User talk:THE/arkive sixcks
Thankies[edit source]
Thank you for your Very First Person award :-)
Jacaranda 07:52, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
Another Article Challenge?[edit source]
You remember that thing we did last time? I did Why?:Hit yourself on the head with a baseball bat seven or eight times and you did Why?:Are there voices coming from the closet?, and we had a grand ol' time! Are you too busy to do it again? • <-> Mar 27 (21:42)
- Welkum back! I could definitely do it again, but I am rather busy at the moment. What with skool, in which I have a massive assignment due next week (that I naturally am not nearly close to finishing), and of course my ever-present cow-tipping duties, I might not be able to do it for a while. I won't be around this weekend. But next week sometime I might be able to do it, and if not during the week then definitely over the weekend. I'll start thinking of a wierd title for you. I'll also start thinking about how to spell "weird" properly. --THE 22:31, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
- I haven't forgotten! • <Apr 02, 2008 [13:45]>
Are you ready to go down, bi-atch? • <Apr 08, 2008 [21:15]>
- You bet I am. HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant. Also, as an added challenge, you must find some way to include this image: Image:Krabs.png. What shall I write? --THE 21:18, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- Okay, your article is: HowTo:Be a Loyal Employee, lemme find an appropriate image for you... • <Apr 08, 2008 [21:19]>
- Added bonus: find a use for THIS image: image:CURSES.gif
- Okay, your article is: HowTo:Be a Loyal Employee, lemme find an appropriate image for you... • <Apr 08, 2008 [21:19]>
- Okay, IT'S ON!!! One hour. Good luck. --THE 21:21, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
contest ends @ 22:21, then? • <Apr 08, 2008 [21:24]>
- Yep, sounds good. --THE 21:27, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- DONE! My last edit was at exactly 22:21. WHOA!!! Now I shall read your article and view the results of our second contest. I think mine is better than the one I wrote the first time. This was a good contest. --THE 22:22, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- DONE-IROO! Yes, my last edit was 22:21! This was tough, and I wonder how well I did. Your article is huge! Must see! • <Apr 08, 2008 [22:24]>
- Just finished reading yours. Way cool. Eight thumbs up (two from me, six from the ant). And yeah, mine is really long, I'm kind of suprised I wrote that much. It was a good title. It inspired me. --THE 22:29, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- I wanted to give you an easier task- a more normal article to write. I like how it gets crazier as it goes on! I'll have to read it more in-depth, but from what I can see, very good! ...so who won? • <Apr 08, 2008 [22:33]>
- Uhm. Perhaps we should start a forum and people can vote? Or perhaps we should just flip a coin? --THE 22:34, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- /me flips coin call it. • <Apr 08, 2008 [22:35]>
- TAILS! --THE 22:37, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- We'll call it a draw. :) • <Apr 08, 2008 [22:39]>
- Damn, it landed on its side, didn't it? So inconvenient! :) --THE 22:44, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
Post-Game Commentary[edit source]
- I thought THE's topic was a little bit on the weird side, just like how Cajek wants it. But when it came to writing... Cajek couldn't think of anything! Is that why he added the dialogue between the ants? • <Apr 08, 2008 [22:40]>
- /sips a questionable beverage Yes, writer's block can be a difficult thing, especially under a time constraint. However, upon THE's reading of Cajek's article, he found the dialogue rather amusing, and didn't notice that Cajek had been unable to think of anything. THE experienced the same difficulty in thinking of ideas the first time around, with the closet article. --THE 22:44, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- /me sips the same questionable beverage, whilst wearing a smoking jacket I was interrupted twice while writing! First to take my sister to a dental appointment, and second because some religious nut was knocking on my door! • <Apr 08, 2008 [22:46]>
- /me keels over in a strange convulsion, likely related to the questionable beverage Should have told the religious nut you were writing a story about sexing ants. He'd be gone in a flash. --THE 22:49, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- /me throws up a little bit in me's mouth I had to hide from him... of course I didn't answer the door! • <Apr 08, 2008 [22:51]>
:00 - :15. "Oh my god, what a crazy topic! How am I going to do this? I guess I'll write it from the perspective of an ant keeper.":15 - :30. [took sister to dental appointment]:30 - :45. "How do humans get turned on? I'll make it so that the ants can talk":45 - 1:00. "Hmmm, I want way more ant-talk."
- /me makes strange gurgling noise yeah, hiding from him was a good call. He'd have had you occupied for at least half an hour. He'd probably handcuff himself to you until you threw aside whatever unimportant religion you previously held and converted to his far superior one. --THE 22:55, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
New IM![edit source]
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Oh snap, dumb idea by Kajeck[edit source]
Hey THE, instead of writing original articles for our next contest, how about writing a parody of an article chosen by the other person in an hour? Like, we could choose articles that we've gotten featured or something, maybe... (I got the idea while watching your edits to the kill homeless people page, and I thought, "What if I did a parody of it called Why?:Shoot Homeless Seagulls?") I dunno, just a thought. • <Apr 13, 2008 [20:41]>
- That does sound kind of interesting, actually. A parody, or perhaps a spin-off of sorts? Yeah, I think that could work, though the chances of epic failure might increase a bit, as it sounds like it'd be more difficult to write. Sounds pretty intriguing though, nonetheless. What do you think of the new sektion in the homeless people page? --THE 20:48, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I have time today, if you want to try it. • <Apr 13, 2008 [20:50]>
- I don't think I'll be able to today. I have to leave pretty soon and I don't want to get screwed in the middle of writing an article. How's tomorrow @ 5:30 again? --THE 20:55, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Sounds good, ol' buddy ol' pal! • <Apr 13, 2008 [20:56]>
- At 5:30 your time (2:30 my time), someone will name an article they have written. However, you can't say what the parody will be about or how to parody the article. Sound good? • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:18]>
- Yup, sounds good. --THE 21:21, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Maybe we should say what the articles will be right now to give ourselves some time to think? • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:25]>
- Yeah, good idea. Uhhh...you go first? :) --THE 21:32, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Okay, fine then! I'm very interested in how you would parody my magnum opus. You can decide on what you'll give me tomorrow. • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:34]>
- I can give it to you now if you like. No sexual innuendo intended. That would give you time to read it if you haven't. --THE 21:39, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Definitely! • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:41]>
- HowTo:Turn Your Computer On. An old one. A very old one, with plenty of potential for weird parodies. This should be fascinating. --THE 21:43, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Definitely! • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:41]>
- I can give it to you now if you like. No sexual innuendo intended. That would give you time to read it if you haven't. --THE 21:39, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Okay, fine then! I'm very interested in how you would parody my magnum opus. You can decide on what you'll give me tomorrow. • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:34]>
- Yeah, good idea. Uhhh...you go first? :) --THE 21:32, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Maybe we should say what the articles will be right now to give ourselves some time to think? • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:25]>
- Yup, sounds good. --THE 21:21, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
Why?:Shoot homeless people?[edit source]
Definitely the new section boosts your score from 36.8 to, say, 37.8. A few more sections and I'll VFH it for ya. • <Apr 13, 2008 [20:50]>
- Shweet. I'm in the midst of adding another section as we speak. --THE 20:55, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Personally, I liked the resteraunt (sp) idea, but it's your article. • <Apr 13, 2008 [20:56]>
- Yeah, that was a good idea, come to think of it. Perhaps I'll use it instead of the dog food section. Or maybe I could blend them both together. --THE 21:12, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I get it! BLEND! Have the dog food commercial be at the end with absolutely no explanation, and I'll nom it for you (currently, I give this a 39 or so). • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:18]>
- Oops, I didn't see this message until after I wrote the section already. Oh well, I'll put an advertisement for Hobo Phlegm Facial Cream or something, just to maximize the shock factor. Heh. --THE 21:21, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- If it were me, which it isn't, I would just have a dog food commercial at the VERY end that doesn't mention hobos at all to maximize the shock factor. But that's if this were my article. • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:25]>
- I added a dog food advertisement template thing. You can editize it if you like. --THE 21:32, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'll edit it a little and nom it after, I suppose. • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:34]>
- Okay. Also, we are talking in two sections of my talk page simultaneously, which is confusing the hell out of me. --THE 21:39, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'll nom it when you're ready. Also, that two sections thing? Optical illusion caused by... DUMBNESS :O • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:41]>
- Damn! I suppose you can go ahead and OM NOM NOM NOM it. The only changes I have left ot make to it are linkifying it a bit more and perhaps adding another image. --THE 21:43, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'll nom om om om it tomorrow. I'll give you some time to spruce it up. • <Apr 13, 2008 [21:46]>
Heading[edit source]
Oh hai! You has a drumset?-- Phlegm Leoispotter * (garble! jank!) 03:02, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- I have reason to believe so. Also, are you the real Leoispotter, or are you Polystyrene Man hijacking Leoispotter's account? Or are you perhaps an alien being? --THE 19:48, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
Dost you have a dump set?[edit source]
That actually was Dano, as promises are true. We were talking about forming a psychedelic rock band and want a drummer with a dump set. The sound of craps onstage really bring out the acidic sound of psychedelic rock, so any old dump set will do.
Seriously, though: Yes. Please answer.
Also, you no longer need a facebook account to hear the wonderful melodies of elephants eating lard in butter rooms: [1]
--Polystyrene Man 21:28, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- I does have one. I can't really drum very well though. Also, are you going to see Ryan & so forth tonight @ the pubic biblioteque? --THE 17:33, 14 April 2008 (EDT)
- You should probably consider practicing your ass off. What time is Ryan's thing? 7, right? --Polystyrene Man 21:40, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- Madame On NEil said 6:30, but he said 7. I'll probably go around 6:45. --THE 21:42, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- Right-O, I'll probably be there. --Polystyrene Man 17:46, 14 April 2008 (EDT)
- Madame On NEil said 6:30, but he said 7. I'll probably go around 6:45. --THE 21:42, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- You should probably consider practicing your ass off. What time is Ryan's thing? 7, right? --Polystyrene Man 21:40, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
Before you call your lawyer...[edit source]
Hey, Punk!
You voted to get the UnScript featuring the most violent detective in the world to the front page to blow some heads clean off a few newbie shoulders. I'll keep this brief considering that I've been sitting on my ass for the last minute talking to you instead of carving holes into that punk Dexter.
So thanks for the vote.
~ 
Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.
17/04/2008 @ 03:06
I has 'nother quest shun[edit source]
Did you ever get a hold of those tickets?-- Phlegm Leoispotter * (garble! jank!) 21:22, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
- Also, my mother installed a ridiculous blocking system on my computer and for some reason it blocks your userpage. Did you add hardcore porn to it or something? If so, do tell.-- Phlegm Leoispotter * (garble! jank!) 21:26, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
- I did get a hold of a ticket of some sort, yes. It's a rather oddly formatted ticket though. Oh well. As long as it gets me in. And my random link of the month links to an image of several "cow fetish" sex toys (with udders!). That's probably the issue. HAHAHAHAHA! --THE 01:08, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
- Ah, that would make sense. I also have a third question- were we supposed to do anything for MUN over vacation?-- Phlegm Leoispotter * (garble! jank!) 11:30, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
- Yes. Both position papers are due Monday :O. I haven't started either of mine as of yet. You should talk to Jay, since he's doing the same country as you and the same topics apparently. Also when you said "I have a third question" I'm presuming you MEANT to say "I has a turd quess shun"? --THE 11:35, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
- Eh....what the hell's a position paper??-- Phlegm Leoispotter * (garble! jank!) 16:46, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
- You write a one page or so paper where you write your country's opinion on a given topic. The topics are in e-mails she sent us. She also gave us descriptions of how to write position papers, but you missed those meetings. If you delve into your e-mail you should be able to find your topics, and J can most certainly assist you since he's doing the exact same ones. --THE 00:19, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
UUUUUUUUUUUUU[edit source]
("AAAAAAAAAAAAA" in Swedish)
I got all the data and everything, prepared to make my lab report and suddenly realized I have NO IDEA what the lab was even about. If you could give the title of the lab and a plusbrief description, that might jog my memory (I was intelligent enough not to risk bringing home my Kem Is Tree confidentiality binder) --Polystyrene Man 20:08, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- You caught me in the middle of starting my position paper. And by "Starting my position paper" I mean "Opening a word document and then screwing around on the internet."
- The lab was "formula of a hydrate." It involved hydrates, which are salt compounds with inorganic water in them. In each hydrate, there's a "ratio" of sorts between the moles of salt in it and the moles of water. When you heat a hydrate, the water evaporates or something, leaving just the salt (this is called an anhydrous salt). In the first part of the lab, we were given the ratio (CuSo · 5H2O, meaning that for every mole of CuSo there's 5 moles of h2o.) and had to predict how much mass loss there would be when we heated the shit. For the second one, we heated a sample of MgSO4's hydrate. We had to use the amount of mass lost to calculate the ratio water to salt (which incidentally was MgSO4 · 7H2O. We got it right!).
- Upon rereading what I just wrote, I realize it's a tad confusing. And by "A tad confusing" I mean "Completely incomprehensible." I can email you my equally incomprehensible lab report if you want, just don't copy it as there's a chance that Keller might notice. Also, I am highly compelled by Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, which I am listening to as I type. --THE 20:18, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- Oi yes, very please send your report. I won't copy any of it, I just need to understand what the hell was going on in between our federal crimes. Also, Yoshimi is quite possibly the shit. You realize the sun doesn't go down, it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round. You should check out At War with the Mystics as well. And Transmissions from the Satellite Heart. And Clouds Taste Metallic. And The Soft Bulletin. Definitely The Soft Bulletin. I could go on... --Polystyrene Man 20:35, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- Wow, they've made a lot of albums. I must admit I'm quite curious about this inpronouncable album that's apparently four disks that you have to play simultaneously to get the full effect. I am liking David Byrne's album thus far as well - "Jesus is big, Jesus is strong, Jesus'll kill you if you don't get along!" Hehhehe. Also, I shall send the e-mail in your general direction. --THE 21:05, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- Aye, Ryan has Zaireeka. We need to all gather some time with CD players and listen to that. Got yer email btw (by the way) (using abbreviations, then spelling them out, defeating the purpose of the abbreviation. Then explaining my actions, which actually adds a lot more time than I... er, procrastinating). ty (Thank you) --64.185.129.238 21:46, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- np (no problem), MTFKLCKO?M__++^^mOKld (I'm actually not sure what that's an abbreviation for.) Also, we definitely need to have a Zaireeka fest. LOLZ (Laugh out loud...z...an exclamation of merriment) :D (jubilantly smiling face cleverly represented with punctuation to save the time of having to write out "I'm jubilantly smiling! ROFL [Rolling on floor laughing cuz {because} of a joke {this is getting quite confusing lol (laugh out loud)}]). --THE 22:02, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- Actually, lol stands for "lots of lemons." Anyways, danke very much for the lab. I was able to finish before 9:30, which is an all time record. And our reports look remarkably different, despite being exactly the same... LOL --Polystyrene Man 01:40, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
- np (no problem), MTFKLCKO?M__++^^mOKld (I'm actually not sure what that's an abbreviation for.) Also, we definitely need to have a Zaireeka fest. LOLZ (Laugh out loud...z...an exclamation of merriment) :D (jubilantly smiling face cleverly represented with punctuation to save the time of having to write out "I'm jubilantly smiling! ROFL [Rolling on floor laughing cuz {because} of a joke {this is getting quite confusing lol (laugh out loud)}]). --THE 22:02, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
Thanks for the vote[edit source]
You voted Tony Visconti, so big thanks and hugs the feature means a lot to me:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 21:42, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- You're welcome. --THE 22:02, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
thx[edit source]
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FOOM
Thanks for voting for Why?:Burn a Furby? on VFH. Now get out there and incinerate some of those suckers! |
– Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:13 Apr 28, 2008
Hey. FUCKHOLE.[edit source]
You just finished five Pee Reviews. That means you could join PEEING as a Fresh Stain if you wanna. It'd be cool if you did, cuz that means like more work is getting done by good reviewers versus shitty ones. Doo it. Dooo itt. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 23:47 Apr 28
- Do I just add my name as a fresh stain or do I have to do a request? --THE 23:50, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
- just aaadd youuurrr naaammmee to freeesshhhh staaaiinnnn ...doooo iiiiitttt • <Apr 28, 2008 [23:52]>
- 5 good reviews = no need to request. Besides, I'm a Kidney, I can invite whomever I want so even if you just did one awesome review and I wanted you in right now I could do it. ...Doooooooooooooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 23:54 Apr 28
- just aaadd youuurrr naaammmee to freeesshhhh staaaiinnnn ...doooo iiiiitttt • <Apr 28, 2008 [23:52]>
the thing! THE THING![edit source]
You ready yet? • <Apr 29, 2008 [22:27]>
- Yes, I am now. Are you? --THE 22:37, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- Yep. Remember, we end an hour after our first edit (creating the page). Your article is a parody of Red Light, and mine is a parody of HowTo:Turn Your Computer On? What else should we add? What other rules are there? • <Apr 29, 2008 [22:40]>
- Shall we do any special rules this time? Since this time we're parodying each others' articles, it seems like the entire contest is a "special rule" already. If you have an idea for something to add though, we can do it. --THE 22:42, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- GO! (also, CURSE these damn edit konflicts!) --THE 22:48, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
WELL, it looks like my time is up. My article is Brick Wall!. I was originally going to do one called "Bud Lite!" but I couldn't think of any way to write an article like that and parody the style of red light, since the only thing they had in common was the title. I think my final product is a little questionable, but I tried! --THE 23:49, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- DONE! User:Cajek/HowTo:Turn Your Computer On • <Apr 29, 2008 [23:51]> GOD DAMN EDIT CONFLICTS!
- Let's read our articles, and then comment. • <Apr 29, 2008 [23:51]>
- Just finished yours. I enjoyed it! I was kwite curious about what spin you'd put on it. The part about needing to marry them, your use of the term "terminatrix," the pictures, and especially the dialogue with Conner and the robot were quite hilarious. --THE 23:58, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- Your article is pretty good too. It's more of a parody article than mine (funnier because I have read... and written Red Light). All the cussing and the car backing up ("What marvelous absurdity!") was pretty giggle-worthy. • <Apr 30, 2008 [0:01]>
- Thank'ee! All in all, I'd say this another highly sucessful thing. I'd create a forum topic about it, but last time we did that it started an argument for some inexplicable reason :/ --THE 00:05, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'm glad you liked my article! We should both challenge someone else to get some perspective. I've thought about challenging someone who doesn't write many articles to get them started. But yes, I am fairly happy with my article. Maybe I should've chosen an easier article for you so that it's not so esoteric a parody? I hoped you liked parodying RL! • <Apr 30, 2008 [0:08]>
- Yeah, we should bring someone else in for a three-way THING sometime. And no worries about Red Light, parodying it was fun. I usually write in a very Wikipedia-esque formal style, so it was nice to break away from that and write something a tad more insane. Also, I haven't the faintest idea what "esoteric" means, and suspect you might have made it up. --THE 00:12, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Esoteric is too a word! • <Apr 30, 2008 [3:41]>
- Yeah, we should bring someone else in for a three-way THING sometime. And no worries about Red Light, parodying it was fun. I usually write in a very Wikipedia-esque formal style, so it was nice to break away from that and write something a tad more insane. Also, I haven't the faintest idea what "esoteric" means, and suspect you might have made it up. --THE 00:12, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'm glad you liked my article! We should both challenge someone else to get some perspective. I've thought about challenging someone who doesn't write many articles to get them started. But yes, I am fairly happy with my article. Maybe I should've chosen an easier article for you so that it's not so esoteric a parody? I hoped you liked parodying RL! • <Apr 30, 2008 [0:08]>
- Thank'ee! All in all, I'd say this another highly sucessful thing. I'd create a forum topic about it, but last time we did that it started an argument for some inexplicable reason :/ --THE 00:05, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Your article is pretty good too. It's more of a parody article than mine (funnier because I have read... and written Red Light). All the cussing and the car backing up ("What marvelous absurdity!") was pretty giggle-worthy. • <Apr 30, 2008 [0:01]>
- Just finished yours. I enjoyed it! I was kwite curious about what spin you'd put on it. The part about needing to marry them, your use of the term "terminatrix," the pictures, and especially the dialogue with Conner and the robot were quite hilarious. --THE 23:58, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
I made a forum topic anyways. A BHOP forum topic. • <Apr 30, 2008 [3:41]>
- And so it begins... Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:54, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
Thanks for voting[edit source]
Thanks for voting for that article about the sun, or something. Yeah, so I was too lazy to make a template. That doesn't make this message any less generic though. -RAHB 08:23, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
- I'm too lazy to say "You're welcome," so I'll just say "you're welc." --THE 20:26, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
?Pedia[edit source]
Hey THE, I wrote an article on Illogicopedia, and I asked for you to adopt me. Well? What are you waiting for? Help this poor noob! • <May 09, 2008 [12:42]>
- Yeah, I just saw! Excellent to see you joined! Sorry it took so long, I've had a few exams lately so I couldn't go on the interweb as much. However, exams are now over so I can go online more, and have adopted you. Unnoficially, as I don't think there is an adoption policy on Illogicopedia. Also, that was the worst mispelling of "unofficially" I've ever typed. --THE 20:32, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost Sunday Edition: May 11th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
May 11th, 2008 • Issue 2 • Scene XII
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Wikia staff finally locates blockage in the Internet tubes: Spang's talkpage  After endless days of searching itself, Wikia has discovered the source of all its problems. "It's not DPL," Wikia's local sexy janitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. "It's not those damn ParserFunctions either, or forums, or even Chuck Norris." When asked what the real cause of Wikia's distresses were, our source remained tight-lipped by stapling his mouth shut. Which was probably a bad idea, considering he ended up writhing in pain on the floor, bleeding all over the nice Wikia rugs. Thankfully, the UnSignpost has a trained doctor on its staff, who was sensible enough to call for medical help. After the sexy janitor was revived, he said "rar." When further questioned about the source of all Wikia's woes, he finally admitted it was Spang's talkpage. "Uncyclopedia user "Spang"'s refusal to archive his talkpage is slowly clogging up the arteries of the Internet," says a technical forum at Wikia. "The talkpage in question has already managed to crash all three of the computers in Australia." Upon being asked to archive his talkpage, Spang reportedly said, "No." When Uncyclopedia was asked to comment, the site had this to say: "FU SPANG". UnSignpost Releases First Issue  May 8th, 2008: Uncyclopedia develops a new fungus... a newspapery one. "Through all the shockporn and Oscar Wilde references, we made it!" Founder Dr. Skullthumper said at a recent press conference. At the conference in Skullthumper's backyard, editor-in-chief Cajek, wearing a traditional light blue Mongolian Toga and screaming at birds, had more to add. "I would like to thank all the writers involved. Thank you, you gods of men. You captains of the human experience." Police are investigating the use of strong hallucinogenic drugs during the making of the first issue. So far, the investigation has reached the top of the Unsignpost empire, when detectives found Dr. Skullthumper forcing his staff to squirt automotive door-lock de-icer up their noses to "enhance the creative joo-joo." Local police then ordered the paper to rescind two award-winning articles from its May 8th release. Two of the most hardened criminals on the UnSignpost staff, Meatbone and Spider, are currently planning revenge. When asked if UnSignpost was, like the Daily Show, the Onion, or Uncyclopedia, popular enough to parody itself, Cajek said "No. Obviously not. We can't say we suck yet, or else people would be like 'yeah, they do suck!' We have to wait until people like us. Then, when they read us making fun of ourselves they'll be all like 'this paper ROX!'" In the meantime, the paper promises to not make fun of itself, and will stick to meta-parodying instead until "someone important says it's okay." Heavy metal music found to be beneficial when reverting vandals In a study involving Squiggle, RAHB, Cajek, Fnoodle, Dr. Skullthumper, and Starnestommy, in which they fought diligently for Uncyclopedia through the night, heavy metal music was found to be the best for the purpose of "ass-kicking". After sprinkling some magic over the statistics, they automatically became true. Cajek's Corner
Today, we're going to make a standard Uncyclopedia article, Cajek-style. You will need:
Now, we'll combine the elements together into something that might be called an "article". In reality, all you have to do is whine for a good few pages of text, then sprinkle the annoying elements - sparingly. Add headlines and split up paragraphs to disguise your rant as a well-formatted article, and you're done! Skull's Skullery
Hi kids! Today, we're going to travel with me, Dr. Skullthumper, through a normal day at Uncyc!
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||||||
~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 04:35, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
Long-delayed thankings[edit source]
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Err... Hey, sorry I'm, uhh, a little bit late on the thanks for this thing... I've been really, really, busy. Anyways, thanks for voting, and, with any luck, those delusional fools will let me out of this hell-hole soon. |
| I'm going to burn you all! |
Hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, amirite? - Don Leddy the Crunch 
(Nyah, see, nyah!) 23:49, May 12
UnSignpost: May 15th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!
May 15st, 2008 • Issue 2 3
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The Bible Finally Catches a Break  For years... or whatever... Conservapedia has attacked Uncyc for being too liberal. Today, Uncyc publicly derobes itself, and reveals its patriotic side. From now on, "Uncyclopedia" will be renamed "Falwellapedia" in honor of the late pastor, Jerry Falwell who died May 15th, 2007. Unsignpost spoke with the founder, Modusoperandi, in his isolated forest bunker. "I hate how the liberals treat us!" Modus shouted, along with his two followers. "Don't they see that when they make fun of us, the lord rolls over in his soon-to-be-resurrected grave?" The conservative propagandabot Fbooble is scheduled to "purge the site of any left-wing statements" by the end of the week, soon after it gains self-awareness and joins the Republican party. "HUMANS, CLOSE YOUR NOISE HOLES AND PAY ATTENTION!" Fbooble proclaimed at a recent press conference. "THE DEMOCRATS AND ALL THOSE OTHER LIBERALS ARE NEARING THE END." Fbooble, whose titanium wristwatch glistened in the afternoon sun, held up a copy of the Falwell Children's Bible near the conclusion of the conference and said "ALL PRAISE JEBUS, AND HIS INVINCIBLE ARMY OF DISCIPLES!" Although Fbooble is unclear on the details of religion right now, it promises to become ultraconservative when it does. Not all Uncyc users are happy with the transition. Although we could not find anyone who actually called themselves a liberal, we did manage to vandalize a hybrid just to equal the score. Unsignpost promises a lucrative year via advertising revenue for the Republican National Committee and a weekly "Republican of the Week" section. Changes by Fbooble will include replacing all swear words, such as ****** and ***********, with the word "daffodil," and deleting all articles. Shockporn deemed unworthy will be replaced with this image, and quotes not from the bible will be deleted with extreme prejudice. All non-American users, such as that one guy are to be called "fags", also with extreme prejudice.  How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, one of the hallmarks of Uncyclopedia, has reached the top of the heap. Mordillo, an administrator who will be the least offended when we attribute absolutely false quotes to him, recently said of the page "Finally! Although I've never read it, I hear it's full of fatherly, patronizing advice for those newbs that write those articles I'm constantly huffing!" Mhaille, who has the most linked-to userpage on Uncyc, was slightly more angry at the recent news. "I'm only in 10th place? What the f**k?" While spying on Mhaille from under his bed, the news staff heard language that no human being was ever supposed to hear. Thankfully, the staff was smashed on Listerine, and may have just made up the entire event. Mhaille commented that "No, they didn't make it up, and if they do it again they had better bring enough Listerine for everyone." The user responsible for the 36,000+ links to How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid wishes to remain anonymous, but said to our reporters through a wiretap "I just got too carried away. I wish I could take it back, but I can't, and that's no reason for threatening my family in this way! Oh jeez, I hope you get this message, Uncyclopedia. All right, I'm hanging up now, and I hope you're not angry. *BEEP*" UnSignpost Releases Second Issue May 15th, 2008: Uncyclopedia has developed an open wound... a newspaperish one. Riding high on their success, Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek have "deployed their golden parachutes" and are "planning to pack up our shit" and "get the hell out of here." Wearing his trademark solid gold sweatpants, bought with the advertising from the first and second issues of Unsignpost, Dr. Skullthumper said "It was fun, I guess, but now it's time to move on. Like a wild hyena, Unsignpost has left its mark. There are no more stories to cover: no more people to attribute fake quotes to." Cajek, munching on a shish kabob of bald eagle babies, had nothing to add except maniacal laughter as he threw thousands of dollars into the air. Unsignpost, bankrupted by the two owner's antics, is planning to make the paper a paid subscription, unless something kooky happens, in which case it won't. In addition to subscriptions, Unsignpost is having a luau at Mike's house to raise money. "Oh, it'll be soooooo exciting!" Mike said. ...You know Mike. Anyway, Mike continued, "There'll be a silent auction, and a limbo contest, and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey! Oh! So exciting!" With the proceeds, Unsignpost hopes to add a "Week Box of the Week of the Week" section and a mascot. Maybe a shark. Protein folding: The latest in computer entertainment "Well that's great," you say. "So I'm helping compute protein folding, a never-before-possible situation to model on computers, and thus helping cure some of the most misunderstood diseases to strike humankind as well as advancing the knowledge of the human race into parts of science that were up until recently perceived as impossible. So what's in it for ME?!" You, yes you, will get the excitement of watching proteins fold in your very own home! "Wow!" exclaims part-time F@H user Dr. Skullthumper, "did you just see that? Did you just SEE the way that blue thing collided into that gray thing? Oh man, it was amazing! And in super-slow motion, too!" Other users have given the program similar reviews, describing it as "utterly transfixing" and "better quality entertainment than mitosis!" You, too, can join in the fun and the frenzy of the world of those wacky proteins - while saving the world! |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:04, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
FUCK YEAH![edit source]
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FUCK YEAH! Congratulations for voting for Washed Up 70's Rock Band! We know all of our fans out there appreciate us, and wish for us to continue making music! Also, each and everyone of you will be receiving a free copy* of our new album, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die! *Not actually free. Or an album. You'll be lucky if you even get half a song. |
Thanks for the vote - UnIdiot | 
| Talk | Contribs - 19:03, May 15
Thanks for Vote[edit source]
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Thanks for Voteing Battleship Potemkin The ship has now been turned into something else;) |
Ta for the vote;)--— Sir Sycamore (talk) 08:08, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
WHAT THE FUCK, MAN[edit source]
Here I am, trying to be on wikibreak, and I see an edit summary that says "qu*******" in it. So I'm like, okay. That's weird. But I'm not going to let it bother me. So then I go back to looking at porn or whatever, but it's still bothering me. Finally, I'm forced to click the link to your talkpage, wait for it to load, click the little plussy sign, wait for the edit page to load, type this message, and ask you: What the heck is a qu*******?! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:42 May 20, 2008
- Isn't it obvious, man? I can't just go and say it, "qu*******" isn't something you just come right out and say! --THE 01:45, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
- A little one: I made it up in response to the vandal calling me a "son of a b****". Asking what "qu*******" means is such a ch********* thing to do. --THE 01:51, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
- You're such a V**************************************************!!! --THE 01:55, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: May 22nd, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
May 22th, 2008 • Issue 4 • Par 6
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Oldest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered  Renowned Uncyclopedia historian Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, has discovered the oldest non-Uncyclopedia related article ever written. "The fact that pie was the first article really opened my eyes. It really did. I see it all now: Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia... the construction and future of these wikis have been laid out before me." When asked what he meant, Spang said that, upon reading the first version of the article Pie, the future of Uncyclopedia was revealed to him. The version presently up is "but a pale shadow of what it once was." The fabled first version of the article is, according to Spang and fellow UnArcheologist TheLedBalloon, "The DaVinci Code of Uncyclopedia." One of the oldest contributors, 68.237.62.152, is said to be the creator of the fabled text, but could not be reached for comment... maybe 'cuz he was gettin' laid or somethin' cool like that. "If only the original version had survived!" Said Spang's lead balloon, who gained sentience upon glimpsing the article. "I want to know the significance of the Norris! The secret meaning behind the Wilde! The hidden power of the grue! I want to know the secret of the memes!" "First of all, how did a balloon become an administrator? Oh, right, this is Uncyclopedia." Said long-missing founder Chronarion. "Second of all, the current article you have up there is, although not as mystical, still sorta mystical... For example, look at that quote at the top! CLASSIC Oscar Wilde!" Questions arose as to why the original version was deleted in the first place, but Chronarion, who only made an appearance in one of our writer's drug trips, merely cackled, turned into a tomato, and vanished in a cloud of LULZ!!1. The mystery surrounding Pie continues, and Uncyclopedian historians are still seeking the truth. ...BUY A SUBSCRIPTION TO UNSIGNPOST to see further developments! Following Third Issue, UnSignpost Wins All Sortsa Awards n' Shit At the annual Uncyclopedia Signpost awards banquet, held every year in Dr. Skullthumper's backyard, the Signpost was the clear winner of the night, garnishing all 149 awards in all 144 categories. The press was not invited to the gala, but the Unsignpost has heard that several Uncyclopedia celebrities were at the event. Mike - you know Mike - said, "Oh yeah, we got Chronarion and Save the... whatever it was... We got 'em all! We even had Famine! Even though he still hates us, he still bothered to show up and drunkenly berate the guests! In fact, I think he's still in there, berating the furniture!" Unsignpost writers all agree that it's not pathetic to give yourself an award once in a while. We do our chores! We've been kicked around! Why don't we, the writers, get any recognition? The special boobie-prize, The Feel Okay About Ourselves Award for 2008, was accepted by Cajek on behalf of the writers instead of a paycheck. "Finally I get a god damned award." One of the writers dramatically grabbed the award away onstage and, crying, started screaming at the award itself. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?!? YOU BASTARD!!" Unsignpost is planning to make the awards banquet biweekly, in honor of the fact that the writers are extremely lonely, and just want a way to talk to loads of people without having to listen to "feedback". Newest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered Yes, the newest article, Jacob Zuma, created just at the time of this writing, is the newest article to date. No! Wait! It's RETARDIS. Wait, no, it's Broomstick. Oh whatever, the point is that we found it, and when it's deleted in three seconds, Unsignpost gets first gloating rights.
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 20:17, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: May 29nd, 2008[edit source]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
May 29th, 2008 • Issue 5
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Uncyclopedia Second Most Active Wikia Site  According to local Wikia staffmember Sannse, Uncyclopedia is the second most active site, next to Halopedia. "Yep. People are more interested in Halos than Uncys. I've never really bothered to look at either site, so I'm not sure why one is more active than another, but I'm sure it's because Halopedia is superior." Reporters on-site have looked into the rumors. Apparently, Halopedia is in fact not about halos, but instead is an entire wiki... devoted to a video game. "Oh lord, this is embarrassing," said Master Chief, the main character of said video games. "I thought I could keep this under wraps for a while longer, but you people in the press are like fucking vultures. WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!" Apparently Halopedia's nearest competitor, Uncyclopedia, is some kind of "humor wiki" meant to induce laughter. "Uncyclopedia's laughter is nothing compared with ours," said Evilpedia's founder, User:Dr. Doom, "Our laughter will ring all throughout Wikia, and then: THE WORLD!". Other statistics include the nerdiest wiki and Furwiki, the most disturbing wiki. Uncyclopedia is neither the largest wiki (Wookiepedia), nor the most active (Halopedia), but it does come very close to first in both categories. Who wants to be first place anyway? Nobody wants to win all the time! Like Unsignpost's father used to say: "You learn more from losing than winning!" and really, that's all that matters! ...AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! BASTAAAARRRDDSSS!!! Following Fourth Issue, UnSignpost Does Lame Clip Show After having not seen his boss for a few days, Cajek, or as his friends call him, "Cuntjek", and his team of writers have been forced to rely on past issues and a clip show in article form. "Don't look at us that way!" said that one guy we were talking about. "A few days ago, when Skull was around, I was only editor of the fetish section, now I'm in charge of the whole thing. Jeez, I hope Skull is okay..." The lame clip show was said to be almost entirely from the first issue, when the Unsignpost was "cool", and before the fetish section took over the whole paper. According to reports to this newsroom, the clip show article included the "weekbox of the week" from issue 1 that instructed Cajek and Skull to slather humor juice on an anonymous reader, and the "Goatse Challenging Gap" from issue 2. "Oh shit, what else we got?" Carjack screamed across the newsroom. As of this issue, the huge portrait of Dr. Skullthumper has been prayed to for nigh two weeks since his mysterious disappearance. Fnoodle, who usually serves coffee to the writers (albeit very angrily), has gone on a quest to find his former master. So far, no word of Skullthumper's whereabouts have reached the press.
Letters to the Editor I am a female student from University of Nigeria, Lagos. I am suitable yrs old. I'd like any person who can be caring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction. Well, my father died earlier two months ago and left my mother I and my junior brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him before his death. I was a Princess to him and I and my brother are the only people who can take Care of his wealth now because my mother is not literate enough to know all my father's wealth behind. He left up to USD $27,350,000.00 dollars (TWENTY SEVEN MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND US DOLLAR) with a security company, and I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town. That is why I felt happy when I saw your contact which I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me secure and invest this money. I thereby need your help in bringing the box contaning the money out from the security company, based on your reply I will furnish you with more details on how we can proceed. I am ready to pay 10% of the total amount to you if you help us in securing this money and another 10% interest of Annual Income to you, for handling this business for us, which you will strongly have absolute control over. If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund, kindly reach me and I will let you know the next step to take towards actualizing this transaction as quickly as possible. Please, note that this transaction is 110% risk free. I look forward hearing from you soonest. Yours sincerest, Miss Lady Princess Irreverent
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 03:01, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: June 5th, 2008[edit source]
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
June 5th, 2008 • Issue 6
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Sixth Issue Relies on Guest Writers For the sixth issue of Unsignpost, guest writers from outside the fold have been chosen to write a bunch of stupid crap. Among them are the illiterate administrator Zombiebaron and reformed drug mule ThePaleOne. The community's outcries were heard soon afterwards, probably. Jack Phoenix, a respected Wikia staff member, said of one of the articles "Nobody cares about Cajek trolling Wookiepedia anymore. In fact, I'm kind of ashamed of Uncyclopedia for doing something like this. It's like I'm at a well-written version of ED." The Unsignpost staff, full of miscreants and malcontents, hung its collective head in shame and went to the corner for a sit down. Qua, who wanted to be in this issue of Unsignpost to whore his userpage, issued a statement at the press conference located at his Mayan temple: "Why didn't they do an injoke article on the fifth issue? Am I the only one who cares? Where have the lols gone, my friends? Where have the lols gone?" In response, the Unsignpost sent a secret "Fifth Issue Of Unsignpost" article directly to Qua, where it will be housed until his death. The Unsignpost writers, who have had a cut in pay since the leaving of Dr. Skullthumper, are now relying on the work of random people found on IRC for their inspiration. We now present to you an article in the Unsignpost by somebody else about a guy who works at the Unsignpost... /me headdesk [note: "me" refers to the entire Unsignpost staff]
It has been reported on #uncyclopedia that Cajek, our resident editor, has been banned from the "Star Wars Wiki", Wookieepedia. There has been an outrage in the star wars community, as they find Cajek to be a charming and respectable fellow [ed note: Cajek did NOT write this!]. Even us here at the the UnSignPost believe so, ( but don't tell Cajek that! ) [ed note: I SAW THAT! YOU'RE OFF THE CASE!] I spoke to one Cajek fan, Darth Vader, to see what kind of impact this has had on the community. "It really is tragic to see him get banned," said a distraught Vader, with tears dripping from his helmet, "I just don't understand it! How can there be no Cajek?! We've seen his greatest and sometimes his somewhat lameness. But we will be EPIC FAIL without him" Vader's emotionally wrecked state shows the devastation caused by the Wookieepedia senate's unruly vote. I just hope Palpatine wasn't behind this, I voted for him too! I sat down with another fan, Jar Jar Binks, to discuss this radical move. "Mesa think its outrageous! Mesa no like Wookieepedia afta this! This beein worse than <insert name here>'s bombad faggotry!" And indeed it is. Personally, I denounce the Leftist Bias of Wookieepedia and their slander against Cajek. What did he ever do to them right? Personally, I hope Something really bad happens to those immature, pubescent, oxycotin sniffing children. In other news, 52% of Uncyclopedia agrees that Cajek should be set on fire on Sunday's Luau against 45% for drowned in his own discharge. 3% were undecided.
Alright. So. This is going to be cool. Because. You see. Therefore. Once upon a time. There was this really big house. Inside the house was a monster. Oh. This is a newspaper. Well, in that case, the monster was operating a grow op. Right. And the monster was named Skullthumper (because this is his fault, really, when you deconstruct it down to the last proton). Yeah!!!! But. Going onwards and upwards. The cops busted the grow op. It was fucking huge, man. THIS IS NEWS. IN THE UNSIGNPOST.
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 05:19, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: June 12th, 2008[edit source]
Now with 20% more ninjas!
June 12th, 2008 • Issue 7
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Cajek banned - New, shittier writer assigned to this stupid job
Recently Cajek, an Uncyclopedia user who has been labelled as a mystical creature, was been given a one month ban by the council of Wikia. Users who feared that UnSignpost would not be written or delivered. But Qua, who is currently in a state of shock, said that "Cajek was a good guy, I didn't expect him to get banned for a month. He was about to help me, I don't know what he was going to help me with but he was going to help me with something.". Many Uncyclopedians that are known have a hold a grudge against Cajek celebrated his recent ban saying "While he might be back in only a month, we should take the time to celebrate and rejoice a Cajek-free environment."
 It has been reported that Flumpa, Uncyclopedia's very own pimply faced ginger-nut has left Uncyclopedia forever, due to irreconcilable differences. He cites the banning of users, fights between the two, the treatment of IP's as "real people" and the lack of cookies in mommas cookie jar. One of our reporters spoke to Flumpa as he was packing his wagon to leave Uncyclopedia "I like the holding hands and the fairy floss but Sophia has icky wiki germs and I just couldn't get past that. However I hear this new EDwina down the street is available, she may play in mud but I hear she has yummy yummy cookies." 127.0.0.1, leader of the "IPs are Real People, Too" Foundation had said that "Flumpa makes some great points on IP treatment, such as telling them that behind that string of random numbers lies an actual person; A person with heart. A person with brain. A person with spleen." When asked whether he would share his hard earned money on a badge from the Keep-the-IP's-out-of-Bannation-Foundation, this reporter simply told them to bugger off and get their own alcohol addiction gawdammit! We do, however, wish Flumpa the best of luck as he travels across the wiki-street with his trademarked brand of Off-topic forums to meet this EDwina fellow.
We at the UnSignpost would like to remind all Uncyclopedian editors that June is Internet safety month. Through the efforts of Uncyclopedia and other sites across the Internet, we can help protect innocent children and frail grandmothers from seeing offensive content BOYCOTT VIACOM! Uhm, we're sorry about that. The editor that wrote that previous sentence has been fired, in accordance with the rules of Internet safety month. UnSignpost would like to remind all editors to use extra padding in tables, because we don't want the little kiddies touching the sharp edges and getting hurt. As per Internet safety month, all uploaded porn will be closely monitored to see if the models are engaging in safe fucking. I mean sex. SEX! I meant SEX! We apologize for the previous two editors. They have been shot, out in the hallway, in the most safe method possible, we assure you. We even laid out cushions for them to fall on. Anyway, Websense and other Internet blocking sites will up its sensors to block over 99.99% of the Internet. What will remain is available is the Wikipedia article "Frog", weather.com, and anything unblocked in China. We at UnSignpost wish you a happy Internet safety month, and hope that you stay safe. Remember to always use a firewall. Websense has blocked this column for the following reason: This column contains "humor".
Difficult times lie ahead for schoolbound Uncyclopedians. A series of semi-challenging tests lie in the near future for many, and everyone's workload seems to be growing. Unfortunately for Uncyclopedians, finals are nearly here. However, luckily for Uncyclopedia, finals are almost here! This means that, as procrastination rates skyrocket, Uncyclopedia activity grows proportionally. Haven't been studying for your math final? Those fancy words mean that Uncyclopedia usage is going up, just as teachers pull out their hair worrying about keeping their kids' averages above the department bottom line so they can keep their jobs. However, here at UnSignpost and Uncyclopedia, we pride ourselves on allowing for multi-tasking. So, here is a series of brief study guides that are pretty much all you need: Science: For this final, you will be asked questions about science. However, simply remember a few facts, and your science final will be a breeze. These include remembering that ontogeny does not recapitulate phylogeny, pyruvate and phosphofruktokinase function as glycolytic enzymes, and the kidneys are located three ribs up from the malnuric sphincter. Math: Just prove to your teacher that 1=2, and any answer you give is automatically right. English: ENGLISH, MOFO, DO YOU SPEAK IT? History: To pass this, just try to remember a few important dates: 622BC, 394BC, 211BC, 5BC, 11AD, 24AD, 300AD, 906AD, 1102AD, 1619AD, 1791AD, 1963AD, and 2012AD. Tech. Ed.: Basically, you take a saw and cut shit up. Fucking A. Music class: Try not to fail and blow any notes. You'd sure look like a real tool, then, huh. Art: Just explain to your teacher how deep and misunderstood you are, and paint your feelings. Take a few pictures with a black and white camera setting and write a few "dark" poems, and if your teacher knows how often you cry then you'll have an easy A. Foreign language: THIS IS AMERICA, SPEAK AMERICAN! Gym: If you're really planning on studying for this final, then only God can help you now.
 An article by Zombiebaron has caused a huge feud between the all-powerful admins that could ban me again. Thekillerfroggy has charged that the "Nonsense Watermelon Catastrophe" was not newsworthy enough, while Zombiebaron charges that the article is newsworthy, and therefore should not be deleted. In the fight, many people have cried "drama" and run for their lives. "Oh, this is deliiiicious!" said resident fucktard Drama. We spoke to Drama in his white linoleum mansion. He stopped seductively petting his gay snow leopard long enough to talk to us. "I loooove drama. I want their drama dripping all over my linoleum castle. I want their orgasmic screams of anger to rattle the walls! What do you think, Puffles?" "Oohh, puurrrrr" said Puffles. Some of the more regular users have claimed that the drama will bring unwanted side effects. RAHB has recently said to one of our reporters: "Remember, when there's drama, Ljlego touches himself." [Ed note: he said that on IRC, I swear. to. god. ban: banbanban.] Zombiebaron, an administrator who just happens to be a spectre of the unwept dead, spoke at his crypt this Tuesday dressed in his ceremonial black and red robes: "Hhhgggrrrr, I do not like speaking to the public: They give me a rash. As far as how random uncyclopedia is, we have two admins who are a balloon and a frog, so my article is perfect. The drama will not be settled until I taste the frog's flesh. Suffffeeeerrrrrr..." The Killer Froggy issued a statement soon after, with his frog army in the background: "ribbit? RIBBIT! ribbit. ribbit ribbit ribbit!" Both administrators have promised to ban the poor, misunderstood writer of this article if their statements were printed, but that's the risk we take to bring you the news. That's just how cool we are. Drama is the real winner here. As of this printing, he is planning to buy his gay snow leopard a fluffy red cape with the profits. And remember: every time there's drama, Ljlego touches himself. I'm not fucking kidding. He's all like, "oh yeah, oh, oh yeah I love you drama" and they're both in the love coven, snugglin' n' shit. I have pictures, guys! I swear it's totally ins AS OF THIS PARAGRAPH, CAJEK HAS BEEN BANNED INDEFINITELY. |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:55, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
Pic[edit source]
This needs moar THE. Care to oblige? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:21, Jun 16
- Also: c-c-c-combo breaker! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:22, Jun 16
- Yeah, I'll make one later today, or tomorrow depending on whether or not my internet connection decides to behave. Also, how dare you break the combo? Bastard. --THE 20:18, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: June 19th, 2008[edit source]
Word to your mother.
June 19whenever-th, 2008 • Issue 8
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UnSignpost abandoned by creators!
Uncyclopedia's popular newspaper/tacky tabloid rag (delete according to preference) the UnSignpost - already floundering following the loss of founding editor Dr. Skullthumper - has been dealt another, possibly fatal blow, with the news that popular feature-machine and international diplomat Cajek has not been arsed to edit the latest issue. When thursday June 19th dawned without the by-now-traditional UnSignpost dropping onto their talkpages, Unycylopedians everywhere could be heard bravely dealing with the incident by pretending they hadn't noticed. We asked prominent Uncyc contributors for their reactions to the journalistic crisis facing their favourite wiki-based news delivery system. "SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON.... SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON!" said Don Leddy, obviously coping badly with the news. Sensing a possible catastrophe, DJ Irreverent bravely leaped into the breach and created a forum topic that galvanised the community, while UU declared himself too busy to help, then promptly wrote about half of the paper. While still suffering from writer's block, which explains the total lack of lulz and inspiration thus far. It's probably about time to link to nobody cares and close this story now, isn't it? Industrial mogul joins Uncyclopedia, promises great wealth to all.
Donald Trump, the man, the legend, the Tower, the hairstyle, has taken time out of his busy international schedule to create a forum topic promising affluence beyond the dreams of avarice to all on Uncyclopedia! Despite the impeccable credentials displayed on his userpage, so far only Qua and SysRq managed to take advantage of the popular billionaire's altruism before he was ruthlessly banned by noted anti-capitalist Codeine. UnSignpost was particularly impressed with Codeine's ability to resist the temptation to use "you're fired" as a block reason, as we are sure it would have been all but overwhelming. It is to be hoped that, on his return from bannination, Mr Trump will use his undoubted wealth and business connections to help Uncyc beat the ever-encroaching threat of Wikia's advertising plans. N00b ties knot
Popular recent NotM winner Cheapinitreal has further embarrassed the Uncyclopedia community by becoming all respectable and getting married. Confessing to his transgression, Cheap added "all and all, it was a right fine week". The UnSignpost would like to write something really funny here, then wish Cheap all the best, but this issue is being rushed out as it's, like, way late, so we just don't have time. UnSignpost resorts to blatant filler
In a move heralded as "an exciting development in journalism" by guest editor UU, the UnSignpost today employed blatant flannel to fill an annoying white gap at the bottom of the page. It is believed that this is the first such instance of using blatant rubbish to fill a newspaper page in journalistic history. "I'm proud to be at the vanguard of such a groundbreaking technique" said UU, before going off to scour Cajek's ideas page in a desperate hunt for inspiration. "Is this long enough yet?" he added, before concluding "not quite, another few words or so should do the trick". |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 01:00, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
Was that a Good God, or just a God?[edit source]
Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Can you help me with this? Did I get it right or did I get it wrong???
Dame 
GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 14:43, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
- It was a good "god," but also one that was kind of frightened. It was a specific response to the "munching" sentence which was hilarious but also kind of...AAAAAAAUUUUUUGH! I'd shorten the "da bears" section as it seemed to get bogged down a wee bit in there, but other than that I thought it was pretty funny. Bizarre, but funny. --THE 15:24, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: June 26nd, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
June 26th, 2008 • Issue 9
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Uncyclopedia running out of Interesting Stuff. UnSignpost in Jeopardy!
Recently. Uncyclopedia, in its maternal state. Is running out of interesting stuff as most users keep filling her with the same old stuff day after day. Most if not almost all of the staff at the UnSignpost panicked as this meant that their newspaper, which faced the threat of disabondement yesterday. Could be folded by the Uncyclopedia Penis Man returns!
 At exactly 12:29 AM Monday morning, some local idiot decided that it would be a great day to stir up drama and piss people off with some long forgotten shit. And with that, Penis Man made his way back to our great Uncyclopedia with the intent of vandalizing Boomer's userpage. Soon after, the Town drunk Eugene Kay decided to follow suit by uploading the same image by the name of Zombiepenis. Why he decided to make such an apparent strike at the admin who has beat him so much is currently unknown. We at UnSignpost give them both a 25000000:1 chance of being banned. Local Uncyclopedian starts up Devil-Worship Wiki
 In a recent devil-related press conference. Cartoon Diablo, the younger and sillier version of Diablo. Has started up The Devil's Wiki, a wiki dedicated to worship of Satanism and The Devil itself. In a recent interview, Cartoon Diablo has said personally that "The wiki's going to contain a lot about the devil, no seriously. There's going to be articles about the caverns of hell, the kind of foods the devil eats and also various artworks done by the Devil himself. And if your asking if it's going to be great. Well... Yeah!, It's going to be satantastic!". Immediately after this was posted on the UnSignpost, 2 people have joined the satanic wiki. The 2 people are described to be a Himilianian Yettie and an Male Amish Human. Both of them have pledged their allegiance to the devil in return for absolute power. In today's weather report, make sure to bring an umbrella as Hell may be raining over within the next few days. Uncyclopedia's Reign of the Newbs Begins
Interestingly enough, lots of new noobs (and old noobs) are getting featured articles these days. Somehow, the cult of the newbs has awoken, and Uncyc has felt its presence link to Double Entendre. Oh... did I say that out loud? "I don't trust the young 'uns," said Farmer O'Dell at his grain silo, "They write funny articles, yeah, but what do they contribute to the community?" Actually, writers like Hyperbole, Cheapinitreal, and The Woodburninator have stepped up, and are already commanders. Except that last one, who is close enough. Big time contributors like YesTimeToEdit, Qua, and Orian57 are cleaning up this pig sty. Older members of uncyc have become less active, and are paving the way for these rising stars to shine. Uh, speaking as myself? I've never been more proud of Uncyclopedia than I have in the last month or so. Keep it up, guys! |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:44, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/American_University_of_Mediocrity[edit source]
OK, so... Did I do bad by writing a really patronising review of an article by someone far more experienced than I am? --Gladstone 09:01, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
- No, not at all. You were honest about your impression of the article, which is what a good pee review is all about. They were good suggestions, and I plan to fix up more of the article as soon as I get the chance. Just because I've been on uncyclopedia for a long time doesn't mean all my articles are good...quite the contrary. Thanks for the review and the suggestions. --THE 18:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: Jewlie 3rd/10th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
July 10th, 2008 • Tenth Issue Spectacular!
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Uncyclopedia running out of interesting stuff, UnSignpost starts up shitty telethon!  Look at you, sitting there all high and mighty with your Chuck Norris facts and Oscar Wilde quotes, well during this season of laziness and sitting round jacking off, please donate the gift of humor (or humour, we bend that way to no matter how much we are chased out of church) to a poor Uncyclopedian run newspaper near you. Take this poor little article for example; Canadian Tire Money or Canny as no-one calls him, just 8 minutes old and he is already roaming the streets. Illiterate and doing incoherency, long lines of lists and e before i (especially after c), it is only a matter of time before he turns to gay jokes to fund his addictions. Please help this little article achieve its potential as an Injoke by donating the gift of laughter, stupidity... or even just simple bad taste. Successes
There's more you can do... Call you're nearest admin and start a discussion about just how much humor you can donate (read: swearing and shock-porn), or start the 2717231278th forum topic concerning how we all must strive to remove the scourge of shitty articles. In the immortally misattributed words of our founding fathers, stillwaters and Chronarion "Fuck were we high" er... or words of respected member TheLedBalloon "Also, in the ass or the mouth?" oh dear... or even words of Please help Save Cats from Degrading Captions- wait... - Save the Porn onto my Hard-drive- uh... I remember! Save UnSignpost from falling into a pit of lame memes and boring articles, here is a parting word from a little one in need of YOUR help. Ry4N IS TEh GH3Y n00b whO SUX b4lls!!1 ~ Ryan kella Makes you think don't it? We will be taking your calls now. Or now. Not now. Ok, now. Modusoperandi OP'ed!?
This past month of June, the Uncyclopedia community got its first chance at VFS since February, and one new op was decided upon. While there were many great and very capable candidates, one in particular got the most attention and the most votes. Modusoperandi. This long time Uncyclopedian has been to VFS almost every time it gets opened as far as we can trace, and always misses it in the final round by a slim number of votes. However, this month turned out to be a winner for him, so congratulations Modus. MO likes to spend his time writing things and 'chopping some images, but also finds time to goof off in the forums, and relieve the everyday pressure of his fellow colleagues with his off topic sense of humor, which he rarely hides. Modus has a total of 19.5 featured articles as well as 10 featured images. We at UnSignpost congratulate Modus on his winnings, and are willing to put $10 on him becoming the next STM. UnSignpost Takes A Wikibreak
Yeah, the UnSignpost, the newspaper that Uncyclopedia would totally fall apart without, took a wikibreak last week. They seem to be fashionable, so we thought we'd find out what they were all about. They seem to involve time spent not hunched over a keyboard in a darkened room. The UnSignpost reminds you that such activities are hazardous to your health, and should be avoided at all costs. (Note: this is absolutely true - in no way did the UnSignpost just miss a week because no-one could be bothered to edit it, or anything) |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
July 17th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • This issue isn't late, your calendar is fast.
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It's The Poo Lit. Surprised?
Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace. Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something. This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it. At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them. VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running
In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal. The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites.
Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered. |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:08, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
And where have you been sunshine?[edit source]
The letterbox was jammed full of post and you didn't cancel the milk. -- Sir Mhaille 
(talk to me)
- I was in Washington DC collecting souvenirs (I brought a chisel and took home a piece of the Washington Monument, the White House, the Jefferson Memorial, a piece of George Bush's thigh, John Kerry's ear...). It's good to be back. The people get along better here than they do in Washington, and there's much more sex. --THE 21:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008[edit source]
May contain traces of humor!
July 24th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?
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Count to a million This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro. The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project. Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist." Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream... Cheevers Fires Back! After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears. When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!" |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:46, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008[edit source]
Just like Grandma used to make!
July 31st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!
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The biggest little whorehouse on the internet Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration. While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article.
Virus exposes user vulnerability to death Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following:
Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.) The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any. Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him. Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right... |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 07:56, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
August 7th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!
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Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek. |
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Painstakingly hand-delivered by: 16:28, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
TheNewYarkov[edit source]
i don't know if you remember me, i did some crap articles ages ago. well I'm back hello again
TheNewYarkov[edit source]
i don't know if you remember me, i did some crap articles ages ago. well I'm back hello again--TheGimpsSleeping 08:10, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
- Yes, I remember you! I helped you with a couple articles! Welcome back! --THE 12:23, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008[edit source]
Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.
August 14th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor
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Uncyclopedia kidnapped!  In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes
So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r! |
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Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: 17:54, 16 August 2008 (UTC)