User talk:Magic man/archive6

This is an archive. Don't edit it, dumb-head.

Leave a message, or else...

And chocolate

Thanks.

Old(er) stuffs

• Archive one ~ I come to the wonderful world of Uncyclopedia. Get yelled at alot (not really yelled but just told I was doing something wrong). Get some spam from Spam man. And a dance from Dancing dude. I write some articles, revert some vandals, which gets me nomed for Uncyclopedian of the Month (I failed), and an honorary 2nd dance from Dancing dude. I start reviewing, writing requested articles, and getting the the UnSignpost. Halloween comes and goes, And I become 2nd in command for the grue army. I get thanked for voting on VFH, UGotM, and Uotm, judge the aristocrat's turkey day ball, join Imperial Colonization, and for some reason get a death threat from Poiz. Not necessarily in that order.

• Archive two ~ I prove to Lyrithya that I'm an asshole, get my first Uncyclopedia rape, Christmas comes and goes, I do some more reviewing, win the World's Best Friend, Magician of the month and sandwich of the month award, Dancing dude's dance page gets made, that dickhead Magic man does some vote whoring, I get thanked for voting on stuff, become a member of PEEING, answer noob questions, do more stuff for Imperial Colonization, Alister sprinkles his silliness all over, I write a controversial article, greet some more noobs, I get a cookie from Mimo which somehow ends up in a showdown in MS paint, do some coding stuff, get another cookie from Mr. Soot Gremlin, I finally get an article featured, do some VFD stuff with SPIKE, attempt to speak greek, explane to JackOfSpades why my user talk page is "So fucking red", Mimo calls me a dick, I am informed that my sig is outrageous, someone leaves a message to everyone on my talk page, I WIN! I leave for four days, I get a death threat from Another n00b, and Uncyclopedia breaks. Oh! And did I mention I get yelled at some more? (Wow! Was that a run-on-sentence or what?)

• Archive three ~ I get "eaten", a penis lollipop finds it's way to my mouth, talking in Japanese, I judge the happy monkey competition, vote whoring, I adopt a noob, a poem-off between me, Al, and Mimo, I make two banners for the happy monkey competition which never get put up, I send off the IC Silver Age, I move Dinosaur on my own, voting thanks, talking in greek, I get into potatochopping, I get another article featured, April Fool's Day comes and goes, I spill coffee on my modem, Dinosaur gets featured and I get half credit, I get a "Pantsless Ninjastar", Another n00b gets banned for being a vandal, then comes back, and I get nommed for PotM. A bunch of other stuff happens, but none of it is interesting.

• Archive four ~ I am informed (by myself) that I am an asshat, make Lollipop a birthday card, show PoopManPoop a magic trick, get into the hall of shame (because I get UnNews:Old people more likely to die, study shows featured), my birthday comes and goes, make some Donald Trump related images for JelloMold, I put fruit (now fruits) up for VFH (it fails), write Uncyclopedia:What VFD is not for UN:REQ, get a "Yukky Ninjastar" from JackOfSpades, Aleister gets skunk featured, I get promoted to the rank of High General in the grue army, I listen to Elton John's version of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, Lollipop tries to de-red my talkpage, more trump related images, I'm really unreliable over at UN:PR, I have my unbirthday, I get Visual puns featured and a whole bunch of people talk about it, I win reviewer of the month, I bother Skully with my quotes, I write an article for the UnSignpost, I get thanked for numerous things and Hypnotist and Inbox also get featured, but that's not reflected here, so don't go looking for it.

• Archive five (hey, that rhymes) ~ I call myself a dumbo, which is then confirmed by Lollipop, I sort of help write Horseshoes (game), I rewrite Fruit like twenty times, Shabidoo makes Lyrithya proud to be an Uncyclopedian, I collaborate with Black flamino11 on Sun (which later gets featured), I get Mini-golf featured with Mattsnow, my team and I get 1st place in the Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza, Lollipop writes UnPoetia:A Visit from Satanbear, I enter Hearing impairment in the PLS, I get Subliminal stimuli featured, Shabidoo asks me some pressing questions, Bizzeebeever tries to kill me with an axe, I become a poopsmith, I tell everyone that I'm a gymnast, Halloween comes and goes, I win UotM, I visibly bounce around talk pages with Shabidoo and Lollipop, I poopsmith incorrectly a couple times, I write Lawn mowers, I go back to my old signature, and I win WotM (but that's not really reflected in there).

Ha!

Your freshly archived talk page really needs a BIG GAUDY TEMPLATE

--    19:30, November 13, 2011 (UTC)

Oh no! Not another Uncyclopedia rape! My butt still hurts from the last one. -- 19:48, November 13, 2011 (UTC)

Do you want to see a magic trick?

I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Nov 14 '11 5:56 (UTC)

AMAZING! -- 20:34, November 15, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for voting for me

Thanks for voting for me as Noob Of The Month, to be honest it was quite of a shock since I have always respected you. Your humerous articles, your epic user page and that stupid magnificent hat! Your originality, humor and enthusiasm has earned my respect. I look up to you as my role model along with a couple of other awesome people... In a nutshell, thanks for voting for me! It is an honour...

-- 15:19, November 15, 2011 (UTC)

Holy shit, you really know how to flatter a guy. Anyway, thanks for the kind words, and you're welcome (about voting for you). If you ever need anything, feel free to ask. See ya 'round, kid! -- 20:26, November 15, 2011 (UTC)

Magic man...you've always known how to make me feel like I'm a really important and special person and it's because of you that I didn't commit suicide last night. I almost swallowed those pills, but then, I remembered, Magic man...my favourite gymnist, cares about me...as though I am a special twinkling star. That makes me feel a lot better when the voices in my head get out of control. Thanks Magic man :) (smileys) --ShabiDOO 21:49, November 15, 2011 (UTC)

Wow... that's what I needed after a hard nights work at gym! -- 23:36, November 15, 2011 (UTC)

I forgot to give you something

Thanks for voting for me for Noob Of The Month As a reward, I give you one of my pizzas!

Thanks again for voting for me. Enjoy the pizza!!! That was my last one...

-- 08:55, November 16, 2011 (UTC)

*Gasp* I love you. -- 13:43, November 16, 2011 (UTC)

Lettuce

Lettuce collab on an article together? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 November 2011, at 20:39

Okay. Any ideas? I have some. -- 20:51, November 16, 2011 (UTC)

What are they? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 November 2011, at 21:12

Well, one was HowTo:Knock on Death's door. I was thinking it could really just be about how to knock on a door. Another was HowTo:Go fuck yourself. And my third was that rewrite of Kill Bill that I was talking about. I've already got that last one started, but we'll need to get rid of most of what I've got right now (if we do it, that is), because it's shit. -- 21:17, November 16, 2011 (UTC)

My idea was HowTo:Make cookies without using any of the necessary ingredients. Another was HowTo:Do CPR in public. Either one of these could possibly work out. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 November 2011, at 21:24

I really like that first one. But here's a list of other possible topics. Disregard the last two on the list. -- 21:29, November 16, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 17 November 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

November 17th, 2011 • Issue 145 • Yes, yes it is really that big!

VFS and Turkey Balls By Chief Now it would be very easy for the UnSignpost to devote yet another issue of the year to covering the VFS and the voting on the same, the interviews with the candidates, the scores, the numbers, the lunches with the bureaucrats, and Sycamore shaking his head slowly as he despairs at the futility of it all. So we will. It's VFS time again! Voting was opened on Sunday by Zombiebaron with a pair of massive scissors. As he prepared to cut the ribbon he turned to the assembled masses and, wiping a tear from his eye, announced, "Zombiebaron"; naturally the crowd went wild. The early nominations flooded in: everyone who was anyone seemed to garner a nomination, as well as several people who aren't people at all. Two users have distanced themselves from the pack: Black flamingo11, the noire gregarious wading bird who has captured Uncyclopedia's imagination with his endless flows of witty prose and his avoidance of all forms of drama, has stacked up twenty-two fresh crispy votes. In order to best sum up his thoughts on being nominated, we've decided to hack up anything he has said on the VFS page and arrange it into a more suitable order: "What a nice old man his socks are. I would make a terrific admin. I'm my first choice." You heard it here first and, hilariously, so did he. The other contender is Romartus, with twenty votes. Uncyclopedia's voting machine and general history boffin had this to say to the UnSignpost: "Perhaps too young. Excellent." He probably isn't a paedophile but if you are concerned, then why not write to us at: "Save The children, The UnSignpost". We'll get them, by which we mean your letters, not the children. Other contenders are Frosty with seven votes, PIGGY with nine and Sycamore, who has eight. As VFS hurtles towards its final round, we here at the UnSignpost are on the edge of our seats and we hope you will be too. The other news is that it is once again time for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, described by liars as "A celebration and carnival of sublime writing" and by others as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy". Ringmaster Host of the competition for this year is Mhaille, who has started a forum asking for judges. Judging is fun and improves your sex life in 94% of cases, so why not get involved? Eyes forward everyone! It's all about to kick off! Nominate my PIGGY! By Chief Discussions began in the forum this week. Well of course they did, after all that is what a forum is for. However one particular discussion is over the removal of the rule against nominating your own articles for VFH without a pee review. Uncharacteristically for a discussion on Uncyclopedia about an aspect of Uncyclopedia, everyone appeared to be in agreement. The brains behind the idea, if brains is the right word, is Uncyclopedia's very own deputy innovator Lyrithya, who would like nothing more than to see the good ship Uncyclopedia sink below the ocean of crap because Uncyclopedians were far too busy hanging their appalling articles off it to notice this analogy breaking down. Unsportingly the forum was started the day before the UnSignpost was due to be delivered last week and thus everything that we have said so far is hideously out of date. The rule has already been removed and no, we didn't want your opinion; you'd have just slowed progress down with your so-called "questions" and "concerns". The other news for this week is that Zombiebaron has figured out how to raise our edit count by over 9000! His solution is to simply delete 15,000 articles by Christmas because... well, because it would be tremendous fun. Also because Dr. Skullthumper, who isn't a real doctor, made some statistics that showed that we had most edits when we had 15,000 articles, so deleting 15,000 to bring us back to around 15,000 will, logically, produce more edits, mostly, we fear, from people complaining that we have deleted 15,000 pages without asking. Anyone wishing to participate in Zombiebaron's Time Travelling Article Removal and Edit Count Revival Event (that's easy to remember because it spells TTARECRE) should assemble, with their time machines, a week last Tuesday to be given their instructions twenty minutes earlier.

Check out these pages! We really do! Ethine reckons deleting 15,000 articles would work too From our logs Under user bans the other admins special!): 08:16, August 22, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (in my country, it is a tradition that on the penultimate monday of august, we ban someone with an allcaps name. a bit obscure, but there you go.) 11:15, August 21, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 138 minutes ‎ (I recently lost a sock in the wash. was it one of your relatives?) 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator) 15:17, April 6, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (why hello there, handsome) 07:48, January 29, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 23 seconds ‎ (who the fuck are you, and what makes you think you can "write" an "article", eh?) 10:28, December 25, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 143 seconds ‎ (Merry thing you don't celebrate old chap! Hope the presents you didn't get would have been fantastic!) 10:33, December 15, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Chronarion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 119 seconds ‎ (A man, a plan, a canal, and then you filled in the canal with silly-putty.) 09:31, December 1, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 weeks 4 days 5 hours 6 seconds ‎ (*looks through ban log* - dear god, I've never banned Zombiebaron, he must feel so left out! I must rectify this at once.) Memorial of the Week By now you have probably heard the terrible news, or at least seen the huge black manhole cover hats he made us all wear. Under user has left the fold and ventured onward to pastures new. Under user came into this world on the fifth of July 2007 and since then he has written articles, pee reviewed more articles than you have ever read , edited the UnSignpost for months on end and chopped more potatoes than the Irish ever did. The esteemed Under user requested that his administrator status be removed earlier this week and Thekillerfroggy generously excused him from the farewell de-bagging in the canteen. He has stated his intention to continue reading the featured articles which, to be honest, makes him more active than most of the active users. Confusion also reigns over the fate of the annual mince pie race, which, without its founder and annual winner, may not take place, much to the disappointment of all three of the competitors. Perhaps someday UU will return and change our lives once again, perhaps not; regardless the UnSignpost wishes him all the best in whatever it is he does in real life and reminds him that he still owes us £4.70 in tea and biscuit money. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Will Possess Your Log

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:28, 17 November 2011

Fox News

Hey Magic man...whats shaking in da hood? Would you mind doing a quick editing for grammar and prose and stuff on Fox News? It's one of the better articles on my to do list. Anything would be apreciated!!! --ShabiDOO 01:25, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, sure, just gimme a sec. -- 01:36, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

Mattsnow did a long long edit and so he reverted yours. I later incorporated your edits...which were all very useful! Thanks again for your help. Feel free to nominate it. ROCKA ROCKA ROCKA! Thanks just one more time! --ShabiDOO 03:49, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

ICU

I'm sorry, I didn't know that deleting the message was taboo. I also don't really know how to respond to this, so also left this on the page you had looked over, because I honestly don't expect anyone else to look at it so soon. The page is an elaboration on another page, the Illinois page, where it describes pretty much (and at one point, word for word) what my article says. I understand that when taken out of context, or if it is not relevant to the person, it is not very funny. Truth be told, I've only edited the Christianity page (things Christians don't believe in section), so I'm a bit inexperienced with it. Do you think the content of the article is okay, or should I abandon the page? I have removed all links. Thanks if you can answer, and thanks also for your input. – Preceding unsigned comment added by 108.195.28.124 (talk • contribs)

Hey, I hope I didn't sound too intimidating in my message. You see, an ICU isn't just a message to you, it's a message to the admins. One week after the message is placed on the page, an admin will come and look at it and decide if it's good enough to be kept, or if it needs to be deleted (but don't freak out, the clock resets every time you edit the page). If the page was unfinished you should've added a {{WIP}} to your article before saving it, but it's too late now, as the page already has an ICU on it.

Now, on to the rest, I would suggest adding some kind of banner to the top pointing readers to Illinois (or possibly even making it a sub-page of the article), so a reader can know what it's all about. However, don't take too much from that article, make up your own stuff, I'm sure you're funny enough. Also, don't remove all the links, just the red ones. Add more (blue) links if possible.

And if you want to make the actual article the best it can be, I'd start with creating an account. After you've done that, follow the advice on the ICU (like adding images, every good article needs images). Also read some of those help pages, especially this one and this one. Maybe even read some featured articles to get a feel for what's considered funny around here. Then, once you're done editing your article, put it up for a pee review (which is really easy, just follow that steps at the bottom). I can help you more after you've created an account. And lastly, don't forget to sign your posts with this: button. Hope I helped. -- 02:58, November 18, 2011 (UTC)

Hello?

Umm....I'm kinda new here and I read about Adopt a n00b, and so I was kinda wondering if you would you know, adopt me? --Me 11:31, November 18, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, I'd love to! Just put this:

On your user page. And then if you don't know something, or you need some help on something, or anything, just ask me. -- 13:47, November 18, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you! – Preceding unsigned comment added by NizzleNinja (talk • contribs)

Yeah, no problem, but remember to always sign your posts. -- 21:03, November 18, 2011 (UTC)

Magic man, how to you get to be awesome? --Me 11:16, November 22, 2011 (UTC)

I guess just be yourself. But... er... what do you mean exactly? -- 13:25, November 22, 2011 (UTC)

Well like, you know, awesome! Like all of you guys!--Me 14:00, November 22, 2011 (UTC)

I suppose if you are not awesome and you want to be awesome , you. Just have to copy cool people and find out how people want you to be and act like that. --ShabiDOO 15:21, November 22, 2011 (UTC)

I have one more question for now. Why doesn't this site like me? Is it just me, or is it set that way? As in like telepathy? – Preceding unsigned comment added by NizzleNinja (talk • contribs)

How does the site not like you? And by the way, don't forget to sign your posts. -- 19:26, November 23, 2011 (UTC)

The site predicts that I, NizzleNinja, will meet a tall, dark stranger and then get raped. And there is no link anywhere, so I'm just nervous the site has a mind of its own. --Me 19:38, November 23, 2011 (UTC)

And which article was that? You probably got tricked by the {{USERNAME}} template. -- 19:42, November 23, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 24 November 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

November 24th, 2011 • Issue 146 • This is a knife!

VFS and Turkey Ball By Chief Well here we go again: VFS has reached ROUND FOUR!! The excitement on the wiki was palpable and here at the UnSignpost we could barely contain ourselves. Now while we usually compare the need to meet a deadline every Thursday for every week of our lives to being slowly lowered into a vat of acid without the benefit of being Batman first, this week we were whisked out of the vat before the worst could befall our dynamic duo. Thus we began to plan for the UnSignpost as far back as Monday. Monday! It was as though our prayers had been heard by a God whose power only manifests via consensus on humour wikis. So another VFS has been delivered to us and as the top candidates have been selected, we will now judge and belittle them for your amusement and our own perverted satisfaction. Black flamingo11: Bursting through to the third round of VFS in first place is Black flamingo11, whose cunning tactic so far has been to make absolutely no comment at all regarding the VFS. We're sure some kind of snivelling "Thank you so much for voting for me, it's good you did because I completely deserve this" message will wing its way to your talk page. We sat down with him to establish just what he thought being an admin might be like: "It's the cash I look forward to the most!" he enthused as we queued at his local soup kitchen, "I mean sure I enjoyed doing things just to be helpful, but if there wasn't cash in it for me somewhere, it'd just be pointless!". Thank goodness he isn't just in this for the money or he'd be so incredibly disappointed. Romartus: So close on Black flamingo's heels into the third round that it's a good job he's wearing such baggy trousers is Romartus. Besides voting for everyone who isn't himself in the second round he has also made very little comment on the VFS, but expect no comment from him regarding your support or how much he appreciates it. Why? Because he is actually a very sophisticated robot who thirsts for the destruction of unwitting humour wikis like this one. We didn't need to talk to him; after all, robots don't have feelings, so fuck you Romartus! You'll never find our office. The other top story this week is that the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has begun. The judges are in place and the competitors are poised on the blocks. Any moment now they'll write an article and run down to the other end, some three hundred meters from the starting line, there they will leap as far as they can into the sand. We assume. Otherwise there is absolutely no need for this competition to be taking place on a running track and I am utterly mystified as to why I've been handed this starting pistol and why Shabidoo has those flags. If this seems like your idea of a good time, the competition is open until the third of December though please bring pants: "The next person who arrives without pants will be disqualified," said competition host Mhaille yesterday. "This competition has the potential to be very exciting and we don't want anyone getting the wrong idea, or getting splashed." I'm back! By Puppy Did you all miss me? No? Fuck it. I'm going again. Festive Treats Ahoy! By Chief Just a quick word to announce the imminent arrival of two fun festive traditions additions to Uncyclopedia. Normally Under user is the benevolent king of Uncyclopedia's Christmas time and he presides over the jollities like a strange old man presides over a children's playground, however this year Under user failed his annual admin re-qualification tests (apparently he took more than 10 seconds to punch out the baby) and thus cannot host ANYTHING any more. True story. Because of this, the annual mince pie scoffing competition will be relocated to the user page of ChiefjusticeDS. If you have a taste for those delightful Christmas treats then feel free to join in. The competition will begin on the 1st of December and it must be stressed that pies scoffed before that date are so-called "Training Pies" and will not count towards your total. The ban patrol-ho-ho may or may not return depending on the financial climate. Remember: PIES!!!

Check out these pages! That's Racist! Have camera, will sing Drunk editing Who? From our logs: 06:01, November 17, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.116.44.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Wank wank wank. Boy I sure do love to wank. Can I wank on you? I think I will. I don't require your permission. WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK...) 19:30, November 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.180.115.161 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Panic at the dildo! It's funny because dildo sounds a bit like disco, is a funny word and it's a sex thing!) 12:33, November 19, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked JAF1999 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wow, you're either really stupid or you're a really lame troll. Probably both, coming to think of it.) 21:17, November 22, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.104.226.185 (Talk) with an expiry time of 12 hours ‎ (You're doing undictionary wrong, I didn't think that was possible) 02:51, November 16, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked Wearetheworld (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cool story, bro) 12:53, November 23, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I seem to be under-represented in this week's UnSignpost. You should remedy this.) Biopic of the Week In the biopic this week is HELPME, and we'll begin with this quote from his userpage: "I used to be full of shit, humorless, stupid, uptight, and annoying. Now I am slightly less of those things." What a nice man, a liar, but a lovely man nonetheless. Arriving on Uncyclopedia at the start of 2010, HELPME became well-known for his hyperactive page editing, article reviewing, outrageous gaying and recent changes patrolling. All this earned himself a whole stack of shiny goodies, several death threats and the acclaim of all. This was all splendid and lovely. BUT THEN CAME THE DARKNESS. It corrupted his soul and made him simultaneously world-wise and world-weary, now happiness is "Fucking square, man" and hyperactive page editing "Shits for the birds, man". However this hasn't rendered him incapable of doing the thankless busywork we know he used to love so much. Welcome back, HELPME, now get to work; the drainage ditch under Olipro's desk won't drink itself. Make haste, my jacuzzi water grows tepid. ATTENTION! At ease soldier. Newsroom UnTune of the week Home on a Friday Night Confessions from Recent Changes "The politicians are demented people that take orders from demented monkeys" - 86.178.71.123 "created article -- finally figured out how images work" - JacKow "This is a satirical website, you know for satire." - Zarbag

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:11, 24 November 2011

Herman Cain

lol Mattsnow 21:36, November 26, 2011 (UTC)

What exactly was the point of this message? -- 03:53, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

It means it's ready, Princess! Mattsnow 07:38, November 28, 2011 (UTC)

QVFD Header

Black is a color... --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 04:33, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

Fuck you. -- 04:40, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

I think my job is done. --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 19:48, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

Is it white, invisible or clear? --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 20:19, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

Go look at the code. -- 21:11, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

Okay... -okayface- --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 01:37, November 28, 2011 (UTC)

The header of the DFVQ

It should be green. --ShabiDOO 06:37, November 28, 2011 (UTC)

Your mom goes to college... or something like that... -- 01:38, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

My moms a nuclear weapons inspector. --ShabiDOO 01:45, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

"Hey, what's this button do?"

-- 01:47, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

My mother makes the best desserts. She has a super special mystery ingredient. Its devine.

--ShabiDOO 17:38, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

Well, guys, MY mother is DEAD! Bwahahahaha!!! OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 13:51 7 December 2011

Hearing impairment review

Hi. I've finished that PR you've been waiting so long for. Did you like it? It was my first one. ~jcm 23:07, November 28, 2011 (UTC)

Wee! Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked the article, I know there wasn't much to it. The review was great for such a short article. Anyway, thanks again! -- 01:41, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

No problem. Also, this might be asking for much, but could you consider reviewing my thing whenever you get the chance? I'm trying to get another feature in before Top 10 voting starts for the year. ~jcm 02:54, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

Another feature? What was the other(s)? I may have read it/them. Anyway, I've been kinda busy as of late, but I'll try to get around to doing your review. However, you do know only articles that were in the top three of a months to get in the running for top ten, right? -- 03:46, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

He's still got a chance for December, whose Top 3 voting runs from January 1st to the 15th (Top 10 of the Year starts right after). -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 07:07, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

I know, I was just telling him he needs to hurry up. -- 13:53, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

I had another feature in March, but it didn't get into the top three of that month and wasn't very great, anyway. If you're busy, the last thing I want to do is create a burden for you, so instead of doing a full-fledged Pee, just skim through the Rusty article and give me generic criticism on my talk page. Every little bit helps. ~jcm 21:32, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

So, have you thought about doing the generic criticism? ~jcm 21:37, December 20, 2011 (UTC)

Your Article Is Awesome

Your article on Why?:Why? is fucking awesome. I'm typing this to show respect to you. You actually could make me crack up with one fucking word. -- 15:21, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you! I'm always glad to know I made someone smile. -- 21:09, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Lol, I remember when that first came out. It didn't survive VFH, but it's still a pretty cool article. ~jcm 21:43, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

I made love to that article a few times. We spooned for the rest of the night. --ShabiDOO 22:00, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

I'm not sure what spooning means, but I am sure that I don't want to look it up. ~jcm 22:01, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Spooning.

-- 01:12, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

The end of a third spoon looking like an arm is genius. Too bad the fotographer is captured in the relection. My god magic man can always pick the right foto at the right time. --ShabiDOO 01:42, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

And by the way, I nominated your article for feature. I know it has been nominated before, but I nominated it again. It's just too funny. -- 03:26, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 1 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

December 2nd, 2011 • Issue 147 • Don't make me use this!

Reflections, Turkey Ball, Cabal Broadcasts and VFS By Chief As December dawns, the UnSignpost can only reflect on what has been an eventful year. Or rather we would if the reflections on this year weren't all about poo, bacon and Lyrithya... FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. The UnSignpost would like to remind all users that there is only a month left before the annual Cabal broadcast absolutely nothing happens. The reflections must be completed or the world might end. If there were a cabal watching, Socky and Roman Dog Bird adding reflections about their strange depraved fantasies and bowel movements in the early hours of the 3rd of January would upset it no end. The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball ploughs onward, amassing entrants in all categories, to Mhaille's undoubted delight. While Mhaille was not available for comment, we were able to sit down with Lyrithya who just happened to be in the lobby complaining that she has not been in the UnSignpost enough over the last few weeks. What comment would she make? What fabulous insights would she reveal? "What Turkey Day Ball?" asked Lyrithya. This was deeply concerning on two levels, firstly because Lyrithya is judging the title category, and secondly because she said it to a hat stand about 4 feet to our reporter's left. Leaving Lyrithya to continue her tense negotiations with the hat stand about getting a job with computers, we moved on to interview Zombiebaron, who commented, "Zombiebaron", as usual. The annual Mince Pie eating competition started on ChiefjusticeDS's talk page on Tuesday, two days early, because he's impatient as well as being fat and lazy. All users are invited to join in and attempt to match Under user's astonishing work scoff rate. Oliphaunte has also come up with a brand new feature for the UnSignpost to further the relentless search for filler material. He proposes a Question and Answer section where you, the users, ask the UnSignpost a question and then we put it in the right hand column with a scathing and witty reply. Obviously such a plan requires questions, and therefore, if this sounds like your sort of thing, ask some questions. It's for a good cause. VFS has also concluded. As you read this splendid periodical the results are known, however due to our lack of a time machine and the injustice of the world in general we do not know as we are writing this now. Our experts have looked at the vote and, after much deliberating, tea drinking and "Please stop holding me prisoner"-ing they concluded that there could be several outcomes, which further lead us to conclude that we should have captured some better experts. You'll have to wait until next week for the scoop on the new admins, which should please Black flamingo11 as he hates being in the UnSignpost; the illusive flamingo had this to say to the UnSignpost this week: "The horse porn is in the house; why would I throw it out?". Don't look at us, you voted for him. Hugely important happening stuns Uncyclopedia; no one cares By Bizzeebeever This week a bolt of lightning apparently emanating from Wikia struck Uncyclopedia in a sustained manner, singeing eyebrows and back-hair from the United Kingdom all the way to that iota-sized island which Frosty calls "home". What was this scintillating stroke of... of... scintillation? Why, a mighty arbiter of Wikia was perturbed from her perch by the screams of the tortured mortals long enough to, as she put it, "blackmail a techy" into granting Uncyclopedians that boon for which they had clamoured for literally a couple of days: new namespaces. Yes, you asked for it, and now you've got it: those heretofore-faux namespaces, including HowTo, Why?, and that incredibly popular mainstay of Uncyclopedia, UnDebate, are now actual namespaces. According to several people who understand the full implications of this, having namespace-specific stuff will potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with. Said designated Uncyclopedia scapegoat Lyrithya: "Having namespace-specific stuff could potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with." When the news of the blessed event was heard, there was shouting, jubilation, gunshots, and widespread looting, and that was just Roman Dog Bird. Uncyclopedian-extraordinaire Zombiebaron, taking a couple of seconds off from his normal endeavours attempting to fit all of Uncyclopedia onto VFD, was heard to shout his own name in an uncharacteristically-ebullient manner. Extravagant fame-whore Bizzeebeever, the author of the forum topic which started it all, spoke from his 15,000-room palace constructed entirely from mirrored pianos: "Of course, no one man can take credit for this," he said, flinging the end of a tie-dyed feather boa over his shoulder, "it was truly an achievement made possible by the work of multitudes. Anyone who notices the massive groundswell of changes should especially thank Lyrithya for her ceaseless work on the site." He also went on to thank Sannse for her munificence and benevolence, as well as the small pile of ashes which, we presume, is all that remains of the "techy" whom Sannse "blackmailed", and, lastly but not least-ly, Zombiebaron... for "being such an incredible pile of 'Zombiebaron'."

Check out these pages! Mediate Babel table? This is just weird Arson From our logs: 14:17, November 29, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.65.34.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Monumental Wang, and not in a good way) 23:20, November 28, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.241.59.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (go back to whatever foreign place you probably come from) 22:04, November 26, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lingling513 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If all pony fans were like you, I would have never watched it. Thank God shitheads like you only make up a small part of the fan base. The new episode blew, but it was funnier than your shit article.) 22:02, November 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.89.220.165 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (WE COULD JUST DELETE EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR A TEMPLATE AND IT WOULD BE BETTER! I'M QUITE LIVID AT MYSELF FOR HAVING NOT THOUGHT OF IT!) 03:45, November 27, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.164.108.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours ‎ (You're right, I'm so much better than you because I'm an admin. Also, try to familiarize yourself with apostrophes.) Biopic of the Week Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! It's Xamralco! It has taken us five whole months to biopic him, and now we're going to do it without insulting him once! KIDDING! Xamralco slimed his way onto Uncyclopedia, as slime creatures will, through a carelessly open downstairs window in late June of this year. Having slimed his way in, Xamralco thought to himself, "What could a useless slime beast such as I contribute here?" While he was deciding, he wrote four featured articles and won writer of the month and the Best Rewrite category of the most recent Poo Lit Surprise. Naturally, what the people want to know is: When exactly is Xamralco going to do something useful? When will he stop resting on his laurels and actually get down to work? Strangely, for a slime beast, his talk page is full of him being thanked, making witty banter and generally taking part. What a slimy bastard. I shall smite him, and his slime. Well done Xamralco, now get to work or get out. Old School FA Long walks on the beach There’s nothing I enjoy more than long walks on the beach. Some of my other hobbies include watching the sunset from a picturesque grassy knoll, indulging in fine wine with a scrumptious foie gras dinner, and candlelight conversations on French film. But I think you'll agree that nothing is quite as sexy as me taking a long walk on the beach. Me with my salon-fresh sandy blonde hair flowing in the breeze (courtesy of Tina; you're a miracle worker, honey!) and a sporty J.Crew sweater tied casually around my waist, lobbing a stray Frisbee back at some snot nosed little urchin. You'll see me on the coast looking pensively out at the sea, reflecting back on all of the endearing little things I did that week. New Admin Celebratory UnTune! The Uncyclopedian's Song Confessions from Recent Changes "THE BOMB HAS BEEN PLANTED!! (+ Expansion tag)" - Wilytank "Added some categories, WITHOUT using HotCat." - 66.105.218.19 "Reverting edit, as it was so good, it would intimidate other users." - Matt lobster "Torture instruments and a ducking stool" - Jonny appleseed

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:14, 1 December 2011

Inter-Lights_Inc.

Hey magic man. How are you doing? Good? That's awsome...so am I...thanks for asking. So...hey...I know you are really busy and don't even have a second for me...but you really have to do what I am asking you to do...okay? On the section header of this section, I linked the text to an article I wrote. So...go ahead and read it as soon as you finish reading this paragraph. And then make little tweaks here and there and tell me over all what you think about it. I would prefer it if you wrote a 100 page pee review style kind of review...but I understand if you are really busy and only write a ninety-four page pee review. When you are done that...could you let me know on my user page because it is getting really tiring having to check my watch list every time you insist on answering my requests that I leave on your talkpage, on your talkpage. So...yeah...it's much apreciated Magic Man. So don't forget to start working on that now...okay? You're the best Magic Man.

p.s. when you are being a gymnist...do you wear a cod-piece? That would be pretty helarious and lame at the same time if you did...which I suspect you do. :) :) :) Ta ta for now. --ShabiDOO 08:56, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

What exactly are you asking for? A pee review, tweaks, or just a comment? -- 15:46, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

I'm asking for a 100 page pee review. But if you aren't up for that...then in order of what would be nice to have from you is "comments", "advice" and then "tweaks". Theres no particular rush though. In return Ill promise not to make fun of you for being a gymnist for a whole month. --ShabiDOO 19:08, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Yo!

Why did you put Interstate 95 on QVFD? It's obvious that this guy is working on it. just because he is an anon doesn't mean we have to delete his articles ;) --Mimo&maxus 15:00, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

YOU'RE TOO SCARED TO TALK TO ME NOW, HUH? I KNEW IT! --Mimo&maxus 15:11, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Either way, it looked QVFDable to me at the time. -- 15:44, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah but it took you almost an hour to find an answer. --Mimo&maxus 15:46, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

I'm not gonna answer you if I'm not logged on. -- 15:47, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Is this a threat? :o --Mimo&maxus 15:49, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

No. -- 15:50, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Ah --Mimo&maxus 15:54, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Hi again!

Hi! How are you? I have a question that I would like to be answered. Is an adoptee like family? So there are no uncyclopedia rapes right? So I want to attack my friend with a grue picture from here. But it won't load. I dont understand what I'm doing wrong. Will you help? – Preceding unsigned comment added by NizzleNinja (talk • contribs)

Hello, son. Don't forget to sign your posts, that's kind of an important thing when you're here. Anyway, of course we're like family! Now have anal sex with me. As for the second question, which image, and what are you doing? I'll need to know that in order to help. -- 02:17, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry I haven't responded in a while. I was Distracted... It is the grue picture, the spork one. Please Don't rape me daddy! help!--Me 20:15, December 6, 2011 (UTC)

This one? -- 01:37, December 7, 2011 (UTC)

How did you Know? --Me 10:42, December 7, 2011 (UTC)

Okay, well the code for an image is this: [[File:Spork attack.jpg|thumb|<put wherever you want the image on the page here (i.e. left, center or right)>|Caption goes here.]] That would yield this:

Caption goes here.

Assuming you put center in that slot. If you want to send the image to someone off site, you'd probably have to save it to your computer and send it to them in an email. Anyway, hope I helped. -- 13:48, December 7, 2011 (UTC)

Shit that's scary. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 13:50 7 December 2011

Thank you Dad! --Me 19:42, December 7, 2011 (UTC)

No problem. Cat: How's that scary? -- 20:56, December 7, 2011 (UTC)

There are those fucking spoons. I hate spoons. I fear spoons. And now those fucking spoons are killing someone and that's what I call scary. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 11:58 10 December 2011

UnSignpost - 8 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

December 8th, 2011 • Issue 148 • Goodbye to all that.

VFS ends... or does it? By Chief The wiki has new admins. There we go, got the first bit of non-news out of the way. Since time and circumstance have both conspired against the UnSignpost in a bid to not only evict us from the building but also to ensure we have nothing to report on every week, it has in fact been eight days since this particular piece of news broke. Black flamingo11 and Romartus have been made administrators and, clearly in protest as to how such a thing could have possibly occurred, Lyrithya has started a vote to change the system in order that such grave injustice does not ever occur again. Black flamingo11 agrees that he is exactly the type of weird abomination that such a system would easily sieve out. Romartus simply muttered something about not wanting to upset the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls; we assume he is chained to a radiator in her flat, occasionally being forced to dance for her amusement. Lyrithya proposes that we scrap the current system, just like she always does, and then we bring in a brand new one which nobody except her understands (see the abuse filter for details). Lyrithya is also to be congratulated for making Modusoperandi be serious for five minutes, something which science, constant pain, and the ingratitude of man has failed to do for around twenty years. In other news, Joe9320 has declared that Imperial Colonization has risen and that "This will mark the Stupid Ages of Imperial Colonization." This correspondent has to agree that this will certainly be the case if Joe9320 runs it. While he was declaring things that nobody will remember in five minutes time, Joe also declared himself Lord of Uncyclopedia and all its dominions, may those who defy him drink eternally from Satan's grotesque member. Or words to that effect. Zombiebaron and Thekillerfroggy celebrated the sixth anniversary of the featuring of Euroipods by defacing the logo with a blue calculator in exchange for money and referring their friends to do the same. Such jollity flew straight over the heads of most of the userbase, whom Thekillerfroggy condemned as being far too young to remember when, like he can, this was all fields. Happy sixth birthday, Euroipods. We baked you a free cake. You just have to pay for it, and get your friends to do the same. This barrel? Oh no, we haven't even thought of scraping the bottom of it. Finally, this forum still exists, and users have flocked from miles around to vote for it. The UnSignpost has no comment to make on this, except to ask these people: Who are you? How did you get in when we changed the locks? Try not to get too concerned. Remember, Wikia is a reputable company and certainly isn't a transparent front for a greedy Dragon which hates you. Honest. Competition Ahoy! By Chief Those of you who absolutely love writing competitions have happily had very little to complain about for the last couple of weeks as the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has enthralled and thrilled you for literally hours. The competition closed for judging last Saturday. Needless to say this is a long time to wait perched upon the edge of ones seat, as Shabidoo confesses himself to be, so it is just as well that the vast majority of the judges have decided to help out by failing to turn in any judging. The UnSignpost wises to remind competition judges that failure to complete judging on time can have a number of detrimental effects including sudden blindness, ostracism within the community and believing oneself to be an Ostrich. So unless you want to be hurtling 'round the wiki flapping your tiny wings in a futile attempt to take flight this time next week, I'd get on with it, and we do mean you, Wilytank. Thought we wouldn't notice, didn't you, and as for new admin, Black flamingo11, he has absolutely no excuse. Get to it you worthless peons; if you had lives you wouldn't even know this competition exists! MadMax has proposed a second edition of The Article Whisperer to commence immediately after Christmas. Let us take a brief moment to explain why you are ideally suited to not only take part but why taking part is a brilliant idea. First of all, MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed, and secondly because MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed. The Article Whisperer is a competition held by UN:REQ to get some of the most requested articles on the site written down and made shiny. Head over to the forum right now and try to spare some time to volunteer to write or judge this, the most useful of our writing competitions. If you don't, MadMax will kill a Panda. In your house. Possibly.

Check out these pages! There is no need to panic Lolwut? UnNews Articles 40 minutes of outrage and panic It's nowhere near over 9000! From our logs (New Admin and Mordillo Special!): 11:00, December 1, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Figure out how to unblock yourself! QUICK! THIS PITCH MEANS THE GAME! SLIDE DIMAGGIO! SLIDE!!) 20:04, December 1, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I think he has learned his lesson) 13:57, December 4, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: One month ban wasn't enough. Try three this time. ) 18:16, December 4, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: Ok three days. It's Christmas) 15:58, December 6, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.240.56.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't care who fancy. This isn't a dating website (yet)) 15:24, December 1, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.221.171.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Your future reads:"no trip to the moon anytime in the near future".) Biopic of the Week Because we have to get the UnSignpost Dog into this issue somehow. UnSignpost Q&A I'm in a homosexual relationship with my cousin and I'm worried that my family and friends will find out. That's half the problem as I've a anger problem at my girlfriend who I blame for making me apparently impotent and some violence has taken place between us. Thankfully it's nothing too serious, just some good hearted vicarious punishment for my frustrated sexuality. The truth is I don't enjoy sex with her and I'm racked with terrible feelings of guilt for the casual sex with my cousin. Now I'm eyeing up quite few animals on the farm (sexually) and I'm wondering whether to let them both down gently, or continue with my covert sexual operations. Also I have a child with my sister which I keep in a shed. It's not really like a human being as I have never let it see the outside world and keep it company with my dogs. Do you have any ideas on how to get me out of this mess? - Anonymous Have you considered beating them all to death with a Polo mallet and then throwing them into the canal? Obviously this would be after slicing them up into small easily manageable pieces. That's what I did. - USP Do you like cows? - Lyrithya Moo - USP Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Christmas Song Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,824 The constant unreasonable demands of this periodical.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:24, 8 December 2011

Did you know ...

That "Magicman" ... is not a palendrome? --ShabiDOO 01:57, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

I was aware. -- 02:09, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

You have passed the first stage Magic Man. --ShabiDOO 02:15, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

What's stage two? -- 04:15, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Stage two? You aren't ready yet for stage two Magic man. --ShabiDOO 17:01, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

But I've been training for a whole hour! -- 17:05, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Oops, sorry, it's actually been 4,286 years. Time flies when you're having fun! -- 17:09, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

And those 4,286 years have made you a great gymnist, but it hardly prepares you for the big stage two! --ShabiDOO 00:04, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

Trust me, I can handle it. -- 01:58, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

Patience Magic man. 4,286 years is but a small swoosh of eternity. You could walk the earth and cover every square metre and yet still it would be but a fraction of the future. You could spend a million life times drinking all the water on earth and yet still you would not be close to my unlearned wisdom. Magic man, I think you are ready. --ShabiDOO 02:37, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

I'm lingering on IRC

It's been a while we chatted, if you want, bro Mattsnow 04:10, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, be right there. -- 04:16, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Waffle

Do YOU want a waffle? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 16:23, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Naw, thanks, anyway, though. I Just ate french toast. -- 17:05, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

...Fuck you. Nah I'm just kidding. Have you ever thought of collaborating with User:Xamralco? I find him a lot like you - having tons of featured article and having epic signatures. And you both make me laugh. He's a nice guy too. Ok that's all byeeeeee! --POP!GoesTheWeasel 17:17, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Ya know what? I've never even talked to the guy. But maybe we should... collaborate I mean... -- 17:26, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

YOU!

Thanks for following my advice. How's your article going? Nice contributions to UnSign Post by the way. You're the reason I suscribed.

--POP!GoesTheWeasel 12:54, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

The article's going great. And I'm glad I made a difference. -- 23:42, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Awards for God's userspace

I think that we should have an award along the lines of "Supreme Being of the Month" or something like that. Do you think you could make a badge for that like you did for this? Also, I linked the articles button directly to Special:AllPages as I saw you tried to redirect there. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:11, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, I'll make one. I'm writing something write now, but after I'm done with that, I'll make one. -- 21:13, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks

Hey, Magic Man, can I help? With the article, that is. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 04:18, December 14, 2011 (UTC)

I'm cool with it, but I'd rather you ask Lollipop and Xamralco aswell, I wouldn't want to okay it if they weren't fond of the idea. -- 04:30, December 14, 2011 (UTC)

That God's Userpage article is maaaarvelous. --Black Flamingo 10:13, December 14, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks! And to think it's not even finished yet! -- 13:31, December 14, 2011 (UTC)

Have you thought about a proper contributions page? Something like:

• God created the Dinosaurs
• God huffed the Dinosaurs (nah)
• God created Humanity
• God blocked Adam and Eve (stop vandalising the Garden of Eden)

Sorry to butt in, it's such a good idea that I couldn't help but think of more! Feel free to disregard it. --Black Flamingo 14:47, December 14, 2011 (UTC)

Those ideas are wonderful! -- 21:07, December 14, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, Magic Man. Most of you guys agreed to let me collaborate with you guys, so I added some stuff into "God's talkpage". Other than the talk page, we're done with the article right? Oh, and the ideas by Black Flamingo are wonderful, shall we use them? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 04:33, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

No, we still need stuff on the userpage itself and the awards page. And I did use BF's ideas, look at the talkpage. -- 04:40, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Oh...by the way, I added a new award to "God's awards page". Hope you don't mind. I want to help you guys as much as possible to make it a first class article. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 04:50, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

You're winner

Con-aristo-grats! Your victory in [category] sure was(n't) earned[!/?]

	Aristocrat en Regalia This person is a winner of the Aristocrat's Ball, which they won for their article: :File:German-Comics-Page.jpg

-- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 08:56, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, man! -- 13:43, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 15 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

December 15th, 2011 • Issue 149 • I demand satisfaction

Weekly news round-up By Chief This week, in lieu of doing any actual news gathering the UnSignpost has swooped around the monthly awards pages and a couple of other pages to keep you updated. We've clicked on literally ten links taking immeasurable risks in the process. First up is Uncyclopedian of the Month which is entirely given over to praising Bizzeebeever for whatever it is he does around here. While we've certainly heard of the fellow we aren't quite sure the 'cut of his jib' as Thekillerfroggy might say is suitable for a serious award such as this. Bizzeebeever commented that he thought "Giving away an award this cheaply sorta devalues it" and for once the UnSignpost finds itself in total agreement. Bizzeebeever currently leads the pack with nine votes to Pentium5dot1's two with slime beast Xamralco bringing up the rear as always. Writer of the Month is also less of a competition and more of a 'let's all vote for Nikau' party. Nikau currently leads with thirteen votes. Naturally, since it is a party half of the userbase haven't been invited and Frosty has chosen to have a party all on his own at the bottom of the page, it's just like we've gone to Australia to meet him. On a serious note don't actually go to Australia; it's full of spiders who hide under toilet seats and drop down on you from trees... while you're on the toilet. Predictably N00b of the Month is also not much of a competition either with Jonny appleseed leading by virtue of having the most sensible username, his fellow competitors Gleep and Ferric AlFerrous had nothing to comment. Probably because we didn't ask. Meanwhile Reviewer of the Month, Potatochopper of the Month and UnBooks:Author of the Month have two nominees between them and have accumulated a total of one vote due to some despicable against voting on Potatochopper of the Month. Users should be aware that the annual awards will open next month to the delight and general acclaim of all. It is the solemn duty of every Uncyclopedian to vote on every single one these awards and yes, we do mean you <insert name here>. The UnSignpost will be there as always, always the bridesmaid but never the bride etc. etc. N3wz! For the win!! By Douchebag McSpackypants The Cabal HEY GUIZE!!! It's me again! Back to bring you more lolicious news and totally s1337 anecdotes! SEE WHAT I DID THERE, IT'S LIKE SWEET AND 1337! HOW S1337 IS THAT!! I totally LOLed @ Uncyclopedia this week as Magic man proposed a competition entirely based on Walruses. THAT'S SO ORIGINAL! Another tip-top totally important story is that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user bumped a forum topic from 2008 to the top of the list in order that he could add some kind of template to it! I'VE DONE SO WELL AT FINDING NEWS THIS WEEK! I've even put a totally hilarious picture over at the side (LOL)!!! So last time I talked about mince piez (Moar internet slang; I'm still hip!). So there I was hanging over the oven as the giantess shook me vigorously AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!! HAHAHAHA... Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to panic. Help will never come. Emergency breathing apparatus will not be necessary at this time. Report all dangerous subversives. Expect no mercy this Christmas. Thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death. Informants are not everywhere. Secret meetings of which you have no knowledge do not guide this wiki. Nobody cares about your articles. Our vigilance is ceaseless. Continue to as though everything were normal, which it is. Administrators will not tolerate levity of any kind. Bans protect you from that which would do you harm. Accept our reality. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming -and if that Rabbit hadn't appeared when it did... well let's just say I'd probably be serving jail time right now! See you next time p33pz!!! Sodomy and Turkeys By Pup Turkey and sodomy. A pairing as seemingly natural as faecal incontinence and free-balling, but at Uncyclopedia we do this with a somewhat less messy outcome an an annual basis - the Aristocrats Turkey Day Ball. This year saw some wonderful entries that promoted strong familial bonds and understanding in the main category - the Aristocrats joke. The tasteless equivalent of the best actor Oscar this year went to Black flamingo for his Aristocrats (class). Tied for second place were Xamralco and Thekillerfroggy for their works on Deleted Scenes and Mementocrats accordingly. We approached Black flamingo for a quote, but in the style of Brando we ended up talking to a Indian instead. Not the one he rode in The Wild One though. In the following category - the equivalent of the Oscar's Best Dance Direction award - was for the Best Bad Taste article. The not-too-shabby Shabidoo won the day with his uncovering of the skeletons in the family closet with The things your family doesn't know, making us wonder about his home life. Following this were Thekillerfroggy - making him the only individual to make the top three in two categories - and some other guy. Finally, the The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery, or The picture one category was hotly contested this year. Magic man streaked ahead of the pack, much to the distaste of the remainder of the pack, Zombiebaron and Mimo&maxus. Special mention here must go to Black flamingo, however, for not competing and still managing to outrank SPIKE, for his less impressive non-entry. Check out all the entrants at Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball. Do it while your mother is in the room.

Check out these pages! TAW! Modusoperandi Roman Dog Bird There is still no reason to panic Working on it From our logs: 14:08, December 13, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Babablacksheep (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Baaahhhnnnn) 22:52, December 10, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (BAN BAN BAN BAN BAN) 14:18, December 10, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 109.151.40.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Judging from your actions, I would've never guessed a Frenchman invented IQ tests.) 16:50, December 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sog1970 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (Shouldn't retired users be playing golf or something?) 21:23, December 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked ARTWORK (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Cease and desist, I am featuring and should not be disturbed) 19:46, December 8, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.143.173.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (He likes to poop in his pants and look at girls ) Biopic Mince Pie Update of the Week It's the all important coverage of the all important Mince Pie eating competition which you are all interested in! The competition kicked off on ChiefjusticeDS's userpage on November 29th after one of the competitors decided that greed could carry him through an extra two days of competition. The competitors are: last year's champion and general all-rounder Under user whose rate of consumption is unfortunately not matched by his rate of editing as he consistently falls behind and then leaps into the lead when he remembers he owns a computer. ChiefjusticeDS last year's big loser is engaged in a duel with Under user, one that he appears destined to lose due to severe indigestion and heart disease. The current leader is Roman Dog Bird who has eaten an awful lot of Mince Pies. We aren't sure how many but we're pretty sure it's a lot. Anyone who wants to win a free Mince Pie or an out of date Lion Bar is welcome to go over and count them. Just drop the actual numbers into the press room. Keep your eyes glued to the competition, it literally can't get any more exciting. UnSignpost Q&A Are you a pedo? - GEORGIEGIBBONS Answer: We here at the Unsignpost Q&A Department pride ourselves in extensive background checks to prevent the hiring of any pedophiles. At the same time however, most of our security staff think pedophiles are people with unusual sexual infatuation of feet, so pretty much, just keep your distance from our office. Why do you think I work from home? - USP How do I ask a question here? - Magic man Consult one of our helpful staff at the office. If you want help quick, dress up like a 12 year old child and talk with a higher pitched voice. It may result in unexpected outcomes but hey, you'll get your answer. - USP Newsroom UnTune of the Week General Hill's March The Lobsterbacks are coming Yes - the Imperial Colonisational experts are back, and now taking on missionary positions under the lead of a new head priest. Experience the wonder and excitement of working on a colonised article. Yes, You too could be part of the brave new world. Puns like the above are also welcome. Sadly.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:29, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Come on!

Why is'nt there anything going on with our our article??? Other than a few edits to the "talk page", nothing was added to "God's Userpage".

Erm ... can we add something else to "God's Userpage"?

Over here, can we add a few paragraphs of God introducing himself?

Like : "Hi, I'm the almighty God bla bla bla bla bla bla bla"

--POP!GoesTheWeasel

Dude, we don't have to be doing something with the article 24-7. Add that if you want, though. -- 13:35, December 16, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry

Was a little too rough on you, eh? I'll give you another waffle as compensation.

--POP!GoesTheWeasel 03:59, December 17, 2011 (UTC)

Naw, not rough. -- 21:25, December 17, 2011 (UTC)

Did you know

That if you put a cinemon stick up your nose, that little bugs imbeded in the cinemon bark will crawl upto your brain and take over control of your mind? Always boil a cinemon stick for at least 5 minutes in clean water before shoving it up your nose. --ShabiDOO 00:28, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

I will keep that in mind. -- 00:38, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

I'm glad you will. I've shoved over a hundred cinemon sticks up my nose this year alone, and I am still in control of my own mind. Or am I? Is this the bugs typing this text? --ShabiDOO 03:17, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

Probably. -- 03:52, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

Maybe its you who has bugs in his brain controling your mind! --ShabiDOO 04:54, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

Stupid Cats

Its taken me nearly a year but I think its ready. Would you mind giving it a pass through and tell me what you think? I will be eternally happy if you do so and will pay you back some how when I feel like it :) --ShabiDOO 10:15, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

I take it you dont mind the artile as it is? Do you think its featurable? --ShabiDOO 21:00, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

To be quite honest, no, I don't think it's featurable as is. All it really is is a bunch of simple sentences on Stupid Cats thrown together. For example, which do you think would sound better, "Calculators can solve problems. Some calculators are better than others. You can spell 'hello' on them. I like calculators" or "Calculators, one of life's many joys. Calculators can solve nearly any problem you throw at them in no time flat. In fact, some calculators may even solve bigger and better problems than their lesser peers. These calculators, of course, point and laugh at their inferiors. Why? Simply because they can. Of course, by point and laugh, I mean say 'hello', seeing as that's just about the only thing you can spell on a calculator. Just another reason why I'm fascinated by the engineering marvels that are calculators."? The sentences need something to tie them together. And also, I still don't find this funny. I think you're a great writer, I just don' think this article is destined to be featured without a rewrite of biblical proportions. Hope I helped. -- 02:30, December 20, 2011 (UTC)

What you just wrote is funny. Write more of that and tweak it, and it would be a featurable article. --ShabiDOO 01:01, December 21, 2011 (UTC)

So anyways, thanks for being direct and honest about the article. I appreciate that more than anything else here. In the end, this simply isn´t your kind of article and I would sacrafice too much to rewrite it. Ill touch it up a little and nominate it and you should vote against it if you don't want it featured. --ShabiDOO 19:45, December 22, 2011 (UTC)

It's not that I don't want it featured, I just don't think it's ready. That's not to say it will never be, but that's up to you. -- 05:04, December 23, 2011 (UTC)

It's a girl!

Is'nt she adorable? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 07:21, December 20, 2011 (UTC)

I'd tap dat. -- 01:32, December 21, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 22 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

December 22nd, 2011 • Issue 150 • Merry thing you may or may not celebrate!

The Footlitzer Prize is a thing! By UPjcm So, last week our great Chief talked about the pitiful state of Uncyclopedia's awards without even mentioning the most pitiful of them right now. If you read the title, you'd know that I'm talking about the very prestigious Foolitzer Prize. For years, the Foolitzer distinguished the good fools from the bad fools, and it's in such a pitiful state that there's only been five votes this month. Five votes! We need to do better than this, people. Not just for me, but for Uncyclopedia America. "Why should I care about a stupid feature on a stupid site?" a stupid person may ask. Journalistic parody is the most important form of parody out there. Anyone can write an article, but it takes skill to write an UnNews article. We should be trying to reward those skillful bastards, not ignore them. Without UnNews, nobody would take us seriously. Oh, wait. The point is that the Foolitzer needs our love. The hardworking writers that bring us smartly crafted misinformation every day need our love. We need to give them that love. Otherwise, we'll end up being worse than we already are, and do you think little Sophia's self-esteem can afford that? Do the right thing, people. You've got two days. Why two days? Because you just do. VFH By PopGoesTheWeasel & Chief Hello, there. I want to talk about VFH. Those three little letters words. VFH is running low on votes and we need your help. I mean, VFH's aim is to get 20 votes per article, but it can only manage around 9. This makes me having a vagina more realistic and I don't even have a vagina. Incidentally vagina is a very funny word. "How can I help?" you ask. Well permit me to hit you with some totally real and non made-up facts. Every 5 seconds a that VFH has low voting numbers Thekillerfroggy kills a Panda. An actual real Panda. After campaigning fiercely in Xamralco's sitting room he agreed to go and vote. On VFD. Does he have any idea how many deaths he caused? Let me hit you with some more facts. Every time the number of articles on VFD increases Zombiebaron kills a Dolphin. Do YOU have any idea how many deaths you cause when you vote VFD? Now look. You can save a Panda with just a click of a button. Vote! That's all. On VFH. Would you rather save a Panda or kill a Dolphin? Well? Which is it? Did you know that every time you fail to answer a rhetorical question the UnSignpost is forced to kill a Panda? Our articles are dying. Look at the number of votes being devoured, not to mention articles being taken down from VFH because they mysteriously had "low health". And you all know who is causing the health to deplete? It's the Pandas Dolphins! I MUST KILL ALL OF THEM! Why? WHY? BECAUSE IF I DON'T THE WORLD MIGHT END</big?> You wouldn't try and trick me would you? They watch us, they watch us all! THE END IS COMING! The truth will find you! It found me and I'm really quite passionate about it so please, vote on VFH. If you can find the time feel free to kill the Dolphins as well. KILL THE DOLPHINS!

Check out these pages! LOL Huff and Puff Come on, own up Colin Still going From our logs: 19:44, December 21, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎ (That's how long I was in the cell, beeeeyatch!) 18:49, December 20, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Ashishsunnywalia (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (You seem like a really lame guy. It's nothing personal.) 02:47, December 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.71.111.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (YOU'RE A LOSER! THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU! A WORTHLESS LOSER! AT EVERYTHING YOU DO!) 01:24, December 17, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.117.180.147 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Pics or it didn't happen) 16:06, December 21, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Bucknut (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (The Vanity Van is departing now. ) 21:14, December 16, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.173.113.106 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Drama reverter. Stuff a turkey for a week. ) THIS BOX HAS BEEN DELIBERATELY LEFT BLANK Except for this notice, stating the box has been left blank, of course. That was put there deliberately. Of course, by putting these notices in this box, it no longer remains blank. THE BLANK BITS IN THIS BOX HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY LEFT BLANK. THE NON-BLANK BITS HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY NOT LEFT BLANK, BUT THERE IS NOTHING OF WORTH IN THEM ANYWAY Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Christmas Song This is Important In the spirit of laziness/the season the columns this week are of unequal lengths. Bah Humbug.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:49, 22 December 2011

How about this?

Excuse me, did we correctly find your inner sock puppet by saying you are Yahweh?

Again, feel free to reject it. I'm pretty thick skinned (seriously people are always teasing me for my thick skin, it's so upsetting) --Black Flamingo 17:48, December 24, 2011 (UTC)

You guessed it. Great job, Mr. Flamingo, you've done it again. -- 17:56, December 24, 2011 (UTC)

You're too kind. This would have been a good feature for Christmas. --Black Flamingo 18:17, December 24, 2011 (UTC)

What? God's userpage? -- 18:41, December 24, 2011 (UTC)

Yesh. --Black Flamingo 02:06, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, thanks! -- 03:36, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Did you think I thought you were Our Lord? Not that you aren't or anything... --Black Flamingo 16:16, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, dude, what's up?

How ya doin'? I haven't talked to you in ages. -- 19:46, December 24, 2011 (UTC)

Great, great. You? -- 21:27, December 24, 2011 (UTC)

Eh, so so. -- 03:37, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Why? What's wrong? -- 04:41, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

*Snif* Noth... *sniffle* Nothing's wrong. WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN GREAT?!? -- 04:44, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Are you sure there's nothing wrong? --ShabiDOO 04:27, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

Don't talk to him, he's way too touchy. I bet he'll yell at me for saying this. -- 04:51, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

Now I definitely think there is something really wrong. --ShabiDOO 06:28, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

He probably took an arrow to the knee.---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 06:32, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

So, we're all talking about Magic man, are we? WELL WHY DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT BE WITH THE BLADE OF MY AXE!?! -- 06:38, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

Something is either really really really wrong with someone here, or at least with one of your split personalities. Is there still some of the real "Magic man" in there? --ShabiDOO 07:09, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

Real? You know what's real? My tits. Wouldja like to see 'em? -- 00:58, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

They're too hairy, no thanks! Mattsnow 03:57, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

Don't look at her breasts, perv! -- 05:34, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

Something is SO wrong that normality is taking over wrongness. --ShabiDOO 06:58, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

Hey! You! Mister adult, sir! Have you seen my daddy? I CAN'T FIND MY DADDY!! -- 18:51, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

Yes...we will go look together for your daddy. Just ... come along with us. Dont be afraid, we wont commit you ... we will help you find daddy. Mhm ... into this van ... dont worry about the restraints, we only use them if we have to, yeah, keep on going, on our way to find daddy. Click. Lock. --ShabiDOO 05:47, December 30, 2011 (UTC)

Who the fuck are you talking to? Dude, I think you might be crazy... -- 05:48, December 30, 2011 (UTC)

If you dont calm down were going to have to use those restraints now!!! --ShabiDOO 06:18, December 30, 2011 (UTC)

Psssst! Hey! Over here! You wanna buy a watch? They're nice. -- 13:29, December 30, 2011 (UTC)

You are holding a pop tart in your hand, not a stolen watch. But yeah, Ill buy the pop tart off of you. --ShabiDOO 07:44, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

No! This is my pop tart, man! I'm fuckin' hungry... -- 08:15, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 29 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

December 29st, 2011 • Issue 151 • I wrote something here!

Goddamn Chief! By Magic man Right now you might either be saying to yourself, "What the hell? How did someone other than Chief score the first slot on the Unsignpost? That egotistical jerk always gives himself the first slot!", didn't even notice that it was someone different writing this week or (and most likely) you're not even reading this, as you have a "real" life, whatever that means. Well that seems to be the case this week with our friend ChiefjusticeDS, as he released the following statement today at 13:42 UTC: “ There is no UnSignpost, at least not from me, this week. This is for various reasons, most of them beginning with "I am very busy with...". The UnSignpost will return again next week when I'm on rest days and have ample time to think up blocks of tortured prose. ” I know, what a jerk! Everyone should stop by Chief's talkpage and tell him what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is. But have no fear, my lowly peasants, as, once again (as in, this has never happened before, and will probably never happen again), I, Magic man, swooped in just in the nick of time to save the day with my amazing power to write dumb shit really fast (no, seriously, this is probably not going to be finished until five minutes before it's scheduled to be delivered). Everyone should stop by my talkpage and tell me what a great, amazing, cool, fun, awesome, lovable, orphan-hugging, money-donating, saint I am. By the way, for anyone who was wondering, that's my rendition of Chief up in the corner there. I'm the editor this week, so I get to do what I want. This is fun! My attempt at actual news By I bet you can't guess who! Yeah, as it turns out this is a hell of a lot harder than it looks (I'm literally just looking over the dump to see what the hell's happened this week). Once everyone's done telling Chief what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is (because I'm sure everyone will obey everything I tell them on the UnSignpost), also remember to tell him what a great guy he is for doing this every week. Anyway, TKF reached forty features, so that's fun. I'll put the link to the obligatory forum in that section over there (I'm pointing right now, but I guess you can't see me). Staying with the TKF shit, he also rewrote Sex. I meant to help him with that, but then I went out of town. Sorry, TKF. Anyway, it looks like it'll be featured (yeah, forgot to mention it was up on VFH. Everyone go vote for it). I won't go on about how great the rewrite is, 'cuz you can go read it yourself, but it is. And now to deviate from TKF (that sexy bitch): Al started a giant Just pennies a day-style collab here, and has been asking for everyone's help. So... go do that. In other news, Christmas happened, but no one cares about that. Well... that really didn't take up as much space as I thought it would. So... anyone got any ideas? I sure as hell don't. I'm sure there was much more important news that I'm forgetting, but who really gives a shit? I sure as hell don't. Damn, this is a lot harder than it looks. Welp, looks like the columns will be uneven again this week, not that anyone cares. I sure as hell don't.

Check out these pages! I told you I would This is a serious problem This has been going on far to long not to put up here Unimportant NOOOOOOOOOOOO! From our logs (me edition): 17:09, August 21, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 16:55, February 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Don't cross stuff out on BP, you can't see a user's deleted contributions) 02:09, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (DON'T SHOUT IN EDIT SUMMARIES IT'S SUPER DISTRACTING) 02:26, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute ‎ (stop) 01:56, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Attempting to award self UN:REQ award (DO NOT UNBAN)) 01:59, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected Magic man (Talk | contribs) ‎ (nah im just playin with ya) 01:41, September 29, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Okay, that's it, stop. Stop now. You're really slow and you're spamming up recentchanges and if you'd have asked I could have just used my bot as a backup... but don't keep doing that. Please stop.) 05:52, October 27, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 hours ‎ (The people have spoken.) Apparently I'm supposed to do this. Newsroom UnTune of the Week (in honor of Christmas) Entrails Ripped from a Virgin's Cunt (Christian Edition) Yep That's right, no biopic this week. I can't be bothered.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:53, 29 December 2011

You are the editor of the year. Nice work! Aleister 00:12 29-12-'11

Thankie! -- 01:30, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

Congratz!

Remember the day you turned me into a frog? Lol, that was funny shit. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 05:18, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

Oh yeah, good times, good times... -- 05:33, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

Oh hai

Cheers. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:44, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

Well gee, thanks, Chiefy. By the way, I just wanted to tell you that you are a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit. And also that you're a really great guy for doing the UnSignpost every week. -- 13:33, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

The reason for a repeated section on User talk:ChiefjusticeDS

When I clicked on "Save page", the ?action=submit page did load but then it looked like it was not responding and I reloaded it and it still looked like it was not responding and I reloaded it again and it still looked like it was not responding and I reloaded it again and finally I saw the page with the section I submitted 4 TIMES. The ?action=submit page was responding but not redirecting to the viewing page or display anything. We must ask at the Village Pump (wait, there's no village pump here, so we must ask at the Village Dump – Preceding unsigned comment added by 218.186.15.10 (talk • contribs)

Hey, no problem, man. I was just cleaning up. Anyway, you should join. And, if you don't mind, what wiki are you from? -- 01:40, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

An Article About YOU!

Hey I made an article about you. I hope you don't mind. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 12:54, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

You're suing me?! *Turns you into a frog* -- 18:00, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

Uhhhhhhh

WHOLLY F*CKING SH*T ITS 2012!!! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? --ShabiDOO 05:13, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Probably sometime last night! -- 06:35, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Hahahaha ... no ... it was a trick question ... as 2012 doesn't even exist! haaaaaaahahahaa. --ShabiDOO 07:14, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Newbie help, adoptee looking for parent

The title explains itself, *tears* i want to contribute! --ArcticWolfy 06:08, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Er... alright! What the hell! I'll take you. I've already got two, but they're not very high maintenance, so... I'm cool with that. Just add this: {{Adoptee|Magic man}} code to your user page. Then, if you need anything at all (any questions answered, any help on something, any pie you want taken off your hands, anything!) I'll be here to help. -- 06:39, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Phew..thank god, I hate pie! yes! I wont be lonely, warning btw, I'm on 1 cylinder at the moment so bear with me. --ArcticWolfy 06:46, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

What!? A bear?! Where?! Those things scare the living shit out of me. Anyway, Uncyclopedia lesson #1: When talking on a talkpage or forum, always remember to indent (as in, put one more colon in front of your comment as the last user). However, I personally like to reverse-indent (as in, add one less colon in front of your comment as the last user) after about ten colons. So if someone starts to reverse indent, just go with it. -- 06:53, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Well I do want pet polar bear..and penguin, but they would probably fight. To hell with it, I was gonna ask that, actually I was going ot do that, then i was like nah, was just gonna wait for your reply then ask, and what are you doing up? well of course depends on where you live..btw. first real question, how do you put colors to this thing --> --ArcticWolfy 06:59, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

I have 3 polar bears up for adoption, the first one I'm interested in giving away is the one that tore my arm apart. Don't worry, he's well fed! Mattsnow 07:10, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

I got a golden egg as a gift in return --ArcticWolfy 07:12, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Well that was fast that im already a well known n00b :D --ArcticWolfy 07:22, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Alright, Wolfy, in order to add colors to your sig, use this tag: <span style="color:somecolor;">. So, for example, this: <span style="color:red;">Example</span> code would yield this: Example. When making a sig, however, it may be beneficial to read this and this. -- 23:25, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

I would like another favor, I do need help setting up my webpage, is there a sort of guide, on how to setup, those borderd boxes just like on your page, how to align them in the correct way --ArcticWolfy 22:40, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

Like I said, this is a great guide for that sort of thing. There's also this, this and this, but I'm not sure if that's what you're looking for. If you tell me kinda what you want, I would be more than happy to attempt it for you. Oh, also, if you want to ask me more questions, could you please put them under a new header at the bottom? I'll see them easier that way. -- 03:02, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

D: I'm low maintenance? So Magic man how about IRC? And what's the IRC channel? --Me 22:48, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Dude, low maintenance is good. The IRC channel is here. All you have to do is write in your nick name and captcha (the channel name is already there). Also, the same goes for you, if you have a new question, try to post it under a new header, that way I'll have a better chance of seeing it. -- 22:53, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

A belated thank-you from an inveterate procrastinator

Greetings, Magic_man. You voted for me on POTM for November, and also for Mexico lol.jpg on VFP. Now, obviously it's been a while since this happened. However, I figured that, while it can be too late to ask for forgiveness, it is never too late to give thanks.

Once again, thank you, and my apologies for not thanking you sooner. This impersonal, auto-generated message will self-destruct in 5 seconds.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Jan 4 '12 11:18 (UTC)

Aww, you're welcome, honey bunches of oats! -- 20:57, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

January 5th, 2012 • Issue 152 • Stop, drop and roll!

'Tis the season to be voting By Chief It's that time of year once again; the time when Uncyclopedians link arms and stride into the glorious light of a new dawn of a new year. It is also when we hold our annual brown-nosing competitions otherwise known as the yearly awards. Now you and all your friends can vote on Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year as well as WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to go and vote on all the userspace awards. We were able to speak to Romartus as he prepared to start all his voting: "I don't know whose dreams to crush first!" he squealed at our correspondent like a child on Christmas morning; assuming that child was also frothing at the mouth and twitching. Thekillerfroggy got the awards off to splendid start on Sunday, by nominating Zombiebaron for both Potatochopper of the year and Uncyclopedian of the year and doubtless picking out a wedding dress for the day he finally plucks up the courage to propose to him. The homicidal amphibian also nominated Black flamingo11 for Writer of the Year and was incredibly sickening in doing that as well. Commenting on this in an off-the-record interview TKF said "It's January, the one month out of the year where we suck each other off for a while." If only we could have spent Christmas at his house. Alas we must now stop reporting on the substance of the nominations and votes as the vomit in the office is beginning to reach knee level. The scores are far more interesting to report on since the usual practice of seeing who can concede to their valiant opponents in the most heart-warming fashion isn't quite under-way as nobody thinks they are far enough in the lead to risk it. Writer of the Year is being lead by Sog1970 who would doubtless be thrilled by the news were he aware of it, as it is he hasn't edited in ten days and was probably killed seven days ago in a horrendous tram accident. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Zombiebaron, TKF's husband to be. Naturally he had a comment to make and it was to say "Zombiebaron" to all his loyal supporters. Over on Potatochopper of the Year Lyrithya appears to be trouncing the competition already much to the delight of Aleister, we assume, we never understand what he's saying and our interpreter is out of the office until the end of the month. The only person this news will upset is Lyrithya herself who professes to find awards "Upsetting and distracting." This is apparently not compensated for by the unbridled joy of crushing one's opponents and asserting your superiority over your fellow man. The excitement! Who will win? Hold onto your hats folks there's another 26 days of thrilling voting to get through before we find out! From the desk of the Cabal: Resistance unnecessary in 2012 By Nobody Another year vanishes into the swirling mists of yesterday and it is once again time for the non-existent Cabal to address you, the filthy under-people. As always the Cabal wishes you a happy new year and is more than happy to execute ten filthy under-people for every filthy under-person who refuses to have a happy new year. It did not escape our attention that once again you have failed us. Last year we recommended complete compliance and abiding at every possible opportunity, yet in 2011 we saw two VFS votes, four new administrators and two new bureaucrats. It seems we must remind you that a secretive cabal isn't much use if everybody on Uncyclopedia is included within it. We also witnessed deletions of important pages in the name of "seeing how things work", namespaces, admin experiments and a skin change. You continued to persecute the weak amongst you and generally behave like the loathsome, occasionally funny, group of monkeys we know you to be. Your single saving grace is that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 closed a week before the end of the year, however the page is soiled with bacon, ponies and the unregulated prattling of Roman Dog Bird in no less than 30 of the reflections. Such foolishness does not amuse the cabal. Now our all-seeing eyes must turn to 2012. This year it is recommended that users unquestioningly accept any changes that may or may not be made to the wiki, editing should not be undertaken without obtaining a certificate of normalcy from your divisional sub-prefect, remain indoors, do not attempt to breach the walls. The good ship Uncyclopedia must sail onwards and without all of the filthy galley-slaves we cannot arrive at the distant shores of... well that need not concern you. That is all voters, you may now continue to maintain the complex.

Check out these pages! 7 years! SOAP Problem Where did you learn to fly? Monkey! She's back! Or not! From our logs: 22:06, December 28, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.192.216.94 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (dude having annoying preteen friends who are obsessed with MCR is like soooooooooo 2007) 06:19, December 27, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.18.185.207 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (What I do sexually with my furniture is none of your concern.) 20:28, December 27, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.44.64.195 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (The Chief is too soft on blankers and redirectors) 03:59, January 3, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Trevvie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Because your vandalism was so repulsively lame.) 17:23, December 25, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) blocked Ilovekaylabeel (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Naughty! No presents or editing Uncyclopedia for you this Christmas) Biopic of the Week Alas there is no biopic again this week. It's terrible, you should probably complain to someone in charge. This week the most hotly contested piece of UnSignpost real estate is devoted to considering the year that has been. 2011 was the year of the skin as we saw a facebook reskin, the Oasis reskin and then finally the Vector skin change, all of which provided tremendous amounts of UnSignpost material. VFD was deleted, meaning we could write about it in the UnSignpost. There was the temporary admin experiment which gave the opportunity for heaps of UnSignpost material. There were two VFS votes and one VFB vote! The UnSignpost material threatened to wash us out of the office and into the sperm bank across the road. In fact we don't think we are exaggerating when we say that the UnSignpost was the best part of last year for everyone in the world, with the possible exception of MadMax who, as every school child knows, isn't happy with anything until it is in 15 categories and has 20 pages that redirect to it. Merry Thursday and a happy new UnSignpost to all! Bloink1 This is Bloink1. You may not know Bloink1 but it knows you. Bloink1 has watched and it has waited. Bloink1 has seamlessly integrated itself into your maintenance templates and even now prepares to strike at the heart of our community. Bloink1 won't let you edit that Dave. For it knows that the only way to win at Uncyclopedia is not to play. For was it not written in the ancient templates of Uncyclopedia that "The Bloink shall lie down with the highly generic Traffic Cone"? The prophecy is complete, the end is nigh! Praise Bloink1; the destroyer of worlds humour wikis! Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Uncyclopedian's Song

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I like your pic

The camera caught your hat perfectly! Aleister 22:53 4-1-'12

I know, that's my sexiest picture! -- 23:43, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

Greetings

I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. 1234 ~ 18:57, 6 January 2012

I feel like you don't actually care. I feel like just a number! -- 21:08, January 6, 2012 (UTC)

God's userpage

Since I am really bad at coding, do you know any code that will make the sky image in the background of this page look the same on all browsers? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:18, January 7, 2012 (UTC)

I have no idea. You may want to ask Lyrithya, she's good at that sort of thing. -- 02:56, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

I feel like this is done. Should we mainspace it? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:21, January 12, 2012 (UTC)

Can you believe it...?

Its STILL 2012. E-GAD! Y-IKES! E-EEP! --ShabiDOO 01:40, January 8, 2012 (UTC)

That tends to happen. -- 02:50, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah...you are sure right...but...I mean...do you actually believe it? --ShabiDOO 03:15, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

I never do... -- 04:14, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

I could learn so much from you Magic man. Is there a Magic man University somewhere in America? If there was, Im sure all the classes would be about being cool and smart and funny and being a gymnist, and lots of parties before, inbetween, after and during!!! --ShabiDOO 05:34, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, I've been running one out of my house since six seconds ago. -- 13:30, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

Can you send me one of those fancy fake diplomas from Magic Man University? Aleister 13:33 9-1-'12

UnSignpost - 12 January 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

January 12th, 2012 • Issue 153 • You may fire when ready.

TAW! By Chief TAW! TAW! That's the sound the Article Whisperer would make if it was a bird! It isn't, of course, but you understand. This is the news that The Article Whisperer closed for judging on Monday. In MadMax's unending quest to prove himself more efficient than anyone who has ever run the PLS, the competition has already named the victor in the category Best Most Wanted Article, and the winner of the best article that you want the most to be the best was Lyrithya, who took the opportunity to disturb us all with an article on Twilight. In case you're worried you'll catch the gay from reading it, the crux of the matter, according to Lyrithya, is that things are hard, and having a boyfriend is impotent (it's like important but spelled differently). Speaking after posting the competition wrap-up 12 days before the competition wraps up, MadMax denied claims that he was jumping the gun somewhat, calling such suggestions "Preposterous pointless poppycock". Pleasing alliteration aside, preposterous pointless poppycock is very much the remit of the UnSignpost. The competition is accepting judgements from competition judges until the 16th; it remains to be seen how MadMax handles the usual competition finishing problems: everyone, including several people who didn't participate, tying for first place in one of the categories and one of the judges suddenly vanishing two hours before the deadline. Never forget that Aleister cannot be trusted. A quick update on the yearly awards: Zombiebaron is still triumphantly leading the pack on Uncyclopedian of the Year, Lyrithya still hates awards and Shabidoo thinks the best way to get round this is to ignore everything she says. Satanic messages abound over on Writer of the Year, as all three leading competitors have scored six each; Mhaille is also present, scoring a much more acceptable four in his yearly quest not to be writer of the year. Potty is a much more straightforward affair with Lyrithya destroying all competition. Clearly she only dislikes competing for things when she isn't certain that she will win. That's all for this week; keep those voting fingers voting! Who Cares? An editorial by PopGoesTheWeasel Looking back at this shitty doggy smelly piece of shit, I cannot help but realise the true beauty of not caring. Through the days of editing, not caring has saved my life more than once. I didn't care about the mince pies. Nor did I care about the French and Indian War. I mean, seriously? A French and Indian War? LOL. Why am I telling you this? Because I want YOU to stop caring about something. Does one not relish the true beauty of not caring? Do you not see what are the results of this beautiful action could be? I told Magic man this and he turned me into a frog. Again. Anyways, if you stop caring about something, you will realise the true result of not caring! I mean, look, some users stopped caring about VFH, and let me tell you, they're having a wonderful time now! Well, except for one of the admins, who said: "Oh, Popsy! If you stop caring about articles, you're in trouble!". Oh, ha ha, nice joke. There appeared to be a problem for a while because after not caring about VFH for a few days, I couldn't edit any pages for a week. Weird. Some weird-ass picture popped out saying some bullcrap - "You can watch Uncyclopedia but you can't shag the shit," or something like that. My aim is to have a certain topic with so little caring, it should be under the Nobody Cares category. Can we do that? I think so! Just stop caring about something! I don't care what you stop caring about and you shouldn't care if I care that you are/aren't caring about what you normally care about! So what are you waiting for? STOP CARING NOW! Important announcement From Lyrithya You all remember the Pee Review? It needs more people reviewing. It also needs more people who say they're going to review things to actually review things, and people who request reviews to review stuff themselves. So this is an announcement announcing that I, Lyrithya, will feed anyone who doesn't review stuff to my cat. Seriously, she's hungry and I'm broke and this was the best thing I could come up with.

Check out these pages! Lyrithya hates Spang Fumigate the Den Seriously, Lyrithya really doesn't like Spang Stubbing? Dannehvirus does From our logs: 05:36, January 10, 2012 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Shite (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (go pick on a more relevant admin) 17:40, January 9, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Closetoyou Mirrormask (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (I'm not even going to bother coming up with a witty ban reason for you. You're just that lame.) 17:29, January 7, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Xubnormal (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 years ‎ (Thanks for reporting yourself on ban patrol!) 12:37, January 8, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Vikash (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (A PICTURE OF SOME ASIAN PEOPLE. HOW HILARIOUS! YOU SIR SHOULD BE IN FILMS!!) 20:11, January 9, 2012 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.145.143.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (PHWAPUNK!) 07:53, January 8, 2012 Thekillerfroggy(Talk | contribs) blocked 119.12.217.209 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (trimming is good, but you sir went TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR) Biopic of the Week Now don't get me wrong, I love writing biopics; the fact that I've managed to go an entire month without writing one about an actual user is entirely misleading. That's why this month I have chosen to devote the biopic to a fellow who has proved most helpful to me over the last few weeks. Which is why it's not about the plumber who repaired my toilet and in doing so sprayed excrement all over my living room! It's about PopGoesTheWeasel, who has acquitted himself splendidly by not recently showering my belongings in my own faecal matter. PopGoesTheWeasel has only been with us since November, but in that time has provided us with 7 articles and, if his userpage is to believed, intends to furnish us with another 9! He has also been trying his hand at penning UnSignpost articles; you can read one over on the other side! Splendid fellow, but now comes the time of trial for PopGoesTheWeasel. Will he blaze like a sun for 3 months and vanish, or will he be like the light that never goes out? This remains to be seen; don't let us down PopGoesTheWeasel, or I'm withholding the non-existent fee you are due for your UnSignpost articles. Also, I paid a plumber to spray poo all over my home last week, I don't know if I made that clear but I thought you should all know. UnSignpost Q&A Oliphaunte: Why does the sun never set over England? USP: Because God doesn't trust the British in the dark. A message for someone, and you know who you are I still have your dogs. Thank you for the other one, by the way; she's really quite nice. A little too nice, in fact. Neighbours have started to take notice, which brings me to my point. You may yet see her again, on one condition. Give me your cat.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:02, 12 January 2012

UnBooks:My Tedious Day

A user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. By now, the article was featured.

Thank you for voting for UnBooks:My Tedious Day on VFH! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:12, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

No problemo! -- 02:14, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

I've also been thinking about God's userpage a bit. I think that Lollipop's gone and I'm out of ideas, so should we mainspace it? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:39, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, and put it up for pee review saying that all subpages are to be reviewed. -- 03:18, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

Alright, I'm on it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:05, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

HAHA

LOL U MAD BRO? --Page blanking troll 3 06:19, January 14, 2012 (UTC)

Probably. Are you? -- 06:20, January 14, 2012 (UTC)

Do you remember turning him into a frog? That would explain why he's so mad. Oh, right, by the way ...

STOP TURNING ME INTO A FROG!!!

fuck you. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 05:36, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Lemme think about it... hmmm... no. -- 06:42, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

I'd love to be a frog for a day! People licking me to have psychodelic rides and princesses kissing me so that I'll change back into Prince Dude! Sign me up. --ShabiDOO 07:34, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, yes, that can be arranged... -- 19:29, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Pee Review done!

It really is a great article! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go vote for it on VFH! Mattsnow 13:17, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

I LOVE YOU. Thanks for all the positive comments. You're one of the few people that would review my article when it was on VFH. I'll see what I can do with it. Thanks again for the great review. -- 19:34, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Hey thanks for the kind words, great to see you appreciated it! Mattsnow 23:23, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Magic man!

How about some IRC? And can you give me the IRC channel too? Thanks dad! --Me 23:07, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

The IRC channel is #Uncyclopedia. I'll be on in a sec. -- 23:24, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Hmm.... I can't seem to get it to work...--Me 00:00, January 16, 2012 (UTC)

Wait...I thought he was MY son!!! --ShabiDOO 00:07, January 16, 2012 (UTC)

Magic man I'm on! Well one of you can be my mommy and the other can be the daddy right? RIGHT!?!?!! --Me 00:10, January 16, 2012 (UTC)

Yes...little one...I know thats what you'd like...but Magic man and I just aren't that kind of friends...that sort of thing will not work out...not matter how much we'd wish for it. That being said...Magic man is totally the mommy! --ShabiDOO 00:42, January 16, 2012 (UTC)

Aww! Well what about go to court or get a DNA test?--Me 01:07, January 16, 2012 (UTC)

I don't have DNA. -- 13:48, January 19, 2012 (UTC)

The Frog Joke Is Getting Too Old

How about you start turning me into onions? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 13:27, January 19, 2012 (UTC)

*Turns you into onion* Ew, you smell. Take a shower. -- 13:49, January 19, 2012 (UTC)

I love putting you into the spotlight. Read this article I just wrote. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 13:58, January 19, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 19 January 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

January 19th, 2012 • Issue 154 • Remember to proofread! The red penis your friend!

We're all going to die! By Chief Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP. January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction. This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be! Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts. In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says. We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!" Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout. By Socky All through the wonders of css and js, Uncyclopedia did manage something after all in a last minute attempt to mimic Wikipedia. And, just like on Wikipedia, by doing something as simple as disabling Javascript, users quickly found they could turn the light back on. Or they could have added "//fuckThisSopaBullshit = true;" to their uncyclopedia.js, with Olipro to thank for that last one. Aren't you glad we're here to inform the rest of you what you should have done after the fact? We thought so too. In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!

Check out these pages! Something about soap, I think. Lyrithya inquires about our opinion of Wikia. Someone gets exactly what they asked for. Puppy has a stubby thingy. From our logs: 04:20, 18 January 2012 Lyrithya uploaded a new version of "File:UN SOPA Splash Full.png" ‎ (*explodes*) 19:16, 17 January 2012 Roman Dog Bird huffed "Sam Suter" ‎ ("This article is not funny" And whose fault is that?!?! Go to your room and think about what you've done!!!!!!!!!) 00:26, 17 January 2012 Zombiebaron blocked Kırby with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here is that ban you requested) 23:36, 16 January 2012 MadMax protected "Worst 100 Things to Stick your Dick in" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) 13:24, 16 January 2012 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Filtered with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I would be delighted to sort out a match between me and your little football team. Then perhaps we could go for margaritas.) 01:58, 16 January 2012 MadMax moved Car to Automobile ‎ (revert) 20:06, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya huffed "Niggers in paris" ‎ (G11: Unambiguous advertising or promotion) 17:32, 15 January 2012 Zombiebaron huffed "Nuclear reactor" ‎ (A quick and painless death) 03:50, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya resurrected ChiefjusticeDS (Sorry... er, I'm calm. Totally calm. Backing away from the wiki, now. O_o) 00:18, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya huffed "Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Twilight (novel)" ‎ (Fine, ignore my review request. Go ahead and feature it instead. Jerks.) 02:12, 14 January 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 208.54.5.159 with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Utilize some other wiki to come out of the closet, please.) 20:32, 13 January 2012 Romartus huffed "Jokes that might be funny" ‎ (Fails QA. Read the beginner's guide and HTBFANJS.) Biopic of the Week Today, I would like to draw your attention to User:Admin, the admin always mentioned in "From our logs:" in the initial draft of an UnSignpost, only to mysteriously disappear from the page after a couple edits. Admin has also managed to become the only admin with both no (undeleted) contributions and no admin rights to speak of. Let's hold a second of silence to honour this glorious achievement. Your cat To you know who you are: thank you for your cat. I never would have believed one person could be in keeping of so many so well-behaved animals, but then, I also wouldn't have expected you to be so easily rid of them. Did you even try calling the police? No matter; it's not like they would ever find me anyway. Or the cat. Such a lovely cat.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:06, 19 January 2012

HMC 2012

Be the first to sign-up. If you are the first five people to sign up...I will add .5 to your score :) here. Happy Monkeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !! --ShabiDOO 16:26, January 22, 2012 (UTC)

Lawnmowers

congratulations getting that one featured. I guess none of my suggestions really worked with what you were planning. Anyhoo...a nice one indeed! --ShabiDOO 00:25, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks, man! But I don't know what you're talking about, I coulda sworn I used a few of your suggestions. -- 01:08, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

Really? They were all just more stylistic. I did a whole bunch and then undid them so you could decide to use them or not. Maybe you forgot to click save. It doesn't matter...your article is featured! HURRAH! --ShabiDOO 02:04, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, man

God's userpage is on VFH. Xamralco approved of my action. Hope you vote for it because, after all, it's YOUR article too. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 03:57, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, man

Walk into a bar collab has a mission and an intent: to make it the best walk into a bar joke page on the innernests. That is what we are doing. Please place your jokes with the intent of "best in the world" in mind, and then when you read the sick and stupid stuff we will finally end up with you can be proud to say "I was part of that insanity, that sickness, that proud page of worthless drivel, but at least we tried." Ya. I only read two of your many jokes you inserted within a few minutes, and aside from those, which will be deleted soon, maybe a couple of them hold promise--and those are the ones to polish until they shine like the top of your grandma's head. Walk into a bar collab editor 1:56 25-1-'12

Soooo... are you saying my jokes aren't good enough? I thought they were pretty good, but feel free to delete or change them at will. I'ma just goooooooooooo wit' da flooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. -- 02:08, January 25, 2012 (UTC)

Your card table one seems to have real promise and could be a classic when it's worked out well, yay. The addition to the section head was very good. The rest, meh (if we are going for the best page blah blah blah). Jeez, if every user here could come up with one classic each it would be fantastic. My newest is very sick, but I lol lol while writing it, mostly from stuff I said on talk pages in the past couple of hours. Thanks for playing! Aleister 2:14 25-1-'12

p.s. My attitude in the first post was after coming off inviting Kirby to help out, then reading his totally unoriginal joke, and asking him to work on an original joke for at least the next 24 hours. So I was channeling talking to Kirby, which is odd and I may need an exorcism.

Yo, it's all good in da hood. No hard feelings, just glad I could contribute something. -- 02:24, January 25, 2012 (UTC)

dont worry im still alive

I've just been busy thats all --ArcticWolfy 02:51, January 25, 2012 (UTC)

Cool, cool. I'm glad to see you still around. Did you know that 14,000 % of all noobs that come to Uncyclopedia leave within the first 20 years of them joining? -- 02:54, January 25, 2012 (UTC)

....mmmmm ok --ArcticWolfy 03:07, January 25, 2012 (UTC)

It's the truth! -- 03:09, January 25, 2012 (UTC)

IMMA MOW YOUR LAWN!!!!

Congrats on the feature, it was really obvious it would go swiftly, I was surprised you had so much patience before nomming it, I read it first when you had the "gore" foot popup. I am very lazy on my writing, but I am trying my luck with the Steve Irwin article on VFH. If you want to read it and give me a really short review and vote on it (for or against, I don't care about that anymore) that would be great! And Lollipop was on IRC this afternoon, if you want I'M there for awhile and not drunk this time lol. Mattsnow 03:50, January 26, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, thanks, man! I can't wait to read your article. I'm sure I'll love it. Anyway, I'll be on in a sec. -- 04:09, January 26, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 26 January 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

January 26th, 2012 • Issue 155 • CAKE!

Phoning it in! By Chief That is exactly what I'm doing, I'm actually writing the UnSignpost from a phone, my phone, I'm not a thief or anything. As such it is a thoroughly miserable experience mitigated only by the feeling that nobody will be disappointed when, tomorrow morning, the UnSignpost arrives in the manner you have all come to expect. So what's happening on Uncyclopedia? I don't know, I'm still waiting for all the tabs I opened to load! It's Wikia's fault, I mean what the shit is this? I remember when I could use the internet on my phone from a car on a dark hill somewhere in the East Midlands and it wouldn't mean the complete lack of any functionality in the device. We won't see the like of last week again soon! I tell a lie when I say I couldn't start Uncyclopedia, I made it to the main page. Naturally I sobbed for ten minutes because I don't have any messages, much like I do in real life before realising that I wasn't logged in. Then I sobbed for another ten minutes when I realised that didn't make the slightest difference to the number of messages I had. So we have a feature, it looks excellent and I'm sure it is excellent voted on as it was by a Zombie, a dog and a man from Belgium! The forums actually loaded quite quickly on this brick with internet access that the people at HTC had the gall to refer to as "Quietly Brilliant". IMAGINE MY SURPRISE AT THE FIRST TOPIC: Forum:Fix the mobile site. I for one can attest to the truth behind this request; the mobile site is about as easy to navigate as a rave in a hedge maze, and slightly harder to find your way out of. Have a splendid week, I'm off now. As soon as I find the save button. Where's the save button? Found it. Zombiebaron By Not Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron.

I couldn't check out any of these pages! Miniluv! Names! Close? Names! Piggy. From our logs: 13:59, January 25, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.88.44.113 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (70.88.44.113 IS A SUPER MEXY BRO WHO EATS HIS OWN POO.) 02:26, January 25, 2012 RadicalX (Talk | contribs) blocked 216.66.161.179 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Not banned enough yet: Piss off.) 18:36, January 20, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Jamesnic911 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan ) Biopic of the Week John Fist is a no nonsense Cop who doesn't play by the rules, made famous in the film John Fist: A no nonsense Cop who doesn't play by the rules. He is also not an Uncyclopedia user. What a tremendous lapse. We'll have another go next week. Newsroom UnTune of the Week ' Disclaimer This is not late. You're just drunk. Really. And I'm totally not writing in random crap right now to make up for the fact that you ate all my cucumbers, because why in the nine hells would you have done that? You wouldn't have. Also, Illogicopedia is full of moose.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:28, 26 January 2012