User talk:Finnius/milf hunnies

user:finnius/milf hunnies

• What started out as just a BHOP piece has now been Fluffed, and is awaiting your pleasure. I assume that if it passes inspection, it should go in UnBooks.

milf hunnies is being reviewed by CajekHi! Your Source for Fine Scented Pee And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him

I'm eager to see what your writing is like, Finnius.   Le Cejak • <-> (Dec 18 / 21:02)

haha caught you looking at pr0n !

Humour:	7.6	Avg of each part, I guess Intro [8] the first paragraph uuuuhhhhhhhh what the hell is gonna happen here? part 1 [9] ends @ "I could just eat you up, right now." what in the... is he gonna have sex with... I can't really find fault with it, but I took a point away because I suspect that 1/10 people will think this is too sick. part 2 [6] ends @ "She gave him five dollars." Buying flour, eeehhh? Kind of slow for the middle part, I suppose. part 3 [7] ends @ "A look of frenzy and desperation greeted Bobby as he stared upward." Well, that was weird. Is she... having a convulsion? Why did she look left and right? end [8] Ha, nice sexual innuendo.
Concept:	9	Sexual innuendo in book form + weird little story. You could probably go on and on with this one. That might be a good idea. Have him encounter one more lady on his way back home: that would be pretty awesome.
Prose and formatting:	8	You need to go through here and fix the formatting errors and spelling/grammar mistakes to make this score more than adequate. I fixed some of the minor bits that were bothering me.
Images:	7	The pictures are fine, I suppose. Nothing outstanding.
Miscellaneous:	7.9	avg {{Pee|7.6|9|8|7}}
Final Score:	39.5	Good job, Finnius! However, get rid of that shit at the top. Maybe put it in a more professional looking format instead of those damn templates and that weird header. This article, like every penis on earth, needs to be waaayyyy longer, please. You probably need the kid to meet two or three more women before it's truly gold. I'm serious: think of some more people for him to run into. Why stop with only women? Sexual Innuendo is really easy to mess up on, though. You should probably just write some more stuff there and read it over to see what works. PLEASE make this longer! It's awesome!
Reviewer:	Le Cejak • <-> (Dec 18 / 21:23)