User:Nikau/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
The Good The Bad And The Ugly was a 1966 Italian gay pornographic film disguised as a Spaghetti Western. It starred Clint Eastwood and Lee Van Cleef, along with several people who couldn't speak English. It is considered the most erotic film of its time. and it got banned in most theatres because after the movie was over, the theatre was usually waist deep in cum.
Plot[edit | edit source]
The movie begins with Angel Eyes, a gay pimp, looking to collect one of his manwhore's share for him. The manwhore and he sit down for lunch and talk about gay sex for a long time. The manwhore finally tells his pimp he does not have the money, because he spent it on gay bestiality porn. This angers the pimp since bestiality is his favourite and the manwhore didn't share, so he cumshots him and his family to death.
Tuco, a gay pron star on the run, meets some anal rapists who have been attempt to capture him and turn him in to their boss, so that their boss can have his way with him. When Tuco is about to get caught, the mysteriously horny lone gunman Blondie walks up and cumshots them all to death, rescuing Tuco.
Tuco is about to get executed for committing heterosexual acts with a female pig. but Blondie rescues him and they split the reward money. At Tuco's apartment, Tuco tries to force Blondie to have anal sex with him, but Blondie says no because his heart belongs to Dr. Phil. Tuco then tries to make Blondie hang himself, so that he can have sex with his dead body later. Unfortunately for Tuco, a cannonball blows through the hotel and Blondie escapes.
Tuco searches for Blondie for days, and finally catches him in the dessert. Blonide is completely exhausted and collapses from dehydration. Tuco decides that fucking a sandy dehydrated guy breaking out in ass sores is not a good idea, sd he doesn't want his 10 inch long cock to become infected. While searching for shelter, they find an overturned carriage. Inside is a guy named Bill Carson, who says he knows where a stash of gay sex toys and pornos is hidden. Tuco hears the graveyards name where its buried, and Blondie hears the name of the grave. Bill Carson dies inexplicably, so Tuco fucks him up the ass until cum leaks out of Bill's mouth.
After his necrophilic rape, Tuco cleans the blood off his cock and the two disguise themselves as Confederate soldiers. The Union captures them, and they are taken to an anal rape camp. Fortunately, both Tuco and Blondie are happy with this. At the anal rape camp Tuco gets taken in to get fucked by Black Jesus until he reveals the location of the hidden gay sex toys and pornos. Black Jesus undresses Tuco then shits on his face. He straps Tuco to a chair then sticks his huge black cock in his mouth; he cumshots down Tuco's throat' causing him to choke. Tuco tries to fight back and fires a cumshot at Black Jesus's face, hitting him in the eyes and temporarily blinding him. Black Jesus gets off from this and fires a massive spurt that completely covers Tuco. They both get so horny that they fuck each other up the ass for days. Angel Eyes also joins in.
Finally Tuco tells Angel Eyes where the graveyard is, but tells him that Blondie knows the grave. Angel Eyes asks Blondie for a partnership, Blondie agrees so they relentlessly fuck each other up the ass for several hours, they then ride on towards the graveyard. Meanwhile,Tuco gets transported on a train to his execution. He jumps off the train and wanders towards a blown up town. Blondie and Tuco stop at that same town to rest. While Tuco is jacking off to gay pr0n in a bathtub, a bounty hunter comes to kill him. However Tuco already built up much cum from wanking, so he fires it at the bounty hunters face, instantly killing him.
Blondie goes to investigate the cumshot. They soon find each other and run off together to fuck in the bushes. After 3 long days of Tuco sucking off Blondie, they run into a massive gay orgy between the Union and the Confederate forces. They manage to sneak around while the Union and the Confederate are fucking each other and wire the bridge with dynamite. They blow up the bridge then suck each other off in happiness.
They ride towards the gravesight were they meet Angel Eyes, who has been waiting for them passing time by wanking off to a crow perched on a stick. They all have a Mexican stand off and eye each other up, after much deliberation they fuck the shit out of each other. Blondie fucks Angel Eyes so hard that he kills him. After he dies, the Blondie and Tuco take turns fucking his corpse up the ass. Then the crow perched on the stick flies down, and Tuco sucks on the crows erect penis (which happens to be bigger then Blondie's tiny 1.5 inch cock). After they are done fucking the crow. Blondie tells Tuco to suck his penis, pointing a gun at him. But Tuco doesn't want to] because Blondie has crow shit all over his tiny cock. Then Blondie puts him up on a noose and digs up the stash of gay sex toys and pornos. Blondie fucks himself with a dildo then runs away. When he's far away, he shoots a perfectly aimed cumshot at Tucos face.
Critical Reception[edit | edit source]
The Times have dubbed this movie the most horny sexy and erotic gay porno of all time. All of the critics jizzed all over each others faces while watching this sexy flick. Quentin Tarantino says that after he watched the movie, his ass was so red from fingering it the whole 3 hours that he had to put Vaseline on it for 2 weeks. Additionally, he had to refrain from gay sex for that period of time, which was very hard for him to do.
Statistics[edit | edit source]
- this movie has made 6280641 people gay
- people watching this movie have produced over 297675 gallons of cum in total
- this movie has made 23490786 wives divorce their husbands
- people watching this movie have logged 120491624235478685 hours of masturbation time in total
- over 2486 theatres playing this movie have become flooded with cum and had to shut down to pump the cum out from the theatres.
- this movie contains over 60272 gay sex scenes, every single person has gay sex with everysingle other person at some point in the movie.
- This movie has been nominated for 234986 Woody's and won every single one.
- This movie is responsible for almost as many deaths as Clint Eastwood's Mule.