instance. This third sentence, meanwhile, is completely unnecessary. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:04, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Sorry about that, then; it's been a while since I've written here. The Humbled Master 00:30, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

In that case, welcome back. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 01:04, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Thank you, sir; I guess I'll be a little more careful with my next article, whenever I get to one. The Humbled Master 01:09, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

U.S. Emperors

Before we get into a revert skirmish, let's talk it out. At the time I did most of the work on the page I didn't really know about tracking back into the history of a page. It just seemed like the Nixon thing had gone on for over 36 years in the "history" of the Emperor, and you or someone had said to feel free to change it. Should have talked to you after I learned more, as the article is a lot of fun and I had fun playing with it. As for O'Connor, different tastes I guess. I love her music and her backstory, the Rastafari stuff etc., and the twist is also funny. The photo is great, I thought. And the page needs a woman Emperor, and like I said, someone with the tone the opposite of Nixon (she instantly resusitates the Constitution, frees all non-violent prisoners, etc., using her as a template of healing humanity, that was my thinking). Thoughts? Aleister in Chains 02:31, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

See, I thought the whole fun of it was using actual historical figures in the right places at the right time (but whom no one would ever, in their right minds, regard as the rulers of a country), and put them in this seat of power; ironically, due to the "forgetting" of this secret office, every Emperor in power turns out as ineffective as the real life Joshua A. Norton was. Throwing in Sinead O'Connor when she's nowhere near the despotic ruler type deflates the joke a bit. The Humbled Master 14:12, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

Ah, I missed that premise. Crowley would be quite effective as Emperor (my most humble namesake--see my People who like to fuck naked where Crowley is ashamed that he partakes in the fetish) but OK, I'm going over the people in my mind and I see it now, esp. Brian Jones and Johnson just growing his hair long and dying. I really like the concept of the Emperor page maybe close to what you must feel for it. Can we maybe spin the joke now, and let O'Connor, as the first woman Emperor, just solve all the ills of the world without anyone knowing it, although giving her a positive profile and letting her "leak" her power here and there? If we play together (and how about we do a collab, you pick the topic, one you've wanted to work on but have let slide? I haven't done a collab as yet, and took a look at the large group collab and it looks like they are ruining a perfectly good Transformers page) you will have someone else who wants to protect the page from the naysayers andto spread the history of the Emperors throughout Uncy. This would change your premise, but would change it in the best way (on its head!) and we both can go with that concept for O'Connor and I guess Crowley (where I had also made his reign positive) but enlarge the others as total failures? This grows too long, fnord. Aleister in Chains 21:38, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

You actually did improve the Aleister Crowley section of the page (I'm now kicking myself for not having thought of that), but Ron Paul isn't dead, yet; once he is, maybe we could sneak Sinead O'Connor in there. :-) I've collaborated in the past, before; most notably, on UnBooks:Who Killed God?, so if you want to see a formerly FEATURED example of collaboration, the link's right there. 'Til then, eh? The Humbled Master 11:37, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

Have skimmed it and will further read it. God as corpse, not easily hidden. Ron Paul was only the carrier, remember you killed him off and Nixon was inhabiting him, but with Nixon sent into the light by Melinda Gordon, Paul is dead, RIP and away from Bruno fair Ronald. Paul would be more useful as a former Emperor, a sad and forlorn corpselike creature, forever chased by thoughts of his encounter with Bruno. Thanks for the Crowley compliment. Aleister in Chains 16:46, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

Oh, I see, "Paul is dead"; clever. Melinda Gordon? I'm not sure who she is; could you elaborate? Might be funny if John Edward (the fake TV psychic) tries to coax Nixon out, and Nixon devours his soul... The Humbled Master 18:49, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

Bruno, of course, mourns. Melinda Gordon is Jennifer Love Hewitt's characters name on "Ghost Whisperer". Her thing in life is to help spirits who haven't 'crossed over' yet, make things all right with them, and send them into the light. The idea was that when Paul/Nixon was golfing (and the real Nixon did love to golf) O'Connor helps them with their short game. Nixon is so impressed with that and with her song that he denotes her the Emperor, and that good deed catches the attention of Melinda Gordon (golfing at the same club) who then can finally help the troubled soul into the light, where he is met by his mom, his little dog checkers and, inexplicably, by Emperor Crowley. I love the idea of Nixon devouring that punk shyster John Edward's soul when he tries to help. (has anyone done a page about him, maybe that little cheat can be a collaboration) Can you place it in the '90s sometime, to separate the Edward attempt and the Gordon being-in-the-right-place (which happens to her alot) to send Nixon peacefully to his just reward. I'll look if John Edward has a page, I hope he doesn't and you can start one. Aleister in Chains 22:43, December 14, 2009 (UTC)

No, he doesn't. That could be fun. Edward is just about the scummmiest of the earth, in my, opinion. Bringing him into uncy was your idea, a good one. I saw the skirmish at 1990 about Glenn Beck. If I can offer a solution, and maybe you can leave a note on Rabbi Why's talk page (interesting goings on there about two sockpuppets of the same person both being nominated this month for noob) to offer a compromise, something like give the event an exact data, like "April 21-Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl, although he hasn't denied it." I think it's funny, but I know the story, and it just so happens that the page fits because the date/name is 1990, so if its presented well and written with a kicker or two? Maybe John Edward could channel the soul of the young girl tht Glenn Beck raped and murdered on the Edward page!!!! Aleister in Chains 22:52, December 14, 2009 (UTC)

My, the sense of humour (and balls!) on you... :-D Who's Rabbi Why, by the way? The Humbled Master 13:08, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, takes one to know one. I mixed up the editors, so Rabbi Why didn't work on the page. But the idea of John Edward being a total fake and never having talked to a ghost in his life, and then meeting up with the young girl Glenn Beck raped and murdered in 1990, kind of like a modified "Ghost" movie where Whoppi Goldberg was the fake medium, maybe even have her come in as herself and complain that Patrick Swayze is now actually haunting her in real life, the possibilities are endless, but I must end now. I wonder how many of these dots in a discussion are needed before the discussion is one word a line, and then one letter. In the spirit, Aleister in Chains 00:45, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Huh... might be funny. :-D The Humbled Master 06:53, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

Why?

Why did you move this piece of crap back into UnNews? Don't do it again! And don't remove ICU templates! Cheers. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:11, December 14, 2009 (UTC)

I'm sorry; I only reverted it to where you had put up the Under Construction tag. I didn't know you had deleted it completely. Sorry, man. The Humbled Master 13:06, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

UnNews audio

I found your audio File:UnNews Andre Bauer.mp3 amusing, bizarre, and of questionable sound quality. You've earned a special award! On the quality, though... do you think you could improve it a bit, maybe add the File:UnNews Jingle British.mp3|UnNews]] jingle? If you need any helpo with this, please ask. Cheers and congratulations. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:32, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks a lot! Didn't know the UnNews Jingle was available around these parts, but as for the audio quality, I'm afraid that can't be improved; I do like, though, how it gives the piece an old-timey "reporter-in-the-field" quality -- it makes the spoof even better. The Humbled Master 21:33, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

And thank you, too, for rendering my dispatch on the G-7. I really enjoyed the voices used for the quotes. But dittoes on the sound quality: This isn't an "old-timey" effect, this effect is, "Why don't you call back when you enter a better cell?"

I'd like to try my hand at one too. Zim, if you're listening, is it permitted to condense articles for the audio version (as I don't have a cast of characters here to voice the quotes)? This is my first hint that the UnNews Jingle was available, and I'd use it, but also a Teletype background. I have a notion to parody Paul Harvey at the start, with "Stay tuned...for UnNews!!!" And to use your "Thank you for suffering," unless you consider that personal to you. Speaking of sound quality, Zim, I sampled two of yours and found them undermodulated; it was hard getting them to full volume on this end. Spıke ¬  03:26 10-Feb-10

PS--There is now, for y'all's possible use, File:UnNews Jingle British, then Teletypes.mp3. I'm able to recombine this to suit your preferences. (Is there any point in UnNews audio being stereo?) But I'm still wrestling with the logistics of recording an UnNews: Even co-locating three laptops, one for playback, one for record, and one displaying the article I'm reading wouldn't let me edit the dictation to correct screw-ups. Spıke ¬  04:21 10-Feb-10

I use a digital audio recorder, brand Olympus; it's lo-fi, but with Audacity, I can shape it however I want. Also, the whistling wind in the background of the G-7 audio was intentional; since it's in the Arctic, I figured a stock noise of whistling wind would provide a nice effect of the "reporter-in-the-field"... which is doubly-comical, since it's obvious the audio was done indoors with one guy. The Humbled Master 11:51, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

Also, SPIKE? The UnNews jingle that Zim uses is available on his user page; it's free to download, so you can play with it as you like. The Humbled Master 11:53, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, Zim put a link above, and I got it, appended the Teletype sound effect, and gave it back to you. I do hear your wind effect now, on the fourth listen, but I am simply unable to both concentrate on it, get used to your accent, and decode the audio distortion. Perhaps dispatches would get distorted when filed from Nunavut. I use a telephone answering machine from the early days of digital audio, brand General Electric ($15), same notation. Spıke ¬  12:16 10-Feb-10

• My first attempt: File:PC encryption chip hacked.mp3. Spıke ¬  13:27 10-Feb-10

Pretty good... except, I find that both you and Zim tend to sound too chipper in your audio news feeds; sound a little more melodramatic next time, and it'll be more effective. The Humbled Master 09:15, February 11, 2010 (UTC)