User:TheLedBalloon/Archives9

Rape

From Syc--Sycamore (Talk) 17:32, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

...sponsored by the Cajek Group: bringing you quality rapes since date undisclosed   Le Cejak • <13:33, 16 Aug 2008>

Where's my money?— Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:40, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

...sponsored by the RAHB Group: he's got yer monah not me plz dont ban meh   Le Cejak • <13:47, 16 Aug 2008>

WhoaWhoaWhoa, slow down here. You had candy for breakfast? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 16:06, Aug 16

It's not fuckin' candy: it's a whole Reese's cup for breakfast, bitches! It's fortified with 1 essential minerals   Le Cejak • <16:22, 16 Aug 2008>

Hooray!

DON'T TOUCH

Happy New Talk Page Day! I would give you some cheese as a gift but it's sort of dangerous--McWooty 21:32, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Damn. I saw you archive as well. Had to abstain from the rape and iffy cheese though as I was too busy. '~' SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:40 9 August 2008

n_n--McWooty 22:04, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Hmmm... cheese, eh? Isn't that a bit... cheesy? Ooh, ha ha ha, a-ha ha ha ha! I am so witty. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:05, Aug 9

We know--McWooty 22:06, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

NiggaHomeGirl

Hi SirLedBallon! Did you catch the Opening Ceremony to the Olympics Last Night? n_n ♥ - NiggaHomeGirl

Nope, I can't say I did. By the way, you really ought to be signing your comments with four tildes. You know, tildes. Like this: ~ - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:02, Aug 9

NiggaHomeGirl: Sorry, I don't really Know How to do that. And I don't really Have an Account. I'm just a beginner at writing forums and articals. TT_TT I really Suck at writing Articals!

• goes off to cry in a corner*

four of these ~ also indent properly, one more colon (:) than the person you're replying to used. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 22:12 9 August 2008

O_O;! Oh...! um,Thanks Orian57! =^_^= --70.161.7.58 22:25, 9 August 2008 (UTC)NiggaHomeGirl

You know, it really helps if you register for an account... That way, you'll be able to make forums without the block you've probably received by now, not to mention have a signature and make comments without people thinking you're an idiot. See ya next time around! » DJ "Reaper of Fail" Gentoo, now with wit, sarcasm, and even more obscure folk metal. Now in lime green! 02:51, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for vote and going though it

Thanks for having a look and helping out with the finishing touchs, and also for the vote:)— Sir Sycamore (talk) 15:24, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

August 7^th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!

Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! By Gerrycheevers If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek.

Check out these pages! Against againsts? Census time Is it, in fact, Hammer Time? Skullthumper revealed! From our logs: 01:57, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Okay, that's enough Uncyclopedia. Bye.) 02:05, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) unblocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) ‎ (ARGH NOOOO I CAN'T ESCAPE) 20:14, 3 August 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Orian57 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 minutes ‎ (Admins do not abuse their powers. On the contrary, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia) 14:21, 6 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) huffed "EQ" ‎ (Thanks for the Psychology course refresher. Don't worry, I paid attention in that class, I don't really need it.) 15:54, 7 August 2008, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.106.53.68 (Talk) (expires 15:54, 8 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (I don't know what the Somali is for "Don't do that". But don't do that.) Biopic of the Week SysRq ~ Not just a button on your keyboard anymore (well, half a button, really), SysRq has become quite the Uncyclopedian in his time here. Spending his time writing awesome stuff, utilizing his platinum urinal, and coming up with stuff on the fly, he has earned a spot among the elite that Uncyc has to offer. (And this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, but again, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage.) Old-school featured article of the week Check out Battle of Gettysburg, a harrowing documentary of one of the bloodiest battles in the American Civil War, and one man's fight to get through it. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Gemini (May 21 - June 21) - Help! I am being held hostage in the horoscope editing room! see more horoscopes

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Painstakingly hand-delivered by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:19, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Im a sad unstable nuclear deathbomb :...(

I haven't been able to write an article in like 2 months. Any article i think of and write i either don't start or can't think of alot of material. Can you give me some suggestions as to what to do for enough content to fill an entire page with enough humor in it to where it does good when someone pees on it? ~ NEZLR 00:57, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Hmmm...that's tricky to say, to be honest. Sometimes I get ideas from stuff that happens on the IRC channel, sometimes from stuff I've heard about in the news or in school or just general life (a pamphlet I got from the doctor's office inspired me to write HowTo:Check for Lumps(whore)), and sometimes I see articles in category:Rewrite or category:ideas that have a good enough concept for me to want to expand them. Picking something you know about usually helps, too. Some other suggestions are at HTBFANJS and Uncyclopedia:The Creative Process, the latter of which inspired me to write walls(also whore). Basically, if you get a concept, try to push forward with it, and write through the writer's block--that's what I try to do. If it sucks, I can always make it better later. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:07, Aug 15

Thank thee for thou faith

Prettiestpretty thanks thee for finding her image of Image:Thelastbachelorparty.jpg to be just right for Featured Photo Status Fondly, PP

Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 17:40, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

I feel so... helpless!

Well, thanks for reverting whatever that was on my user page. I feel kinda helpless, but I WAS rather busy today so I almost have an excuse. --Lieutenant Fish 00:16, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

No problem at all. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:18, Aug 16

If it's not too much trouble...

Could you swap in Image:Megadeth_fs.jpg into the featured article thingie? Much thanks... --monika 05:14, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

Sure, I'll make it happen... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 05:37, Aug 16

Thanks! --monika 05:38, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

No probs, yo. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 05:41, Aug 16

UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

August 14^th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor

Uncyclopedia kidnapped! By Gerrycheevers In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes By UU So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r!

Check out these pages! WHAT'S with THE caps SITUATION? Out with the old... ...and in with the legends? From our logs: 13:06, 8 August 2008, Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 60.54.79.28 (Talk) (expires 13:06, 9 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Blanker: You disappoint Vishnu.) 19:45, 11 August 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) 19:51, 11 August 2008, Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.40.99.2 (Talk) (expires 19:51, 11 November 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (blanking is the lowest form of wit. Even lower than Steve Martin.) Biopic of the Week RadicalX ~ Since the dawn of Uncyclopedia, users have had the need for images. And RadX, himself created with Adobe Photoshop, has obliged. Even a quick look at his image gallery should cause you to drop to your knees and weep. He also is an extremely talented writer, and spends his time spreading the light of The Church of T with his prophet, Bradaphraser. Old-school featured article of the week Ever been knocked in the nards so badly that you saw stars, but never figured out who the culprit was? Well, it was probably midget cockpunching terrorists. These cheeky buggers have been assaulting the most sensitive area of such well-known figures as Frank Sinatra and Ronald Reagan for decades. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week you should be self-centered in all your endeavors, except for grenade-tossing practice. see more horoscopes Shamless space-filler of the week Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:44, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

Join the UnOrder Today!

~ Readmesoon

Actually yes

"blocked User:24.175.246.83 with an expiry time of 2 weeks: So, I heard just the other day that some people call others gay in order to hide their own blatant homosexuality. Is that true, d'you think?"

There was this study that I read about and they took several open minded relaxed stright men and men that fircly claimed heterosexuality and were violently homophobic. They then made them watch various genres of pornography and, oddly, the "all american" men were more turned on by the gay porn than the filthy liberal fags. Fun huh? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 04:19 17 August 2008

Indeed, I actually got the idea for the ban reason from the Simpsons, if I recall correctly, something Lisa said to Nelson, or something. Of course, all my jokes are stolen from the Simpsons. Aye carumba! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 05:58, Aug 17

It was something Lisa said to Nelson. Sire Methamphetamine SMOKE METH! 15:49, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Plagarism now, leddy? First you were changing what I said on the Count to a million forum and now this? You're an admin you should know better. I am dissapointed. Ah well just thought I'd drop by. Have fun! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:29 17 August 2008

Indeed. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 15:20, Aug 17

Hello, This is TheGreatLiquidFox, But I'm not gonna sockpuppet. But, how many words do I have to put in for a pee review? I recently wrote a Poetia, but I can't get it pee'd. I've entered fifty words, and it won't let me. Do you have something against me?--Mr.Redirector 03:16, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Uhh...what do you mean it won't let you? What goes wrong, exactly? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:41, Aug 21

I mean, Captcha gives me nearly fifty words when I try to submit my article to be reviewed. Help?

This is what happens It says:Your edit includes new external links. To help protect against automated spam, please enter the words that appear below in the box (more info): And it doesn't.--Mr.Redirector 03:57, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

So...don't include any external links... Just use internal. Like this. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:20, Aug 21

Hello

Hello, TLB! I see you've protected Voter Information for the 2008 US Presidential Election, undoubtedly, with good reason. However, I strongly feel that it needs something like [[Image:Vote.jpg|right]] at the beginning. Otherwise, should it be featured (and this looks likely), the only pictures would be of McCain and Obama, both of which are unsuitable for the graphic on the front page. Also, an image at the beginning of the article looks nice. Normally, I'd make this edit myself, but, you know. pillow talk 18:08, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, hold on a sec... Does that look good, or do you want a caption? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:11, Aug 21

Looks acceptable. Thanks! pillow talk 20:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 21st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

August 21^st, 2008 • Issue Sixteen • The periodical without any junk in its trunk

And the award for Sluttiest User goes to... By Gerrycheevers ...Mhaille! With over fifteen thousand links to his userpage strewn willy-nilly about Uncyclopedia, Mhaille takes home the Slutty for the sixth consecutive time. Everyone's favorite moustachioed chappie overtook Codeine in early 2007 and never looked back. When asked about this momentous achievement, Mhaille was still in shock from the victory. "I'd like to give thanks to my mother and my father, for first taking me into the family business. Without their years of experience and their guidance I would not have become the Slut I am today," he said. "It is for them that I hope to make it a seventh title!" Coming in at second on the list was the legendary Benson. Despite having only twenty edits in the past year, Benson has managed to rack up over twelve thousand links to his userpage. He still enjoys a several thousand link lead over slut number three, Thekillerfroggy. When asked how Benson managed to not only maintain his lead, but actually increase it, TKF said, "A wizard did it." In-depth investigation by this reporter revealed that Froggy's signature may have something to do with it, as random selection feature will occasionally cause TKF's sig to spam dozens of links to Benson's userpage, mostly in Dr. Skullthumper's userspace. UnSignpost gets new paper-boy by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Uncyclopedia's semi-official newspaper, enjoyed by literally several readers each week, has hired a brand new paper boy. This individual has been delivering the UnSignpost for the past two weeks. This cost cutting measure was announced after the guy with the keys to the delivery robots disappeared, taking the keys, several thousand dollars in cash, and a stapler with him. Unconfirmed rumours made up by me suggest that he intends to staple the money to the keys before turning the stapler on himself. The paper boy, who calls himself Gerrycheevers, says that it is a tough job, but he is glad to be able to contribute something. "It's a tough job," he told UnSignpost reporters "but I am glad to be able to contribute something." The young paper boy is saving up his pocket money to buy a new frisbee. The mammoth task has taken its toll on young Mr. Cheevers, leaving him with severe wrist pain and an acute hatred of humanity. "It totally messed up my wrists. I was out of action for days!" he said. Most Uncyclopedians are said to be happy with the new service, saying that they prefer the more personal touch that comes with human delivery. "Those damn robots trampled my garden, broke down my door and killed my dog with their death-rays" said one unfortunate Uncyclopedian. In a related story, Gerrycheevers has been 'throttled' from such activites as moving pages and making mass edits. His repetitive edits have apparently pissed off at least one admin, and Gerry is now limited to one edit per four hours. He has used these edits carefully, and has managed to find a new paperbot. This week, the UnSignpost will be delivered by MantiBot. Subscribers can only hope the new delivery system works out, or the UnSignpost may be doomed.

Check out these pages! Testify! Taking the community down a peg Stop the madness! Think of the children! Etc.! From our logs: 16:52, 17 August 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.212.136.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You are now officially really hated on Uncyclopedia. Congratulations.) 21:30, 16 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.220.124.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month, 2 days, 3 hours, 4 minutes, 5 seconds ‎ (Blanking a featured article? No mercy.) 06:19, 16 August 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.72.7.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go and write some bad poetry or something) 10:51, 20 August 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Nmeallin (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (We regret to inform you that Chuck Norris does not approve of page blanking.) Biopic of the Week RAHB ~ One of the most (if not the most) decorated Uncyclopedians ever, RAHB is one of those guys who seems to be everywhere. Whether it's writing awesome stuff, taking care of crap, or banging out narrations, you can always count on this guy to be lurking somewhere in the bowels of Uncyclopedia, toiling away at his next project. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Being grateful this week could result in improved relationships. Being grating this week could result in cheese fragments that will melt easily over nachos. see more horoscopes VFD Survivor of the week "One man touches the other/it's incest cus were all brothers/you may say its wrong/well its the touch eachother song" Pithy VFH Comment of the Week Meh. I liked the conversation bit, but the rest is pretty bland. Skull tells me he wrote it for a girl or something. And he admits himself that it isn't very good. Well, I wouldn't feature it anyways. Oh yeah, and everything you write is shit, Skull. Everything! Shit, shit, shit! Now start writing something funny, you SHITTY WRITER! Shit shit shit! SHIT!!! - RAHB (Unfomercials:Inspirigun)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— MantiBot Owner 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Hey, Led, it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving you a message on your talk page

  Le Cejak • <16:43, 28 Aug 2008>

Hmmm, I see... so where's the cake? – Preceding unsigned comment added by TheLedBalloon (talk • contribs)

I'll give you your cake... AS SOON AS YOU SIGN YOUR FUCKING POSTS, BIATCH!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!! ...Seriously, how long have I been at this site? And I still haven't got the whole 'sign your shit' shit down. Shit. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 16:50, Aug 28

Yeah. I was all WTF?? then I was like OMGOMGOMG then I was all LOL O_O :D X_X D: But yeah, about that cake, would you mind telling me the ingredients? Specifically the ingredients you don't want in there? In alphabetical order?   Le Cejak • <16:53, 28 Aug 2008>

The ingredients I don't want? Well, pretty much everything except diced infants and ground unicorn, which is what cake is made of. Mmmm, ground unicorns and diced infants....mmmm... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 16:56, Aug 28

That's not fair! You can't say "everything except" just willy-nilly. You also didn't mention how to actually make internet cakes. As far as the unicorn goes, I know a guy, but I have a question regarding infants: how old would you consider one to be? I could get you 80-year-old infants at bargain basement prices if you're interested.   Le Cejak • <17:00, 28 Aug 2008>

Ugh, at that age the infants would be all wrinkly, and taste of prunes and wheat. This, while great for making Wrinkly Prune-Wheat, is really not the best flavor and texture for cake. No, what you'd need is a stout 2 or 3-year-old. Mmmm. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:03, Aug 28

That's another problem with your "everything except" policy. I can't guarantee that there won't be some horrible, horrible special sauces and such in there if you don't specify what you don't want. That's how I bake my food, and that's why I have a show on the completely useless Food Channel: not by saying "everything except". Okay, I can get you babies, but I can't guarantee they'll be human babies.   Le Cejak • <17:16, 28 Aug 2008>

Well, I could handle inhuman babies, but I'll need a guarantee of at least rat or better. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:33, Aug 28

Better in terms of intelligence or looks?   Le Cejak • <18:14, 28 Aug 2008>

Just a drive by comment but I think you'll find that you grind infants and dice unicorns, because unicorns have more meats and infants are merely a mutant species of paprika. Duh--McWooty 22:03, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Try not to laugh!

Hey, you seemed a bit down recently so why don't you take the Try Not To Laugh Challenge!?

If you don't smile for the whole thing you get a free pie!--McWooty

Hmmm........................................................ - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:14, Aug 29

Did you laugh then?--Sir McWooty III Mgr 21:23, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

Nope, but I still haven't gotten all the way to the end. I always seem to get distracted halfway through. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:26, Sep 1

What exactly are you watching on youtube? Hmmmm...--Sir McWooty III Mgr 23:18, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 28th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

August 28^th, 2008 • SEVENTEENTH ISSUE SPECTACULAR • Word to your mother

Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce By Regret Tenenbaum At exactly 10:28 pm (UTC), Sir Led Balloon did the honors of emblazoning a golden '1000' in the count to a million project, a true milestone on the journey to seven-digit greatness. Another user celebrated by gracing the page with an unprecedented one-thousand-and-one pixel high "1001", which was quickly taken down. The user was, needless to say, embarrassed, yet happy that the uncouth horde of devoted Uncyclopedians had finally reached the number 1000, as such a milestone had not been reached since the number 100 and the end of the Porn Wars. On that note, the Porn Wars ended earlier this week with a tentative truce between Commander Jailbait and General Pervert. The war began the week before, when Regret posted a pin-up girl to balance Orian's photo of a scantily-clad male, claiming he was "bringing balance back to the universe." Regret also stated he would "fight to the death"... or at least until Leddy stepped in, this time to call a "three-pornstuffs rule", which eventually ended the erotic feud. Meth, a constant editor on the forum, said "'twas a fortunate day for all under 18." Still, even with peace returning to the forum, not all is well in the land of counting. On the subject of reaching 1000, one dissenting user said: "Perhaps we should seriously consider stopping there. I mean that would be 1/1000 of the goal! Imagine doing this whole thing, 1000 times. That would mean 3000 archives, give or take." To which another user responded, "unfortunately for you, Nobody cares." Nevertheless, as long as there are users with nothing better to do, the Forum will always trudge on, giving Uncyclopedians something with which to kill thirty seconds, and also giving UnSignpost reporters something to write about. Lack of cure for testicular cancer kills 100 Uncyc members By Methamphetamine Uncycloversity members are still failing to find a cure for our previously mentioned testicular cancer, and to date, 100 people have died of said cancer. When nobody died, some user said it was a rumor made by some other user to piss us all off, right before clutching his balls in pain and dropping dead. Within an hour, about 16 more people died a cancer-related death. A live update shows that 105 users are now dead. You could be next! Don't panic, that'll make you die faster. Regret Tenenbaum, the user who originally warned of the disease, had this to say: "I TOLD YOU SO!" to which he added "Na-nanana-nanana!" The death toll is expected to reach into the thousands, with no end in sight. A memorial was set up earlier today to remember the dead, with one number added for every fallen Uncyclopedian. With fear and panic filling the hearts of users everywhere, there is one question that is on everyone's mind: "WHY GOD, WHY?!" Another live update show that 200 people have now died, and out of those, 10 people killed themselves in anxiety. Remember to always feel your testicles with your fingers. That's right. It helps prevent the cancer from reproducing.

Check out these pages! VOTE VOTE VOT Everyone tell Cajek what they've been up to Who is the man behind Uncyc's curtain? The truth about wikia's staff! From our logs: 05:22, 20 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 12.219.249.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days, 14 hours, 15 minutes, 93 seconds ‎ (Blanking Africa does not make it go away.) 20:45, 24 August 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Norwich (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (and you're an annoying cuntfluff) 09:39, 26 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.190.63.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (o hai, no blank plz. kthxbai.) 00:41, 27 August 2008 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) huffed My balls (content was: 'Sweaty and hot.') Biopic of the Week TheLedBalloon - Feature machine and Star Wars aficionado, Uncyc's resident hockey expert has come a long way from his humble beginnings. Seeming to appear on talk pages where there is conflict brewing as if there was some giant balloon signal silhoutted against the clouds, Led's recent oppage ensures that he has the tools to keep Uncyc as most excellent as possible. Old-school featured article of the week Five-time World RiskTM Champion Napoleon Bonaparte was a man of great stature. He enjoyed many military victories, revolutionizing armed combat. He rose to the rank of Emperor, and came closer than any diabolical supervillian has (before or since) to conquering the world. Unfortunately, nobody took him seriously because he was short. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 8/25/08 Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - Think long and hard before misdirection-linking to the Uncyclopedia article on Penis, as it could result in stiff competition between you and other members of your unit. see more horoscopes

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–—Hv (talk) 30/08 20:00

Dearest TLB

I am so sorry to hear about your incomplete nerdism. May I recommend this? Application of this salve is quite simple. All that's required of you is to rub it on your mind. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:57, 31 August 2008 (UTC)

Ooh, the sci-fi sectors of my brain are lighting up, and Matrix and Star Wars quotes fill my supple mind. Sadly, I dunno if I've got time to read anything I might actually enjoy...school starts up in a couple days, and so begins the regiment of reading boring things. I'll see, though--along with 1984 and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Dune's at the top of my reading list. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:25, Sep 1

HGttG is awesome (except for the last book of the series, which is merely a crushing disappointment). Read nineteen eighty-four first. It's high-friggin'-larious. The movie version is good, too. It's a musical. With penguins. Wearing tophats. (then read farenheit 451, Brave New World, & We (We has aged poorly, but it's the first, chronologically, of the distopian novels. If you read it, though, everyone with think that you're totally smart and you'll be King of the Prom and quarterback on the football team and you'll drive a Camaro). Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:03, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

Really!? I've always wanted to be King of the Prom and quarterback on the football team and driving a Camaro! Why just last night I was saying to my friend Joe, a good guy that Joe, that I want to be King of the Prom and quarterback on the football team and driving a Camaro. You must be, like, some kind of internet psychic to know that I wanted to be King of the Prom and quarterback on the football team and driving a Camaro. And also I need to read these books. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 06:05, Sep 1

Ref: all of the above. Yes. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:00, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

Sure thing

Yup - will sign next time. And very nice user page you've got there - top notch! The dark prince 16:21, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

I hope you think my userpage is top notch, too...otherwise I'm kicking you out of my house and grounding you. - [16:24 2 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Oh - I'm so so sorry - of course it is!(And I'm not just kissing ass here - there's no need to!). I LOVED you "six sounds like sex" thing(was literally on the floor laughing - well almost on the floor).

And yea, Mr.LedBaloon, could you please please please remove this article. Thanks. The Dark Prince 20:13, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

Sure, there ya go. Ignore the delete reason, my .js screwed up. Also, I don't see any signatures... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:06, Sep 2

Yea- took quite a while to get used to add sig. The Dark Prince 20:17, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

Now you're getting it! Anyways, the only reason we like to make you do that is so we can see who we're talking to. Why, without sigs I'd have no idea if you were you or I were me or we were any of the people we say we are. Know what I mean? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:29, Sep 2

yea - know exactly what you mean. I'm *trying* to edit this article. Care to comment when you have a while? Thanks. The Dark Prince 00:13, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Also, I thought of removing a few of the quotes which I felt were not funny. Now, how do I know one of the admins won't get pissed cuz it might be theirs and then, you know, ban me or something? And is it okay if I use some of the Chuck Norris facts from the internet?(more specifically, from chucknorrisfacts.com) The Dark Prince 00:16, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Feel free to kill as many of the quotes as you want. As for Mr. Norris, please don't add anything about him. Every single joke involving him has been pretty much done to death, and he's not that funny any more. Check out HTBFANJS, it's got all kinds of tricks for writing jokes and for avoiding old memes. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:21, Sep 3

gotcha. And what does the "top" in brackets(on the contributions page) mean. And how long does it usually take for your DYN contributions to be approved/ridiculed, laughed at by everyone, and ridiculed again? The Dark Prince 00:49, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

"Top" in brackets? Sorry, I'm not really sure what you mean... As for the DYK, feel free to go ahead and add your entries to the template itself. Just don't go too overboard with it. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:54, Sep 3

I added 'em here. It is the right place, right? And as for the "top" thingy, this is what I was talking about [1]. It's on the right most side of a few of the contribs. The Dark Prince 07:46, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Also, I was starting a community for uncyclopedia on this social networking site orkut and was wondering if you were interested to join, or not. Figured it would attract more users, and hence more articles. Do tell me if you give a rat's ass. bye The Dark Prince 07:52, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Ahh, ok, that (top) means that the edit wasn't to a particular section, and that you used that edit tab at the top. And the DYK submissions page is alright, but I think you can add them to Template:DYK. Just copy the formatting of the other entries to see how it works. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:25, Sep 3

Yeah, I'm not really into social networking...sorry man, it's just not my thing. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:25, Sep 3

It's okay! Just wanted to know who all were interested! ~ Talk•heDarkPrin•contribs•e• 15:45 • 5 Sep •

query

hey led, my request for a pee review has gone unheeded for a month and a half. it being hockey-related, would you mind giving it a quick look? it doesn't have to be pages long, i'm just looking to make sure my namesake's article is adequate. thanks! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:31, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

Sure, I'll try to have a look at it a little later. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:31, Sep 2

Argh... Sorry Gerry, I don't think I can get to it tonight. I'm used to having the 12am-4am time slot to do Uncyc things, but now that I've got school, I can't stay up so late anymore. I'll see if I can't review you tomorrow, though. Again, sorry about the wait. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:56, Sep 3

no worries, i've waited quite a while, so a few more days is no big deal. thanks again! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 04:09, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

You are presented with one (1) package of Kevin Bacon's Bacon Strip BandagesTM for your thorough Pee Review of that article that had nothing to do with Kevin Bacon. Please note that Bacon Strip Bandages are not safe for either contact with skin or internal consumption.

thanks led, i wasn't sure if it was VFH material due to the relatively obscure subject, but i'll clean it up per your advice and maybe give it a go! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 21:21, 4 September 2008 (UTC)

Cool, good luck Gerry! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:44, Sep 4

Thank you

I just wanted to thank you in standing with me against the infidels in the recent forum debate. You know what? I think we should be friends, or at least distant acquaintances. Whatdyasay, Led?   Le Cejak • <4:40, 03 Sep 2008>

Sure. Oh, what are you saying now? I'm not Led eh? Well... Um. Yea. MrN 21:32, Sep 4

Sorry he's grounded. Mordillo said. He did...look, he left a uh note...Yeh, it's in his hand writing, it is, I swear...

Dis iz Mordilo here. LeadBalon is groundered for evarzzz. He is lesar than hiz younger brothor, yettie. yettie is ruling the world, nowz.

See? - [21:33 4 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Cajek, may I just say that you are very welcome, and I will gladly protect our site from the poor, doomed souls that will inevitably feed Cthulhu's everlasting hunger for universal entropy. As for the rest of you, uhh......................? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:40, Sep 4

Er, Led, didn't you read the Mordillo note? You're grounded!! - [15:34 5 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

NO YOU'RE GROUNDED! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:44, Sep 5

I like Gerrycheever's idea (in the recent USP) of a random test of Cthuluism. Those poor artheists (of Cthulhu) are just, like you said, afraid of Cthulhu's terrible hunger! It's sad. I also like the idea of regular users being able to "ground" admins: whatever the hell that entails.   Le Cejak • <3:48, 06 Sep 2008>

Thank Cthulhu for the patriots in this country, by which I mean America, which is The Only country. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:16, Sep 6

UnSignpost: September 4th, 2008

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The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

September 4th, 2008 • Eighteenth Issue • STOP!! SIGNPOST TIME!!

Uncyclopedia copies Conservapedia By Gerrycheevers Recently, on the fact-based no-spin-zone wiki known as Conservapedia, there has been debate raging over whether to ban all atheists from contributing. Apparently conservapedians believe atheists (those who deny the existence of the creator) to be at the very least a hinderance, and at the very most a hideous group of venom-spitting demon-eyed savages who feed on the blood of children. If this motion garners enough support it may become a 'Conservapedia Commandment', along with 'no girls allowed' and 'slow down, this is a neighborhood.' Mild amusement and complete apathy were rampant among Uncyclopedians yesterday. Some poked fun at the silly conservatives for proposing such a Nazi-esque measure. Others took up the reigns in a new thread: should atheists (of Cthulhu) be barred from Uncyclopedia? It seems support for this action is widespread, and soon 'Cthulhu tests' will be administered to random users at random times. Failure of such tests will result in soul consumption. User Heerenveen had this to say: "I believe that it shouldn't matter whether you are an avid worshipper of Cthulhu, just someone who pretends to like Cthulhu to fit in with your mates, or indeed a foaming-at-the-crotch atheist (of Cthulhu), you should be infinibanned from Uncyc regardless. Unless, of course, you are Cajek," to which Orian57 added, "Richard Dawkins is so sexy." As is the norm here on Uncyclopedia, the controversy was immediately parodied, and then the parody of the controversy was summarily parodied. It has yet to be seen whether the parody of the parody will in fact be parodied. Movie Trailer Announcer Guy Dead at 68 By Gerrycheevers IN A WORLD where JUSTICE is a distant memory...where HOPE seems desperately out of reach...where THROATY BARITONES are hard to come by... ...ONE MAN performed voice-overs for OVER NINETY FOUR THOUSAND FILMS. His DEEPLY SONOROUS VOICE could turn even the most BORING movie into AN ALL-OUT THRILLER... ...Most famously known for THAT GEICO COMMERCIAL HE DID, that man's NAME was DON LAFONTAINE. Critics hailed him as 'THAT MOVIE TRAILER ANNOUNCER GUY' and 'THE DUDE WITH THE CRAZY VOICE'... ...On Monday, LaFontaine PASSED AWAY suddenly when a FIERY EXPLOSION in a SHRAPNEL FACTORY caused the TURBO-CHARGED SPORTSCAR in which he was being pursued by MONGOL HORDES to CAREEN OVER A CLIFF. He was 68...

Check out these pages! Another user says goodbye CENSORED Unflinchingly rigid vanity guidlines to take effect immediately From our logs: 07:32, 29 August 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.174.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble-minded, and scientifically proven to be evidence of underdeveloped genitalia.) 20:57, 31 August 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.109.95.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Go masturbate somewhere else.) 03:32, 2 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.59.31.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Exemplary douchehattery.) Biopic of the Week 15Mickey20, Uncyc's resident tennis analyst, has won virtually every writing award and competition in existence on the entire site. His PLS and Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball entries were both later featured, and his WotM award stems from the rest of his totally awesome articles. Mickey Mantle is pictured a the right for no reason at all. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Hammers are extremely useful tools, most usually used for whacking stuff. Employed by Norse Gods, Italian plumbers, and 90s rap artists, the hammer can also be used to gouge out eyes and perform other tasks. Reading up on this article will result in increased knowledge of the hammer life cycle and sexual abuse of hammers, but may also cause severe cranial damage. This Week's Horoscopes Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - When you assume, you typically make an ass out of Ume. And you know how sensitive that guy is. see more horoscopes

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―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 5/09 16:37

Interstate Highways - question

Hey LedBalloon, regarding List of Interstate highways you put an ICU note.. that's cool. But is this because lists are frowned on, or because it needs some pics and expansion? Not sure where to take it. -Rolypolyman 18:16, 6 September 2008 (UTC)

In general, lists are frowned upon, but they can become viable articles. Instead of just a list of highways and a sentence-fragment about each, try writing maybe a paragraph per highway. The idea is that comedy is usually in the details, which are tough to come by in list form. Write an intro and a conclusion to the page, and see if you can't work more actual prose into the page. Good luck, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:51, Sep 6

You know...

I'm soooooo pleased that the users have rollback now. It's funny that it's less effort for me to revert than it is to vandalise. Did you spot my BP entry or did you just happen to check RC? I wonder if BP is ever worth the bother for that kinda vandal... MrN 00:46, Sep 9

I saw it in BP, actually. I have it watchlist'd, and I check my watchlist more often than RC. It's the only way to procrastinate. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:50, Sep 9

I might have to think that one over for a while... ;) MrN 00:55, Sep 9

Procrastination is like masturbation: It's fun while it lasts, but in the end you're just screwing yourself. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:57, Sep 9

Jon Bon Jesus

TheLedBalloon,

Sir, it has come to my attention that you recently (09.02.08) deleted an article I wrote on "Jon Bon Jesus". This article survived more than a year on Uncyclopedia (a fact of which I am proud), and was even included by users with greater formatting experience than myself into a table of Jesii. These two facts lead me to believe that my article was popular/tolerable to the majority of the Uncyclopedia audience and thus appropriate and somewhat amusing. Furthermore, only two dissenting remarks were filed since spring 2007, your deletion included. Therefore, I kindly ask for your reinstatement of the article (I would be willing to rewrite if necessary), or for a more detailed account pertaining to the article's deletion so that my future contributions will be more satisfactory.

Respectfully, Bcbohrer 03:07, 9 September 2008 (UTC)Brian

I'd be happy to. Just let me make sure you know what's up. I didn't randomly decide to huff the page. When I put 'voted for deletion in that edit summary, I actually meant that there was a vote for deletion. You can check out the archive for that here. That said, how about I put the article back in your userspace, such as at user:bcbohrer/Jon Bon Jesus? That way, you could work on it for as long as you please without fear of hufftitude. After that, pause to sing Ohh, we're halfway there...Oohhh-OH! Livin' on a prayer! Then get the article pee reviewed, and if it gets a good score put it back into mainspace, via the 'move' tab. Is this alright with you? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:28, Sep 9

Led, Thanks for explaining that to me. I am very new to this sort of thing, so even finding how to get to my user space and such has a learning curve for me. That being said, if you would be so kind as to put the article in the proposed space it would be much appreciated and save me a good deal of time. From there I'll try to improve upon the page and follow the proper channels from there. Thanks again. Bcbohrer

I've done this for you since I just came across this discussion and had a spare 2 minutes :). Bcbohrer, your page can now be found here. -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 06:50, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Argh, I'm so sorry you've had to wait this long, bcbohrer. I'd meant to get around to this much earlier, but a bunch of school-related things came up suddenly. Anyways, it looks like you're all set, so thanks very much to Codeine the Wandering Admin Samurai. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:43, Sep 12

unnews

hey led, i took the liberty of updating the lead unnews story templates, as they haven't been changed in two weeks. however, the unnews main page looks a little squished now. i'm not sure if i did it or not, but can you fix it? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:41, 9 September 2008 (UTC)

Well, it looks alright to me, and I don't see any changes to those templates that look horrifically wrong... Are you sure it looks squished now? To see the difference I'd have to revert all your edits to those templates, which I'm hesitant to do. Maybe ask RAHB about it, as he's the last person to edit those before you. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:47, Sep 9

yea it's not terrible or anything, but on both my computer at home and my computer at work the right sidebar overlaps the left content by that much. for example, you can only see the 'FOOLITZ' in foolitzer prize. i guess if i change the lead story again i'll revert first to see if that helps. also, should i be changing those templates? zim always did it, and then RAHB did it for a while, but if i'm not supposed to be screwing around with it then i won't. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:35, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

You're using an IE right? ~ 13:46, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

that's correct. might that be the problem? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:53, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

That's always the problem :). But yes, IE sometimes doesn't agree with the page formatting here. I use Firefox myself and it looks fine. Solution: upgrade to Firefox today! p.s., it didn't have to do anything with your templates. ~ 14:00, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

ok, good to know, thanks. i just wanted to confirm that i wasn't slowly causing the unnews main page to collapse in on itself. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:02, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

Don't worry about it, were you to do anything like that I'm sure that Zim would have made sure you slowly collapse into yourself :) ~ 14:18, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

I was just surfing the inter-web...

...and I found this curious statement on Conservapedia:

“Currently, there is an ongoing debate on whether atheism was a causal factor for Friedrich Nietzsche's insanity or whether it was caused purely through disease.”

~ Conservapedia

I think you guys have some competition--Sir McWooty III Fbu 23:06, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

You know, I think that somewhere deep down inside of me I secretly hope that Conservapedia is all one giant parody, a vast conspiracy of satirical humor that I just don't happen to be savvy to yet... *sigh...* Oh well, back to voting to ban atheists in BHOP! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:31, Sep 12

Hea, now that's a good idea for an article. ;) MrN 23:32, Sep 12

Hooray for BHOP (now named Boris's House Of Pancakes) and maybe I'd make an article about it if I wasn't so darn lazy

I actually think Conservapedia is funnier than itself--Sir McWooty III Fbu 00:07, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

The Aliens Are Here!

I hope you take this seriously--Sir McWooty III Fbu 21:24, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

I wish I could, but unfortunately it's impossible to watch this and not think about scientology. Look out, Tom Cruise, Xenu's right behind you! Aaaahhhh! Did he just kill an OT8?!? The horror! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:35, Sep 13

The aliens only want to kill the intelligent humans obviously.--Sir McWooty III Fbu 22:51, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

I know! What will mankind do with only one scientologist left to tell them how unhappy they are? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:55, Sep 13

Immature response: Lolz da humens gezt pwned by fukkn marshanz! Lolsroflmaoz! Mature response: I wish Benny Hill would come back we live in hope *sob*--Sir McWooty III Fbu 15:27, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Treat

Kip the Dip has given you a holiday candy cane! Just a peice of candy. It doesn't mean I'm gay for you or anything. Shit, I've said too much.

You banned me I think; I'm pretty sure

Is there something you'd like to say to me, sugar tits? (sorry to have to cuss like that)   Le Cejak • <4:01, 14 Sep 2008>

Uhh, I, uhh, uuuhhhhh... I do have no recollection of the incident in question. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:57, Sep 14

Listen sugar tits: you can't just block Cajek and not get various consequences of an undesirable nature!   Le Cejak • <5:56, 14 Sep 2008>

No, you listen, you wielder of disaccharide mammary glands, you: My consequences, whether of desirable or undesirable nature, are none of your business, Mr. NosyFace. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 06:07, Sep 14

No, you listen, mammary glands McSmartyPants: Your consequences, whether they are my business or not, are going to be of a very undesirable nature!   Le Cejak • <13:45, 14 Sep 2008>

No, YOU listen, Mrs. Nesbitt: It's almost teatime and if you don't wash your dress really soon all the ladies will whisper about you and you'll never have a strong, wealthy husband and everyone will laugh at you and your souffle will fall. Do you want that!? DO YOU??? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:18, Sep 16

Move of Move

Hea Led. I don't think I can fix this He moved a page and then moved it again... Grr. I think the page needs to be huffed to make way for the move. Am I right? MrN 00:41, Sep 16

This one specifically... yer... MrN 00:43, Sep 16

Uhh, I think I fixed it... does it look all set to you/are there any others you need huffed out of the way? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:15, Sep 16

Looks like you fixed it. Thanks. I guess the redirects created by him need to be huffed also... I find it handy to look at this also as it's an easy way of finding redirects which need to be removed after a move. It's 3:40am here again, so I guess I should go to bed. Night. :) MrN 02:36, Sep 16

Indeed, thanks and good night, Mr. N! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:38, Sep 16

Thanks for taking care of that, guys! Cookies for all! -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 03:58, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

REGRETTENENBAUM has awarded you a "special" cookie for taking care of all that talk page business! (there's weed in it)

Oooohhh.... the colors... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 10:39, Sep 16

UnSignpost: September 11th, 2008

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September 11^th, 2008 • Nineteenth Issue • All your readers are belong to us

Uncyclopedia celebrates 9/11 By Cajek 8 years ago, America was attacked or something. Uncyclopedians, who are true patriots, celebrated the eighth anniversary in true American fashion: by doing mostly nothing of interest to anyone but themselves. The UnSignpost devoted nine-hundred-eleven minutes of silence to the event Thursday by not even bothering to send itself out. "The Unsignpost was there nine years ago during those super not-kewl terrorist attacks," said chief writer Gerrycheevers. "I wasn't part of the staff then, so I promise that, in the 911th issue, we will devote a whole article to the events of that frabjuous day." In the 911th year of publication, the Unsignpost promises to dedicate the whole issue to 9/11 and those rascally terrorists. "We've already got 911 stories lined up for publication!" said staff photographer Larry. "It's too bad we have to wait so long to get them to the public, but that's what happens when you honor a holiday like this the way you're SUPPOSED to." Uncyclopedia's main page was 11/9-themed for the occasion. When Mordillo and Spang were alerted that nothing interesting happened on November ninth, 2001, Larry, Mordillo's public relations officer, claimed that "it [didn't] matter: One date is the same as the next. Why don't you Unsignpost people shut the hell up? Oh, and uh, I won't be able to come in Monday: it's my sister's wedding." Other wikis in cyberspace exist, and therefore did things relating to 9/11. Conservapedia, a conservative parody of Uncyclopedia, celebrated by drawing figures of Mohammed on their private nuclear stockpile. Legopedia celebrated by informing the public of Lego's new action series: 9/11: the Suckiest Thing Ever. Jengapedia honored the fallen by sponsoring a 911 minute championship Jenga competition. Liberalpedia, on the other hand, did nothing of any consequence. >:( FUCK YOU LIBERALS!! FUCK YOUUUU!!!! The Unsignpost would like to print a retraction of it's 47th issue from September 11th, 2001, wherein the terrorist attacks were called "super-kewl" and the terrorists themselves hailed as heroes. Those responsible have been sacked. Conservation Week Returns! By Gerrycheevers Conservation Week, also known as 'Rewrite-a-thon' or 'De-crap-ification', is upon our community once again. Twice a year, Uncyclopedians band together to clean out the weeds and squirrel corpses from promising trees found in the rewrite category, among other places. Due to the retirement of co-founder Jocke Pirat and quasi-inactiveness of co-founder THE, another user has stepped in with promises to annoy every user until they rewrite at least one article. That user shall remain anonymous. Opening day for this well-liked, popular, and intriguing event is Monday the 15th. The winner of the competition will receive the Greasy Mechanic Award for having rewritten the most articles in the two-week competition. Past winners include THE and Jocke Pirat. Be sure to participate early so as to avoid annoying requests to "rewrite an article, you lazy git!" The event has thrown into sharp relief the lack of Uncyclopedia events, or the excess of Uncyclopedia events, depending on who you ask. Ideas like Forest Fire Week and Everyone Edit A Ton Of Articles Week have not received much support, but may be enacted in the future to keep ADD-riddled Uncyclopedians something to do for five minutes. RC takes home NotM By Gerrycheevers After years of fruitless nominations, Rcmurphy has finally won n00b of the Month. The announcement came last week, when none of the three candidates fufilled the requirements necessary for winning the n00by. It seemed the two new users had both failed to write an article, and So So did not meet the main n00bishness requirement. Since there was no clear winner, the award went to Rc by Rule 4.1, Clause 3 of the NotM eligibility guidelines. As far as the NotM badge itself, it was initally placed on So So's userpage. After relenquishing the honor to Rcmurphy, So So proceeded to foul the badge and offer it to the user who wanted it the most. After the planned Panel of Penis Monkeys from Outer Space cancelled, a phone-in contest was held, in which Colin "All your base" Heaney dominated the competiton. He took home the badge and now proudly displays the feces-ridden merit on his userpage. In a related story, Rcmurphy is up for NotM yet again. However, he is facing stiff competition from W.T. Door, a U.S. Navy seamen who spends his time swabbing decks, battoning down hatches, and writing cool stuff.

Check out these pages! More fanmail from celebrities Responding response VF...R? From our logs: 22:25, 5 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.130.4.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Disliking the Matrix.) 06:19, 9 September 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.240.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Oh, please. My grandmother could take down the US Military if she so desired.) 11:07, 11 September 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 125.27.19.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The cabal cartel deems you unworthy for further edits.) Biopic of the Week Adored by his hordes of fans, Cajek can usually be found in the 'ban room'. Uncyc's fifth-most featured author, one can argue that he has revolutionized the wiki with his unique writing style. His regulation of Pee Review and founding of this very periodical are among the many ways he has somehow managed to contribute to the site between his bans. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Perhaps the most feared out of any of the creatures that walk the Earth, the Gazebo is as lethal as it is deadly. Known for their excellent camouflage and for being extremely protective of their young (pictured), humans can only hope to never encounter one of these legendary beasts in their lifetime. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - There is travel in your future followed by a lack of travel, followed by very slow travel. Things you'll be sitting in include sports car, hospital bed and electric wheelchair controlled by a blow tube. see more horoscopes Retraction of the Week Last issue we claimed that people from Eurasia are "subhuman scum". We would like to make a hasty retreat from this. Those responsible have been promoted and reassigned, against all the wishes of God and man. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GERRY!! Re-retraction of the Week Last week we retracted our claim that "all mammals, including humans, should be killed and stockpiled for the coming nuclear winter." We would like to retract that retraction for reasons that can't be given in full in this issue. EDITOR'S NOTE: Look for a full explanation in about four issues VFD Survivor of the Week Movie Of Lady Whose Ankle Is Showing is pornography film set for release in the summer of 2009. Not since Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One has producer/director Robot Thomas Edison so brilliantly captured handicap fetishes or William Shatner's Jewishness. Starring Paris Hilton as Dickin Mymouth, Rosie O'Donnell as Your Mother, and William Hung as Tingle the Magical Flying Aardvark of Justice, this is one film that is sure to captivate audiences worldwide. Sabbatical of the Week Under user has gone to some hemisphere other than his own, possibly the bottom one. We here at the UnSignpost wish him a trip free of kangaroo attacks, drop bear maulings, swarms of dozens and dozens of scorpions, and the various other pleasentries from down under.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— MantiBot Owner 11:33, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Hi LedBallon

Um Hey I...don't have much to say or anything.--98.183.186.31 21:53, 20 September 2008 (UTC)NHG

Well, it was very nice to meet you, Mr. IP... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 05:44, Sep 21

Hey! It's my job to post useless comments on Leddie's talk page! How do you think I make a living?--81.141.232.87 20:46, 21 September 2008 (UTC)

What are you talking about? It's my job!--McWooty III Fbu 20:50, 21 September 2008 (UTC)

Guys, guys! Relax! There's plenty of space on my talk page for all of your useless comments. Can't we all just get along? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:33, Sep 21

We're allowed to post useless comments here!? h00ray! Pie is delicious...oh oh! And I really like football, and I refer to the area in between a mans balls, and anus a taint, but I found out recently that there's like 100 different things you can call that. Pretty crazy. Ummm...Bazooka is one of the greatest words to say as well. I dunno. I'll post more useless comments later. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 16:51, 23 September 2008 (UTC)

I UNDERSTAND ABOUT INDECISION, BUT I DON'T CARE IF I GET BEHIND

PEOPLE LIVING IN COMPETITION, ALL I WANT IS TO HAVE MY PEACE OF MIND

--SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:44, 23 September 2008 (UTC)

PHILOSOPHICALLY SPEAKING USELESS COMMENTS HAVE THE USE OF OBTAINING AN ANSWER and why are we shouting?--McWooty III Fbu 15:45, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Lo Leddy

Dunno if you've noticed, but you appear to be admin. Congrats and stuff! Hope this works, been so long I've entirely forgotten how to write stuff on Uncyc. :-) Two days and I have a new laptop, so mebbe see you around matey. RabbiTechno 18:58, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

Indeed, nice to see you around again, RT. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:00, Sep 24

RT? There aretwo RTs!? Whoa. -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 22:36, 27 September 2008 (UTC)

MMMIIINNNDDDFFFUUUCCCKKK!!! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:41, Sep 27

Precisely. -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 22:50, 27 September 2008 (UTC)

I'm a Girl

Yeah, I'm not a "Mr.", I'm a Ms.! Yeah I'm kinda bored and everything.

But it was nice meeting you too. ^_^ --98.183.186.31 22:24, 27 September 2008 (UTC)

Actually, that was the "Royal Mr." It's like the "Royal We," but it was never used by any monarchy ever and makes no sense at all. By the way, you really shouldn't nominate VFH articles the way you nommed Love. Nomming is fine, just don't C+P the entire article onto the page. A simple Link is fine. :) - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:28, Sep 27

Oh, Okay thanks. the reason why I nominated the article Love

was because when I read it, I thought that it was very funny and thought that it should be nominated and everthing. ^_^ --98.183.186.31 03:25, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Bonjoir ^_^

Salut! Je m' appelle Cecil! Je suis Francise! Je suis de Paris. Comment' appelle tu? --98.183.186.31 14:32, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Qua? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 16:56, Sep 28

Moi, Cecli! Comment Ca va? --98.183.186.31 17:23, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Word up, homes. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:28, Sep 28

Cecil wants to know how it's going. Bonjour, Cecil! Mon français n'est pas si bien, mais c'est assez bon pour traduire ici pour Leddy. Mon nom est Regret, mais ils m'appellent RT! Comment vas-tu? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 17:49, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Oh, D'accord! Ca va Bien. Merci beaucoup! --98.183.186.31 20:51, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Wiggity bang, yo. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:53, Sep 28

Tee-Hee,You are very funny moisour. xD. --98.183.186.31 20:59, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Ah, so you know English? *sigh* great! :D -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 21:01, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Oui, I do know some,*Chuckle*. --98.183.186.31 21:06, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Fantastic! Do you plan on registering by any chance? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 21:12, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Well, much ov my anglais vocab is limited, I really do not know. TT_TT--98.183.186.31 21:15, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Well, that's OK. There are no rules that say you have to know english well :P -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 21:20, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, and judging by your typing skills, you already speak it better than about a third of all the other anonymonus IPs on the site. Also, getting an account just means you get a name and a userpage, so you aren't just Mrs IP with a link to your contributions. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:58, Sep 28

Merci, I have been taking Advanced English classes to learn more English...But I am still a bit shakey when it comes to very hard words.--98.183.186.31 22:16, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Well, do not be timorous! The lexicon of your intellect surely withholds and retains adequate vocabulary as to be sufficient in comprehending the multitudinous verbiage of Uncyclopedia. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:27, Sep 28

Indubitably, your conglomeration of verboseness verges on the incomprehensible my good philistine. :)--McWooty III Fbu 15:55, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

I concur. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:06, Oct 1

My Power Went Out

My Power went out in my neighboirhood. ): But, Now it is back on. :) --98.183.183.210 23:25, 11 October 2008 (UTC)

suggestions and help

well, i'm trying to write a new article that im gradually working on, and i'd like a little bit of advice. its not complete enough for a pee review, but i wanna get a few ideas and tips on where to take the article before i finish it can you perhaps give me a few pointers on what to do? first of all, i need a title. i have a basic default, but i can't come up with a good one. its basically the known theorem about the relationship between water and fire (obvious joke).links right here. any advice would be much appreciated. as i am still technically your adopted noob :P

~ NEZLR 03:42, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

Hmmm, interesting article idea. I rather like a bunch of what you've written so far, so a solid start! My only complaint would be that I saw a few minor speelin/grammors errors(for example, "eachother" should be "each other"), so you may wanna send it to UN:PROOF, or look it over yourself. For the title, maybe something like "Fire and water"? Ideas, on the other hand, are a bit trickier... how about writing something about the phrase 'fighting fire with fire'? You could say that internal divisions among fire have allowed water to "win" in recent years, or something along those lines. Whatever you decide, good luck. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:40, Sep 30

K thanks for the help. also, if you find any article versions that would go good with an audio, i got a new microphone so in any case i can record :P although i know you can. ~ NEZLR 22:48, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

Okay, heres the finished version. it did well on PR, but the review was short so im not sure if its credible. any opinions? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Nezlr (talk • contribs)

Looks pretty good, I'd say! I changed up some stuff, mostly fixing a few grammar things scattered throughout your page. Other than that, I'm tempted to give it a VFH nod. Let's see how it does... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:09, Oct 6

thanks for nomming! If it actually gets anywhere, i better start working on the template. but 2.5 votes isnt very sustaining :| ~ NEZLR

From what I understand, you like candy

Here. Have a Pez. It tastes like Bugs Bunny's larynx. Yum. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:21, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

Mmmm...rabbit-air passages...*drools* - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:41, Sep 30

He should've turned left at Albuquerque and didn't, apparently. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 22:40, 30 September 2008 (UTC).

I hate it when that happens. Also, I have to make a mental note to buy some Acme stock. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:44, Sep 30

I'd wait until after the Court decides Coyote v. Acme. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:05, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

Nah, Coyote's got no chance, Acme's got too many high-powered lawyers on their side. Although I did hear that Coyote might play the race card... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:19, Oct 1

But the race card doesn't work for Mexicans! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:16, 1 October 2008 (UTC)

Hey Funny ppl

Why was Canberra Huffed? Did too many people ruin it? P:)

Apparently. It was voted for deletion a week or two ago, and all the since incarnations of the page have just been the old, deleted version copy-pasted again. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:05, Oct 1

You are an idiot

You know that whole www.youareanidiot.org thang? I really think we should make an article on it. And I'm asking for permission to make some drastic changes to the Ronald McDonald page, it's pretty incompehensible (I changed some of it under an IP recently). Anything else I need to know just tell me.--McWooty III Fbu 16:09, 1 October 2008 (UTC)

And also I wanted to know how you add footnotes in an article and I noticed that your "putting quotes on other people's userpages" joke is now outdated as your userpage is locked. Ha!--McWooty 19:32, 1 October 2008 (UTC)

Hmmm, I've never seen that youareanidiot.org before, and I'm not really sure what you could write about it. Granted, I'm not really sure of anything today. As for the Ronald McDonald page, I'm sure it's either tagged rewrite or of very poor quality, so go ahead an rewrite it. It may be beneficial to conduct the rewrite in userspace first, so as to avoid leaving a WIP in mainspace. As for my userpage, my response is, as always, an emphatic meh. And anything else you need to know? Well, your life could depend on this. Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink! Good luck... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:05, Oct 1

I thought you were supposed to be American? Hmmm...--McWooty 07:02, 3 October 2008 (UTC)

Just 'cause I'm American doesn't mean I'm not all savvy to whatever it was I just referenced. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 10:22, Oct 3

You'd better or Bojo will getcha with his bendy buses!--McWooty 17:26, 5 October 2008 (UTC)

cw

hey led, conservation week is over...can you take the template off the front page? thanks. i think that's all. oh, right, this is a humor wiki, so i suppose i'll have to think of something witty to say...hmm...well, i'll ask modus to help me out and i'll be back... SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:35, 2 October 2008 (UTC)

P.S. bruins opening night in 1 week! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:35, 2 October 2008 (UTC)

Alright, template's all set. See you in however long it is 'til the next you, Conservation Week! And speaking of hockey, I have practice tonight! And tons of homework! Yay all-nighters! -_- - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:53, Oct 2

UnSignpost: October 3rd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

October 2^nd, 2008 • ALL-KITTEN ISSUE • Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Uncyclopedia's Name Changed By Cajek According to Wikia staff member Sannse, Uncyclopedia's advertising revenue is below expectations and must rename itself to appeal to the younger generation. "I think the problem is that 'Uncyclopedia' has lost its edge," Sannse said to a crowd of squirrels and kittens gathered around the Uncyclo-stables last Saturday, "...all of which is contained in its name." Older users, like Mordillo, the jew who secretly controls "Uncyc," and TheLedBalloon, who is an inanimate balloon, strongly petition for the name to stay the same. The Unsignpost couldn't be bothered to actually read the forum that Sannse created, but we're assuming that everyone's against changing the name to "Asparagus.org" or something. The name change will reflect the personalities and interests of every single contributor. "Yeah, Asparagus.org is gonna have to do until we figure out what would be a good name," Sannse yelled at a local gathering of squirrels in Uncyclopedia's break room. Many users have complained about the change, but not AsparagusSignPost, which has run into a little trouble with the law recently, and doesn't want to go back to jail by disobeying "the man" or causing "drama". Because, as we ALL know, some head writers have been banned a whole bunch of times for being "different". So to Asparagus.org we say: "Keep the funnies coming, unless someone is forecasting your doom again..." Uncyclopedia's Doom Forecasted By Gerrycheevers For the first time in over two weeks, the flaming death of this silly wiki has been predicted in some form. Last time it was that stain that looked puzzlingly like Jimbo Wales, the time before it was that bird that flew overhead. You know the one I mean. This time around, undead user Necropaxx has pointed out several recent disturbing trends that seem to mean only one thing: Uncyc is about to suffer its death throes. It seems this time that the demise of the wiki will also utterly destroy the souls of every one of the dozens of users who contribute here regularly. Tidings such as this have frightened new users such as September NotM Multiliteralist, who had his to say: "Oh no." Several of the signs that Uncyclopedia is doomed are unarguably true: VFP is stagnant due to the lack of Zombiebaron activity. The Pee Review queue is backed up worse than a public toilet after Cinco de Mayo. Modusoperandi seems to be malfunctioning, as he has dispensed with his usual biting wit in favor of just plain biting. It appears, in at least a few users' eyes, that Uncyc has "jumped the kitten". Lack of News Wreaks Havoc on UnSignpost By Regret Tenenbaum In an unprecedented press conference earlier this week, UnSignpost editor-in-chief Mr. Gerry Cheevers (the user, not the hockey player) admitted that "This week's issue is actually still a blank template", further stating "I've been swamped at work, and today developed cold-like symptoms." However, some experts disagree on the cause of an UnSignpost devoid of news. "There is an obvious explanation for the lack of gratifying news stories in the USP this week," said Mr. News Guy, the world-renowned news reporter, kitten enthusiast, and unicycle-fetish expert. "There is just no news to report on," he continued, to which the reporter we borrowed from UnNews responded "And what's causing this lack of news?" "That's just it! There's no news to report on!" "So... you're saying is, the reason there's no news is because there's no news?" "Exactly! And it's just a matter of time until some attention whore writes a stupid and redundant story on the fact that there's no news!" This story is dedicated to the memory of Mr. News Guy, whose body was recovered from the Los Angeles river the next day.

Check out these pages! Feature Kitten Huffing (Again)! Sarah Palin hates kittens Our kitten overlord returns, bearing a gift From our logs: 7:41, 20 September 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Just got back. Haven't banned Cajek in a month. Gotta get my fix. CLICK. Aaaaaah yeeeeeahhh. That's gooood shit.) 19:36, 21 September 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Reggie4 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You have 2 cows. Both of them are banned.) 12:16, 23 September 2008 Cajek (Talk | contribs) blocked a kitten (Talk | contibs) with an expiry time of 4 hours (it's lonely in the ban room, i want a friend) 19:01, 24 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.236.90.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I tire of your actions. Begone, ye pointlessness, from yon wiki.) 06:59, 1 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.106.6.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Pro Cat-in-the-hat vandalism? I think the internet just hit a new low.) Biopic of the Week DJ Irreverent: HAS A LIL' KITTEN!!! Old School Featured Article of the Week Kitten Huffing is the newest form of street activity that is corrupting the youth of the nation. Your nation, that is. By ingesting kittens nasally, one can enjoy a euphoric 'high' of sorts, complete with snazzy colors and loss of motor skills. A prepped kitten awaiting huffing is pictured. Kitten huffing has spawned many parodies and non-existant memes, but the act of snorting live kittens is no joke. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Enjoy the time you spend with your kitten this week because...um...just in case... see more horoscopes People with Kittens this week This guy. Sabbatical of the Week Zombiebaron has taken an extended leave to ease his undead mind and change out his forest-green blood. He may or may not be traveling to some of the most luxurious and tropical destinations that Canada has to offer. He may or may not still ban you while he is away. His sabbatical may or may not be kitten-related. Stay tuned to the UnSignpost for the latest developments on ZB's location.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 23:18, 3 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the help! Debugging time...

So it didn't break anything, but it didn't work right either. Are you free for debugging at the moment? Thanks, --monika 01:54, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Well, I've got the time, but unfortunately I know absolutely nothing about how any of this works... You could try talking to Spang, or maybe Dr. Skullthumper, who might know more about what you're trying to do. Of course, if you do happen to figure out what I have to do, I'd be glad to edit the protected page(s?) for you. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:58, Oct 6

I won't ask you to do any thinking. :) Could you change it to #catlinks{visibility:hidden;border:solid 1px magenta} for me? Also, I don't think it's actually the problem, but it never hurts - could you remove the space before the #? It's the only thing I see that's different between it and the nihilism css... Thanks again. --monika 02:01, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Mmmkay, how about now? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:03, Oct 6

Okay, the border didn't turn magenta, which indicates that I don't understand what I'm doing instead of the alternative that something is overriding the visibility. Hmmm... I may have to think about this harder before wasting any more of your time. :) --02:08, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

That's because I butted in. Now can you please explain why, if you're trying to make the real "catlinks" hidden, you've named the ones you want to appear "catlinks" also? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:12 Oct 06, 2008

Can you explain why you're such a meanie??? *cries* - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:14, Oct 6

I'll be renaming it. I named it that ten months ago when the thought of fucking with the css hadn't yet occurred to me. --monika 02:15, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Or you could just not name it at all. That's what my parents did to me. It took me eight years to find a name for myself, and until then it gave my teachers a considerable headache. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:17 Oct 06, 2008

Yeah. So, is it supposed to be gone now? I might not be clearing my cache hard enough... --monika 02:18, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

There, fixed the whole thing with one line in the JS. Figures. Categories shall bother you no more. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:24 Oct 06, 2008

Yay, thanks! --monika 02:25, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

You're welcome! Note I'm just adding this to keep displaying an orange banner for TLB. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:27 Oct 06, 2008

Haha, yeah! Man, he'll be so mad at us! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:38, Oct 6

Excuse me, but have you seen this man

                                                                                       
                                                                                                    
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              -mMdhho:+ddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdddhdNM/                         
               `mMmhhdmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhddNMM/                          
                `dMNNmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdmMh`                         
                 `MMNyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyydddhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmMh                         
                 /MMyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyydNNMMNNdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmM+                        
                 yMmyyyyydmmmdhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyymMMMMMMMMdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhNN.                       
                 MMhyyyyNMMMMMMmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyymMMMMMMMMdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdMm                       
                 MMyyyyhMMMMMMMMyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyydNNMMMNdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhMM-                      
                /MNyyyyyNMMMMMNdyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhddhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmMy                      
                oMNyyyyyyhmmdhyyyyyyssssssoooooooosyhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdMM:                     
                sNmyyyyyyyyyyyyhds+///shdmdy+::::::+oymdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmMN`                    
                NMhyyyyyyyyyyhdso/:::sMMMMMMNo::::::::ommhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmMm:                  `
                MMyyyyyyyyyyyM+::::::oNMMMMMm+::::::::/yNhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmMN+`                 
               `MNyyyyyyyyyyyNo::::::/+ydmdyo+///////+odmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdNMy.                
              `sMdyyyyyyyyyyyhms+//++shhdhyyhhhhhyyhhdmdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhddhdNMN-               
             -mMmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhhhdmdds/:-----:smyymmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmNNmmNMN:              
            /NMmhdmhyyyyhyyyyyyyyyyNyyo--------ymyymdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdMMNmmm-              
            +hmmmMMNyyymNhyyyhyyyyydmyho------:mhyyMdhhhhhhhhhhhhhddhhhddhhmmdhmMd                  
                 yMMmhdNmNhyhMyyyyyymdydy/::/oddyymmhhhhhhhhhhhmdhNmmhhNNmddNMNNMM:                 
               -hMMmNmNdhdNmmmyyyyyyymdyyddddhyyymmhhhhhhhhhhhhdNNdhdNmNhdmmNNNMMs.                 
             -hMMmyyyhhhhhhdmhyyyyyyyydmhyyyyhdmmdhyyyyhhhhhhhhhhdhhhhmdhhhhhhhmMN-                 
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                   `::::``    dMMyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhmmdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdMMy             
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                               .dMNyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhdmmmmmdddhhhhhhddmNMMh`               
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                                   +MNyyyyyyyyyyhhhhhhdNMmmNMNdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmMs                   
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                                  MMmhhhhhhhhhmMh`                   -mMmhhhhhhhhNMo                
                                  mMNdhhhhhhhhdNMd`                   /MMdhhhhhhhNMo                
                                  `NMNhhhhhhhhhdNMy`                   dMNhhhhhhhmMs                
                                   .NMNhhhhhhhhhdNMy`                  :MMdhhhhhhmMN                
                                    -NMmhhhhhhhhhdNMy                   dMmhhhhhhmMs                
                                     .dMNhhhhhhhhhdMM/                  oMNhNdhNdNMo                
                                  `.:smMmhhhhhhhhhhMMo                  +MMdMNmMNMN:                
                               `.+hNNmdhyyyhhhhhhhdMM+                   MNdmddhmo:                 
                             `omMNmhyyyyyyyyhhhhddNNh`                   ::-`                       
                          `:yNMmdyyyyyyyyyyyhhdmNMN+                                                
                         `hMMNhyyyyyyyyyyyhhmNMNd/`                                                 
                        /NMNNdyyydmdyyyyyhdNMd:`                                                    
                        MMNNmhyhmhyyyyyyhdNMd`                                                      
                        MMdmoshNdddhyyyhdNMm`                                                       
                        MMNNosNs//+sNddmMMd-                                                        
                        /hmMNdMy+ooymMMNN+                                                          
                           /hhMMNNNMms-                                                             
                              .-----                                                                
                                                                     

This is a police artist's rendering of the suspect. --Charitwo^Talk 00:01, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

Hey, how'd you guys get that picture of me? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:05, Oct 10

One of the witnesses, who shall remain unnamed, gave a description of the culprit fleeing the scene of the crime. Do you have anything to say for yourself? --Charitwo^Talk 00:11, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

I don't need an excuse to be horny! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:14, Oct 10

Hello Led! Don't go to YouTube....

I have been hearing reports that you cannot use YouTube because of the Hackers and everything. Also, If you go to the site, than you might be going to the fake site than the real site. You will also get a virus in your computer and everything if you do. Just trying to give you a heads up. PS: My english has improved. ^_^ --98.183.183.210 03:21, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

Oh... Ok... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 16:21, Oct 10

Unsignpost: October 10th 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

October 9^th, 2008 • Twenty-First Issue • Bursting with Crunchy Goodness!

Uncyclopedia Stock Plummets By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia stockholders are in a state of panic after shares of Uncyclomedia fell over 60% this week amid fears of a writing recession. "I just can't gamble on a rebound," said one investor as he carefully climbed out onto his window ledge overlooking Wall Street, perhaps seeking some fresh air. "With the current economic and comedic climate, and rumors of the destruction of the website, it looks like Uncyc Incorporated is about to fold." Other investors are slightly more optimistic. We ran into a smartly dressed woman in the Uncyc break room and were intrigued as to why a female would ever have enough confidence in the wiki to invest the large sum of one dollar bills she was counting. It turned out that she was a stripper, but we did eventually find someone who still had faith in the company. "There's so much more to the Uncyclopedia Empire than just the humor wiki," said confident money-man Chet Hardluck. "There's the kitten factory, the escort service, the games & sports division...and don't forget the world's largest boron-smelting plant!" When it was pointed out that these claims are in fact bollocks (except for the boron plant), Hardluck joined the queue of businessmen waiting their turn to get some frsh air on the suddenly popular ledge. The fate of the Uncyclopedia corporation remained unclear at press time. Some say that if Uncyc stock plummets through enough negative numbers, the stock will reset itself at zero, resulting in huge negative negative profits for those who bought the stock whilst it was negative. Uncyclopedia announces invasion of YouTube This week the first UnTunes was uploaded onto YouTube, the video sharing site so weighed down by copyright infringements that it certainly would not float in the tub. Our staff couldn't be bothered to watch the video, but we assume from the description of the foray that it is some sort of archival recordings of Oscar Wilde being awesome. The first upload began a series of incursions onto YouTube by all types of Uncyclopedians. Some made sense, such as article narrations and UnTunes. Some were questionable, such as the gangsta rap video by the usually timid Sycamore. But nearly 99% of all material in the 'Uncyclopedia' category is patent nonsense, such as a visualization of AAAAAAA!, faceoffs between George Bush & Kanye West and Steve Ballmer & various other injokes, and a 'don't blink contest' featuring Gert5 staring into a camera for nine hours.

Check out these pages! Be nice to n00bs! Poop management A modest proposal From our logs: 17:23, 4 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked AdamtheSpud (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Thou shalt not create stupid MySpace vanity; nor shalt thou spam links to it across the site, lest ye be smited) 02:00, 6 October 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 100100100 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Jesus rang. He hates you for blanking your neighbor's article. Also, he says he caught you mastrubating the other day. They're reserving a spot in the ninth circle of hell for you. Enjoy!) 23:50, 6 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.147.9.218 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Excuse me my kind sir, but may I please ask of you what the fuck you're doing?) Biopic of the Week The Thinker is an Uncyclopedia powerhouse. He was last year's bestest writer and is the proud papa of 17 featured articles (and proud co-papa of a further 14). He has won numerous awards for his writing skills, journalistic style, and sexy baritone. His fame and fortune stem from his daily routine of cleansing the body and spirit. Old-School Featured Article of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships is an annual Swedish tradition dating back to simpler times, when the joy of launching rodents into a lake could light up the face of the young and old alike. However, protests and scandals have recently threatened this once-great occasion, and interest has dwindled to the point where the land of Sweden is once again littered with unlaunched rats.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— Sir Sycamore (talk) 18:27, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

innocent whistling

As far as innocent whistling goes, I have to agree.   ~   innocent whistler <00:20, 11 October 2008 (UTC)>

Word, my compatriot. Word. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:21, Oct 11

Get writing!

For the glory of her majesty is this week's Colonization. Your Uncyclopedia needs you!! You asked for it and now For the glory of her majesty is to be transformed by our band of rewriting brothers. It is your duty as an Uncyclopedian to join the invading army, go forth and spread the funny word. Good luck, my friend.

-- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey)  11:30, 12 October 2008 (UTC)

Ooh, cool, I'll have to add a bit to this once I get back... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 13:35, Oct 12

Skulduggery Pleasant

Couldn't you have put an ICU on that instead of huffing it on sight? Don't get me wrong, I realise your intentions were benevolent but you didn't really think I was going to leave in that pathetic state did you? --Narcissus Black 12:05, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

I had no reason to believe you weren't. Next time, just tag it {{WIP}}, or better yet start it in your userspace, and I'll know that you intend to work on it. I've restored the page to User:Narcissus Black/Skulduggery Pleasant. Just work on it there until you think it's done, then move it back into mainspace. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 14:24, Oct 13

Thank you. --Narcissus Black 14:37, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks ever so

Thanks for the welcome. Any relation to the RED balloon? One of our favorite movies...... Wikihowl 17:47, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

You're welcome for the welcome. And no, I'm closer on the family tree to a Led Zeppelin. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:48, Oct 13

BLOCK ME BLOCK ME BLOCK ME

BLOCK ME BLOCK ME YOU D***! Rory666 05:03, 15 October 2008 (UTC)

Done and done. We aim to please! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:45, Oct 15

press

hey led, just wondering if you have any comment for the signpost regarding your backing of joe plumber for president. what can we expect from this political powerhouse? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:16, 16 October 2008 (UTC)

Well, the most important thing to know about Joe Plumber is that he is AMERICAN, in bold italics underlined and all caps, just like that. See, he's pretty much the perfect candidate. He's honest and hardworking. He loves his country. He works hard. He never lies. And MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, he loves AMERICA. Just picture him standing in front of a flag with the Star Spangled Banner playing in the background, and you'll know why I support his presidency. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:38, Oct 16

Yay!

23:11, 16 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 189.74.8.246 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Viva Barcelona!). It almost makes me feel like I matter. Almost. ;-) --UU - natter 08:18, Oct 17

Well, thank you for helping me to distribute a sufficiently mocking ban message. After banning the three-thousandth blanker, the well of ideas begins to run a bit dry, know what I mean? It's like, how many ways can I play up the fact that blanking rhymes with wanking? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:55, Oct 17

I'm Serious. I'm like 14.

== I FINALLY HAVE AN ACCOUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ==

Yeah, That's Right NHG, Got an account yall'z. ;D --BlackSugaBabyGurl 23:47, 19 October 2008 (UTC)

I'm sorry, we're going to have to ban you for not using enough exclamation points. - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 00:58, Oct 20

Yeah, it's official policy. Next time, make sure you use a few more. :P - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:00, Oct 20

OH NOES!!!! I GOT BANNED!!!!! XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm

High on Happy Crack. :D) --BlackSugaBabyGurl 01:49, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

This is How I Look Like.

Yah, Dis is what I look like, almost. I did it in MS Paint. --BlackSugaBabyGurl 02:29, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

You're a munchkin! --Jim10271949 02:46, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

Well'z I guess so...XD! Yah, I'm 15, and I did dis in MS Paint. --BlackSugaBabyGurl 22:04, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments? --Smexy Black Chick 23:18, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

Hmm... I think my feelings can be adequately summed up by the word "groovypants." That's not to say that I find your pants, or skirt in this case, to be in particular groovy, but rather that I find the image, in its entirety, to be groovypants. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:09, Oct 21

Lol, I didn't really noe what I waz thinkin' when I made that Image. XD.

So, I guess you're sorta right about the "GrooveyPants" part. Lmao. --BlackSugaBabyGurl 16:23, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 21 October 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

October 16^th, 2008 • Twenty-Second Issue • Now with 40% more Batman!

Uncyc Users throw Support Behind Joe Plumber By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedians today officially declared their undying allegience to Joe Plumber, a newcomer in the upcoming U.S. presidential election. Plumber was thrust into the spotlight last night at the second of many dreadfully boring presidential debates between those two or more candidates currently jockeying for the office. His name was mentioned no less than twenty-four dozen times by the candidates, with each claiming that Joe sided with him on issues such as healthcare, tax increases, and the 'Canada Problem'. One candidate even went so far as to claim that he and Plumber were 'buddies', and that Plumber installed a new bathtub in his palatial presidential candidate mansion last July. Several prominent Uncyclopedians spoke out in vehement support of Plumber, citing his many qualifications to be the leader of the free world. "He's a maverick in the plumbing industry," said staunch pro-Plumberer Colin "All your base" Heaney. "He also has a plan to live the American Dream, through the infinite wisdom of buying his own plumbing company. America needs dreamers, Gerry." Despite being asked to stop commenting, Heaney went on to say that Plumber "cleans people's pipes on a regular basis." Other supporters of Joe Plumber's campaign and platform included inanimate objects such as TheLedBalloon. "The most important thing to know about Joe Plumber is that he is AMERICAN, in bold italics underlined and all caps, just like that." When asked to give another example of how patriotic both he and Plumber are, Mr. Balloon replied, "Just picture him standing in front of a flag with the Star Spangled Banner playing in the background, and you'll know why I support his presidency." Current polls show Plumber trailing in the presidential race, with an estimated zero percent of all voters. His backers are trying to spread the word about Joe's tax relief plan, his rugged good looks, and his skill with a pair of slip-nose pliers. Uncylopedia Issues Food Stamps By Gerrycheevers Due to the recent downturn in the economy, Uncyclopedia officials have issued hundreds of food stamps to users who have no means of feeding themselves. These users might be out of a job or have no arms. In any case, these food stamps are to be given out on alternate Thursdays, except for odd-numbered months, months ending in 'y' or 'r', and April. They will be available at the Uncyclopedia Meat Depot, the boron smelting plant, or by calling the new food stamps hotline. These food stamps will be valid for purchasing a wide variety of nutritious and delicious items from the Uncyclopedia Farmer's Market and Livestock Emporium. Included are items such as pre-packed huffable kittens, gummi grues, and AAAAAAA! cookies.

Check out these pages! Happy days are here again! For the greater good of the Empire Weekly 'Uncylopedia sucks' forum, right on time From our logs: 06:45, 10 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Wp 815 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Blanking pages is so Emo. Now go write about it in your Livejournal.) 16:46, 13 October 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked You can shove your wiki up your arse. SIDEWAYS. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎(I'd come up with something witty if I wasn't too busy eating.) 09:01, 14 October 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Nihilist909 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Whatever it is you're doing, you shall not do that anymore. At least until tomorrow.) 12:23, 15 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.15.183.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(What's the Thai for "fuck off and stop vandalising our website"? Whatever it is, kindly do so.) Biopic of the Week With one of the loudest userpages you'll ever see, urine aficinado and making-stuff-up-as-you-go-along expert Orian57 is, among other things, pleased to not be a Power Ranger. Just don't look under his mattress. From the Desk of the Cabal Firstly, there is no cabal. However, if one were to exist, it might remind citizens to leave the Uncyc offices well before dark, as the streets are generally safer in the daylight, and Cajek continues to feed the gremlins after midnight. In addition, whatever organizations intended to ensure public safety might happen to exist might also happen to enforce a shoot-on-sight 7:00 curfew. These guidelines are still useful, even though there certainly is not a cabal.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--Sycamore (Talk) 09:18, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Awarded!

(OK, so we worked out why, but it still qualifies for sure)

-- sannse (talk) 19:03, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Woo! Go bugs! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:02, Oct 25

Story, please. sirsysrq @ 03:03 Dec 16

I have a reskin idea for Wednesday

I have created this main page reskin with a Pushing Daisies theme, and I think it's funny enough to use on Wednesday (October 29). The show is on every Wednesday night.

If you're not familiar with the show, Ned is a piemaker who can bring the dead back to life by touching them, but his touch has consequences. You can read the Wikipedia article for the show for more information.

I couldn't quite figure out how to reskin the Featured article template, so I replaced what would be today's FA with a plot synopsis of a season 2 episode with a humorous pic to accompany it.

Is the reskin funny enough or does it need more work? Also, is it possible to reskin the logo with a daisy (as in the show's title) or with a pie or a corpse... and then change Uncyclopedia to Corpsiclopedia in the logo?

Thanks for all your help. PF4Eva, the President of Imagination Vote for me My tax returns 17:45, 26 October 2008 (UTC)

Well, I don't really know anything about the show, so it may be a better idea to bring it up in the Dump and see whether or not anyone else knows anything about it, and will get the joke. The logo can be changed fairly easily, by uploading a new image under Image:Wiki.png, so that's no problem. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:21, Oct 26

People do seem to be familiar with the show. (See this talk page.) And I have already created a pretty cool logo reskin, even though I cheated a bit and found a picture online of an animated pie that matches the style of the Wiki logos. I think it's ready whenever you want to do it. Thanks for your help. PF4Eva, the President of Imagination Vote for me My tax returns 17:35, 27 October 2008 (UTC)

All is done; I made Dr. S do it. :D - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:32, Oct 29

Why do we need a pushing daisies reskin? One with a hideous colour combination at that? • Spang • ☃ • talk • 03:42, 29 Oct 2008

*shrugs* I'm just doing what the voices in my head on my talk page tell me to. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:01, Oct 29

Swift once-over needed

So yeah, I just wrote something. I've no idea if it's any good, or if it's just a bad idea I needed to get out of my system. But I made a start on it and now I'm going to bed. Anyway, could you spare two minutes to have a squint and let me know if it's worth working on, or if I should just chalk it up as one of those "odd idea, no idea where it's going, might as well leave it" things. Not after a review, just a nod or a shake of the head will suffice.

There's a vague "skewering the pretensions of film snobs" thing going on, but I don't know if it's enough, and there's a vague celebration of mindlessly crap action movies, but I don't know if that's enough either. I just don't know. Therefore a brief opinion either way would be most welcome. 'Night! --UU - natter 22:38, Oct 29

Sure, I'll give it a look. Just gimme a couple minutes, I should be able to get to it later tonight. Also, speaking of mindlessly crap action movies... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:46, Oct 29

So shall I take that as "oh bloody hell, what's that mess? Maybe if I pretend to forget about it UU will as well"? ;-) --UU - natter 09:00, Nov 3

Argh, dammit, sorry about that UU, I'll have a look right now... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:35, Nov 3

Ok, read it! And yeah, I like it--especially that last line. I was a bit worried that it would start to drag, but the change of focus to purchasing the movie changed up the article just the right amount to keep it interesting. I'd recommend making a change like that every once in a while to keep us readers guessing if you want to expand on the page. Maybe go on about how embarrassing it would be to own that movie for a bit, then BAM, change it again... or something. I dunno. Whatever you decide, good luck! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:53, Nov 3

Thanks man. Appreciate it. Looks like I might have been slightly off with the Why?:So Serious nom - what can I say? I liked it! --UU - natter 22:22, Nov 3

No problem, and sorry about the long wait...I think I lost your request in my expanding talk page, or something. As for the nom, s'all good--it was fun for me n' TKF to write, and I'll definitely take some time to improve it based on your suggestions in that pee review. Who knows, maybe it just needs a little push in the right direction. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:43, Nov 3

Wow, thanks

...For lowering your self-esteem level enough to welcome a n00b.--Diphenhydramine 01:01, 31 October 2008 (UTC)

No problem at all. Happy editing! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:34, Oct 31

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!! TRICK OR TREAT!!!

Yo What Up! Happy Halloween Led. Although, I ain't treatin'.(I'm 15; way to old. xD) Actually I think I'm gonna Teepee everyones house in mah hood....So just given ya a heads up. (If ya live in da 'hood.) --~~~~Insert non-formatted text here

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!! TRICK OR TREAT!!!

Yo What Up! Happy Halloween Led. Although, I ain't treatin'.(I'm 15; way to old. xD) Actually I think I'm gonna Teepee everyones house in mah hood....So just given ya a heads up. (If ya live in da 'hood.)--BlackSugaBabyGurl 00:33, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

Led is born and raised in da 'hood. Hardcore mutha fucka. -RAHB 00:34, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

<big>LED IZ A HARDCORE GANGSTA XD</large> He must be mah Homie! --BlackSugaBabyGurl 01:15, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

Say, I heard that you were gangsta. Well, I'll have you know, I'm somewhat gangsta myself. Also, I spent my Halloween first playing backyard football, then watching Leprechaun 5: Lep in da hood (ironically enough), then walking all around my town, including shortcuts through dark woods, for pretty much no reason whatsoever. We wound up making a huge circle back to my friend's house, whereupon we watched part of The House on Haunted Hill before I had to depart. T'was a good time. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:51, Nov 1

Dat's so bad ass yo! XD --BlackSugaBabyGurl 21:57, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote

From--Sycamore (Talk) 17:34, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

How Do you Costumize your User Signature???????

Um...Yah, How do you costumize your Signature for Uncyclopedia? If you could tell me how to...than I'd appreciate it. (I'm very Naive) --BlackSugaBabyGurl 22:24, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

First, create a userspace subpage, something like User:BlackSugaBabyGurl/sig. Fill the page with the code that creates the signature you want. You can do just about anything, just make sure it follows the sig rules (include an obvious link to your userpage, no pictures big enough to mess with lines of text). Once your sig looks nice, go to your preferences and put {{SUBST:nosubst|User:BlackSugaBabyGurl/sig}} in your nickname box. Check the box that says 'raw signature,' and you're all set. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:14, Nov 1

Kills/DEATH

I KILL KILLL KILLLLLL

DEATH -- IwillKillsjuu

Oh my, what a simple minded creature we have here! -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 00:48, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

Rebbecca are you dead on the inside or something....? Are you goth or Emo?--BlackSugaBabyGurl 00:58, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

*Lights a cigarette, dons a trenchcoat and a fedora, speaks in a gritty undertone, becomes an image in the greyscale, and generally epitomizes film noir* ...Uncyclopedia. It's a dangerous job, but someone's gotta do it. Sometimes, that someone is you. Tonight, it's me.

Uncyclopedia... It's a dangerous job. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:53, Nov 2

I agree with ya on dat. Lol, Sometimes on other sites I see other people recieving death Threats!

 Like on Youtube... *Shivers*..I'd sure hate ta be that person.--BlackSugaBabyGurl 18:09, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

Yo, Led!

LED! LED!! LED!!! CHECK OUT MY NEW SIG. ------> --Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 21:44, 2 November 2008 (UTC) OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IZ SO BADASS AWESOME!!!!!!!! I'd Also want a give a shout out to Mafia, for helping me get such an awesome sig. Thank-ya'll so much!! n_n!! --Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 21:44, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

Cool, looks great. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:49, Nov 2

Oh, why thank-you sir LedBalloon...xD.--Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 23:08, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

Introducing: *Drum Roll* The Pretty Sailor Soilder SugaBaby.....-_-;;

-_-;; Please help me.....

Yeah...I did this in MS paint and it came out like complete crap. So, yeah this

is (supposedly) supposed to be me in a Sailor Moon out fit....disturbing. Please be gental on me...I did this all day long. It's a spoof and Parody of Sailor Moon. I was gonna ask whut you thought about it. --Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 00:43, 4 November 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 3-ish November 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

November 3^rd-ish, 2008 • Twenty-Third Issue • Better than things that aren't as good!

Address Change: Return To Sender? For those of you with your heads buried in the sand, or who choose to concentrate on writing articles, or who don't ever look at address bars, or who don't care: Uncyclopedia's domain name has been changed by evil communist oppressors Wikia. If you are one of those people, here's a brief summary of the incident: Sannse tells us Wikia have decided the domain is changing. We don't get any say in the matter, but do get to suggest ideas for the new name. Lucky us. Fuck.Wikia.Com is a popular suggestion with all except Wikia. Lots of people get angry, Zombiebaron sticks his undead head in briefly, Codeine adds a Bill Hicks clip railing against the evils of advertising, lots of people sign a petition threatening something vague if the change goes ahead. The change goes ahead. There follows an uncoordinated response, during which some users go on strike and do nothing, some users open the wiki up to vandalism, and some users get pissed off about it. The UnSignpost goes on strike for a week in solidarity, and doesn't, for example, miss another week due to the laziness of editors. Oh no. The change is of such profound magnitude, it even brought Mooses out of self-imposed exile. Briefly. Sort of. The community decides an uncoordinated response isn't working, and tries to get its shit together. There are even attempts to elect a Cabal to deal with the issues. The self-defeating nature of attempting to establish an Uncyc Cabal is not lost on some. Skullthumper solves the problem. Sort of. If you aren't one of those people, here's an even briefer summary: Shit happened. People got pissed. The world has so far failed to end. More on this ongoing situation as we get it. Probably. Glorious return to form for MrN! The UnSignpost is pleased to be able to report that, after a two-month self-imposed embargo, popular poopsmith MrN9000 has made a glorious return to using underwear references in his daily conversation! The dam finally burst at 23.06 on Oct 22nd, and all those who know him could feel and share the relief, the release of that pent-up tension and the sheer untrammelled joy of their favourite user with a pair of tits in his sig. Fellow poopsmith and genial man-about-town UU said of the momentous occasion: "you what? MrN? Oh yeah, him. Good bloke. Knows his underwear". Then he scratched his nose reflectively and wandered off. MrN himself was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press/we couldn't be bothered to interview him (delete as you think applicable), but the UnSignpost fondly imagines he would have smiled enigmatically, raised an eyebrow quizzically, nodded appreciatively, and said "PANTS!" predictably. The pants themselves were also unavailable for comment.

Check out these pages! ALL CAPS v Ban Magnet. Modus gets vaguely irked. Did we miss doing a Hallowe'en issue? From our logs: 09:26, 20 October 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.217.149.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You're interrupting my essay writing. Unless you plan on writing my essay for me, fuck off.) 04:20, 22 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.15.244.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You, sir, have gone above and beyond the call of failure. Now that may sound like a compliment, but read it again, paying special attention to that last word. Yeah.) 18:03, 22 October 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.70.120.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Your friends do not interest us. Your sister does.) 04:57, 23 October 2008 Tom mayfair (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: & Not The Good Sexual Kind of Harassment Either) Biopic of the Week Sexy, Pompey-supporting bureaucrat Codeine has probably banned you. If he hasn't, he probably will. Soon. Viewed as one of the most diligent and trusted admins on the site, Codeine has probably been here longer than you as well. And he'll probably be here long after you leave too. Deal with it. VFD kept article of the week French accent. Zo, you zink ze article iz zaveabeule? Zut alors! Well geurd leurck weez reewriteeng eet zen! Meurdeus, Preetiestpreeteey and 'yperbeule 'ave made a stert. Cajek ban of the week 00:43, 26 October 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Posting in the forums. You know better than to get involved in the community. Now get back in your cage.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Shoved through the letterbox for the one and only time by UU - natter 11:06, Nov 6

I wanted to cheer you up n_n

So here is a lovely, calming song to raise your spirits... awwwwwwwwwwwwww ^_^

\m/ - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:33, Nov 9

Lawrence Gonzi

Yo, why did you huff the page? I thought it was funny.

It was two lines long. If you don't put at least some time in effort into your pages, their huffage is all but guaranteed. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:32, Nov 9

Yeah 16 candles!! For my birthday!!!

==

TODAY IS MAH 16th BIRTHDAY!!!!! *WOOT* VETERENS DAY!!!!

Yeah, Happy birthday to moi! BlackSugaBabyGirl is officially 16!!! Yeah, dat means I can get my driver's lisence!!!!! *WOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*--Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 19:27, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

Cool, happy birthday. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:38, Nov 11

Hea Led

Well, I just spoke to someone of the name "Cajek" in IRC. Not sure who his is, but he requested to be un-blocked. Apparently he has a reputation for such things. Could you maybe take a look at it? His ban probably needs to be extended. Or removed. Not sure. :-)

Cajek (talk) – contribs (new • del) • edit-count • block (rem • list) • all logs • groups • checkuser MrN 00:48, Nov 12

UnSignpost: 13th November 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

November 13^th, 2008 • Issue 24 • So close to journalism you'll be hard pushed to know the difference!

Uncyclopedian does something vaguely noteworthy in "real life" In an unprecedented development, Uncyclopedian 15Mickey20 has made a foray into media activity outside of the internets. Mickey, Uncyc's tennis correspondent, has been seen on popular-with-students-and-pensioners UK gameshow Countdown, operating under the pseudonym "Martin". Mickey has so far failed to live up to Uncyclopedia's proudest traditions, by actually being quite good at the game. Indeed, at the time of writing, he'd won several games, including what he modestly described as "an awesome numbers game, beating Carol". He also shamelessly mentioned his connection to the site in a recent episode, leading to quite literally no extra edits to the Countdown article - still, thanks for the plug, Mick! Having spent time in the company of such notable international icons as Des O'Connor (no, we don't have a page on him, so there's no link), Paul Zenon (nope, nothing on him either) and Suzy Dent (spotting a pattern here, non-UK readers?) Mickey is now Uncyclopedia's most prominent celebrity, and it's surely only a matter of time before he appears on Strictly Come Dancing or Celebrity Big Brother, and has a lurid kiss-and-tell exposé in Heat Magazine. Various "...of the month" award candidates - November's in-depth analysis Writer of the Month: There's a bumper crop of WotM candidates nominated this month for your voting delectation. The UnSignpost's own Gerrycheevers is the early favourite, having established a significant lead over this week's biopic star Mrmonkey72, several-time nominee SysRq, inactive-for-ages-but-funny Nydas, dark horse Knucmo2 and the multi-featured and multi-talented An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. But! There is still time, your votes can still make a difference! (Unless you've already voted, natch). Uncyclopedian of the Month: Controversial nominees abound here, as serial ban collector Cajek goes head-to-head with Wikia corporate mouthpiece Sannse. The hyperactive one with the light blue sig is in the lead at present. But! As with certain other popular recent votes, there is a third candidate inexplicably attracting little attention - Dexter111344, a site maintenance and VFD stalwart. Who will win? Only you can decide (and all the other people who vote, obviously). Noob of the Month: No-one. Yet. Find a noob doing something vaguely decent and nominate them please! Otherwise the UnSignpost may just have to bring back the ultimate dead horse for yet more flogging and nom Rcmurphy again. Useless Gobshite of the Month: Kip the Dip is out on his own for this one so far. Having proved an exemplary gobshite for months on end, despite being cruelly denied the recognition of this award, the UnSignpost feels that his time is now, and is abandoning all pretence at unbiased journalism: VOTE KIP FOR UGotM!

Check out these pages! Mad for Uncyclomania! Logical Merge? Hyperdeletionism From our logs: 14:58, 11 November 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.118.10.166 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (idiots never learn. That's why they're idiots.) 08:09, 6 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.203.113.117 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Didn't your mother tell you not to use such bad language? Inbetween all those dicks she was sucking, I mean. ) 05:04, 6 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.46.44.68 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Yeah, I agree, this site is the worst. Tell you what, now you don't have to edit here ever again! Aren't I the best admin ever?) Biopic of the Week Mrmonkey72 is another stellar addition to the Uncyc ranks this year. This highly evolved simian's natural habitat seems to be UnNews, where he's settled with impressive speed, although he's not above writing the odd high quality article as well. And with a Foolitzer Prize and a WotM nom already under his belt, who knows how far he'll go? VFD kept article of the week Odd. Surely there's some potential here folks - one talented writer, or failing that anyone with enough time on their hands, might want to add copious sprinkles of funniness dust to this strange confection. Glorious Return of the Week Hey everyone, SysRq's back!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 12:56, 13 November 2008 (UTC)

I seek your adminly expertise...

...On what to do about a certain Teletubbies article. I used to quite like this one, but practically every day since October 9, a certain user has been going mad on it, madly turning it into a madhouse. A MADHOUSE, I say! Now, I want my old Teletubbies back, but I don't want to throw a month of this guy's "work" out the window either, because that would be just mean. Is there a way we can revert this article while maybe giving this guy an alternate page for his schizophrenic ramblings continuous improvements? --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 21:57, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Could you link me to the versions in the history each of you prefers? If they're similar, you could shoehorn both pages into one article. Alternatively, if they're about completely different things, teletubbies could be a disambiguation page leading to, I don't know, say, "Teletubbies(Children's TV show)" or "Teletubbies(Powerful west-side street gang that only accepts people dressed in silly costumes as members)"...or whatever the opposing concepts are. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:52, Nov 18

As far as I'm concerned, this is the last good version of the article, as it's the last one that preserves the flavor of the original feature. I don't "prefer" anything after that, but I'm afraid that Tinkywinkyisgay is mentally unstable for putting so much time into this article and he'll fly off the handle if it gets deleted, so I'll recommend this last version that was de-red-linked by Colin "All Your Base" as the alternate one. This article is a feature, so turning it into a disambiguation page somehow seems like a bad idea. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 01:02, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

Also, I don't see how the two concepts can be shoehorned together, because the latter version doesn't have a concept, unless schizophrenia counts. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 01:05, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

Well, I was just about to try to come up with something when I took a look through our friend's contribs. Apparently he decided he wanted to be blocked forever. I was more than happy to oblige. I reverted the article; it's in your capable hands now. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:23, Nov 19

Huh. Okay. I hope he didn't see what I wrote on your talk page and flip out because it. Either way, problem solved. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 02:38, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

Indeed. Three cheers for the problem sorting itself out! Huzzah! Huzzah! ...shit...1...2...uhh...umm... Huzzah! ...I think. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:42, Nov 19

Just as a heads-up, the dude is back as Falalalala. I don't know if this counts as sockpuppetry since his first ban was self-requested, but he has announced intention of reverting your revert, so be forewarned.

I'm feeling under the weather so I won't be around for a while to do whatever it is do I here. Smell ya later. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 01:02, 24 November 2008 (UTC)

WHAT THE FUCK?!? (In regards to Teletubbies.)

DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING LONG IT TOOK ME TO DE-REDLINK THAT FUCKING PAGE!!! I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT, GIVE ME A FUCKING AWARD OR SOMETHING TO MAKE ME HAPPY! AND A COOKIE, COOKIES HELP! FUCK! Also: Now it's good again. Yay! Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 02:23, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

Yes, intrepid wikiwarrior, thy great deeds go not unnoticed. I hath seen thy feats, and, in recognition, I doth hereby dub thee the title of Most Unprecedented Grand Champion of Generalized Badassery! And, in gratitude for thy service, I present thee with yon sweet pastry, to be bequeathed unto thy talk page by my royal self posthaste. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:32, Nov 19

UnSignpost: 20th November2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

November 20^th, 2008 • #100/4 • Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

UnSignpost Stumbles past 6 month milestone Uncyclopedia's premier periodical, the UnSignpost, has somehow managed not to fade away and die for over 6 months, which should probably merit some kind of special edition, but meh. In true UnSignpost fashion, the editors noticed this about 2 weeks late - the Signpost having been so gloriously conceived (and never was a word more aptly suited to this juvenile-as-all-get-out publication) by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek back in early May. The first issue rolled off the presses on May 8th, bringing you such earth-shattering news as "Rcmurphy nommed for Noob of the Month again" and "Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed", as well as establishing Signpost tradition with "Spacefiller of the week" (something about Grand Theft Auto). The editor's office here at USP should probably have had a revolving door installed, having been occupied at various times since Cajek and Skull abandoned it by THEDUDEMAN, Gerrycheevers, Heerenveen and some other numpty - although this is small change compared to the number of delivery bots and boys that have thrust the latest issue, still warm, through your letter flaps. Over the months, many other contributors have helped to keep the UnSignpost in its deserved position of "only weekly-ish newspaper on the wiki" - possibly by being so lame that no-one wanted to bother doing another one. And, having brought you such shattering exclusives as "Wookiepedia Too Cool For Cajek", "Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce" and "RC takes home NotM", the UnSignpost shows no sign of speeding up. Maybe one day, the unstoppable forces of apathy will finally overcome those who still labour under the impression that people actually care about seeing block log entries and biopics arrive on their talk page weekly, and the UnSignpost will grind to a halt. But until then, it will continue to bring you all the old news you've already seen somewhere else, whether you like it or not! UnSportsPost By ace sportshound Enzo Aquarius. In response to quite literally some demand, your ever-topical, finger-on-the-pulse UnSignpost brings you all the latest sports news that's unfit to print! NFL - Detroit Lions lost again bringing their record-breaking award-winning losing streak to 9, with their last notable points scored in the 2004 season. Lions followers are confident their team can break through once the team's brains are reverted back to Windows XP Basketball Edition. Big thumbs up and grins boys! NHL - Unlike their Lion brethren, the Detroit Red Wings are in the lead, as always. Then again, their conference is full of NHL expansion filler, so what can you expect? But hey, San Jose is up as well, so uh...yeah...good for them. Good for them. NBA - LA Lakers are up with no losses in their belt, but anybody east of LA doesn't care anyways. Uhhh....132 points scored by New York...good job guys. Football/Soccer - See, there are so many freaking teams and conferences that you just can't keep track of all of them. Then again, Japan beat Syria 3-1. Talk about a non-stop action high-scoring game! MLB - Training time, the high-gravity chamber has been set, Goku will be pitching. It's also time to bring in the young blood who will only play 1 game in the 2009 season.

Check out these pages! Who judges the judges who judge the, er, turkeys?. Through the fire and the flamewars?. {{tl|merge}}?. From our logs: 23:37, 17 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.122.136.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking is bad. Even in New Zealand, or as we like to call it "Australia Lite") 23:32, 17 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.208.113.67 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Browser hijack links piss me off. When I'm pissed off, I ban dickheads. You are a dickhead.) 09:37, 17 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.19.184.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Those who can't do, critique. Poorly.) 04:13, 16 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.130.147.91 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ( * 04:11, 16 November 2008 (hist) (diff) Santa Claus‎ (←Replaced page with 'FUCK OFF!') -- I know one kid who's getting coal this year...) Biopic of the Week What is it you look for in a 'crat? Is it diligent banstick wielding? Is it a list of featured articles as long as Spang's talk page? Is it having his own award, that he deigns to bestow on those he deems worthy? If it's any or all of these, Mhaille's yer man. If it's not, I dunno, try Olipro, or something. Cajek ban of the week 08:03, 16 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a big dick ‎ (<Sawblade5> RAHB take care of http://en.uncyclopedia.co/index.php?title=Special:BlockIP&ip=Cajek) "Writer of the Month" of the Week. Last heard from in any capacity on this site in January 2007, Imrealized was your WotM for September 2006, with an unheard-of-these-days 19 votes (and Severian liked him so much he voted for him twice). And with a triumvirate of articles like Paradise Lost, Smells Like Teen Spirit and Rorschach Inkblot Acid Test, (not to mention WWJJD?) it's easy to see why. Cabal news of the week There is no Cabal news of the week.

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MrN9001 20:53, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 27th November2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

November 27th • Issue 26 • The newspaper it's tough to swat flies with

Uncyc shall go to the Ball! The seasonal tang in the air, the anticipation on the faces of Uncyclopedians everywhere... it can only mean one thing: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is upon us again! The popular annual celebration of all that's good about bad taste is hoping to provoke a slew of skewed satire and give those foolhardy enough to volunteer as judges a colossal headache. And a good laugh, of course. To whet the appetite, let's take a look at some of the cream of last year's competition: A bunch of aristocrats fucking. Awesome vid Pacific War The Bureaucrats (Joke) Why?:Use a wooden condom Yup, standards are that high, or low, depending on your point of view, sense of humour, religion, shoe size and taste in hats. So jump to it! If you can make the judges laugh even as they vomit up their own entrails, you could be in with a chance of winning the glorious title "Aristocrat en Regalia", as well as the undying jealousy of the other entrants you so satisfyingly routed. Or you might lose. Asked for quotes, organiser RAHB quipped "I'll probably get on it sometime tonight, if not tomorrow", while official judging type Modusoperandi added "my memoires are riddled with mind expanding shit". {{username}} claims millionth victim Stalking the articles, forums and userpages of Uncyclopedia like some kind of bad metaphor with legs, the notorious {{username}} template has claimed its millionth victim. The individual in question (who shall not be named because this publication is trying to write an article about {{username}} without actually using {{username}}) was innocently browsing through Uncyclopedia's debating rooms, looking in at the progress of such worthwhile literary endeavours as the incrementation project and the attention span test, when the vengeful template struck! "It was there, in front of me, an accusation that I was teh gheyz", the hapless victim told us exclusively. "Such hard-hitting slander had to be addressed, and addressed immediately, so I clicked the edit button, and launched into a passionate and vitriolic defence of my unquestionable heterosexuality post-haste!" Ironically, it was the length of this diatribe that finally revealed the subterfuge. "It took me some time to compose a suitable riposte, listing at length my many dalliances with members of the opposite sex, my subscription to Playboy and my utter distaste for the movie Brokeback Mountain - in fact it took so long that I was logged out from my account" said the sap. "So when I hit the preview button to behold my comeback in all its savage majesty, what should catch my eye but the <insert name here> message that betrays {{username}} abuse? I felt so embarrassed, the only logical course of action I could take was to sell my story to a newspaper with a global readership - you did say you'd pay me for this, right?" Shortly after this point, the interview was discontinued due to a disagreement between interviewer and interviewee. Asked for a final quote, we were told "fuck {{username}}, and fuck you too!" - a comment that speaks volumes about the suffering this terrible template is capable of inflicting on the unwary. {{username}} was unavailable for comment, and remains at large, ready to strike again.

Check out these pages! Don't be a dick? How do you measure up? "{{Oh dear}}"? Oh dear! From our logs: 12:14, 26 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 118.101.59.19 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Excess stupid detected. Initialising idiot smiting mechanism) 18:21, 25 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 198.20.32.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You only sort of suck, now. Come back when your sucking ceases.) 00:13, 23 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of A power level over 9000 ‎ (Vandalizing Cajek's userpage. You should be ASHAMED. Also, Skull said this bantime actually works. Let's see!) Biopic of the Week Holy Cheese, it's Necropaxx! From humble beginnings (starting out as just another notch on Famine's banstick), cheery, Grim Reaper looky-likey Necropaxx has stalked his way through the site, creating quality features, a bunch of images, and a growing portfolio of helpful reviews. Just don't diss the cheese, OK? He worships the cheese. VFD kept article of the week Yam - c'mon folks, it's tuber humo(u)r. "A yam will totally kick your ass if you call it a sweet potato. I'm not kidding." Doesn't that just make you want to rush in there and give it the magic rewriting touch it needs? Unactioned image request of the week User:Sycamore/Mephistopheles - "I kind of want it to be a bit like Goethe's character Mephisto, but maybe with a "Sympathy for the Devil, Rolling Stones" quality - I'd really like something with the whole transformation from a poodle to the student bit or some of the character qualities here." for Sycamore. Anyone with photoshop feeling helpful? Cajek ban of the week 12:31, 24 November 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 minutes 21 seconds ‎ (What is this thing about blocking you anyway? And why aren't I in on it?)

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MrN9001 21:12, 27 November 2008 (UTC)

fresh undies

Circa early October you pulled a link out of your ass mid-IRC conversation when we were discussing the joys of vending machine panties in Japan. Is that still pullable from your ass? At the time I thought that clicking links would disconnect me from IRC so I refrained from doing so, but I'm hoping there might have been a pic on there for a Turkey's Ball article I'm working on. Your cooperation would be appreciated. --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 03:53, 28 November 2008 (UTC)

Sure, I think it was somewhere from snopes.com...let me see if I can find it... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:54, Nov 28

Hmmm...was this the site you were looking for? If so, you'll have to let me know what the writing says. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:56, Nov 28

Wow, talk about fast service! You should put on the top of your talk page: "The TLB Talk Page: Talk about service!" with a smiling car logo going really fast, perhaps. But actually I'm kind of at work now and think I kinda shouldn't check that page right now, but I will when I get home. If it's no good I'll search elsewhere. Either way, I'll let you know what it says. Thanks! --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 04:00, 28 November 2008 (UTC)

Okay, there's a guy in the comments section that translates it accurately, so I'm just copying and pasting here:

"The Japanese on the machine in the picture in question actually says "Panties everyone wants their girlfriend to wear: Super high-quality sexy panties."

In other words, the ones in the picture are not used. There's also another comment that pretty much debunks the whole myth, and since I've never seen any myself or heard from an actual Japanese person that has heard of them, I'd say it's either an urban legend, or at very least no longer in existence. ...Nevertheless, as long as the myth exists I can and will exploit it! The picture too. Thanks again! --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 10:25, 28 November 2008 (UTC)

Aww...no used underwear? *sigh...* Oh well... Anyways, good luck with your article! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 14:48, Nov 28

Hm. If we're talking about service, perhaps you could do this? sirsysrq @ 04:09 Nov 28

I'm on it, which is coincidentally also an innuendo! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:18, Nov 28

......................

Fdsegdvfdhshtr nytrey htrdehg trbgr njtkyt... (Sorry Led, I'm bored, yo).--Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 18:49, 29 November 2008 (UTC)

...ok... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:21, Nov 29

.....ok?--Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 03:56, 30 November 2008 (UTC)

ok! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 07:50, Nov 30

Préparer les boulettes de viande!--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 16:32, 30 November 2008 (UTC)

Ay carumba! Mi cabeza está en fuego! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:39, Nov 30

dje hdoaue oahdoeh nvuoa? --Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 00:15, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Since we're all deleting our own userpages now

How about we get to the bottom of how the hell Spang did that, huh. I checked all his .js pages but nothing seems out of place -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 23:36, 2 December 2008 (UTC)

Good question. I think sannse dealt with it at one point, maybe try asking her about it... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:15, Dec 6

Evan Copenbarger

Evan Copenbarger does not refer to the man on face book as he was not born in 1914, that should have been obvious. Now the real point of Evan Copenbarger is to be used in a riddle in which the person must come to this uncyclopedia page and find the clues which would lead them to another clue, if you had actually read the passage and Thought about it you might be able to find the hidden message, but alas you didn't think. So i would appreciate that Evan Copenbarger be placed back on so i can complete my psych project and once again, try to see meaning in something instead of being arrogant and acrimonious moron.

Well, you appear to have given me a rather good idea of what's going on, despite this being none of my business. Rather than creating an article on the website that has nothing to do with the website, might I suggest registering User:Evan_Copenbarger and using the userpage thereof? That way everybody's happy, except maybe you because, quite frankly, you appear rather incontinent and seem to be somewhat of a grumpypants. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 04:22, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

Why can't he just have a page it says that he is a dread pirate from somalia (which i find hilarious) isn't the point of uncyclopedia to have stupid info that is funny, i am not putting any real person's biography for that i would probably use wikipedia anyway.

I have no problem with pages about made-up people, so long as they're funny and well-written. I do have a problem with pages that just happen to be about a person with the same name from the same part of California as a real person with a real facebook page and no wikipedia article--but that's not even what bothers me at this point. What bothers me about the page is that it's four lines long with no indication of intent to lengthen, and completely random. Made-up is fine, even encouraged, and random can work for humor. However, just going ahead and saying that someone is a space-pirate who killed his parents really doesn't. Think of it like this: Say you went into work or school or wherever, and told your friends that there's a guy named Evan who is a space pirate. I'm sure you'd get some very strange looks, but I know the folks I hang out wouldn't exactly be in stitches. Let's hear about his zany exploits! Comedy is in the details, most of the time. Anyways, if you want a page to not be deleted, take a look at HTBFANJS, and put in some time and effort to make that page into a full article. At the very least stick a {{WIP}} tag on the thing to say to whoever comes by it, "Hey, still working on this." Lastly, please, there's no need for the character attack. I am a lot of things, certainly, but I'd at least like to think that I'm no moron. Acrimonious and arrogant when the occasion calls for it, sure, (why else would they give me admin powers?) but moronic? Come on now. Anyways, if you want your page restored, all you have to do is ask, and agree to make it into a full page. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:13, Dec 6

Heeey, speaking of me being on your talk page...

ARCHIVE THE DAMN THING Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 04:45, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

Pish posh and poppycock, sir! Pippy posh-cock indeed. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:15, Dec 6

UnSignpost: 4th December 2008 (yea, we know it's late)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

December 4th • Issue 27 • Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Sycamore: How does he do it? An UnSignpost Special Investigation Sycamore. What words waft gently into the back garden of your mind when you hear that word? "Tree", perhaps, or "unusual, propeller-style seeds", if you're of a naturalistic bent. Maybe (although we admit it is highly unlikely), the words "song by really obscure Scottish rock band Deckard" will sneak in under the fence. But for those of an Uncyclopedia nature (and let's face it, that should include all those reading this, or the paperbot's malfunctioning again), the words are likely to include: "Scottish"; "omnipresent"; "recent changes fiend"; "reviewer extraordinaire"; "categories"; "ban patrol"; or possibly "who?" if you're out of the loop. But who is this masked Celt? Well, since changing identity from MMACKNIGHT‎ in March 2008, he's racked up an impressive 18,000 edits (or he will have by the time this paper is actually delivered - it's hanging at 17.940-odd at the time of typing). Many of these edits have been thanklessly categorising pages, voting for deletion, reverting and ban patrolling - the kind of soul-crushing work, in other words, that would sap the will to live of the average individual, but not our Syc. His efforts have not gone un-noticed. Indeed, he's been re-nommed for Uncuclopedian of the Month, even though he's already won the award. And despite the understandable reluctance of the non-existent cabal to swell their non-existent ranks, there is a small but significant groundswell of opinion gathering that this should be followed by the bestowing of a Banhammer on the cheery Caledonian. All of this is interesting, of course, and handily fills up column inches in this week's issue, but it doesn't answer the burning question: how does he do it? Once again spending no expense on uncovering the truth, your fearless UnSignpost has the answers, and they lie in his welcome message, and a gratuitous stereotype of his nationality. Yes, Jaffa Cakes and Irn Bru are the fuel of choice of this salutary Scot, and it would appear that the chemical reaction of these two volatile substances in his bloodstream creates an energy level easily the equivalent of at least a small-to-medium Hadron Collider. This is sufficient to cause in him a state not unequivalent to that Scientific Holy Grail, perpetual motion. So there you go kids: that's how he does it! Warning: Your safety-conscious UnSignpost would like to point out that Irn Bru is only known to have this beneficial effect on Scots. Those from less tartan countries would be advised to steer well clear - don't try this at home, kids! From the Cabal's desk Greeting citizens. This post does not exist. We are not addressing you from this paper. We do not exist. We do not sit in dark corners, smoking expensive cigars and smirk when we see you make mistakes. Mistakes on this site do not exist. We do not watch your every step with our ban hammers poised for actions. Mainly because your edits don't exist. We are not tired by your petty dramas and wonder when will you write some new classics. Simply because you do not exist. You are not reading this post. We will not meet again next week. This was not the cabal's weekly address to the citizenry. Keep the peace, obey the cabal. The cabal is your friend.

Check out these pages! TKF v BHOP: an acronymious battle The inevitable bandwagon A history lesson, and RAHB's penis again From our logs BUMPER SPECIAL: 07:24, 3 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You've got to stop taking vacations like this. They get in the way of the valuable contributions you make to our site.) 00:40, 3 December 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fat hideous cunt (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Codeine why are you using socks to vandalize us) 18:25, 2 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.146.0.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We love niggers. My best friend is a nigger. My wife is a nigger. And when I have a son, I hope he'll be a nigger rather than an IP) 19:57, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.184.39.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Regardless of what your girlfriends may have told you, orgasms are real) 18:18, 1 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Codeine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Country/Folk musician ‎ (When I see your name on my block log, I think of a song lyric by Townes van Zandt, if that means anything.) 18:03, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a penis ‎ (When I see your name in my watchlist, I think of penis. And that's not always a good thing.) 21:03, 30 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making RAHB think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.) 20:37, 30 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making me think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.) Biopic of the Week There's beautiful, there's downright gorgeous, and then, beyond even that, there's Prettiestpretty. Blessed with writing talent to rival her boundless good looks, she has edified us on the delights of the Queef, the significance of the Colossus of Barbie, and much more besides. Long may she lend her grace to Uncyc! Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: Actually, I think your religion is utterly ridiculous, and you're pretty stupid for believing in it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 19:10, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

Removal

Why the fuk did u remove my page of Blenheim High School?

It was about 5 lines long and was basically about why your school is so bad. We typically huff high school articles around here, as pretty much all of them wind up like that, as well as having huge potential for cyberbullying and whatnot. Why not just write a page on something that people outside of your town have heard of? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:24, Dec 8

Removal

Why did u remove my page of Blenheim High School?

Good question. I wish someone would answer it, like above this header or something. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:27, Dec 8

UnSignpost: 11th December

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

December 11th • Issue 28 • The truth, the whole truth, and nothing

Colin breaks #uncyclopedia By SysRq At approximately 7:01 EST, Colin "All your base" Heaney officially fucked everything up yet again. IRC was engaged in what started out as a naturally occurring, all-caps LOL train. However, being the little faggot that he is, Colin decided to join in, effectively making it not funny anymore. This reporter, being an expert witness in cases of dipshittery, quickly came to the conclusion that "Colin makes everything suck." However, Uncyclopedia's resident shitstain did not stop there. He proceeded to incite bizarre and violent urges within members of IRC, causing them to commit unspeakable acts. This reporter, under Colin's influence, killed both of his parents; deadpidgeon and MrN9000 both became homosexuals as a result. Colin himself was then found to have been responsible for every case of unpleasantness throughout history: the Holocaust, 9/11, and abortion. As other users unknowingly joined the channel-turned-warzone, they too fell victim to Colin's faggotry. Users were eventually transforming into furries and fucking each other with "furry Disney dicks" just before this reporter relocated to a safer distance. Needless to say, there is now sufficient evidence that everything stupid and gay and unfunny is, in fact, Colin's fault. Chicks, man. By Regret Tenenbaum Hot Chicks. Just the words start your heart racing and your mumble mumble. Hot chicks have long failed to receive the ample, under-wire support they deserve here on Uncyc, and if it were not for one, soft-drink based, visionary noob, the femmes fatales of Uncyc would still be a saggy, wrinkly mess. Now all the babes, sexy ladies, foxy chicks, MILFs, and, yes, even magical anime girls, rest in the palm of your hand, throbbing with their new-found intellectual networking - WikiProject Hot Chicks. When asked how the aforementioned n00b came up with such a brilliant idea, he responded: "I don't know what UnSignpost is, my motivation for starting U[N]:WP Hot Chicks was because I thought it was rather humorous, I would like to be adopted, and in Soviet Russia, all your base are belong to YOU !!" (Doctapeppaman was promptly given a stern spanking for such irresponsible use of memes). The project has already succeeded in tagging several sexy talk-pages with the WikiProject Hot Chicks seal, thereby rating them on a random and baseless scale from A- to D-Cup, and the project will most likely be a success, considering the high ratio of users to perverts present on the site. Perhaps, one day, the project will achieve its primary goal - making every article without enough pictures of scantily-clad women into an article about cheesecake.

Check out these pages! Have yourself a neurotic little Christmas Will anyone notice another template around here? Lawyers struggling for work in global recession From our logs: 02:14, 10 December 2008 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.142.37.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hi. Welcome to Uncyc. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay here. We did too.) 13:16, 8 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.43.6.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 15 years ‎ (congratulations! You'll be back when OJ is out of prison. Let me know he gets a parole before that) Codeine (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wild sweaty orgies" (If anyone's gonna write an article about these it'll be me. I've done the research.) Biopic of the Week Far more than just a definite article, THE is a veritable cornerstone of the site, spoken of in hushed tones wherever people gather together to discuss prolific authors with ALLCAPS usernames only three letters in length. From computer expertise and nature documentaries to frankly ludicrous amounts of UnNews, THE covers all bases. And he won the WotM at the twenty-ninth time of asking in January 2008. Vital Question of the Week If we put blatant space filler in this box, will anyone notice? Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week Week Box of the week - by far the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week, "Week Box of the week", was featured in the very first edition of the Unsignpost, and for some reason that only the classic writers of the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week know, Week Box of the week spoke not of boxes, as you weak-minded simpletons might believe, but of something higher - Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek's "humor juice".

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:16, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

Congratulations!

I love you! Congratulations, you have been selected by SysRq as this year's Favorite Person! Your constant willingness to be his wingman, to pay for the pizza, to stay cool when the cops keep asking questions, to not say anything when you found that video on his hard drive of him losing his virginity to a rake, and your genuine acceptance of his new haircut all contributed to your earning of this award. Keep up the good work, valued friend!

I loved your entry. It was the only one to make me laugh. Plus, you're a pretty great guy, and you're an op that is not a giant dick. Congratulations, thanks for playing. sirsysrq @ 15:32 Dec 12

Woohoo! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:27, Dec 12

Hah! I didn't even have to enter! I'm his least favorite person! Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 21:43, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Haha, well, I do dislike you. sirsysrq @ 21:47 Dec 12

And don't EVEN say I'm a big ass! I have a black girl's ass, and I ain't gonna have some stuck-up little white boy tell me my booty's disgusting! Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 21:51, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, acknowledging your presence on this talk page was a big mistake. sirsysrq @ 21:53 Dec 12

Banning Me?

Brian Lenihan is not in my school, he's the Minister for Finance in Ireland. And he put out one of the worst Budgets in our country's history. That's why I put the link there. He's on Wikipedia as Brian Lenihan Jnr. and you can google him if you like.Anto475 22:33, 15 December 2008 (UTC)

Woah, sorry about that. Someone put your name on ban patrol, and I didn't google as carefully as I should have. You should've just come onto IRC, someone there could've unblocked you. Anyways, I'm really sorry about all this... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:17, Dec 15

It's ok. Why am I on ban patrol? I've never done that much to Uncyclopedia at all.Anto475 16:16, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

Well, the BP is really just somewhere for users to report other users that've been vandalizing other pages or otherwise deviating from the Uncyclopedian's code, which is actually not unlike the samurai code, but without the whole offing yourself if you fuck up thing. Somebody must have not done their googling homework and posted you on there, mistaking your page for vanity. It probably won't happen again, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. :) - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:04, Dec 17

Hey! Come quick, guys! An op just admitted he was wrong! Imagine! sirsysrq @ 03:07 Dec 16

Actually, if you read my last post carefully, you'll actually see that I'm really blaming the war in Uganda. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:29, Dec 16

Oh. Damn. I was going to blame Hitler. sirsysrq @ 14:35 Dec 16

Well, there's no doubt that that wily antisemitic bastard is somehow involved in all this, too. You'd think he'd have learned by now, you know? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:57, Dec 16

Disney never learned. None of them ever learn. And that's why we need to teach them a lesson. Show them that anti-semetism isn't the way to go. They should join the side of the anti-anti-semitists. We're much more pure. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 21:19, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

That may be the smartest thing I've heard since someone told me that everyone who lived in the Deep South was prejudiced and racist. sirsysrq @ 22:39 Dec 17

Well, I guess that shows me for...being against anti-semitism? I'm not sure, but I am pretty sure I was shown who is boss. And it's not me. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 22:43, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

Is it me? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:54, Dec 17

....I'm going to say yes. CONGRATULATIONS!

CONGRATULATIONS! For helping out The Woodburninator with whatever bullcrap he was too stupid to figure out himself, among other things: YOU ARE A CHAMPION Way to go!

Yay. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 23:27, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

Woohoo! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:32, Dec 18

Just a question

How do I vote for a page to be featured? Also who are you? Where did you come from? Where are you going? What did you do to make you leave? Does the walker choose the path or the path the walker? The answer is the question. The riddle is the key. All I know is, you'll not be rid of me.--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 17:02, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Also can I invent my own awards, like everyone seems to here or do I have to prove my worth with some kind of flaming chainsaw act? Also I want my own mop... and bucket--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 17:41, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Whew, lots questions. Where to start, where to start... Here goes: You can vote to feature pages at VFH, I'm TheLedBalloon, I come from the internet, I'm going to sleep in about 12 hours, but nowhere else because they're telling everyone to stay off the roads, what with the snowstorm coming and all, I did your mom(hurr hurr hurr), the problem is choice, and I'm never rid of anyone. As for inventing awards, you can, but be prepared to get a swell of complaints; we have way too many as it is. To make an award, make a page for it in your userspace, and then whore it at the village dump or something. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:14, Dec 19

Granted. Now make yourself useful and clean my userpage. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 18:17, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Not quite sure what you just did to your userpage

But it's a definite improvement. Keep up the good work! Merry Christmas! Merry merry merry edits. PEEING 04:04, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

Will do, chief! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:05, Dec 20

I've been working on the Ronald McDonald article

Just wanted to know what you think of my changes, making Ronald a Russian refugee (an improvement on the previous random garbage anyway). Any suggestions i'll happy listen to.--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 16:29, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

Just from reading the first couple of paragraphs, it looks like you've done a great job so far! It's definitely much better than before, and you worked in some great satire of McDonalds and their mascot. If there's one thing I'd recommend, it'd be to quoticide the top of that page. Two or three quotes can be pretty funny, but never much more than that. I'd also definitely suggest pruning some of the excess images and youtube videos, as well as those name-droppy lists near the bottom, which don't add too much. Good luck Mac, you've taken on quite the project here. :) Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:21, Dec 20

Happy Hanukkah

PARTY LIKE IT'S 5769

if you're not Jewish, party anyway

Happy Hanukkah from Rabbi Techno
NOW START DRINKING

---

Merry Christmas

Bonner would like to wish you a Merry Christgame And a happy New Game P.S, You just lost the game (Bonner) (Talk)

Have an old fashioned Merry Christmas

If you're not good, Black Peter will beat you with a stick.

If you are not religious Happy Winter Solstice watch out for The Grinch!

Season's Greetings to everyone from Orion Blastar
NOW START CELEBRATING!

---

--Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 06:17, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

The Amazing Seizure Lad

Now that the contest is over I have to tell you that I found this image to be the funniest enetered. I couldn't stop laughing. Are you going to do an article to go with it? I'd love to help. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 18:15, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Thanks very much! I hadn't really thought about writing an article to put it in, but now that you mention it, there's probably something to be written there about an entire circus filled with children with serious medical problems. Gimme a little while to take care of some things, and I'll start something in my userspace... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:07, Dec 21

Well, I touched up the pic in question a bit, with a good deal of help from Modus. Up here, though, it just stopped snowing for the first time in 2 days, so I need to go get some Christmas shopping done. If you want you can start a page somewhere, and I'll definitely be around later tonight to help out. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:03, Dec 21

Ok, here's what I was kinda thinking... the page circus is the style I was hoping to emulate, with some ringmaster-type-guy promoting his acts. But, that page is a bit in-jokey and dry, so maybe we could re-do it with a similar voice, but promoting a gaggle of acts as insensitive as the seizure lad. What say you? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:05, Dec 22

Merry Christmas Led! And have a Happy New Year! n_n--Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 18:43, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Thanks, same to you. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:00, Dec 21

Back to the Seizure Lad, if you create an article draft in userspace, may I have a look see? I just envision a line reading "And for his next death defying act, Seizure Boy will have a Grand Mal seizure AND foam at the mouth for your enterainment pleasure!" Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 14:07, 26 December 2008 (UTC)

I know its bad form, but I revamped the image with a different font. This is for comparision purposes only, and not meant to undo you idea (which still makes me chuckle). Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 14:20, 26 December 2008 (UTC)

George W. Bush

Maybe you were unaware of the "shoe incident" with George W. Bush recently? -KW- 22:51, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

The fact that something hilarious happened recently isn't a good reason to completely contradict the tone of the page. That article's playing a character with its voice, and breaking its tone detracts from its overall awesomeness potential. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:59, Dec 21

Halp!

How do I move Gay Jesus back into main-space? There's already a redirect into my user space and I'm nervy about creating a double redirect. Do we simply eliminate the original redirect? I don't think I can do anything but blank the redirect page and incur the wrath of someone.....help!(again) Thanks for doing the move for me originally, I think I'm comprehending the user-space concept now.--DrStrange 10:07, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Nope, just a regular move should automatically go over the redirect. I moved it for ya, is everything all set? Double redirects, btw, only happen when a page gets moved from one title to another and then to another, different title. If you're not doing that, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:48, Dec 22

'PARTY LIKE IT'S SATURNALIA!'

Io, Saturnalia!- Eat, drink and treat your masters with disrespect!

Happy Hedonism from the Saturnalicius Princeps
NOW START DRINKING JAGERMEISTER WHILE WEARING UGLY SWEATERS AND SILLY HATS

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Parkinson's Disease

Hi Mate. I noticed you removed the article on PD I posted. Just wondering why? If it helps it was meant as a send-up of Michael Parkinson (hence the tone of the article) which I thought to be in keeping with the humorous content of the rest of this site. I suspect you may have thought it offensive to sufferers - this was not the intention. I suffer from a condition related to Parkinson's and don't feel that it would cause offence to someone reading it. Keep up the good work by the way. Cheers.

Actually, I don't really worry about things that offend people; I'm not the morality police, you know. That's Fox News's job. I just huffed it because it was so short, only 4 lines long. If you'd like, I can restore it for you with a {{WIP}} tag, and it's safe from deletion as long as you edit it once a week or so until you finish. Sound good to you? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:55, Dec 22

That's fine old chap - you're right, it was a bit thin! I will add some more to it as suggested. Cheers!--195.216.30.86 08:58, 23 December 2008 (UTC)

Alright, here's the page. Good luck, and happy editing! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 16:45, Dec 23

Merry Mid-Winter Festival

'PARTY LIKE IT'S RAGNAROK!'

Yule- the season of giant stone calendars and pagan elf chicks

Happy Winter Solstice from The Evil One
NOW START DRINKING MEAD AND WEARING ANIMAL SKINS

---

--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 17:50, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Yay, two Pagans in a row! Merry Christmas!

Happy Pagan Holiday from Tayor.

Actually, Yule was the 21st. But, uh, the Christian Christmas is a capitalistic farce, so, uh, hah. Long live the original!

---

And I am SO not a heathen.

---

oops, forgot to tag! too-da: The HRH MuCal. Tayor MUN (Praise!) (CMC!) 14:42, 23 December 2008 (UTC)

BITCH, PLEASE!

I'd just like to say to you, <insert name here> Merry/Happy/Already with the happy! Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Capitalism, bitch-nizzle! and other mildly offensive things that make self-respecting white-people cringe with disgust. -Colin "All your base" Heaney

During this season...

Yeah Happy/Merry whatever you believe/ride off to get presents from us at the Church of Assholes Who Make Fun of Churches of Assholes --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:33, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

DO WORK

[2] BAN NOW Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 20:02, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

Just noticed; was about to ban him but Uberfuzzy beat me to it. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:04, Dec 24

STUFF THIS DOWN YOUR STOCKING!!!!!!!!!!

	Yo you, yes you, I'm talking about you! It's that time of year again. Yep, time to spend hundreds of dollars on loved ones, dress up your house and raise your hydro bill and, most of all, time to fill each other's talk pages with templates that took us 2 minutes to make. SO STUFF THIS DOWN YOUR STOCKING!!!! and have a happy holidays!
	...or a Chappy Chanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, Tet, Ramadan, Festivus, or whatever you so decide to celebrate in order to get more gifts. Enjoy! Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate

HEY.

Throw this up on the UnNews mainpage for me, would you?: --EMC ^[TALK] 05:44, 25 December 2008 (UTC)

Here's Your Christmas Tree

'Merry Christmas 2008 From Sawblade5'

Here's a Potato Christmas Tree For You!
Caution the Grue protecting this tree!

---

----Pleb- Sawblade5 ^{( yell | FAQ | I did this )} 07:56, 25 December 2008 (UTC)

Good whatever day!

Merry X-mas! I'm hoping you all realize my "trolling" is done with plenty of smiles and giggles. Have a nice holiday or whatever.

Of course! Merry Christmas, and really try not to get banned this time. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 08:18, Dec 25

Punch!

	Thanks for the card and Happy Boxing Day! So that's it for another year... now it's all turkey sandwiches and packing up the presents to sell on ebay. So take advantage of this last day to have the traditional punch-up with your family.
	-- sannse esnnas

Yeah I'm late. Screw you.

Belated season's greetings dude. Hope you had a good Christmas. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:23, 26 Dec

Indeed, same to you! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:38, Dec 27

*Squee!*

Oooo... Uncle Leddy! I saw you're there and I just had to pop by and say 'hi'. I think I'm sorta back. I even managed to spit out some text!. This is weird. I haven't felt creative in a while o.O

But I really meant to pop by and tell ya I hope you had a happy christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate and tell you that I sorta missed my family over here... *ahem* yeah... so... here's a *Hug* to make up for some of that lost time and worrying over me... Umm... how did I do this? Ah! Tildes... :D -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 21:29, 26 Dec

Yup, merry Christmas! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:35, Dec 27

Pee Review Name Changed

Just out of curiosity, why was the title of the pee review Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/Slade changed to "Keep your hands off my power supply!"? --Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 18:16, 28 December 2008 (UTC)

Sorry about that, it was a Slade joke. :P - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:17, Dec 28

k --Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 18:20, 28 December 2008 (UTC)

Yes, about the archiving thing?

It's time. One Spang is enough on this web site. Now archive or face my pants! ~ Mordillo where is my WIENER? 22:43, 28 December 2008 (UTC)

AAAHHHH! Not the pants! Please! (I'm just on my way out right now, I'll archive dis shit right here as soon as I get back. (I'm not sure why that needed to be in parentheses. (Or that. (Or that. (Or...shit.)))) - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:38, Dec 28