User:Xamralco/HowTo:Be an aristocrat

Step One: Have a lot of children

This man is well on his way to becoming an aristocrat.

If you want to become a truly successful aristocrat, you're going to need to have several children in a very short period of time. Your kids can vary in gender, race, age, hair color, and penis size, although mentally retarded children are preferred as they tend to be more obedient and easier to anally penetrate. Many aristocrats produce children through unnecessarily violent and lube-free sexual intercourse with their girlfriends, wives, or sisters, occasionally even resorting to fornication with dogs to produce deformed human-dog hybrids. However, children can also be obtained through adoption, abduction, botched abortion, the slave trade, or mass kidnappings. Keep in mind that tearing an infant's sphincter during an intense round of fisting may render it incapable of properly defecating, thus preventing you from drinking its runny diarrhea straight from the asshole while jerking off its one inch baby dick. Obtaining a dozen or so additional babies that can easily be swapped in if troubles arise will ensure that the show will go on regardless of accidental deaths and/or excessive rectal bleeding.

Step Three: Butt plugs

Some butt plugs with a regular plug, which can provide jolts of electricity to the rectum for extra pleasure.