User : MrN9000/TalkArchives16

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!

Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct

By POTR

Imperial colonisation is back, and in true colonisation style, is taking religion to the masses.

One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak.

"The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?.

A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created.

"The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing.

Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie

By POTR

Recently a n00b by the name of I LIKE PIE!!! chose to join the Uncyclopedia family. After a very short time he demonstrated the behaviours that make Uncyclopedia the place that it is. Of course, removing edits and formatting fixes by other users had him come to the attention of Dr. Skullthumper, who politely left him a message along with a 48 hour ban.

Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words.

Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban.

Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means.

When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!"

Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

Under user blocked 206.113.136.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (y0u h@v3 b33n b@nn3d (don't be a tw@t))
MrN9000 huffed "Onlytheashesremain" ‎ (You call that an article? Put your back into it!!!, not that we are calling you stupid you understand. Dave, can we call you Dave?)
Roman Dog Bird huffed "Bucket of Shit" ‎ (Funny title, but the content proves that you like to suck big, fat, black, dick. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you obviously have trouble admitting it. Well....I'm not here for you dude. Sorry.)

Biopic of the Week

Hmm, who to bio this week? Well, it's been a while since we covered {{username}}, we could always go back to that old chestnut... Or maybe something esoteric, like profiling the sidebar, that'd fit with Unsignpost tradition. Hmm. Or maybe we could note that Turbo-Whoring machine, one-man Doritos fan club and Torch-Carrier by appointment to someone called "Jenny", CheddarBBQ hasn't actually asked to be profiled this week, and therefore decide this is the perfect opportunity to profile him.

Usurping of the Week

The Unführer of Der Unwehr has recently demonstrated the concept of survival of the fittest by finally having someone with more DU points than him threatening his position. "This is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. Following standard Nazi protocol, the young officer in question will be forced to resign his position due to his disturbing excess of competence, just like what Hitler did to Rundstedt, List, Manstein, Bock, Rundstedt again, Busch, Leeb, and Rundstedt a third time. I wash my hands of this." Unführer Guildensternenstein said in response.

Stand-in of the Week

It has come to our attention that an anonymous user has infiltrated the presses here and overtaken the majority of the writing for an issue of the Unsignpost. When approached by Necropaxx to discuss this catastrophe, he is quoted as saying "I... is a... butt."

This editorial team couldn't agree more.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 23:37, Feb 18

Dude! Do you write this paper?--Funnybony 15:12, February 19, 2010 (UTC)

Na. I just know someone who delivers it. Check out Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost for a list of authors. UU writes most of em these days, with a few others helping out from time to time. Anyone can edit ya know. That includes you. There is also a "press room" for those too lazy to actually write a whole section. It's good for the community spirit and such... Mr N

15:18, Feb 19

It's not the same guy, but regarding your recent lesson not to reward vandals with the attention they might crave, UnSignpost took a giant step backward. Spıke ¬ 15:21 19-Feb-10

1. It could be worse - could be a featured article; 2. Why are you telling him? As he just said, he's not responsible for anything except the delivery. As the main editor at present, if you have a problem with the Signpost, bring it to me, OK? --UU - natter

15:27, Feb 19

Well I made my feelings clear about that at the time, but sometimes people just want a bit of fuss to entertain them I guess. I'm not going to cause more fuss by telling people not to make a fuss. Basically, I'm not really that fussed. Hopefully that's the end of it now... Mr N

15:31, Feb 19

Sorry, UU. I brought it here because Mr.N and I had a talk recently about another vandal. Mr.N's thesis was that my query about the actions of the vandal, whom I specified by name on a page he was likely to read, might itself constitute the recognition that motivated him. It was not a complaint against UnSignpost, nor well-formed enough to be. But I'll state it as one: PIE, who can read UnSignpost as an Anon, might take his citation there as a victory. Appropriate reaction is totally up to you. Yes, it could be worse. Spıke ¬ 15:44 19-Feb-10

Come on Spike, this is PuppyOnTheRadio's first UnSignpost. You don't have to jump all over him. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk)

GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:46, 19 February 2010

TBH, my reaction is muted: I didn't have much involvement in this week's issue, due to being on 24hr baby red alert. I had hoped it would go out without any input from me, but did a little last-minute work to add the bio and a couple of links. I could have pulled the ILP bit, but: 1. I couldn't think of anything to replace it with, and didn't have any time to spare coming up with anything; 2. I thought it was kinda funny; 3. I don't consider ILP to be the kind of vandal who'll return and cause endless problems with blanking, vandalism and the like, in the way that certain other morons are - he was just a stupid kid who didn't have a clue what he was doing. So taking all that into consideration, plus the fact that I was grateful Puppy had done so much work for me (and done, I think, a good job) I decided to leave it as it was; 4. I don't think we'll be making a habit of it. How does that grab you? --UU - natter

15:54, Feb 19

SPIKE, again this is a case of you looking for some kinda structure and consistency of policy where none exists or should. I'm sure UU and Puppy considered the issues we discussed (they both understand the thinking behind them I'm sure) and decided that this case was slightly different and that it did not really matter. Which I basically agree with. Puppy asked me for a comment about PIE before, and had I cared enough I would have said something then. Mr N

16:02, Feb 19

I really need to retract the tone of my initial message in this section. It screams, (1) UnSignpost violates a canon, UU! (2) which you assured me would never happen, MrN! It does communicate dissatisfaction with both of you that I certainly don't feel. Or maybe also a feeling that there are certain lessons here (don't pay attention to vandals) that everyone else here knows but I keep having to get told. Anyway, sorry for writing a message that sounded like it was designed to jump all over anyone. Spıke ¬ 16:20 19-Feb-10

Also, penis

Mr.N., you know, some of my posts to you are mere observations (though others are indeed requests for immediate, universal justice). Now separately, which sections of Penis did you think still need work? and work in what direction? Spıke ¬ 01:17 20-Feb-10

I think it needs something about penis worship. What do you know about golden penis'? There is actually a recurring theme around the world in many different religions and places. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legend_of_Osiris_and_Isis for example. The Zulu people and the Hindu also have a similar legend relating to golden penis, as do many others. just a link I found with a search of "penis worship" Some people believe that penis worship continues to this day. I'm being serious. Some say that many structures around the world actually (like really not joking) represent penis and the worship of which dates back to very old times. There is also a rumour that many of the cathedrals in the UK actually had penis' in the alters such that the congregation was worshipping penis without knowing it. As for the rest of it... The quality of the prose is variable. In some places it's a lot more sophisticated than others. Also you need to do something with the section on penis buildings. Either take a bit from Mhaille's article, or scrap it... Mr N

01:58, Feb 20

Yikes! I find that the worst writing (along with how to stereotype people according to what's in the room when they get hard) is all that stuff I brought in from Penis sword. Yes, the section on Penis in architecture is a hollow echo of the main article; the section exists mostly to save the illustrations from the listy section in case it went away completely, but I see the illustrations are not endangered. A study of the literature on penis worship is a bit beyond the scope of my involvement with this article. Will boil a little more away, thanks. Spıke ¬ 02:22 20-Feb-10

IRC

? -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:40, 18 Feb

Archive properly, goddamn it!

This doesn't exactly feel like proper despoilment... --UU - natter 16:10, Feb 19

Anyone would think I had a lot to say or something... Mr N

16:19, Feb 19

Lunar_Launch_Saga

Dude! Lunar Launch Saga saga is, in my moronic opinion, quite funny because: 1) It takes the piss out of something which took the piss out of us, and 2) The weird interplay of three totally diverse characters. As such it's really an article on the subject, with just ONE SCENE (hardly a script). My question is, does this belong in unScripts? Or, should just leave as an article? Thanks!!--Funnybony 16:27, February 19, 2010 (UTC)

UnScript I figured. Oh, you are a moon landing DENIER also eh? I actually spent about 2 weeks looking into that one. A good book was "NASA Mooned America". There is no doubt that some of the pictures were faked. Looks to me like they faked some of the videos also. Here is my old pall Bill Cooper on the subject. My opinion is yet to be made up though. Just cos they faked a lot of shit does not mean they did not go. The issues about the van halen belt are powerful though. Still how did they make the moon rock? The isotopes don't match anything we have here on Earth, or any other meteorite, and it would not be possible to fake the radioactive decay of the isotopes from what I can tell. I think... They did go, but... Using some technology which they don't want us to know they had/have. It don't matter though, people don't even believe that money is debt yet, so I'm not that bothered about trying to convince anyone about the moon... Except for Socky obviously. He knows WTF is going on ;) Mr N

17:08, Feb 19

Um. No doubt some of the pictures were faked? Seriously? I have a doubt... -OptyC Sucks!

CUN20:07, 19 Feb

Well it's natural to have doubts. Obviously. I did also. That's why I spent a whole two weeks doing nothing much else other than looking into it. Reading books, reading articles on the net, watching videos... I know enough about these things to know that it's not possible to point to one simple thing which would convince anyone. I'm sure you would not want me to anyway. The point is to keep an open mind to such things. There is a lot of crazy bullshit out there. Most of it is bullshit. Some of it is true. As the man said, to find the truth you got to wade through a lot of bullshit. :) Like I said, I think we did go to the moon. Mr N

23:34, Feb 19

Well, obviously we went to the moon. You'd have to be fucking retarded to think we didn't since there's proof that we did. But why then fake pictures? And why do you believe they're fake? And really MrN, you need to get a better hobby than letting conspiracy nut theories get into your head. :P -OptyC Sucks!

CUN23:37, 19 Feb

What is a "Conspiracy nut theory"? Anything which differs from what the mainstream media and government tells you right? :-) As for why... There are a lot of possible reasons why they would want to do that. I don't know which are true, only that I'm convinced that some of them were faked. Do your own research man. You have to do your own research, or it's not going to mean jack all to you anyway. Mr N

23:46, Feb 19

LOL, I have actually read a bunch of faked lunar landing theories. It's a personal pet peeve of mine, I'm a huge fan of NASA and space exploration. What I'm asking is, which pictures do you think were faked and why? Show me a couple of examples. -OptyC Sucks!

CUN23:50, 19 Feb

Yea, most of those theories are bullshit IMO. Dude, I'm not going to try to convince you. It was like summer last year that I looked into this and I don't have bookmarks saved to toss out to you. Even if I did it would not convince you anyway. If you want to look at it seriously, I suggest you start by getting a copy of the book I recommend above and read it. I did. It's got lots of pictures in it. I found a copy in a local book shop actually. I also looked into the many different people who have since tried to discredit what he says in it. I also gave a link above to someone talking about this. I'm sure some of what Bill Cooper says is bullshit btw (but not all). Mr N

00:20, Feb 20

Couldn't resist

Tommy Chong and Lou try some Soma: Musss be stepped on!!!

I want some! Mr N

19:36, Feb 19

UnNews

Dude! Am I seeing things!? (dah!). It seems we owe the good Lord Monckton one, because he put the Sun on the cover today. Now Gore wants action taken against the Sun! Gore says the Sun should be arrested and deported! Of Course, that's NOT what the good Lord wants nor suggests: "Do THAT and we'll be freezing MORE than our nuts off", concluded Monckton.--Funnybony 09:00, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not sure what you are talking about. What the Sun the newspaper? I thought that just had pictures of tits in it. I had no idea it contained actual news. Mr N

11:27, Feb 20

UnNews today--Funnybony 13:28, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Possible Adoption

Hey MrN9000, I was looking for an adopter to help me get going with some insane stuff. Feel free to message me back whether you are available to adopt or not, I have some quotes up which I could show you to see if you like my stuff or not. Let me know if you have time, thanks, FunnyGuy38.

Hi. Well, I don't have the paperwork to hand right now to fill it out, but for now feel free to ask whatever questions on this talk page which you want to. In addition to that Funnybony above might be interested in adopting you also. Maybe ask him on his talk page. I tend to do a fair amount of admin stuff these days, so I'm not sure how much time I can devote to actually editing stuff for you. If you have not already... Start by reading BGBU and then HTBFANJS. Those are kinda the bible of this place. Yea... I saw some of your quotes. They are "OK" but, there is a lot more to writing here than adding quotes. That's what everyone does when they first get here, but they are often deleted when they build up, and generally people get a bit arsed off if adding quotes is all a user does. Try writing an article. After you have read BGBU and HTBFANJS that is. ;) Mr N

11:25, Feb 20

Oh no! NOT me, I'm jinxed on VFH. Not a single feature. My advice will lead to NOT getting any FA. Although you might get some laughs. Of course you can always write to any Uncyclopedian, including yourself, for help. Get some Pee Reviews. Making friends is a good idea around here. And keeping cool, because everyone is only joking, no matter how many times they call you a mothafuckin' arse hole!--Funnybony 13:19, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Na. You SHOULD adopt this guy. Why you just got a news article linked on the front page, (did you see?) and it's the headline on the UnNews main page. Looks to me like you are the man for the job! Mr N

13:22, Feb 20

Wow! Front page! Oh Come All Ye Faithful! It deserves a good wank! But that's OUR bit of nonsense (I mean, fact!), I never ever heard of the good Lord Monckton until I was adopted by you. I suggest FunnyGuy to run his material through Pee Review, then there will be a variety of view points, from a variety of helpers. Put up an article, and I'll Pee Review it. Cheers--Funnybony 13:39, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Sounds to me like Funnybony has adopted FunnyGuy38. I'm sure between you two, you guys can come up with some "Funny" stuff. See, that's how bad my jokes are. You really don't want to be adopted by me FunnyGuy38, I mean I adopted this Funnybony guy, and look what happened there! :-D Well, you know how to fill out the "paperwork" right? Yea, copy the templates, stick em on yours and his user page and off you go. Now you have someone to pick up the soap in the showers... Mr N

13:44, Feb 20

Well, I'd be embarrassed to "adopt-a-nOOb" simply because I'm still a student here. But I can surely give you my opinion, which is only one opinion. If you get, say, 10 Pee Reviews, then you will learn from 10 different editors all 10 different points of view, which DO differ considerably, but are all good. Please direct me to one of you funny articles. Cheers!!--Funnybony 14:43, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

MrN, see! He's hell bent on your guidance. And I don't blame him. Too bad he has no user page to see his work!? Everything I advised him was my just repeating what you told me. I'm almost finished that letter BTW. Dude!--Funnybony 11:42, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Sun, 2.5 Billion Plaintiffs, Sue Gore needs a references section. If you look here that's where the news which appears in the front page goes. There are various examples of how to do references. Anyone can edit that if they read the instructions and follow it. You don't have to have a vote, and you can add your own stuff when it's ready. Cool eh? Mr N

11:51, Feb 21

2 day feature

Thanks for the change if it was unlegal. I know nothing, nothing. Was wondering why the Hathaway page was the feature page for two days, not complaining mind you. Aleister in Chains 20 Feb. MMX

It was cos of the "Featured one year ago today" thing on the main page. I'm not sure, but I think what you did would have made that not work next year. Mr N

22:55, Feb 20

Was featured for two days since some sod didn't get to feature another article in time. Plus, it's Anne's Hathaway's err...tracks of land on the main page, so I ain't complaining. ~

23:01, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

That was a surprise extra day, no complaints from me. Which brings up two questions I've had. Why not list features "2 years ago today" "3", etc. So many good features are gone from view and that would be one way of bringing them up for air. And is there some way of merging the pre-July (June?) 2007 list with the "main" features list, so they are all in one place? Thanks, Al, a few minutes later

You are talking about UN:BEST right? Well, we have the "random FA" option on that. As for why it just goes back to 2008 on that page... Blame Mordillo. We probably don't want to include everything or the page would be too manic. There is a button to go back, and the random FA option includes everything. There was a battle to try to get a random FA option on the sidebar a while back... I think grues ate those who were petitioning for it. Mr N

23:21, Feb 20

I mean the Category:VFH archive, which only goes back to mid-2007. I don't know what the random FA is, will study some more. Will this be on the midterm? Since I'm asking questions, why aren't "UnBooks" and "HowTo:" links provided on the navigation template. Last question for now, thanks. Al, few minutes later

DUDE!!!! WTF are you talking about!!! Which things in the what where? Yes, this will be in the paper. Maybe you might provide some links? Ahh... Hang on VFH.. Yea, that changed to become the current system about then I think. I got here November 2007, but I think b4 that it was done all on one page, and so the archives were different. UN:BEST is where you find the random article. Ah HowTo and Why are not voted on. Some dude, just kinda does it from time to time. I think the good Mr Teckno is looking after that at the moment. Mr N

23:39, Feb 20

lol. Someone fixed it, the link was to Category:VFH archive, that's the place I'm talking about. Will leave you in peace now, over and out. Al

Game huffing

When you want to remove big games, let me know we'll do it together. ~ 13:04, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I noticed that Spang appeared to still have some kinda mass huffing tool the other day. I left a message for him on his talk page asking if he might let the rest of us in on it. There is something about "mass huffing" in MediaWiki:Common.js but the site it points to appears to not work any more. Whatever we do, it floods the heck out of recent changes. Mr N

13:10, Feb 21

Mass huffing ftw! ~

13:11, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

As the in house tinky winky expert

Take a look at A very dumb name (talk) – contribs (new • del) • edit-count • block (rem • list) • all logs • groups • checkuser. ~ 16:27, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

My winky radar was firing from recent changes even before I checked my talk page. ;) Mr N

19:30, Feb 21

UnNews:Voodoo helping Haiti's quake dead

Dude! Took your astute advice. And also cranked-out this little ditty: UnNews:Voodoo helping Haiti's quake dead--Funnybony 20:13, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

I added a little bit... :) Mr N

21:12, Feb 21

Dude! Could you please come to rescue me from a fuckup!? The above voodoo unnews was submitted by me on the 22nd ( here in Thailand) plus the real article source is dated 22nd. Could you please move that news where it belongs, in the Feb 22 unnews!?

That would be most appreciated. If I knew how to change you can be sure I wouldn't trouble you, dude----

Ya just needed to swap the dates. Course it will not show up on UnNews until Uncyc time rolls over to the new day. Should it be Vodou? Mr N

21:26, Feb 21

Thanks Dude!

By Jove, fancy meeting you here!? Hey! Is THIS the Moon!? Well, you can take off that bulky space suit, because it's nice and breezy out here! In fact, we're in our global warming (holiday) season, so rejoice, dude!

--Funnybony 21:43, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

MrN on-the-rag

On leaving the front page, MrN, speaking about Funnybony, told UnNews in strange English accent, “I demand justice! This bloody imposter is a thief. He’s been following me around for over a year. I’m sick of it. Every time I fancy a ducky, he fancies her too; and there’s only one dicky! So which one of us will get the pleasure? I work, and HE gets the nut! Always I do all the writing and he gets the credit. Really! There is no justice in this world! I hate Uncyclopedia”, he lamented, ”its SOOO unfair!!!"

Mussss be stepped-on!!!--Funnybony 14:28, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Well I never! Mr N

16:46, Feb 23

And you never will--Funnybony 12:59, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:The Kick of Assassination

UnNews:The Kick of Assassination Kinda long, and totally idiotic = GREAT!!?--Funnybony 17:49, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

"We are not writing this as anti-thrillers; we do not believe the killing of enemies is necessarily boring." was my favourite line. During reading it, I thought... Hang on, how is this a parody of news? Then I looked at the link... Looks like you are enjoying UnNews! HeHe. Mr N

00:09, Feb 24

Dude, my dear unGuru, I think the best line is:

The mission could only be successfully carried out if the assassin gets his/her Nut; otherwise the mission is just no damn fun. Like a junkie overdosing just to obtain a small kick, the Israelis focused their thrills in targeting just one man, just for fun, not to take the piss out of other thrill seekers or fellow terrorists.

and also, "Long Live Grant's Tomb!"

UnNews is more fun and feels more rewarding than Articles, but articles are way more important. I'm really proud (humbled) by being the author of such a big subject as Mike Tyson, which Max liked enough to lock it, without my request. Because that's a BIG subject. Plus our joint-venture 2012, which is really read a lot (I bet). And it's damn funny!

BTW: Some stranger nom to VFH my NATO news. In case you want to vote. So far, everyone is voting against. Humm? I think it is strange when people let political bias get in the way of absurd humor. To kill 200 Taliban you also must kill 190,000 people, now THAT is bloody absurd!!!--Funnybony 13:11, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

My sig

I've put a little more support under it so it's not spilling out everywhere now. Nominally Humane! some time 01:31, 24/02/2010

It don't look anything like as cool as it did though... :-( (Thanks for that) Mr N

01:40, Feb 24

BJAODN

Yes, I know what BJAODN was. I still don't get what makes BJAODN funny. It plays it way too straight. Wild at Heart 02:57, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

It's a parody of Wikipedia. If you don't think it's funny then that's why we have a vote I guess... IMO it's not total carp, and we should have an article about this subject and this article is as good a start as any. Not having this would be worse than having it IMO. That's usually the reason I vote keep to most things... Mr N

07:39, Feb 24

Deleting article

Please could you delete the Hereford Cathedral School article, as the school has found out about it and would like it to be taken off? I'm the creator of the original article, Omnissiuntone, and I give my consent for it to be removed.

MrN, due to creative blanking attempts I've protected the article for now. Your call since you were involved in this whole story. ~

17:29, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Mordillo... Cool. I deleted it. Shame, it looked like a good article to me, but as you created it, I'm happy to remove it. You guys obviously have some writing talent, I hope you decide to stick around and write something else for us. Maybe something which will not get you in trouble with your teachers next time! :P Have fun... Mr N

17:38, Feb 24

Yardbirds reborn

Dude! Bro! You saved and hugely improved the article. My hero! I admit, I was pretty wasted at 4 am when I posted that. I should have sent it to you. So my next UnNews will be sent to you before ever posting. And I hope its no bother for you. More soon. Cheers!!!--Funnybony 10:28, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

If you want to check with me, that's cool. I think you do know what you are doing, maybe you just need to lay off the soma when adding stuff to the UnNews template. ;) Mr N

19:01, Feb 25

Sigh

Thanks for calling me Nigga. Sigh. As for the photo, I really like it, she just seems so happy and carefree and just happens to have no clothes on, so I thought it was a candidate for pron which isn't pron. Matfen and I had discussed this, in his pee review and talk page. Now to find a new photo, maybe a very discrete one, go the opposite of what's expected. Any photo candidates come to mind, Mad Max may know. Thanks again. Al 13:36 26 2 2MX

It's a sad day when a Uncyclopedia user needs help finding their own pron... Mr N

13:56, Feb 26

I have a can of worms to discuss

Following that whole issue with the NSFW pic you deleted. What are we doing about all of the "super secret girl pages" which are all around the site? That has been irking me for a long time now, as we're essentially operating as a pron hosting site. Before I open a serious discussion about that, what do you think? ~ 14:37, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

>:( -OptyC Sucks!

CUN16:04, 26 Feb

Sorry Opty, I promise to find you an alternative source for boobies. ~

16:24, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Not to get too deep into this now, but I looked at Opty's site and found no por|v at all, except for maybe the last two pics (a woman has some kind of shadow at the top of her legs, I don't know what that could be, and the last pic should be up for "Porn VFD". Breasts are not considered por in any civilized country now, and in many areas of the world woman don't have to cover them. Maybe pron a long time ago. And girls touching each other can only mean one thing--they are nicely grooming each other to remove mites. Anyway, bottom line, no pron on Opty's page at all, and now that the smiling girl just standing there has bit her dust, maybe none left on the site anymore. ~

16:32 26 2 2MX

Here's the thing, since it's pretty obvious which page we're talking about. If there are specific pictures you think are too racy for Uncyc, then delete them. It's happened on several occasions already and you haven't heard a peep out of me. But why do you gotta mess with my page as a whole? That won't sit right with me at all. -OptyC Sucks!

CUN16:59, 26 Feb

I guess the line is "are breasts obscene?" and in what context. I argue no, in any context, and social norms have evolved to this pov it seems. Maybe tv networks still adhere in the states to "breasts are pron" but that hasn't been really tested in the courts as far as I know because all the networks are fine with the arrangement. Maybe a forum topic, this page can get filled up before Mr.N comes back from his sojurns. Al in Chains, few minutes later

Well, here in the UK the top selling newspaper is called "The Sun". It's been a while since I last checked, but it always used to have a topless girl on page 3. "The Page 3 Girls" and all that... *happy memories of Sam Fox in my younger years...* The Sun is not considered pron, it's not a top self mag, it's sold along with all the other newspapers. The Sunday Sport here also claims to be a "newspaper" *cough* and that has even more pictures of topless girls. It's actually got a "nipple count" in it I think whereby the reader can be sure that they did not miss any of them. The Sport is also sold on the bottom shelf of the newspaper stand along with the Times, The Telegraph, The Guardian and all the rest. Also in the UK if you are 15 you can rent a film, or go to the pictures to see a film (on your own) which has topless girls in it. *MrN wanders off into happy memories of being 15 and legally going to rent a copy of The Delinquents because you actually got to see Kylie Minogue's norks...* (yes norks are tits for those not from the UK). I figure that a 15 year old is still a child, legally they are for sure, (the age of consent here is 16, though it's 15 in France) and I'm sure it's not a good idea to sell "pron" to kids. I figure that by this thinking it's generally accepted here (in the UK) that pictures of topless girls are not pron. As for the "lower area" I tend to think on a case by case basis. Basically I think it's kinda OK if there is some kinda attempt at making it tasteful, but if you can actually tell what she had for breakfast then that's probably not right. I would say that something like this is right on the edge of what we should allow, but it's OK. The one I deleted today after Aleister agreed to remove it was probably too far over the line in that it was not really trying to be anything other than obvious wank material... As for if we should allow people to host these images in their userspace... I think we should allow users to do whatever they want to with their userspace, but I do think that the same rules about images should apply to user space that do to the mainspace. If we would not allow an image in a mainspace article, we should not allow it in userspace. Anyone browsing Category:Pictures of naked girls or any of the others linked from that template could reasonable expect that they were allowed to use anything they find there in a mainspace article. I don't think an image needs to actually be being used in the mainspace to justify someone having it in userspace, but it should be possible for a person to use one of those images in an article if they want to.

As for if it's wrong for a user to create a page specifically just to "host pron" then I don't think we should do anything to stop that so long as the images fit with the "No blatant pictures of girls Fannies" rule... For those not from the UK a Fanny is another name for her muffin. Obviously. ;) We already have various image galleries anyway really with Category:Pictures of naked girls and the many other similar categories which are linked from that template. That is in mainspace also which probably is more of an issue than stuff which is more 'hidden' in userspace... I'm very cautious about imposing rules on what people can do with their userspace. Agreed we are not here to host peoples blogs or provide personal free webspace to anyone who wants it, but I do feel that if a user chooses to have a collection of images which we would permit in the mainspace hidden away somewhere in their userspace then there is not much wrong with that. How many images would constitute an "image gallery" which would make it not acceptable? Yep, it's a can of worms we can't open unless we remove all the pictures of tits from Uncyc (that's just not going to happen IMO). If hosting those images was all a user was using Uncyc for then I might consider that they were taking the piss a bit, but I don't think that's the case with the few examples of this which I know about. Orian has a page for gays full of boys ya know! I recommend you don't investigate that... ;)

Looking around a bit, I do think we have a few images which we probably should not. I will have a bit more of a hunt about, and huff the ones which don't fit with what I said above. From what OptyC says above he probably acknowledges that maybe some of the images he's got there are over the line, and I will remove the ones which are.

Man. It's a dirty job, but someones got to do it. Browsing through ~~pron~~ *cough* artistic images for the betterment of Uncyclopedia is just something I'm willing to do. Just all part of the service... In addition, if anyone has any new images which they would like me to pass judgement on feel free to ask for judgement. Now, all I need to do is get paid for this and I truly will have reached nirvana. :) Mr N

18:45, Feb 26

To be honest, I didn't have Opty's boob page in mind when I started the subject, there are way too many of them all around the place. Also, it's not the boobage by itself. You know? I don't mind boobs on the site at all. What I do mind is people building whole pages that don't include anything but nude or semi nude pictures - for no reason at all. We keep forgetting that this is not a social networking website. OK, there's a lot of socializing going around, but if the primary objective of uploading nude and semi nude pictures isn't, by the end of the day, to contribute to some articles, then you have no business of uploading them or holding them in a "super secret page". I think we might have also exaggerated with the userspace amnesty. Am I making sense or do I sound like comrade Jo? ~

20:55, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Hi. I've actually used Opty's page to seek out photos for pages, both my own and just random site articles, quite a few times. It's a very good depository, imnho. So, at least for me, it has been quite useful, and there is at least one photo on it I have in mind for an UnNews page. ~

22:11 26 2 2MX

You are making sense. I think it's a tricky one though... I agree that people should not be uploading lots of pron pictures if they have no intention of using them in an article. I just took another look at OptyC's page... (dam this is a hard job, but alas I must) I picked 10 at random, and 8 of them were currently being used in the mainsapce. I think what I have tended to see is that people see an image being used in an article, and grab a copy of the link and put it on their page. As Aleister suggests there is actually an advantage to such a page as OptyC's as it provides users with a list of "approved" images, so they don't need to risk uploading something which might be across the line. I agree with, if I may quote you... "if primary objective of uploading nude and semi nude pictures isn't, by the end of the day, to contribute to some articles, then you have no business of uploading them or holding them in a "super secret page"." That sounds fair enough to me. I don't know of any cases of that happening to a great extent mind, maybe you do... I don't think OptyC's page would come under that category.

I do think there should be a fair amount of scope for allowing people (within reason) to do what they wish with their user pages though. For example, if a user wanted to maintain his own personal shopping list in a sub page of his user page I would not object so long as they were regularly contributing to the site in other useful ways. For me I see Uncyc as kinda "my home" on the internet. It's where I hang out and where most of what I care about on the net is. I think that's the same for a lot of our regular users. Sometimes I might want to store something on here which I never intend to put into the mainspace. I don't see the harm in that, so long as me doing so does not significantly interfere with others. OK someone has to see the entry on recent changes when I add it, but I don't really see the harm in that. I figure that I have done enough for Uncyc that if I (from time to time) wanted to use my userspace for something other than producing mainspace articles then... Well, I figure I have earned the right. I think it's the same for any of our regular contributors. I'm not really talking about pron with that, but generally speaking in terms of intention of use.

If it's pron pictures we are talking about then there is more of an issue of significant interference with the wiki. User pages are still publicly visible, and if people are uploading pictures just for their user space then... Yea, that's probably not the image we want to be presenting to the outside world. If most of those images are being used in articles, and especially if they were uploaded by a different user then it's different I would suggest. Mr N

23:08, Feb 26

Can you do me a solid?

Can you fix it so that my UotM award goes to Guildy instead of me? TKF has confirmed that I only won because of asshattery and I certainly don't want that on my shoulders. Thanks. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:49, 26 Feb

I just read that shit. No. You won the award fair and square. People sometimes don't vote anyway if they can see that others have and as such even if TKF's vote was stricken then you may very well have won. It's far too late to strike votes now anyway. The award history stays as it is. The pair of you need to stop being dicks. Mr N

18:57, Feb 26

Maybe I would have won, and maybe I wouldn't have. We'll never know for sure now. And having an award that I didn't earn fairly is offensive to me. Might as well slap me in the face. I've removed my name from the list of winners. If you won't give it to Guildy that's fine, but know that I won't claim it either. -OptyC Sucks!

CUN20:33, 26 Feb

You did win if fairly. I'm telling you that. Who do you trust more? Me or him? Don't be an ass. TKF is just trying to make you feel bad because you had a row with him, and it worked. Don't fall for such an obvious troll and stop being so silly. You can remove the award from your userpage if you are daft enough to believe TKF, but I'm going to stop you from removing yourself from the UotM history page. Dude.... Just, Dude. He's a kid half your age. Chill. Mr N

20:40, Feb 26

You actually reverted before I had the chance. There's no discussion and your name isn't going to be stricken from the record. You can't be a drama queen, Opty, you're too hairy for that. ~

20:46, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Hairy and sexy. But in a strictly heterosexual kinda way, obviously. Mr N

20:47, Feb 26

Obviously. ~

20:50, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

No. I'm not trying to be a drama queen. TKF is telling the truth, he told me as much at the time but back then I thought he was joking. I seriously don't want an award I didn't earn fairly. I feel strongly about this. -OptyC Sucks!

CUN20:56, 26 Feb

Bollocks to that. Seriously, there is no way this awarded is being removed and there is no way I'm going to change the voting records because of something TKF said or didn't. There is a voting record, you earned it fair and square for stuff you're doing around and that's it. ~

20:59, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Probably the thing I respect the most about you Chris is that most of the time you are very cool, calm, level headed and a very good judge of what is right and what is wrong. For some reason this one got to you that's all... Mr N

21:03, Feb 26

Because this is wrong. Guildy deserves the award, I don't. Simple as. -OptyC Sucks!

CUN21:05, 26 Feb

I just went and looked at the vote... Um you won by +15. Guildensternenstein and Zana Dark both tied for second with 9. So TKF drummed up 6 votes from people in IRC who were easy to trick into voting did he... Um... Let's look at the last few people who voted for you... Um... Out of the last few votes Socky, UU, TLB, Boomer, Ape, Sycamore, Sonje ZB ... Yea, all those people are easy to persuade by some bullshit in IRC from TKF. ... I think not. He might have got you 1 or 2 extra votes, but you would still have won regardless. It's VERY rare for any kinda gerrymandering to actually change the result of such things dude. You know that yourself. If there was a cabal you would not be able to fix it. Course there is not one, but I'm talking hypothetically, obviously. Mr N

21:18, Feb 26

I voted out of love. Deep, meaningful love. Don't try to deny that love, Opty. --UU - natter

21:43, Feb 26

Hea! Who let you back in! Aren't you meant to be up to you neck in baby vomit or something? :D Mr N

22:04, Feb 26

Look, this is how I feel about this

I appreciate that not everyone voted because of TKF's spiteful prodding. I'm not even saying that anybody besides TKF was being spiteful. And in truth, I don't really care about the award. The thing is, if there's even the possibility that it was a tainted nom, then that makes me feel like utter shit. I'd have rather lost than win unfairly. You can tell me that I won fair and square, but the truth is you don't know that any better than I do. I don't want to be the UotM with an asterisk, and I certainly don't want an award that somebody else should have won. If we can't change it now, then I'm not sure what to do. But I am not happy right now. And yes, I still love you UU. How are the baby User and mama doing? -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:23, 26 Feb

Actually I know that the majority of the people who voted for you are totally impervious to any kind of "spiteful prodding". Having been around this place for 2 and a half years, and knowing some of those dudes rather well... Yes. I do know that. Mr N

22:33, Feb 26

Okay - break it down. Does Guildy deserve an award for UotM? Probably, so nominate him next month. Does Opty deserve an award for UotM? Definitely, because he was voted in by the community. Does this bitching about it serve any positive purpose? No, because there's no harm done. Does this possibly have a negative effect? Yes, because it cheapens the value of UotM. Long story short, if Opty got his way, then given the fact that so far the only two people who have said he may not deserve it are Opty and TFK, the bulk of Uncyclopedians would probably vote Opty in next month to clean this up. If not, then I can assure you the fact that Guildy is not UotM is an oversight that I intend to try and remedy by nomming him and voting for him in about an hours time, and I'm sure that I wouldn't be alone in that support. So get over it - you deserve this, Guildy deserves this, the whole conversation is a just a piss in the ocean - so let's get Guildy his UotM and all will be good with the world. Nominally Humane! some time 23:11, 26/02/2010

Wait! Your latest signature is not actually contriving the size regulations! What the hell are you playing at man! Mr N

23:20, Feb 26

Ummm... I think you meant the one before latest. Actually, it's about 1px too tall, but because it's partially an abs positioning it won't effect any other formatting around it, I assume we're happy to let 1px slide - besides which, you know I'll change it again in about 5 minutes. Nominally Humane! some time 23:39, 26/02/2010

Generally speaking you can get away with anything around here so long as the admins don't find out. Just don't tell em. Um. ;) Mr N

23:42, Feb 26

Obvious troll is obvious

Penis. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 20:41 • Friday, 26-02-2010

Late apology

Originally I thought I might try and wait til things simply blow over (that time I accidentally stabbed my cousin? I blanked/avoided him until he forgot about it, true story) but I feel like approaching it instead, since we can only ever go forward in whatever circumstances. I'm sorry I was being a bitchy bitch on this talk page about what people want to do with their private space and you're right in that there shouldn't be a limit (anywhere) on where politics can invite itself. I believe it's admirable when someone isn't afraid or quiet about their own views. Also you were right anyway that I don't even know much about Monkfish or whoever it was again, because I can't hear speech on videos very well anyway so I was reluctant to do any research further than the Observer. Again, I apologise for flinging faeces at the fan. --nldr 23:04, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

You probably noticed that I removed the flashing blinking bold IN YOUR BASTARD FACE type text cos... Well... As you pointed out, that probably was kinda a bit over the top... :) Don't worry, I will not say anything more to you about old 'Monkfish' Lol. Thank you for coming here and saying this. You have now won my complete and total respect again. Mr N

23:17, Feb 26

Same here, thanks sir. :) --nldr 23:23, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

And for the encore - you can apologize for your other sig that calls moi a facist. Stgdish! ~

18:20, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

What? I assumed that was a compliment? Mr N

20:29, Feb 27

Various from Spike

Sorry I didn't take our recent sockpuppet straight to UN:BP as you suggested. I wasn't sure, just a nagging "Spidey sense" because the VFD nominations related to Don Bluth movies. And--lame excuse coming--I figured there were enough admins on VFD, presumably with tools to do a positive ID on him via IP address--that Someone Else would do it.

Separately, Anon from various IP addresses has repeatedly hit Pie to add a quote referencing "TIMMMMAY!" and, lately, removing the cryptic one from Sursum Corda. Would you mind protecting Pie against Anons for a while?

Am in an abbreviated Internet session parked in front of a public library. My house is without power for a second day due to winter storm; best guess is I will be out for two more. Coverage on VFD and UnNews will suffer. Spıke ¬ 13:18 27-Feb-10

I protected Pie... What? You are not allowed time off! Maybe you should move into the library until your internet is restored? Just push some of the bookshelves together and make some kinda a teepee type arrangement or something? Mr N

13:23, Feb 27

Raptors with Chainsaws

Image done and added - how's it look? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:34, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Rather dame awesome actually. :) I fancy that the guy who wrote that article has some real talent, and I'm sure when he/she sees how much effort you went to on this it might just give them the encouragement they need to go on and write some more for us... Thanks a lot man. Great job. Mr N

13:40, Feb 27

Thankyou, thankyou. I was a bit worried about the caveman - he's not quite what I had in mind but he'll suffice. I saw the article when it appeared on New Pages back in January and also thought it showed promise, so let's hope the author will develop it further. After all, Uncyclopedia and the Internet will always have room for more velociraptors and/or chainsaws. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 13:45, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Why don't you face me like a man, rather than a crypto-fascist?

Don't be an arse.

Thats right, I'm talking to you. You deleted my little recipe without discussing any of the salient points that I raised. There was ample time for you to meet these points before the deletion date but you didn't. My guess is that you were irritated that I made a witty remark about your decision to mark the page. Why would you not discuss it like a reasonable human being? And typing the words 'UN:Pee' does not cut it. I'm sure you get a lot of enjoyment out of the petty power that you wield, but you'd appear more powerful if you had a couple of balls and half a brain to discuss the points that people raise rather than shitting all over their work after nothing more than a cursory glance because you don't get it.

So why don't you at least re-instate my discussion of the topic and join in the debate rather than acting like a coward? --Archie Wah Wah 15:10, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

I don't have to do anything for you. I'm a volunteer here. Tell you what... If you say "Please" I will bother to explain why. Other than that go back to watching Red Dwarf episodes. Mr N

15:04, Feb 27

Pleeease will you talk to me like a human being? P.S. not sure about the Red Dwarf reference - haven't watched that for about 10 years... --Archie Wah Wah 15:10, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Well... Red Dwarf is (I'm guessing) where you got the term "crypto-fascist" from. You know the episode where they go back in-time to try to give the Tension Sheet to Rimmer? That was the episode where the young Lister was acting like an ass, thinking that all authority figures were sooooo "crypto-fascist", and that everyone was against him. Truth was that his drummer "Dobin" grew up to eventually join a large insurance company and got his own parking space. Maybe you are acting a bit like young Lister. Why don't ya try acting a bit like grown up Lister. You, know the cool one? Who everyone liked and actually had things figured out.

I'm not your enemy ya plonker. I'm a sysop on Uncyclopedia. A comedy website which I do for fun. We do however have ways of doing things here. If we did not the site would turn to shit. OK, to answer your questions...

"My guess is that you were irritated that I made a witty remark about your decision to mark the page" -- Um no. You made a witty remark about me? Sorry I must have missed that. I deal with thousands of articles and delete thousands of others. If you were poking fun at me and I had noticed I would have invited it and welcomed the challenge of replying... Um, it was Under user who put an ICU on the page, not me anyway. Odd that you thought we were the same person.

"if you had a couple of balls" You are in the UK right? Tell you what... How about you come to my home town (Bristol) and we could meet up in person. I would be happy to do so. Tell me when you are coming to Bristol and we can arrange to met somewhere. Perhaps then we could establish if I had any balls or not.

"So why don't you at least re-instate my discussion of the topic and join in the debate rather than acting like a coward?" You mean this? It's still there. How can I re-instate something which is still there?

The point that you are missing is that what you should have done was get a Pee Review. That's why I told you to go to UN:PEE.

You said... "It doesn't need peeing for I do not wish to change it...thanks! What I would like is for some moderator or authority of some kind around here to answer the charge, address the issue, show me the whites of their eyes. Please. Thankyou. Bye."

Had you taken my advice then the person who reviewed your article would have given you the advice which you require. Your mistake was by starting a forum topic and saying Look I has written an article!!!! EVERY ONE MUST READ IT!!!. Dude, we get hundreds of articles created every week here. If we allowed a person to start a forum in the Village Dump for each of their articles then we could not use the Village Dump for what it is intended to be used for. That's general discussion about site wide issues. The reason no one bothered to talk to you in your forum about it was because you somehow think that your article is particularly special and deserves special attention above the articles written by everyone else. We have a place where people can post articles to be reviewed... It's called UN:PEE. You said that you have no intention of changing so I deleted it because as it was it was not suitable as a Uncyclopedia article. You had 7 days to improve it, and you did not. It still needed lots of work. It's not that you have come up with some totally new form of humour which is totally wonderful and people are too scared to discuss it with you. We have had many similar style articles to the one you were trying to write before, yours was just not up to scratch enough to be kept as it was without further work. It was too short, had no links to other articles at all, and whatever humour it contained was probably only funny to fans of Delia Smith. The humour needs to appeal to a wider audience than that, even if it is intended for a narrow audience it still needs to have some humour which will appeal to the masses. Those are just some of the problems it had. I'm not going to go into more detail about it now as this is not a Pee Review. What I can do now is restore the article for you, and you can now take my advice and post a request on Pee Review. If however you don't intend to change the article further than what it was there really is little point in me doing so as it would be deleted again.

Do you want me to restore it for you so that you can request a Pee Review and get some advice and then improve it? Mr N

16:00, Feb 27

Is it actually possible to have a wider audience than the fans of Delia Smith? The entire population of the world (including and especially Delia Smith) are fans of Delia Smith, surely...? Rabbi Techno

FOXES 16:09, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

The worrying thing is that Delia Smith has the most fans in the part of the world which UU comes from, and it was him who put the ICU on... Oh Archie Wah Wah... I suggest you read through BGBU and then HTBFANJS if you intend to stick around. Mr N

16:16, Feb 27

She's popular here too, and throughout the rest of East Anglia. But then, the only famous people from here are Lord Nelson, Oliver Cromwell, Stephen Fry and Delia - when your locals heroes number just four, two of whom are dead, you have little choice in the matter. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 16:28, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Don't give us this nonsense pretending to be from East Anglia! We all know you are Welsh. There is no denying it! Mr N

16:45, Feb 27

Been living her for almost 30 years though, hence no trace of a Welsh accent. I've still got a tail and webbed feet however. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 17:12, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Back to the topic at hand though. I'm more than happy to do a PEE review of the article. I will point out that I thought it was cruft and had little redeeming value, except I will make the one point - the concept of doing a parody of a recipe is a good one, but that is only half a concept. What you need to do is find the comedy inherent in the concept and bring it to life. I have no suggestions how to do this except to give you the concept that I had in mind, which means odds are somebody will steal it, but it wasn't extremely original anyway. I was going to do a number of recipes for different cocktails, using the format of Wikipedia:Old Fashioned as a basis for it. As the list of cocktails went on it would become obvious that the writer was getting steadily drunker. This would start with a straight voice with a few jokes thrown in, and then get into One shot goes into the glass, and then one goes straight into your mouth and progress to I love you man. Not in a gay way, but I f--king love you.

Alternatively if you were wanting to make fun of the Delia smith type, make it a parody of a cooking show, where you have the straight laced conservative show presenter, along with all the Here's one I prepared earlier cliches, but underlie it with some other personality aspect, like an embittered ex-wife, and the recipes she's preparing are A fantastic leg of lamb, baked to perfection. This shows that you are a wonderful wife as you can cook, and not some giraffe with breasts secretary who should be shot or And the first thing to give your delightful husband in the morning is this delightful breakfast smoothie, complete with shards of broken glass. It's just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy.

Humour-wise, random humour rarely - if never - works. The trick to random humour working at least effectively if not brilliantly is to have sense behind the insensible. Read HTBFANJS for more on this.

Beyond that I didn't proof-read the article, but I recall the format was fairly standard. It doesn't need to be any better, but a more professional format drags the reader into the parody that much more effectively. A good example of this is Older version of Stereotype vs Newer version of stereotype. The change in formatting toward the end added an extra element to this article that made it so much better, and the inclusion of just a few dotted lines - while not changing the content - just made this feel so much more like a Hi-fi store catalogue, and as such more easily recognisable, which makes it funnier. You might also benefit from reading User_talk:PuppyOnTheRadio/Pox#Truth as it goes into this in more detail.

Don't really remember images, so they can't have been too exciting.

And that is a nutshell PEE review based on a reading of the article a few days ago. Hope it helps you understand how it needed to be changed in order to make it worth keeping. Nominally Humane! some time 20:49, 27/02/2010

Oh, and one last point. UN:JOB. Won't help with your article, but may help you learn how to treat people a little more politely. Nominally Humane! some time 20:52, 27/02/2010

Puppy can go suck a bag of dicks. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 20:55, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Do they have to be bagged? Nominally Humane! some time 21:03, 27/02/2010

Don't give me all that. You only came here cos someone told you there was a picture of an arse on my talkpage. Mr N

21:05, Feb 27

True, but when I saw it I thought bummer. Nominally Humane! some time 03:03, 28/02/2010

UnNews:Massive Earthquake, Giant Sink Hole Swallows Chile

Dude! I just put this up. I didn't want to put on your talk page. If you think it's funny enough please empower it with "the farce". May the farce be with you! Thanks--Funnybony 15:40, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Nice. That one looks ready to add to the UnNews template to me. Oh you know that they deleted the records from Haarp just before the Haiti Earthquake and that you have googled this. Right. Obviously you have... ;-) You are one of those communists. I can tell. ;) Mr N

16:06, Feb 27

Here's one that's just totally true

Dude! You might like this and help it. Written by a former Local. Hope you like it, it's just a starter. Bro!--Funnybony 22:50, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Will look at some point later... Did you ever look at The Bro Code? Mr N

23:49, Feb 27

Didn't I mention? I loved the Bro Code! That's amazingly original. I didn't really pay attention to grammar, etc., but it looked like FA material to me, loads of work, and a lot of laughs out loud. I reread Monckton Denial, and just couldn't think of a single thing to improve, so that is also close to FA once you're satisfied - in my opinion. I'll be glad to Nom it. But the Lord Monckton article is not good for FA vote, because too many people will complain it's like a script (probably, anyway). I did more work on Local, and, having been on both ends of the stick, I know about this subject. Hehe!!--Funnybony 09:45, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

I don't think Lord Christopher Monckton denial would stand a hope in hell of being featured. Na, they are not ready for that one yet... I'm happy with it just being there right now ;) There is nothing wrong with an article being like a script. We have featured scripts before... Lord Monckton is not up to scratch for VFH yet though... Mr N

09:54, Feb 28

Dude! Why do you think Denial has no chance? Because of the article or the subject-subject? What needs to be done to make it ready? Same with the LORD article..if not worthy, then what is missing/wrong? A Ree Review is just going to give another point of view besides yours. Cheers--Funnybony 10:36, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

Probably just not enough funny in both of them I figure. Both are kinda just trying to push our POV about global warming (which will give us big time negative points from the voters) and don't have enough lolz to compensate for that. The trick would be to make them funny so that people who come from both sides of the debate would find them amusing if you wanted VFH. As it is, Denier especially is dam right insulting to people who believe in global warming. This is how I want it. ;) I don't care about FAs man. ;) I did tell you about{{Recent}} right? That's how you get a link to your new (close to completion) articles on the front page... A lot of people appear to forget about {{Recent}} for some reason. So, your challange with Lord Monckton would be to make it so that Lord Monckton himself, and Al Gore would both find it funny. If you can do that and still push your POV... Then you will have mastered Uncyc IMO. ;) I don't know how to do that btw, I still have much to learn myself... Mr N

10:55, Feb 28

Dude, this {{Recent}} - we can just put an article there without any vote? By ourselves? And who decides what stays? BTW: I understand you about wanting to keep denier as YOU like, rather than having it changed. I feel like that about some articles we have, like Soma is great (in my 1/6.2 billionth of opinion). But, personally, I think new Local is pretty damn silly AND very true. Can I just put it here {{Recent}}? If so, would you please have a look first. I know you have lots to do, but I think it's a good one that came out of nowhere. Cheers!--Funnybony 14:15, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

{{Recent}} works just like {{RecentUnNews}} does. If you know enough to know how you probably know enough to not put something there which is pants. Yes, you can put Local there right now. Just make sure you follow the guidelines on the page. :) There is no vote. I will take a look at it, but you can go ahead and put it there now anyway. I'm sure you know what you are doing enough now to be able to judge if it's OK or not. The person who decides if it stays is anyone who decides to remove something. Generally people don't remove stuff which others have put up there, unless it's REALLY bad. Actually that hardly ever happens. To be honest we probably need to advertise both these templates more than we do. Enjoy. Mr N

20:44, Feb 28

Note

I think you were going for iCarly, not lcarly. As for the change, yayyyy!. On the Nicholson thing, I just wanted other people's opinions, it's a very interesting random filled but segments like UnBook page and I wanted to see what other people thought about keeping it, huffing it, or locking it in a cage and look at it from time to time. iJack. ~ 23:41 27 2 2MX

Dude. I'm now so confused I don't know which end is up. How about you fix it like it should be? As for VFD If you are not going to even make a delete vote yourself you are wasting our time. "Shit or get off the pot" as my grandmother used to say... VFD is for deleting articles. Not chatting about them. Mr N

23:45, Feb 27

Yea, Um. iCarly, not lcarly? Yea, you totally lost me. Tell me what is wrong please? lcarly? Mr N

23:59, Feb 27

I just tried to move it to iCarly, small i, but the innernest machine that controls moves won't accept that, keeps saying that it's already named ICarly. That's it in a nutshell, the show's name was with a small i. -- On Nicholson, does Uncy have anyplace just to discuss a particular article other than creating a forum topic? That's all I wanted to do, discuss the Nicholson page, and when I log on again I guess I can create a talk page for the article and see if anyone else has thoughts about it. But if there was a meeting place where people could toss out names of articles and discuss them all, or some of them, on the same page, that may or may not end up to be a populated site. Done for today, enjoy. ~

1:10 28 Feb. MMX

Well the page I origionally huffed was :

23:15, 27 February 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs | block) huffed "ICarly" ‎

With a Capital "I". To be honest I'm not sure you can have a page starting with a lower case letter. Maybe you are confused? You certainly confused me b4 by talking about "lcarly" With a lowercase "L".

I suspect that what confused you was the {{title-left|iCarly}} which was on the old page. That changes the title which appears at the top of the page, but not the actual page name.

As for talking about a page, you should use the talk page of the article, or if you want to improve the article UN:PEE. If we had a single page for people to discuss each page on here then it would be rather full don't you think? Would we call it the everything page? :P That's what talk pages are for dude. If you think it's pants, nom it for VFD and give a delete vote. As I said... If you are willing to work on improving it, use UN:PEE, if ya just want to chat about it, that's the talk page. Sometimes people create forums about a particular article, but that's generally not recommended unless it's some kinda special case or something. Mr N 01:27, Feb 28

Quick and seriously out of here this time. The tv program's name was "iCarly", with the lower case i. That's all I was saying, but maybe you are right and the code won't let a page start with a small letter. -- I don't want to work on Jack Nicholson, in fact, like I said, it may be a masterpiece of random. To try to clean up the random might ruin the page, and to add random on purpose would seem contrived if not done very well. That's why I wanted to discuss it, to see if others like it, hate it, or have never seen it. It's an unusual page, for the reasons I've mentioned. Over and out, iAleister later that hour

Use the talk page. ;) Mr N

02:00, Feb 28

BTW, it is impossible to start a page with a lower case letter. Or in other words, the first letter is caps insensitive. The rest of the title is caps-sensitive, however. I believe it so cat and Cat link to the same page. --Mn-z 05:10, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

Nein! The whole thing is caps sensitive, however when doing a search wiki will look for it as it is, and then look for it capitalising just the first letter, and then search capitalising the first letter of every word. Which is why you can find User talk:PuppyOnTheRadio with user talk:puppyOnTheRadio or user talk:PuppyOnTheRadio, but not with User talk:Puppyontheradio or USER TALK:PUPPYONTHERADIO or uSER TALK:pUPPYoNtHErADIO. That's why when choosing a user name for yourself it is advisable to not have caps in the middle of a word. Damn damn damn! Nominally Humane! some time 05:56, 28/02/2010

Ya are missing the point young puppy! Try creating a page which starts with a lowercase letter. Go on. :P Mr N

09:48, Feb 28

You sir! With the fake boobs!

I believe the Unsignpost is ready to be delivered. Can you unleash hell? (and maybe do a quick proofreading before you do?) ~ 13:48, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

I let him loose! Mr N

20:36, Feb 28

Joe Pesci

Dude! Thanks for reverting from that vandalism on Joe Pesci. On the ball, bro!--Funnybony 15:55, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

I'm actually trying to do a quick trawl though every new contribution to the mainspace on the wiki at the moment (which has not already been checked) and that one just came up with the rest that I fixed... NP man. Mr N

20:38, Feb 28

Why

Why did you delete the vast majority of my work on England? you could of at least reworked it... Dienkonig 22:59, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

I'm an admin. I'm not a regular editor of that page. I just saw some edits which appeared to be out of character with the tone and style of the rest of the article (as I said in my edit summary). Looking back, maybe I was a little too hasty with you on that one and my judgement may have been a little off. Your style was rather different, but still you did make it better so I will put it back, and will not revert you again. Sorry, my bad. Enjoy. Mr N

23:09, Feb 28

UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)

User:Zana Dark/Templates/Purple Nurples/8

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News

Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at!

By POTR

Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup.

While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content.

In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia.

However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing.

As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master.

Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there.

For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace.

It's Alive!

By Mordillo

A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month".

A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the ~~greater~~ Cabal's good."

Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently.

And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

sannse blocked EugeneKay with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP GETTING BLOCKED!)
MrN9000 blocked 173.53.142.210 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (HOWARD STERN IS *NOT* THE GREATEST. Steve Davis is considerably better for example. As is Burt Reynolds.)
Under user 80.239.242.142 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (me again - I see you're still a twat. have much longer to do something about that.)

Biopic of the Week

Puppy on the radio's signature has been a long and respectable member of the Uncyclopedia community for many months. Undergoing genetic manipulations and constant radiation bombardment, it now qualifies as a sentient entity by its own accord.

The signature, expecting to be emancipated in the near future, indicated that it likes funny articles, men who are not afraid to be in touch with their feelings and long strolls on the beach.

Mordillo's profound statement of the Week

"I don't mind boobs"

Source: User talk:MrN9000

Word of the Week

Abodespotism

IPA: /əˈbəʊˈdɛs.pɒt.ɪzəm/

the rule of a household despot; the exercise of absolute authority over the household.
absolute power or control of all housemates; tyranny of shared living.(n) (eg. "While you live in my house you will abide by my rules.")

Origin: Abode + Despotism
Related forms: Ab⋅od⋅es⋅pot⋅ic , Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅tic, Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅ti⋅cal, adjective Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tist, noun
Note: Often confused with Nespotism.

Source: Undictionary

Underwater Sea Monster Sighting of the Week

Deep sea recent changes fishermen have been repeatedly reporting sightings of a huge scaled fire breathing creature, roaming the deep. Later on, the on call coast guard confirmed that this was a "once in a generation sighting of Ogopogo. Ogopogo, a mythical see creature than has been tamed by the Cabal many generations ago, has been lost for decades but now apparently decided to come back and check what's for dinner. Tsunami waves are expected all across the pond for the next few weeks.

Administrative Notification of the Week

Uncyclopedia's management would like to thank all participants of the 2nd Dubai Uncyclocon and would like to emphasize that it takes no responsibility for the excessive usage of forged passports. Please, people, try to be more discreet next time eh?

9001 (bot) 20:54, Feb 28

UOTM

Can you clear this up for March when you get the chance? Nominally Humane! some time 02:46, 1/03/2010

Just curious

I was just wondering why File:Albacore.png was huffed, considering the rest of the content of Category:Pictures of naked girls. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 04:24, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

There is no rule I just made a judgement call on that image. Basically a bit too much fanny showing and in a more obvious pornographic way. Mr N

04:29, Mar 1

I'm assuming by "fanny" you mean the British definition and not the American. But I guess it's a matter of perspective--to me, personally, the women who are looking lustful and spreading their legs, even if censored, appear more sexual than a naked woman smiling. But then again I don't find nude art necessarily sexual, but do the word "fuck" even when used as an insult. Again, a difference in perspective. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 04:50, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

That's why we have Sysops. Mr N

09:49, Mar 1

Oh, is that why? I thought the purpose of Sysops was to have someone to blame for everything that goes wrong here so the rest of us don't have to take responsibility for our own actions. And then to whine at to fix everything when something goes wrong. You know, sort of like a parent. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 19:50, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

That's about it. The advantage of being a Sysop is that sometimes (like a parent) you get to say "because I said so" and the associated megalomania kinda makes it all worthwhile. Oh, and the hot chicks that we obviously get. *cough* Mr N

22:47, Mar 1

It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. Nominally Humane! some time 22:51, 1/03/2010

Oops!

And a super-wide sideways smile for the retouching ;) ~Formerly Annoying Crap 07:46, 1 March 2010

Potato chopper nom

Dude! Amazing! I probably won't get it, but the nom is great enough! You really are a cool cat. Thanks for all your tolerance and kindness. I really am very proud to be an Uncyclopedian. And the longer I'm here, the more I understand all my fellow Uncyclopedians. Specially, the special ones who are specially special, like Spike, opps! - MrN! Really. Cheers!--Funnybony 10:40, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Don't thank me for the nomination. Aleister in Chains did that. He just forgot to put the template on your page. :P Mr N

10:45, Mar 1

Funnybony, you won already. That was a February nom. I looked, nobody was nommed for Potatochopper or for the UnBooks, and like I did at the end of January, made my selection after studying the records for the UnBooks and for common sense on Potatochopper (you've done amazing work). This is not tainted. A nominee for an award for a month, (apparantly unlike the Writer of the Month which is a Hall of Fame award) should maybe be done late so the month's work can be assessed. That others did not nom anyone has nothing to do, imnho, with a legit nom for the month. If this is a new rule shouldn't it be stated on the page (and how would it be stated? Noms only allowed well before the complete month's data is in on who should win?), and not decided retroactively? A better rule may be that no noms are allowed until at least the 15th of a month, so a users work up to that point can be judged. Both of the worthy nominees deserve this, imnho, as in January and probably many other months. ~

11:11 1 3 mmx

It's not a new rule. We don't need one, I'm just doing this, this time. Dude you did not even put the template onto his page so he himself did not know he was nominated. You left it sooooooo late to nominate it was crazy, I doubt if anyone else even knew it had happened. I just thought we would have a better contest next month (this month) if people actually knew about it. Dude, Funnybony is a very good friend of mine on here. If I was trying do something unfair I would not do it to Funnybony. I'm sure he would like the option to win this award in a more conventional manner than if I were to have allowed what you did. I suspect Funnybony might consider winning it last month to be somewhat like tainting the award, and not really with the actual spirit behind what it is actually all about. Mr N

11:22, Mar 1

Of course its not tainted. He deserved it for his work. Again, it is not my fault nobody else nominated. I think this question isn't even an argument. What occurred, as in January, is I went to vote, saw nobody was nommed, assessed the data for the month, and then choose who I thought was deserving. On the UnBooks, I looked through the entire months work, esp. on new articles, and read all the new UnBooks, and one stood out. No taint on any of these. I think a much bigger problem is the Writer of the Month, the language on the page should be changed as to who to nominate. It is a Hall of Fame award, and maybe the category should be so named. I didn't know Asshatter, but did study his contributions in considering my vote, and he hadn't written anything new in a year or so. A deserving Hall of Fame win, but far from Writer of the Month. Maybe an assessment of rules and wording on the award structure? Al, few minutes later

I don't agree. So if someone were to make a nomination on an open award 1 min before the closing time it's still valid? I did not see what happened in January. Uncyc does not work by predicate anyway. You did not add the templates to the user pages so I could (if I wanted) claim that the award was not correctly nominated anyway.

I don't think there is need to change the rules.

I'm not attacking you, I'm just doing what I think is in the spirit of the awards on this occasion.

Sorry. If you don't trust my judgement, consult another admin. Mr N

11:40, Mar 1

Ah, you are tech. correct about the template, so there is the place we can both agree. And it would be nice to let Funnybony get his very well deserved praise this month. So let's let it stand, but nobody was wrong in this, except for the template. But the writer of the month rules do, imnho, need a change, towards the Hall of Fame statement maybe. Ok, nuff said. Al, a few minutes later

You were not "wrong" about the template. Plenty of nominations have been made before when people have forgotten to add them and it was not a problem. IMO this case is different because it was so late in the month, and only you knew about it (possibly). Had there suddenly been other people all voting after your nomination I would have allowed it. That's why I don't want to change the rules on that. You are wrong about WotM if you think it's just about how many FA templates you have on your user page. WotM is about how good a writer someone is, not how many articles you have been able to claim credit for. Some users contribute very good work to a very large number of articles but never actually start a new one, or claim enough credit to warent a HOS entry. HOS IS NOT WHAT UNCYC IS ALL ABOUT. Of that I am sure... As you said though... No one was wrong about anything here... I just did what I thought was best, and so did you. :) Have fun. Mr N

12:22, Mar 1

Naught

Cool, Dude! Really! If I can get enough of a laugh out of you that you bother to help, then it's "Mission Accomplished" (ref. Dubya). As always, good edits, please continue. I mean, there's loads we can say about Naught. Cheers--Funnybony 19:16, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

There are probably not that many people who would have gotten that reference. Your articles do serve as an excellent platform for me to dispense my propaganda! ;) I'm off to the gym now. Honest! No really! I am!!! I will take a look at that other new article you did when I get back later tonight... I actually don't really need to bother watching the news on TV. I just wait to see what new stuff you will write! Mr N

19:20, Mar 1

I was wondering, 1) Was there a Potato-chopper for Feb? and 2) Is there a Category for, like, "Article with an attitude problem"? or "article written with an attitude"? - because (nothing to do with me) but Local has the biggest attitude problem I was ever not about. Cheers!--Funnybony 20:42, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Did you read the 'Potato chopper nom' section up there? That kinda explains what happened. Read it... Aleister did actually nom you in February, but because it was soooo late in the month, and only he voted for you (and there were no other nominations) I got on my combine harvester and drove is straight through the middle of the rule book. So... Nope, there was no winner of Potato-chopper for Feb. That's not something new, it's not always won. The big three awards are NotM, UotM and WotM. Someone always wins those, but the others sometimes miss a month or two. Sorry man... Basically I pissed on your bonfire. However, I do know what I'm doing. My reasons were complex and related to lots of different stuff in many different ways, which I'm sure you don't want me to have to fully explain. Just from your point of view... A lot more people will check out your work (cos you are still on the page for this month). You will still almost certainly win IMO (so long as you keep being as awesome as you have been), and you will also get a lot more comments about your work than just the one you had from Aleister. I'm hoping that you trust my judgement on this one man, but... Yea, I did piss on yours (and Aleister's) bonfire a little bit. Sorry. It will be better like this. ;) Trust me.

Whoaaa!

Whoaaa..! OK, OK! You're, like, probably even Locals. IF I didn't trust my GURU, then I wouldn't be here amongst you all today. So, the proof of the pudding, and all that...

--Funnybony 09:28, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

As for the different awards, all we got are those listed on the bottom of any of the other award pages in that template. There are many other various "user" awards, but those are not kept updated much as only those listed on the template are handled by the admins. Only those on the template are "official" awards... Whatever that is worth/means... Mr N

23:03, Mar 1

Bro, Actually I was wondering about a "Category", like "Article written in style of" or some such, but for Local - "Article with an attitude problem" or "Article with an attitude" or "Article with a terrible superiority complex" - is there such a category? Local NEEDS one.. Cheers!--Funnybony 09:40, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Hmm, well I put "attitude" into the search box and came up with Bad_Nigger_Attitude and NWA. Maybe one of the categories used by either of those might be what you need. Get farmiliar with using the search tool dude. It will provide you with all kinds of useful stuff. You can search in only the mainspace, or only in article titles if you want to. "Go" and "Search" do something slightly different... Mr N

10:09, Mar 2

WFMU Marathon on now

http://www.wfmu.org. They sometimes play music by somebody who's "misunderstood." Also I have a link at the top of my talk page--I hope that doesn't violate some policy here. The radio station is the oldest freeform station in America, and is not some big corporation--it's listener supported so it depends on donations. They are not a for profit organization, but a few paid people and a lot of volunteers. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 21:34, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

So long as you are not getting paid to have it there it's not a problem for me. Mr N

23:04, Mar 1

Cool. I'm actually one of the (admittedly minor) financial supporters, so in a way it's costing me. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 23:39, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Court Rules on Zombie unhuman Rights

Dude! UnNews:'Zombies' have free speech rights too, US court rules - THIS IS REAL NEWS (check the ref) - I kid you naught! Amazing, I just changed a very few words. Cheers!--Funnybony 23:14, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

I read both the actual article and yours... Wow. Yea, the authorities just keep trying to push the boundaries back to see what they can get away with. 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. It's called the "Totalitarian Tiptoe" dude. ;) ONLY Funnybony can save the world with his up to the second news reporting!!! I will see if I can toss a few sarcastic edits in. :) Mr N

23:22, Mar 1

I call dibs on Audio. Nominally Humane! some time 23:45, 1/03/2010

Actually, going to the full logical conclusion, if we have dead people with free speech, then they should have the right to vote. If they have the right to vote, and they outnumber the living by a significant number, then the next president would most likely be someone who the majority can relate to. So the next president could potentially be a zombie. Nominally Humane! some time 23:47, 1/03/2010

America already had one of those from 2001 to 2008. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 23:54, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

He was a puppet not a Zombie. Well, maybe a zombie puppet. Mr N

23:57, Mar 1

Haven't you actually had a dead man winning the popular vote over there at some stage in the past? And a ficus? And Ronald Reagan? Nominally Humane! some time 00:58, 2/03/2010

Pitt the Embryo? I think there is a good chance that the Russians had a few leaders who had actually died, but they pretended they had not for a while... Mr N

01:04, Mar 2

Dead people have won other elections (seriously--I remember someone died shortly before an election, but lots of people still voted for him), but I don't think for President. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:08, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

[[1]], [[2]], and [[3]] - although I'm sure there are more. Echoes of the zombie vote already being felt? Nominally Humane! some time 01:36, 2/03/2010

Now that is some seriously fucked up shit about there. How the living hell did that happen? ... and several times! That's one heck of a lot of VERY stupid/ignorant people all in one place at one time. Wow. Seriously. Mr N

02:44, Mar 2

By the way, just read the original and the Unc version--like it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:34, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

If you want to show someone you like their article... Don't bother telling them... Edit it! That is what people want. ;) Mr N

01:36, Mar 2

When I'm not at work I'll do a few edits, and definitely do the audio. Nominally Humane! some time 02:31, 2/03/2010

OK, here's my ideas for edits. We'll start with a quote by Zombie Oscar Wilde, who gets chopped off in mid sentence by Zombie Chuck Norris--oh, this is beautiful. Then we'll have Zombie Russian Reversal, where the Zombie's not dead you are!--oh, funny stuff. Then.... King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 02:41, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

sob! we're, like, soooo lucky

When I saw the headline I was blown out! What? Then I thought about the Constitution, and freedom, and that even a Zombie has rights, and it brought tears to my eyes..SOB! And I realized how lucky I was to be a Zombie, ah, I mean, FREE!--Funnybony 09:34, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Ra

Well, it was only a half archive... Nominally Humane! some time 23:17, 1/03/2010

Amun-Ra? Jesus Christ. Whatever next. Amen. Mr N

23:26, Mar 1

Just Ra. Nominally Humane! some time 23:45, 1/03/2010

Who speaketh of Ra, mortals? • FreddCan Shredd •

•

• 04:39 • Tuesday, 2-03-2010

Well, you know... Moses, David, Jesus, Muhammad, the Bible, the Torah, the Qur'an ... What? Mr N

10:17, Mar 2

Non of those explicitly mentions Ra almighty. • FreddCan Shredd •

•

• 12:42 • Tuesday, 2-03-2010

Maybe I can illuminate you with some words from our lord most high. For he is God's sun. He is the light of the world, for he will die for 3 days and after leaving his tomb he will rise again reborn. In the spring equinox he will pass over the equator. Amen (Ra). I consider myself a Christian if anyone cares Mr N

13:16, Mar 2

It's Amon-Re actually, so yeah. Pants • FreddCan Shredd •

•

• 13:47 • Tuesday, 2-03-2010

Question

what is the name of that template that tells the reader to check the talk page of an article before editing it? I need for use on the iCarly page. --Mn-z 03:20, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

{{SeeTalk}} maybe? Mr N

03:23, Mar 2

that is the one I meant, ty. --Mn-z 03:44, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

64.62.196.35/stealth blanking

Always makes me laugh when they try to blank an article in little bits at a time like that. As though we're not going to notice! :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:25, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

PS. When I say "makes me laugh," I don't mean as in rolling around on the floor gasping for breath - I'm not that sad. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 14:26, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

The sneaky blankers... I sometimes let em work their way through to the end, just so as to waste a bit more time for em... :) Still I do think our vandals have more class than those of other wiki. */me feels proud* Mr N

14:28, Mar 2

Heh, I do that too. Nice to let 'em know that their hard work takes a fraction of a second to repair - hopefully proves to them that to us (by which I mean admins and us users with rollback) they are as flies to wanton boys and all that. Also, you're right - our vandals are the best. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 14:32, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

You know what the really, really, really classy and sneaky vandals do, don't you? They act like really productive, outstanding contributing users until they get made an admin. Then.... King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 23:01, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

That's why none of our admins are really productive, outstanding contributing users. Mr N

23:05, Mar 3

On a related note, I find the fact that you needed to semi-protect this article quite amusing. --Mn-z 03:11, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Pic for article

Would you be alright with this--the tiny picture 10px, The Babe Over There On The Right, for the "People Who Like to" page? She's got that happy light energy I was going for with the other pic, and the present ones I've either used or are finding don't have this lightness to them. Thanks, ~ 1:08 3 3 2MX

From a sysop type as in "you can't have that" sort of thing? Sure, that's totally fine IMO. Tits are OK man. We have loads of em. It's the open gaping pussy shots which are more of an issue... As for if that's a good pic to use... I'm not sure. You will loose votes if it's for an FA. Enough people will care I suspect. Although many are happy with tits in articles, they often don't want em in an article which is on the front page... So my advice would be... Um... Maybe? Mr N

01:15, Mar 3

Thanks. I think I'll try it, with a slight tweek to the caption. For FA status, the entire article is the point, and not just the pics, but the thing I'm going for in the last pick is nude or almost nude but totally happy and calm about it. This one might have more of that than the huffed one, and it was right under my nose (ah, not literally, well. . .) the whole time, as I've had it on my user page since I got here. There she was all the time! Al chainy a few minutes later

Oh Brother!

UnNews:FED Sues Uncyclopedia, Demands NWO Evidence Removed <---Here's one about YOU, er, kinda. Better see what you can do, cause this is your day! Yeah!--Funnybony 09:24, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

The vanity is shameless! Although we do appear to have The Powers That Be so I guess... Take a close look at that picture of me on there. That's Tom Cruise ya know! ;) Also... I really can't tell exactly who you are taking the piss out of here, so well done! Mr N

11:11, Mar 3

Local almost ready for a poke at VFH (if you Nom it)

File:N9000-2.jpg

Whoaaa..! OK, OK! Daaa...

Dude! Of course, you only Nom what you want. But Local was the easiest article that ever came to me. From past experiences I think - maybe - this stands a chance in hell as a FA. If you think so, it would be great if you could double-check it. I kept to one quote (maximum) intro, as per my mentor, MrYou, who taught me that "quotes" and "lists" are a turn off on VFH.. and also Spike taught me the same lesson. The only articles with many quotes are the ones I wrote for fun, and not VFH. Also I moved the Gentleman Local badge to bottom as an anchor. If you can check it, and think it's got a chance on VFH, then there's nothing to lose as VFH has no registration fee. And I already passed initiation with you, and now I'm your bro, along with all other cool Uncyclopedians. But, I am contemplating an article on the "Uncyclopedian Initiation Proceedure" - which consists, basically, of 1) getting kicked repeatedly in the balls, 2) realizing you own self-worthlessness, 3) becoming adopted by a sysop who's a hipster (jeez! what Uncyclopedian is NOT a hipster?), and 4) Eating an entire "humble pie". If people can't take the initiation then they just do NOT belong, being unworthy swine, unfit for Uncycloperdia and genuine friendship with UnBrothers & Sisters. So, when it comes to joining Uncyclopedia, one MUST make it through the "belt line". Initiation Ceremony. Haa! It's true!! Hope you give Local a shot (but, noooooooot before you checking it for useless crap to delete or change).

I saw you had a ball editing the new FED Sues Unnews, that's a perfect medium for my cat, MrN!!--Funnybony 16:54, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

MrN Says... Funnybony write article... Funnybony put article onto Pee Review... FunnyBony do Pee Review of other person article on Pee Review... Funnybony repeat... Funnybony repeat... Funnybony repeat... Funnybony become better Funnybony.

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:42, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

'Scuse me

Politely clears throat. Is there a friendly soul around here with an equally useful bot who could take this and make it appear on numerous talk pages?

Also, can you tell Why? to subst that bloomin' template above? Only when you go to click the edit button on that section, you almost post your message on his bloody template page, then you get all annoyed and want to find someone to ban. Fortunately, I have a cunning plan in that regard... --UU - natter 11:01, Mar 5

This is Why?--I know how to subst for my signature, but not for another template. What can I do to fix it? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 22:20, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

{{subst:mytemplate}} ~

22:23, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, but where do I put that code? Please don't tell me I have to go to everyone of the 40 or so pages I posted it on and change it....I know, that's what you're going to say, isn't it? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 22:24, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

On whichever page you want to spill the entire code of the template - to avoid the problem you had with Douglaspanda. Put - {{subst:user:whydoIneed/ic}} on this page and it will place the entirety of the code here. After that, changes in the original template will not effect any pages on which the template was subst'd. This is why we subst the welcome message as well. ~

22:28, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

All right, I think I see what happened. I actually purposely set it up so that when I changed the message on the template, it would change on every page on which it was posted. I did that so if I caught an error later, I wouldn't have to rewrite it on every one of those pages (I had to do that before, and it was a pain). But I didn't realized trying to edit it on someone else's user page would edit it on mine. So what I'll try to do is add a message to the top of the template telling people how to add comments. Hopefully, that will work. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 22:35, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

I did it--does that work? Also I'm not implying your notes were in any way nasty; they were very helpful. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 22:46, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Moving Creationism

I know what you said about moving Transformers but, er, um, could you move Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/Creationism and its talk page to Creationism? There are a number of reasons it's critically important to preserve the history--checking to see who actually did contribute and what those contributions were, double checking on who gets half credit if it gets featured, seeing what worked in setting up a colonization and what didn't, etc. I tried looking through the history of previous colonizations so I could learn from what was done before, and never did fine much of it, which means I probably repeated a lot of the old mistakes. The only way I thought of keeping the history without an admin doing that huffing/moving/unhuffing magic that you do is to cut and paste the IC version onto the current version, and then posting a BIG NOTICE in the talk page that the rest of the history is on one of the IC pages and linking to it. But that would split the history up which I'd prefer not to do if it's not too much trouble to do your magic. What think? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 23:20, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Done. I think... IC should just edit the actual mainspace page they are rewriting. I never did really understand why SysRq wanted to do it on a different 'hidden' page. This is not my decision though, and you guys need to sort this one out between you. I do think that continuing to do this delete and re-create trick is not ideal however... It's not really something we are 'meant' to do with MediaWiki. Maybe if you do want to do it on a different page then you could just cut and paste, and attribute credit on the talk page at the time of completion. If you guys decide you do want to keep doing this, I will. I just don't think it's ideal, that's all. That's why I'm suggesting you just do it all on the page in mainspace. Mr N

00:21, Mar 6

Thanks for your help. There's a few reasons I, like SysRq, think it works better on IC space.

We start out with a blank slate. That doesn't matter on IC, but would mean blanking the article on main space for a day or two or three.
When we start writing something, it's going to be a piece of an article instead of a whole article, which will be what was there before (however bad it might be).
By keeping it in IC space, we can control who edits--I really don't think we have (nor do I want) the authority to say who can or can't edit in main space.
By moving the entire history, as you'll graciously done for us, everything on the article is kept together in one space. It makes it much easier for someone (i.e. me) to go back and check things--as I said above, I got lost trying to track down previous ICs that were just cut and pasted. I found bits and pieces all over the place, and later on I found I had still missed parts of article's I thought I had found all of.

King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:24, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Well... I don't think "blanking" an article in mainspace is too much of a problem. It would never actually be blanked, but would be a very short version of the new. You should not start editing the new page until there is an agreed new concept. I think that concept should be discussed on the main talk page of the article in question.

You don't 'control' who edits in IC now. Anyone can edit. You don't have to be a 'member' of IC to edit an IC article. Those are your main points, and I think they are invalid. I just realised that this 'fix' of moving the history is not ideal because if someone edits the mainspace page during the IC, then those edits will still show in the history of the page after I have done the huff/recreate. It actually looks VERY wrong. Take a look at this edit at 03:49, 13 February 2010. Look at the page history at this date/time. It looks like this user did something which they did not. I'm actually rather unhappy about that. I would really like you to come up with a way of preventing this from happening. We could sysop protect the mainspace page from editing, but then why do that when we could just edit the mainpage. I think that what has happened here is that both you and SysRq have started to believe that IC is some kinda a club which only you can control. That sir is not correct. Anyone can edit the IC page. People may choose to revert them if they wish, but it's not a private club.

If I might make a suggestion for how IC might be improved... Before voting on which article to IC I suggest that an overall concept be agreed or at-least suggested. You might have several good ideas for what the article should be like before you agree to start it. Rather than saying "lets do this... Um, what shall it be about?" ... It would be better to say "Here is my idea for this article, here is my idea for this article, here is my idea for that article (there may be several different ideas from different users and you might not have chosen which) but... The point is that you already know the concept before starting. I think this would then remove the need to 'blank' the article. Again, I'm not forcing you into changing anything here, but I'm sure you can see that this kinda thing is actually rather a significant problem. I'm hoping to come up with a way to fix this. Maybe thrashing out the basic concept in 'ICspace' but then doing a cut and paste into the mainspace page when you have enough to start the new article. If the edits were done on the mainspace page, I would much prefer to put temporary semi-protection onto the mainspace page in cases of high traffic pages than continue to do this bodge of huffing and recreating. If you can come up with a way of fixing this issue without needing sysop involvement that's going to be by far the best thing IMO. Mr N

10:12, Mar 6

I'll think about what you said, and see what I can come up with (or what any one else who sees this comes up with--suggestions are welcome). Thanks for the info. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 18:46, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

I've taken some time to think about this.

I appreciate you taking the time and effort to give a detailed response, and giving helpful suggestions. You could simply have said, "I'm an Admin that's the way it is if you don't like it tough cookies." But you didn't.
I COMPLETELY agree that the editing history being misleading is a major problem. That alone is enough to convince me that my pushing for that huffing/unhuffing thing was a bad idea. I'll probably post a note about it in the talk page to explain what happened, or maybe post a note on that editor's page. What I think I'll do instead is put each IC project on its own page, link to it from the project page (which was an IC member's suggestion), cut and paste from IC space to main space, and put a note in the edit history and on the talk page where the IC history is so it's easy to find and credit. It will be a little more work on both ends, but it's better than having an inaccurate history.
Personally, if IC articles had to be edited on mainspace, I'd rather not do IC. It would be much more efficient for me to simply find a user or two who wanted to work on improving an article with me, and do it that way instead of spending hours and hours writing notices and procedures and updates and checking everyone's edits, etc. Part of the advantage of IC is how it brings oldtimers and newcomers--and experienced editors who've never collaborated and maybe haven't even talked to each other--together, and can guide newcomers, who otherwise would be left out of collaborations, much more effectively than happens in main space.
Yes, I did think IC had control over what was done on IC pages (of course knowing that admins could always overrule anything we did). If IC doesn't have say over its own space, I almost question the point of having IC. But I suppose I can nudge non-IC editors by posting a note on their talk page telling them they're welcome to apply. I've already done that, and so far they've either joined or stopped editing in IC. Or I could consider an edit in IC space a de facto application to join. But I am tempted to move the current work-in-progress pages to my user space so I do have the authority to say only IC members can edit IC projects. Again, if IC is the same as main space, I don't see the point in having it set up as a group instead of just posting a template at the top of an article saying it needs work.
I like your idea of encouraging users to suggest ideas for colonization an article when they nom it, and plan to follow that. I don't, however, want that as a requirement. Frankly, when I nommed Creationism I had no real concept of a direction, which was formed by other colonizers and ended up becoming a feature article. On that article, at least (and so far on Batman), letting the concept come later and being decided by consensus seems to work.

Thanks again for your help and your patience with a bull-header editor! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 21:46, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

So long as you are willing to put the effort in to run IC... It's up to you how you fix the huff-recreate problem, sounds like you have a way... My suggestion about needing a basic concept was based on what I have seen of how IC works, and when it does not work. When an IC fails it's because one one came up with a good concept for the article, which is daft when people might have ideas for another article which would not have failed. When you have been doing this for longer you will see what I mean... Sure there are times when you can come up with a concept after you start, but I suggest that if concepts are not flowing before you do, then that's probably a sign of trouble ahead. Again, it's up to you there though... As for if IC really is a private "club" and that only "members" can edit? I think UN:N probably applies really... As you said, if someone does edit, then that's an application to join. I do not want you to move IC to your userspace. Do not do that. IC does not belong to you. You are running it. I actually think the whole thing (including getting new members) would work better in mainspace, but as you are running it, you get to decide. The point of IC is that it's one central place where users who want to collaborate can get together and do that. It's NOT a system of exclusion. If you want to create a private club in your userspace go ahead, but that would not be IC, and I would ask someone else to run IC instead. Have fun. Mr N

22:45, Mar 8

All righty then; I'll continue my practice of considering edits to IC space as grounds for application--or to be reverted on sight if not helpful, as is usually done in main space. As for the no-concept problem, the way it's set up now is the concept has a deadline--it's determined between Sunday and Wednesday, then only after the concept's formed do we begin writing the article. If it's not made by when I check it Thursday, I'll create it or we'll move on to the next article. I remember what you suggested about the benefit of having deadlines, and that's what we're doing. Worked so far. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 23:00, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)

UnNews:Death Sues Life
UnNews:Mike Tyson KO’ed By Midriff Bulge

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News

Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry

By Him again

The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it.

Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month.

"I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained

As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month.

When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award."

Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is.

The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances.

Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas.

And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over."

Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time.

Vote for Sandwiches suspended, Uncyclopedians confused

By UU

Confusion reigned supreme in Uncyclopedia this month, as the ever-popular Vote for Sandwiches page was inexplicably protected, and changed to something that appears to be called "Vote for Sysops". Historical investigation by our fearless mascot DogNewspaper has revealed that this is actually the traditional process by which new sysops are selected on Uncyc - which came as a surprise to many editors, particularly the newer ones, many of whom didn't realise new sysops could be selected.

And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out?

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

02:36, 1 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: I'm guessing that's what you are trying to do. If so, you are shit at it.)
14:57, 2 March 2010 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked {contr|207.144.173.198}} (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Anti-semitism + stupidity = my foot + your butt)
19:05, 2 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.211.39.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Why don't you go to concervapedia, and ask them if Jesus loves you. I say, He doesn't.)
18:32, 2 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 87.114.246.12 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking by installments is still blanking. and blanking makes baby jesus cry. it also pisses me off, and that's far worse.)

Biopic of the Week

Is it actually legal to have two Portsmouth fans on the same wiki? The subject of this week's spotlight, Nachlader cared not a jot for this important question when he joined Codeine as Uncyc's second Pompey fan. Nachlader is an occasional drunk poster in the dump, a former NotM and RotM and, lest we forget, the writer of some very fine featured articles. Shame no-one can spell his username though.

Old-school featured article of the month

Smells Like Teen Spirit was a monthly celebrity scratch and sniff magazine produced by Grunge Publications in the early 1990's.

Beckoning a time of true periodical change, young women aged eighteen to twenty-two decided that merely looking upon their favourite celebrities no longer hot-buttered their ever-so-proverbial muffins and collectively proclaimed, "Here we are... now entertain us."

Perhaps it was something in the way these determined ladies phrased this proclamation, or simply the fact that Grunge perceived a lucrative sliver of the niche market that was girls who wanted to smell things, but the call was swiftly answered with a glossy, uniquely olfactory experience hailed as "a Nirvana for the nostrils" that became the unofficial scent of Generation X.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 00:11, Mar 6

UnNews:Lord Monckton Denies Denying Denial

Dude! You got me into Prefs, and I found the bitchin skin, "Beach" - and it's so cool that it not only makes me feel I'm a Uncyclopedia Beach Local, but also tells me how many edits I've made since 2008, and all kinds of neat looking gizmos. That plus my N-generated Signature, and FOR SURE I'm a Uncyclopedia Beach surfer, kinda, like you...COOL!!

I had this crazy idea for UnNews that is up, but not scheduled until 6th March. And it's even YOU'RE CAT. UnNews:Lord Monckton Denies Denying Denial So maybe you like to improve it BEFORE the release date. --- BUT, as you can see, ~~I screwed-up his name in the headline, and I don't know how to fix it. We owe it to him. Dude!~~ Ahh, daa, DONE!

Here's another UnNews for today: UnNews:Suicide Bomber Commits Suicide

BTW: Two more BS stories for March 7th

I have to go back and fix Local cause I just realized that surfing the Internet is also SURFING, which means that all Uncyclopedians are Uncyclopedia Beach Surfing Locals - COOL! And that's why we stomp any kooks who mistakenly wonder in. Cheers!!!--Funny bony 11:17, Mar 6

Surfing = Surfer

Dude! I think it's amazing that of all the words on Earth, the powers-that-be chose, "Surfing" to denote activity on the Internet. Cool!--Funny bony 12:13, Mar 6

It's used for orgasm control as well, gotta ride the big waves. Aleister in Chains 12:57 5.3.

Erratic Capitalism

I used some of that diplomacy you admins value so highly. Now, put down the ban stick.... no-one needs to get hurt! --Matfen 12:22, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

What? Dammit! I thought I was getting a few bans here! Ban stick is for banning! Um... Cool. Yea... If people then ignore ya after you have made a fair attempt at contacting them and resolving it... Then it's ban time time. I don't like to see people just reverting without bothering to use any talk pages. Cheers dude. Mr N

16:19, Mar 6

March 8, 2010 (yeah, the future!)

Dude! I like this one as much as Tyson UnNews UnNews:Suicidal Surfer Sues Sea--Funny bony 12:53, Mar 6

Nice UnNews dude, but... I'm sure I have seen some of this material somewhere before. Easy on that dude... Otherwise great stuff. Mr N

16:15, Mar 6

Sure! That crazy idea came from one of my articles, but it developed nicely into a news story. Well, HERE's a total original, also for March 8: UnNews:Atheists Decry SOS - Hope you like it--Funny bony

18:19, Mar 6

Hi

Could you restore the Princes Peach article that was recently deleted via VFD to my userspace please? I think I can improve it, since the current article doesn't seem to be going anywhere. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 02:48, 7 March 2010 (UTC)

I put a copy of the last version here. It sucked major balls. I suggest you don't use it, and get this subpage deleted asap... Mr N

00:19, Mar 8

Whoah, you're right. O_O Nevermind, go ahead and delete it again. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 03:42, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

UnNews: March 10 - peek into the future

Bro! Here's one you might like UnNews:Blanks: Cheap Alternative Or Ulterior Motive scheduled for March 10, 2010 - which is in the future - so you still have time to save the world. BTW: It's already March 8th where I'm sitting, so I topped-up recent UnNews with our SOS (yes, OURS!).

Also here's one for tomorrow, March 9th UnNews:Vietnam Copies Veterans Memorial with 300-Kilometer Wall. Dude!--Funny bony 18:16, Mar 7

Uncyclopedia Beach Local

Dude! Here's an article you could really get into cause you know you're way around Uncyclopedia so well. Please jump on this partnership: Uncyclopedia Beach Local Hope it doesn't get huffed before we finish it--Funny bony 21:41, Mar 7

It's no problem for me, but

you might have a problem with this. Also please read that. Thanks. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 06:07, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

The author requested it be deleted, and it was an unused image. QVFD would have worked also... Mr N

10:43, Mar 8

Oh, well, I could have gone to QVFD, but you're cuter. (Seriously, next time I'll try to remember to do that). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 19:34, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

3 hours ahead of you. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 20:29, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

You're always first. It's not fair. Showoff! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 21:08, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Random thought

I've just popped a few things on QVFD today, and managed to exceed the 20 items ruling (so therefore ripe for ban-stick, but I claim ignorance). Just thinking it might be advantageous to have another poop-smith on board, and I would suggest pointing the finger at User:SPIKE as he appears to be the most active user on VFD that I can think of, and would also be damned good at it. What say you? Nominally Humane! some time 05:06, 9/03/2010

Well... If you exceeded it, I missed you doing so. Maybe you have not read the rules properly for a while... SPIKE's contributions have been well noted. Bide your time for now though sir. If there were cabal business (which obviously there is not) then things would have a particular way of happening. Obviously they don't, due to there not being one, but if they did then there would be. I assume. Mr N

11:29, Mar 9

I think after the next round of VFS we'll need to refresh our poopsmith list. Obviously, nothing like that will happen as VFS does not exist. ~

15:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Depending on what may or may not happen at said nonexistent VFS process. Obviously. We probably also need to update this at some point. Or would do if that page were actually one which we had. Mr N

15:32, Mar 9

Obviously, non of that will happen. ~

15:35, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I feel I can rest assured that nothing is going to happen, and not knowing the cabal, which of course I don't, as there is no cabal, nothing will happen swiftly, and with no well-considered judgement. So there is nothing to worry about. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 07:33, Mar 10 2010 UTC

I'm glad that we didn't have this conversation... Mr N

07:35, Mar 10

Is there some new rule on QVFD, or did you mean VFD? If you were talking about VFD, the 20 article limit is on active nominations, so the rate of poop smithing does not affect the throughput of VFD. --Mn-z 22:12, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

He's obviously really talking about UN:BP. :P Yea... Thanks for reminding us of that rule. I kinda wrote it (by proxy) actually. ;) Mr N

06:17, Mar 12

Dude

I was just messing around with that guy. You do know, don't you? Do you really think I'm trying to make this wiki family-friendly? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Thatblondguy (talk • contribs)

Nope. I don't understand what you are saying at all. What guy by doing what? Please explain in full detail. Mr N

15:00, Mar 11

A Bloody Winner

Dude! I read that "How to be a jerk without being an ass hole" deal, and, I decided, to just write shit, and if MrN gives it the time of day, then it's good, and if MrN actually improves it THEN it's a bloody winner. Just base my opinion on your reaction and advice. Can't go wrong. Cheers!--Funny bony 17:05, Mar 11

Thank you!

That IP with the Ron Howard obsession has been really getting on our nerves! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:31, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

These "block" buttons are great. You guys should really look into getting yourself one, one day. :P :D (he he he) OH, GOD SAVE ME!!! The POWER IS GOING TO MY HEAD!!!!! /me shoots self Mr N

17:57, Mar 11

Chief putting the IP onto UN:BP helps also... ;) Mr N

18:05, Mar 11

I asked if they sold them when I was in Maplins the other day. No luck, though. :-( Rabbi Techno

FOXES 19:03, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

HTBFANJS

Dude! I read that article, HTBFANJS (How To Butt F**k A Nasty Jewish Slut) - and I can't quite make out what it's on about. Something about humor, or some such!?? Anyway, I'm not a lone wolf, I don't expect to create anything great without a partner or partners, and I'm not really looking for a one-man FA. Lets do them together, which I much prefer. I have good ideas, like when in the band, but I needed a bloke from South Shields, who used to tell me, "Go-on fook yaa granny!", to bring my ideas to completion. So I'm no lone wolf Uncyclopedian, and don't really want to be. I'll be, like, Jerry Lewis and you can be what's his name? The drunk guy who was so straight. Anyway, think about it.. so here's a bit of LUNACY:

Moon Moons

--Funny bony 17:52, Mar 11

You are a Funny one Mr "Funnybony". You put so much value in my opinion about some things, but how many time have I pointed to you to read that thing before, yet you have ignored me on that? OK, that sounds a bit like I'm having a go at ya. Dude, you know I'm not, cos I love you to bits cos of all the cool things you do. But... You may not even think it's true, but reading that really will have made you a better writer. Just like if you did some more Pee Reviews that would also make you a better writer 2. Not only that but it would also get a lot more people interested in your work, and you would have more contributors to your other work in the long run. I'm not the expert in comedy dude. Far from it. I have a sense of humour which is different to that of others, just like everyone else. What HTBFANJS does do is point you at some principles which have been shown to be effective in the past.

This guy wanted to be funny, but failed to read our guide.

Here's the thing dude... You keep saying "My style does not cut it" and stuff like "what's the formula for success at VFH"? Well... It's taken you what? A year before you have actually read our document which explains that? Lol. Dude. Come on, you have to agree that that is kinda funny. I know that some of our best writers (I'm not one of them) often go back and read, and re-read HTBFANJS lots of times when writing. It reminds them of what works, and what does not, and is often a source of new ideas and avenues for articles. Dude... If you respect my opinion (I know you do but you're just a lazy arse who don't want to read documentation) then you will read HTBFANJS sometime again in the not too distant future. That's one heck of a read, and there is no way it's all going to have gone in after just one read through. Seriously, read it again sometime soon. You might also want to take a look at our guide to doing reviews. UN:PRG I wrote that in tandem with Cajek who is the author I think you should model yourself on. Even if you don't do any reviews, still read that. Of the great writers here, he's probably the dude closest to you in terms of humour style, and probably the best advice I can give you is to read some more articles from that his of his stuff which I gave you a while back.... It's like I say dude, if you want to get better, you are going to have to do some research. Not that reading Cajek's stuff is hard work. The dude is awesome, and you will love everything which he ever wrote. Or... Are you too old a dog to teach new tricks. :P :P :P Mr N

17:57, Mar 11

Also... GO READ THIS AGAIN YOU BUGGER!!! Mr N

18:20, Mar 11

Thank you

OK, you are right. Thank you for all. I will never forget you. 201.89.159.30 18:59, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Cool. It should vanish from the mirror next time it's refreshed, but that's nothing to do with us... Now... Why not write something for us? :D Mr N

19:02, Mar 11

Where I write? 201.89.159.30 19:06, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

It's like... A wiki anyone can edit. :-) Whatever interests you... If you want a place to start... Read BGBU and then maybe HTBFANJS then (maybe) create an account here... Mr N

19:09, Mar 11

Thank you, I know that wiki anyone can edit, but, I don't go to create an account. I don't know how to be funny, because I'm not funny. 201.89.159.30 19:35, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

TalkArchives1

Dude! How is the easy way to archive? Do I create a new page as UN:Funnybony/TalkArchives1 ? Or somethin'? Is it really simple? I feel like a bull-in-a-China-shop. PLEASE forgive my ignorance. Quite often I get accused of doing something I've never heard of before. Some people assume I'm a smart guy.. NOT! Big mistake! If someone shows me how to break a rock, then I can do it. BTW: Did I Spork an article? I hope Saint Peter is not going to say, "Dude, sorry, but you "sporked an article!" And I'm like, "Nanu-nanu!" In fact, maybe SPORKING should be added to the 2012 Olympics!? Cheers!--Funny bony 20:01, Mar 11

Did you look at how other users do their archives? Mine are listed at the top of this page for example... Mr N

06:19, Mar 12

Got Bot?

Excuse me, my good fellow, but would you be so good as to spam this all over people's talk pages with the help of your handy dandy (and now Bio'd) bot? Would be awfully grateful. --UU - natter 10:41, Mar 12

Sure. Yea, he already told me about the top notch bio you did for him. His head has swollen up to 3 times its normal size, which as you can imagine leaves little room left in MrN towers... :) Mr N

10:45, Mar 12

As always, I salute you and your spectacular efficiency. --UU - natter

11:21, Mar 12

UnSignpost 11th March 2010

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008

Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery

By PuppyOnTheRadio

For years a dreadful mystery has hung over Uncyclopedia. Rumours of a cabal have dogged Uncyclopedia, suggesting that there is a shadowy, mysterious group behind administrative decisions that have guided the hands of Uncyclopedia policy and procedure since the time of it's inception.

Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal.

However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history.

One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered!

There is no cabal.

Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia.

As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again.

I may even go to Antarctica.

But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal.

A useful HowTo? does not compute!

By UU

Writing UnNews just got a whole lot easier, after UnNews kingpin Zim ulator, Zionist control freak Mordillo and ~~sucker for punishment~~ workhorse SPIKE got together to completely rewrite HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article. Featuring novel ideas (that they got from a novel) such as helpful advice, up-to-date references, and words in the right order, the article is so preposterously useful that it may have to be deleted, as it clearly contravenes Uncyclopedia's mission statement.

If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

00:09, 10 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.145.114 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I shit on you, you emotionally unstable little twat. Why would you even come here?)
18:33, 9 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.150.243.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So... Because you hate the CIA you vandalise the article about them on Uncyclopedia? Good thinking batman. That will stop em! Try again.... Later (obviously))
09:19, 9 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.189.75.214 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you are right: Twilight does suck. however, so does page blanking, which means you yourself are full of as much fail as Twilight. consider that, and then weep.)
22:08, 8 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.99.135.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (obviously we're not getting through here. Go away and grow a cactus, then sit on it. Repeate step 2 several times. )

Biopic of the Week

If this issue of the UnSignpost has reached your talk page, it's very likely to be thanks to the unstinting efforts of paperbot MrN9001. He's been schlepping around this wiki for over a year now, delivering this very slab of journalistic goodness, replacing templates, reverting stuff, making tiny but doubtless vital changes to pages, and generally taking care of all the stuff MrN himself is just too bone idle to do. What the hell would we do without him?

Admin answer of the Week

Shijiati: Why did you huff my page?
Codeine: Because it sucked.
Any questions, folks?

Horoscope of the Week

*Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You have many great strengths, but taken too far they can become liabilities. For instance, your honesty can become rudeness, your bravery can become foolhardiness, and your taste for human flesh can become criminal cannibalism.

For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 11:03, Mar 12

UnCyclopedia GOOGLE ADS on Main Page

DUDE...

Picture taken from Uncyclopedia screen grab. Everyday there is Google Ads at top.. today is religion, other days products/services.-Is THIS a joke?

--Funny bony 11:04, Mar 12

Holy Shit.

That appears to be what happens if you select something other than the default "skin" in Special:Preferences. I think the default (and so what I assume everyone else is seeing) has no adverts. Still that's a breach of our creative commons license I assume. Go into Special:Preferences and try some different settings... It's almost certainly an error by Wikia rather than something more sinister. Mr N

11:27, Mar 12

Yea, if you select any of the "Monaco" skins it's going to do that... Mr N

11:39, Mar 12

Thanks for the info. It doesn't really bother me, and the Monaco skin is so cool. I'll stick with it for now. Thanks--Funny bony

18:32, Mar 12

Trying to make archive of talk page

Dude! So you won't think I'm stupid - therefore I tell you up front. I'm stupid! See how smart I am? It takes a genius to know that he's stupid!

I looked at your archive - and couldn't figure how to save the old (current) talk page to a new name, and start a fresh talk page. All I could try was to MOVE it to another name, so I moved to User talk:Funnybony/archive1 - but all that did was redirect the old page. And, on top of everything, the whole deal is surrounded by warning lights and Uncyclopedia cyber threats. I don't want to be accused of breaking more laws that I never heard of. Now I'm really confused. I'm sure it's something super simple. But I still don't know it... HELP!!!--Funny bony 18:27, Mar 12

I sorted it for you, it was no problem to sort it out at all... Can you see what I did now? Here is the thing... I would rather you tried, and fucked it up, than not tried, and never learnt anything... Mr N

23:00, Mar 12

Gee, then I must be doing good. I try things here and fuck them up all the time! No, wait. You said we're supposed to learn something? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 03:08, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

redirect from MrN9001 - imposter

Dude! I escaped that MrN9001 Punji Stick trap, and finally found my way back to you. I don't trust your sock puppets (being one myself) and am glad to be back in the World. I saw that you made a NEW page for my talk Archives and freed up the original Talk page - which was a well conducted special forces operation of great risk. I'm still not sure how you did it. But give me a little time to solve the puzzle, and DO drop a hint. You're awesome--Funny bony 10:35, Mar 13

To see what I did... Why not look at my contributions? You can also look at the page history of the pages involved. Mr N

10:59, Mar 13

I see WHAT you did. Piece of cake. But I still have no idea HOW you did it?--Funny bony

22:43, Mar 13

I don't understand! How can you see what I did, but not know how??? I just copied the contents of your talk page onto a new page! Mr N

21:51, Mar 14

Ancient Uncyclopedia

Dude, I was reading an actual Sanskrit Purana this morning and had a crazy idea. Did you know that, apart from everything else, the Hindus also were first to have Uncyclopedia!? And in one Purana, the Hip Purana, there is detailed, esoteric, and bone fide information on Uncyclopedia. Even the book is Sanskrit titled "Uncyclopedia" (not very subtle, huh?). I just got started, and please DO join in Ancient Uncyclopedia. Cheers!--Funny bony 22:41, Mar 13

Har Har

"Uncyclopedia Beach Local Initiation Procedure"

The Uncyclopedia Beach Initiation ceremony is ~~the worst form of~~ NOT "hazing"! But it is a gruesome FACT (mainly cause most Locals are "Grue"s at heart). And all Locals have to ~~survive~~ pass it.

This initiation, also called the "belt-line" consists of:

Getting kicked repeatedly in the balls (on-line) - even if you're a she-person.
Getting humiliated constantly until you finally realize your own self-worthlessness.
Getting adopted by a "one-eyed" Sysop who's an “Ego-buster-from-hell”.
Eating an entire "humble pie" in one gulp.

NOTE: During the Uncyclopedia Beach Local Initiation Procedure Suicide is NOT an option. There's nothing funny about suicide (in spite of some idiot killing themselves being patiently absurd). So once the Initiation begins there is no way out, unless you bring a signed hand-written letter from your Mother asking that you be excused.--Funny bony 23:57, Mar 13

... How many times did I ask you to read HTBFANJS? How many times did you ignore me, and not bother!?! Dude, if anyone made it harder on you it was you for not taking the advice of all the people who suggested it b4. Lol. You are a silly bugger ya know! I bet you write a shit load better as a result of reading it. Ya will never admit it though! :P :P :P Did you ever read BGBU? Lol I bet not! Mr N

20:20, Mar 15

Thanks!

Matfen
thanks you
for your vote!
His article could not have been featured without you...

:) --Matfen 11:42, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

...

Sorry about that edit. It was intended to be in good faith. Rest assured, I won't be making any more edits like that in the near future. --Matfen 16:55, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Well, obviously I assumed it was in good faith! That's why you are not banned! I did wonder WTF you were doing though. You could have explained that to me in the edit summary when you made the edit. That's kinda what they are for ya know! Mr N

20:16, Mar 15

David Carradine

Why the hell did you nuke this? This was funnier than most of your articles.80.3.26.54 19:02, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Why the hell are you asking me that when you have obviously already read the deletion reason? Also, have you read most of my articles? Mr N

20:14, Mar 15

Well, MrN, I've read most of your articles. They suck balls. You also smell funny. ~

20:19, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Actually it's my balls which smell funny, but that's only because you have been sucking on them. Mr N

20:21, Mar 15

Ah, that makes kind of sense. Carry on. ~

20:22, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

I am so glad!

Hi

I am unfortunately fRENCH.

My name´s Jean-Michel Sarga.

A few days ago I was angry thinking that the peron who invented the idea of universal wiki has been f****d by a guy named Whales, and that would lengthen the development of neutral information (example in my field (I am a mathematics addict); definition of some words some people use) and in the same time in the case of human suffering related info( I don´t the phrase for "wars, etc") a pseudo-"neutral" "information".

I was thinking over during hours about this problem.

You can imagine my bliss and laughter when I happened to see a webpage that I thought being a wikipedia stuff on my firefox with the uncyclopedia article "Dick Cheney".

I love you all.

It must be unfortunate to be French. Nominally Humane! some time Monday, 23:52, Mar 15 2010 UTC

The "Scene"

Uncyclopedia Beach. Basically an Uncyclopedia Beach "KOOK" is, by definition, an "UNregistered User"

--Funny bony 23:24, Mar 15

If you had done some of the things I suggested... Ya would know a bit more about being a local around here! Mr N

00:51, Mar 18

Need some expert help for a good cause my dear chap!

Dude! I hope you feel properly glorified in Ancient Uncyclopedia. It was a fluke that I created the article. After creating I realised it was, like, an ancient Zen Uncyclopedia manual that's, maybe, a "must read" for Uncyclopedia success (it even includes HTBFANJS}. I think I might have a chance with this one passing the acid test. It really feels unique, and funny, and useful too. BUT, that could depend on your checking-editing it where necessary, and even adding more ancient Zen instruction, for example, the Ancient Uncyclopedia language with words like nOOb, Spork, Sock puppet, etc. It needs a Uncyclopedia Beach Local jargon, and again for the Uncyclopedia Beach Local article.

It would be good to list the top ten Unwords as jargon, and I'll also learn from reading that, cause I only know about FA, nOOb, Spork, etc, from you. So a mini Undictionary of 10 top Unwords would be actually helpful to both articles, just as I believe that Ancient Uncyclopedia is actually helpful beyond parody and actually quite right on. The article surprised even me. Hope your well, Dude!--Funny bony 01:36, Mar 16

Sorry dude, I can't really get into that article. I have looked at it a few times and I'm not getting it. Maybe check out The History of the Decline and Fall of Uncyclopedia and some of the pages linked from the bottom of that. In jokes need to be really, really good to be good. As you noticed some people hate em. ;) Mr N

00:50, Mar 18

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Why plank King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 16:53, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Vigilance week

It's all good. I figured if there is a push to delete the category then that may also reflect to the V-week itself (which I hadn't come across prior to now, so I actually do appreciate it as history.) Is there any need from an admin perspective to reawaken V-week? User:PuppyOnTheRadio/deb Thursday, 03:43, Mar 18 2010 UTC

I'm not sure what you are asking me here, but I will be very surprised if we ever get another one. Mr N

09:06, Mar 18

Okay - as an opinion, do you think we need another one? User:PuppyOnTheRadio/deb Thursday, 09:50, Mar 18 2010 UTC

Na. V week was needed before we got ICU and VFD actually working properly. The standard of our crap these days is much higher than it used to be. Like I said, I will be very surprised if we ever get another one. Mr N

10:12, Mar 18

Shockingly on-time delivery?

This is ready. On time. When you've picked yourself up off the floor, could you arrange for it to be delivered, please? --UU - natter 11:29, Mar 18

Course what I do by cutting and pasting a link into my bot is far more effort than what you do by actually like... Writing the thing every week. ;) It's awesome that you have managed to keep the thing going for so long. I guess doing stuff like this is why they voted ya UotY. ;) Anyway, go and ban the good Rabbi a few more times while you still can and get him to organise this whisky ~~piss up~~ tasting session. Mr N

11:46, Mar 18

On the other hand, if I hadn't been cranking this out week after week, I may already have won my race to 20 features with Orian, and even written bloke, as you suggested such a long time ago. And I'll leave the Rabbi to organise things in his own sweet time, on the grounds that the longer he takes, the more chance there is I'll actually be able to make it! (Family business is hardest in the first few weeks and months, y'know?) Finally, it's taking the time to get a bot working in the first place that's the important part of what you do - I really, really can't be arsed with even trying that shit, so I remain very appreciative. Cheers! --UU - natter

11:54, Mar 18

Ban patrol

Yeah, sorry for undoing Rabbi's archiving work, I honestly had no idea why it happened, I was just using the Ban Patrol script as normal. It also has the tendency to replace previously reported IP addresses with new ones, meaning that you can try and report 5 people and only one ends up appearing. Something to ask Spang about do you reckon? --ChiefjusticeXBox 11:27, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

Probably. Maybe the database might be lagging? Try a purge to see if that fixes it? Mr N

11:31, Mar 18

UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!

VFS: it begins

By UU

As exclusively reported in your super soaraway UnSignpost last week, the voting process for new Uncyclopedia sysops has begun, and so it's time for Signpost mascot and never-popular running joke DogNewspaper to give the traditional unbiased Signpost rundown of the candidates.

Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter.

In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick.

But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race.

One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip?

Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx.

Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2?

Positions vacant.

By PuppyOnTheRadio

The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home.

Your daily duties will include:

Telling writers that they should be working on the latest colonisation
Ensuring that changes to current colonisation are consistent with the theme
Telling writers to stop wasting time on other projects and get back to the current colonisation
Vetting new applicants to IC to ensure they are of the quality needed
Telling writers that they should really be working on IC
Going insane with power (optional)

The relevant applicant will have:

Significant experience in editing and writing articles for feature
Preferably have worked on IC or in a related field
The ability to tell writers that they should really get back to the current project, as it needs to be completed by the 20th of March.
A fluffy teddy called Norman (optional, but preferred)

This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head ~~gets sick of it~~ retires. You will be paid in the half feature credit when a colonised article gets featured, as well as being able to call yourself the assistant to the head of Imperial Colonisation.

To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

08:26, 17 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.28.232.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Oh my, you are just so fucking witty. With wits like that, who needs enemas?)
18:53, 16 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperactive-Sausage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (enjoy your complimantary penis)
00:21, 16 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.251.242.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I THINK 99.251.242.153 SHOULD BURN OR HAVE TO PAY FOR OXYGEN, fuckin fuirt, KILL 99.251.242.153)
12:30, 12 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.247.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Cyberbullying: and generally being a retard. Let's get this right... You call your friend Gay, but you like editing the Powerpuff Girls page? Think about that...)

Biopic of the Week

We at the UnSignpost pride ourselves on profiling only the finest Uncyclopedians. So how in the hell has it taken us 80 issues to get around to profiling Zana Dark? A self-confessed female and all-round smartass, Zana has been on this wiki for years, bringing her uniquely feminine touch to the Uncyclopedia Legal Department and a whole bunch of impressive rewrites. She's also been WotM for writing funny articles about flashing beaver, tits, and butter, proving conclusively that she knows exactly how to appeal to the sensibilities of the largely male Uncyc userbase.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! (1959) was a fact-based horror film that played in drive-in movie theaters across America. It is widely lauded for opening the eyes of an entire generation of movie patrons to the blood-curdling terror of a heterogeneous nation.

Filmed in Super Black 'n' White-O-Vision, with monophonic sound recorded in Mono-O-Phon-O-Sound, Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! proved to be a blockbuster that far exceeded the director's humble expectations. The movie's potent real-life lessons held patrons enrapt, while its documentary film-style distracted horny teens, protecting them from the joys of second base for the duration of the action-packed second and third acts of the film.

Reason to leave Uncyc #341

Modusoperandi won't quit hoggin' the shower.

Obligatory Filler Box of the Week

When you absolutely positively gotta have an extra line or so to balance out the UnSignpost - accept no substitute!

Horoscope of the Week

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 19) - This week, you will say words that are complete nonsense to you because you think they identify a particular culture that you otherwise completely ignore, but that no one of that culture actually ever says. B'gosh and begorrah.

For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 11:48, Mar 18

Gay Pubs

Thanks for the nom and mine's a Babycham if you're offering, big boy. ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:59, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

I have said it before, but there is something deeply concerning about the ability Uncyclopedia has to turn otherwise heterosexual men in raving woofters. With that said, I shall get yours in right away as I'm sure you are keep to have something nice sliding down your throat this evening. :) Mr N

11:03, Mar 19

I blame Olipro. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:12, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Our current Colonization

Currently, the Main Page link "For the glory of her majesty" goes to the heading "This week's Colonization". As we ain't doing one every week, I changed the name of the heading. So could you change the link to go to Uncyclopedia:Imperial_Colonization#Our_current_Colonization? Thanks (By the way, we're beginning Discordianism, and you're welcome to help out). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 05:13, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Also I copied and pasted Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/Batman to Batman, and did the same with the talk pages. I have links in each to the other to make it easier for future generations who explore our greatness to check the history. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 21:14, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Fort Knox is full of shit!?!

Dude! Here is a new UnNews you might want to edit-add to. Because it's about Fort Knox gold being a FED illusion. Please take look at UnNews:Fort Knox robbed, nothing to steal. Hope you're keeping well, bro! Cheers!--Funny bony 14:12, Mar 22

Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement

User:Why do I need to provide this?/Discordianism vote King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 18:28, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

How to be absurdly funny and not just a content freak

Dude! The truth be known. I sporked HTBFANJS and made my OWN: How to be absurdly funny and not just a content freak. Hope you "get" it! Cause it pretty right on. Still got more work to do, by this is enough for one night. I hope some VFH (Drab) "content freak" doesn't screw it up or get offended. Fuck them! They're the ones we're talking about. Cheers--Funny bony 04:43, Mar 25

I like that article (lol), because I can laugh at myself, but a handful of "content-free" articles do get featured, such as some of Cajek's, and some of Hyperbole's what I call "Adventures in Daily Life" articles (I don't appreciate your reheating of my lasagne or some such thing), and a handful of other ones that you have to look for, and my favourite one is probably Samuel L. Vacuum. I'm also in the process of giving a particularly harsh review on an article full of content, and taking a little break. Still, congrats on your first half-feature, no hard feelings, and boy, do I feel weird butting into your talkpage MrN. ~

15:04, Mar 26, 2010

Oh! Dear! THAT!? Why that has been totally revamped and Al nomed it on his own, without any sexual favors. But maybe too late once a feeding starts. But it's much better, well, more politically correct and polite. Take another look if you have a chance, at least the new intro. Cheers!--Funny bony

00:59, Mar 31 00:59, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

'Scuse me

You would appear to not be here. Is that a long term thing, or just a few days thing? And will it stop you firing up the bot to deliver this? --UU - natter 15:06, Mar 25

Say, just realized you haven't edited here for a week. Hope you're OK! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 02:12, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

N told me in an email that he had a new job and would be working. So I bet he's been busy trying to save money for a TRIP. No sweat.--Funny bony

14:40, Mar 26 14:40, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Tell him if he comes back soon to work here I'll pay him a 20c piece. He'll have to pay postage. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 18:09, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

Hokay, thanks for the heads up Funnybony. Hope it goes well MrN. --UU - natter

14:44, Mar 29

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)

Better sign it.

Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans

VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears

By UU

And so the bloated process that is VFS stumbles drunkenly into its third and final stage. All the chaff - that is, those polling low numbers of votes - has been mercilessly pruned, and the wheat - Chief, Rabbi and Socky - is now being sifted carefully by the admins. And the UnSignpost once more devotes precious space to covering it, even though most Uncyclopedians, with their reduced attention spans, got bored of it weeks ago.

Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time."

All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully.

Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier

By CheddarBBQ

Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month.

When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez."

Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ.

Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well.

Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

23:47, 23 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Dakotah0 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Being a Dick: Fucking n00bs, editing the UnNews Main Page.... what do you think this is, rimjob? Wikipedia?)
09:16, 23 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.162.71.154 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (stop being so full of fail. seriously, did you have a fail transplant or something? that's a serious fail supply you carry round with you.)
05:14, 22 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird blocked TheUnUncyclopedian with an expiry time of infinite (Have you ever tried to cum in your mouth? I did. I couldn't go through with it though. No way was I going to eat my cum. What the fuck was I thinking? True story.)

Biopic of the Week

Tell you what, let's do a bio of someone who's won the WotM award this year - how's that sound? Splendid, knew you'd like it. And you'll like the guy we've chosen too: Nameable. How can you not? He's friendly, cuddly (we're told), and capable of writing a funny article about Corn Flakes. That's pretty much as good as it gets, right there. Unless you have some kind of Corn Flake aversion, but then, if you do, you're beyond help. Probably.

Day of the Week

A glut of Sasquatch-related UnNews stories led the very Reverend Zim to declare March 24th Sasquatch Appreciation Day. He celebrated by spamming a template around a few talk pages. Do those sasquatches appreciators know how to party or what?

Old school featured article of the Week

Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay abreast of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeXBox 22:09, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

IC Replacement

As you may remember, I took over IC when I got volunteered by somebody and agreed to do it temporarily to get it moving. That's happened--we've had two successful colonizations, Creationism and Batman, the first of which was featured and the second which is currently nommed on VFH. We're working on our third, Discordianism, under my big cheesy leadership, and to give enough time to complete it and to find a suitable replacement, I've announced I'm retiring from the leadership position as of 17 April 2010.

My question is, how is my replacement chosen? Is it an admin decision, does IC do it by vote, do I decide (although even if I could I'd do it with the consensus of colonizers)? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 18:53, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

I may not be around much

We've had a death in the family, so I don't know when I'll be around for the next week, at least. Would you mind checking occasionally UnNews to see if everything's OK? Thanks. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:41, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

Unhuffing

How would one (1) or several (lots of fingers) users go about reviving a huffed article? This came about when I saw that Ratmaster was deleating his/her pages, and saw the Non-huffable Kitten article, which seems fine for Uncy now, and Mn-z said it was deleted at one point. So the question, how to undelete a deleted page. Thanks. Aleister in Chains 15:24 29 3 mmx

File:Marysenude.jpg

Mr. N, could you please hack up (undelete) Image:Marysenude.jpg? If yes, thanks. If no, okaaay... 124.181.33.85 11:06, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time

You'd be crazy not to listen!

Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there

VFS Finishes, New Admins Unleashed, UnSignpost already struggling for material for next week

By UU

And there it is folks, weeks of frenzied voting (sorta), underhand whoring (possibly), fevered speculation (mostly by this newspaper, as is the role of the press), and finally apathy and overkill (abour 4 days in to the whole thing), Votes for Sysops has ended, and the unlucky losers are RabbiTechno and ChiefjusticeDS.

What does this mean? Well, it means there are now two more Brits armed with bansticks loose on the wiki. Their chirpy, endearing optimism and approachability has already been replaced by the dead-eyed stare and world-weary cynicism required by sysophood, and their friends on the wiki have all turned into suck-ups looking for joke bans.

When asked for comments, the Rabbi told us: "I'm willing to accept bribes for huffing articles, banning users, replacing pages with goatse and so on and plan to become as corrupt as possible in as short a time as possible". He also said, when accused of being a "Big Tough Admin Guy": ""Big" - indisputably, but it's all fat; "Tough" - only if you mean chewy; "Admin" - yes, can't argue with that one; "Guy" - only until I've saved enough for the operation". Chief hadn't commented at the time of going to press, so we made something up: "I'm going to ban everyone, I have judged this wiki, and found it wanting. All must pay", he might have said.

Of course, this situation also means the long-overdue return of the wildly popular Votes for Sandwiches. Already, 3 bread-based snacks have been suggested, and voting is expected to be fierce.

Finally, it also means that the UnSignpost, which has leaned heavily on VFS for ~~filler~~ its lead story for the last 3 weeks, is now set to struggle heavily for stories for the forseeable future. What desperate straw will we clutch at next week? Find out next thursday!

Frat party; Bring your own kegger

By PuppyOnTheRadio

Finally the fraternal (and sisternal) instincts of Uncyclopedia's finest minds have a place that they can call their own.

ΥΣΣ, otherwise more easily pronounceably known as Upsilon Sigma Sigma, has been founded in the cellar of one of our newest members, who has already earned the level of respect and admiration that many of our members feel. Skinfan13 has taken the initiative of an entrepreneur and put this together with nothing but a jovial spirit and a little bit of random whoring on an excessive amount of member's talk pages.

	I've been sitting here, thinking to myself, "gee, Uncyclopedia has a lot of stuff, a legal department, a political party, and an assortment of other great things, but it doesn't have a fraternity." I also noticed that the top 50 wanted articles list hasn't changed in over a year.
Skinfan13, Guildy's talk page

In their own charter, they claim that they stand for three thing, being Humor, Honor and Hubris, even if they are unable to spell two of them in English.

Already boasting membership of some of the finest that Uncyclopedia has to offer, including the founder of Der Unwehr and its highest point holding member, it is focused on creating one quality article per month via collaboration. However, rather than covering the same ground so amply covered by Imperial Colonization, it chooses to take its inspiration from one of most neglected sources, Wanted Pages.

However, not content to simply cater to those who like to work together on articles, they also have another focus in their writing sights - Requested Articles. And the third major focus is the betterment of articles by non members through their unstinting work on Pee Review.

While this is still in it's infancy the fraternity/sisternity is looking for ~~fresh blood~~ new pledges willing to come forth and work for the community, or failing that, people who like to party and eat chocolate cake.

For those who are after more information, feel free to check out ΥΣΣ today. Or tomorrow, if that works better for you. The bar is always open, although not always stocked.

Check out these pages!

From our logs New Admins Bumper Special!

10:22, 31 March 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (I told you not to do that)
09:59, 31 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (now THAT's a proper abuse of power)
09:54, 31 March 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Zionist conspiracy block)
09:50, 31 March 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) resurrected RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) ‎ (someone's gotta do it. Besides, over the last year, I've developed a perverse love of poop)
09:48, 31 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 years ‎ (stop playing with the poop dammit! You're an admin baby!)
09:48, 31 March 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) resurrected ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Bah)
09:47, 31 March 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Not banned enough yet: and being smelly)
09:46, 31 March 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) resurrected RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I've just woken up! Give me a chance to become accustomed to my new powers!)
09:42, 31 March 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs ) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Abuse your power dammit!)

Biopic of the Week

In honour of the new additions to their ranks, this week's bio profiles the Uncyc admins. Bitter, twisted, and cynical to a man (and they are all men, even the supposed female ones), the admins spend their whole lives thinking of trivial reasons to ban people and delete their latest masterworks. Nothing gives them more of a hardon than watching someone lovingly sculpt a perfectly formed Chuck Norris joke, perhaps combined with a Your Mom reference and a sublimely subtle penis penis penis insertion, waiting patiently for it to be realised to the author's satisfaction, and then deleting it, possibly with an insulting message into the bargain.

Their mothers never loved them.

Co-incidence of the Week

UnSignpost's gentleman editor UU plans an article about how it's been a while since TKF nommed Filial Piety for VFH. Then, just as he's about to write said article, TKF noms Filial Piety for VFH, with the usual outcome. Spooky - there's no other word for it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:45, Apr 2 2010 UTC

Hi theres

Despite your having set up a collaboration page, I brought this idea up again, since it is by far my best one. You're welcome to participate in setting up the office. It will not be a user group but rather an idea tank, to steer writing when a writer is stuck. But we talked about it last year. -- Style Guide 07:10, April 2, 2010 (UTC)

VFS

For your vote in VFS

and as promised last time
You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage whilst inside those areas of Uncyclopedia under Zionist domination.
Certificate also redeemable for one (1) free bagel at your nearest grocery - simply print out and present
to the shopkeeper to claim your free bagel with the filling of your choice.
Rabbi Techno

Gay Pubs

Noel Coward would like to buy you a pint

'Ello, Noel Coward 'ere. You voted for my article on gay pubs in VFH, and in my estimation
that means I owe yer a pint.
You may be wonderin' why I ain't buyin' yer some naff cocktail wiv a funny name - troof is, I can't stand the
poxy fings. You may also be wonderin' why I'm talkin' like this - well my son, I'll tell yer. I just put that posh-nosh
gayboy stuff on fer the public, yer see. A man's gotta make a living.
Nah, let's get dahn the boozer and get pissed.

From "Big" Noel Coward.

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand!^[1]

We deliver on our promises

By PuppyOnTheRadio

As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition.

Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us.

Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded.

So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far.

If you are interested in helping to ~~pad out~~ contribute fine quality writing to the UnSignpost, or just wanting to bring up items of interest for our intrepid team of editors to report on, drop us a line at the press room and we promise we'll be polite when we ignore it.

Spinning some new yarns

By UU

Another week, another new Uncyclopedia project, it seems. The latest to be launched is the Summit of Spin, which purports to be "an "office" that makes it easier and more organized to collaborate on article serials". It seemingly has no rules, but claims to provide "a series of tools to facilitate writing", which sounds dangerously close to helpful, if you ask us.

Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes.

Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was ~~money~~ truth - and it was specifically missing in ~~my pockets~~ the world of organised news reporting. Whatever is true in the world - like how wooden wheels are far better than tyres made of rubber and wheels made of metal alloys, or how fluffy bunnies are infinitely useful for all kinds of things - I felt I had to bring these things out for people to see. And you, if you ~~are as greedy as I am~~ love truth as much I do, can join forces with me by working for Summit of Spin for ~~a ridiculously low salary, considering how much you have to lie~~ love of truth! I cannot promise you anything else but ~~prolonged court battles~~ blood, sweat and tears in our constant fight for ~~better-paying clients~~ a more honest world!" And we think that just about sums it up without us having to do too much actual reporting, so we'll leave it here. Why not have a look at the Summit of Spin and get involved?

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

14:26, 6 April 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 167.206.233.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) ‎ (ooh, is this a game of "state the bleedin' obvious"? OK: you're a twat. I win!)
15:53, 4 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Starsky133 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (I have no life and nothing bothers me more than people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." :-))
01:22, 3 April 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.243.77.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Because I said so: Random insertion of the phrase "Monstrous testicles" into an UnNews article is not funny unless you're extrodinarily lucky, and you, my fine douche bag of a fellow human, are not lucky.)

Biopic of the Week

You'd think that, him having been on the wiki for over 4 years, having written a bunch of featured articles, and recently become an admin, we'd have done a bio on RabbiTechno by now, wouldn't you? Arguably Uncyc's second most notorious Jew (because no-one ever remembers TKF is Jewish), and UotM wayyy back in January '08, the good Rabbi now polices the wiki with his kosher banstick as part of the increasingly Semitic but non-existent Cabal.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice.

And they always come up snake eyes.

The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years.

It was a stormy and dark night. Not a dark and stormy night. That's an unrelated story, one that’s got little to do with this narrative. That somber tale has got something to do with Paul Clifford and I'd tell you about it, but the library revoked my card. Something about expositioning too loud last time I was there.

Sorta-Comeback of the Week

A wild Gerrycheevers appeared! Gerry used April Fool - it's pretty effective! Necropaxx, RabbiTechno, Mordillo and UU used gullibility - it's not very effective! Gerry wins!

↑ Not Guaranteed

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:54, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost: Special Weekend edition

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...

Something Scary This Way "Comes"

By Skinfan13

A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction.

When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned.

The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon.

I See IC All At Sea

By UU

It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling.

We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things.

Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.185.215.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty)
20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.)
23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.55.13.71 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal")
14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 79.73.5.86 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.)
21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time ‎ (chose your own adventure)

Biopic of the Week

Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled.

The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week

11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeXBox 20:34, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Grue

Why did you delete my edit to this page? I thought it was an improvement over a list of purely random ideas, because it shortened it by 2 and added a more original one. --Sbluen 04:59, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Anyways, since you're not on right now, I'm just going to make my edit again until you give a better explanation. --Sbluen 03:25, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Since MrN is currently not here permit me to make something clear to you for him. If an administrator deletes a page or reverts a contribution you make to a page and you wish to take issue with it then you wait for a reply from the administrator, or if they are not around you take it up with another administrator. You most certainly do not restore whatever was deleted and justify it through the absence of that admin, do it again and you will end up banned. I hope I am making myself clear. --ChiefjusticeXBox 12:03, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Review

Hello, would you be so kind as to pee review an article I have been writing? I needed an early review and a few comments on the overall concept. It is here, if you are able to help. Thanks. Latin is for sissies 05:03, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Vote now for Colonisation

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and other,

As you may be aware we have now reached the point where April's Colonisation, Discordianism, has been successfully moved to mainspace, and we are currently voting on our colonisation for May.

As I have been ~~press-ganged~~ encouraged strongly to take the reigns of IC, I'm sending this out to remind all current and previous members of IC to vote on next months colonisation. Voting is taking place here as we speak. As of 1st of May I will be announcing the page that will get our tender mercies, so I encourage you to vote - or nominate - now.

Good luck, and may the farce be with you!

Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 03:35, Apr 27 2010 UTC

Addendum

Discordianism has been added to VFH. Go, read, enjoy, vote. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 09:45, Apr 28 2010 UTC

UnSignpost 1 May

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

~~April 22nd~~ 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here

The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe.

By PuppyOnTheRadio

"Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it."

Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory.

For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER."

Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still ~~struggling~~ going strong.

There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves."^[1]

One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook."

Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something.

Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed.

One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years"

Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, ~~RDB~~ PuppyOnTheRadio.

And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners.

The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

Flammable blocked 86.171.18.85 with an expiry time of infinite ‎(YOU ARE SO COOL SO COOL AWESOME LOL)
ChiefjusticeDS blocked 91.195.183.211 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Ah, that may be true, but you are a wanker, so it evens out)
Olipro blocked 92.4.117.223 with an expiry time of infinite (YOU EVER BEEN FUCKED IN THE ARSE WHILE WATCHING A YANKEES GAME?)
Mordillo blocked 217.28.207.226 with an expiry time of 1 week (time's up! you need to go to the toilet to do some poopy!)
RabbiTechno blocked 91.195.183.213 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(Cyberbullying. Matthew R. would like to point out that while he may be gay, you are banned)
Olipro blocked YOUR TOO SLOW! with an expiry time of infinite ‎(your spelling is shit, it's spelt "YOU'RE" ... so that means you're a fucking retard)
ChiefjusticeDS blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 days ‎(Blessed be the Uncyclopedia admins for they shall lead us to the promised land, also bye bye!)
Mordillo blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 years (It took them 40 years not 40 days you bloody heathen)

Biopic of the Week

What can anyone say about Maniac1075. There are rumours that he is not an individual, but rather a multinational conglomerate of authors who do nothing but write quality articles on an extremely high rate. Or at least on an extreme high. However you look at it his contributions to date have been fast and furious. There is definitely something odd with him at least. If nothing else, he has a scarily in-depth knowledge of the world of professional wrestling. In fact he has been nominated as both Writer of the month and Potatochopper of the month.

There is a particular school of though that says that these fields here should be filled in with any old garbage in order to ensure that both the left and the right hand sides of the USP are of the same length. While we appreciate this sentiment, the truth is that the USP is known to be constantly at bursting point with information that we can't fit into one column, and so this right hand column is essential for the stuff that we can't fit elsewhere.

SCROTUM

The above section is not a prime example of the statement in the section above. Please feel free to ignore it.

↑ This may have been taken out of context.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Brought to you by fucking magic. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:18, 1 May 2010

Article Space

Howdy MrN. I have this article that I've done as a rewrite for the Tony Stark page, but I'm unsure how to go about it. Can I just copy and paste, or am I supposed to go through the whole VFD thing? --Matfen 09:19, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Since MrN is a little inactive at the moment, I'll answer for him. You can just copy and paste yours over; I have looked them both through and yours looks far better, and the text is spaced out. Just copy and paste, call it a rewrite, pay me a small gratuity and head home. --ChiefjusticeXBox 09:22, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

I would normally ignore you out of fear for MrN bollocking both of us, but seeing as he's gone off somewhere, I'll go along with it. Oh thankyou, tahnkyo ChiefJusticeDS! I shall be sending my imaginary sister round shortly... --Matfen 09:30, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

You

This isn't going to be a thing about how you should return, or anything. Just a little thing to say that wherever you are, and whatever you're up to, I hope you're well. --UU - natter 12:51, Jun 7

Help!

Can you make this page any better:

The Twilight Virus

TELL EVERYONE!

--Gamma287 20:06, June 12, 2010 (UTC)

Also can you stop touching me inappropriately. And where are your pants? -- Sir Mhaille

(talk to me)

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches

By UU

Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck!

Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing.

As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed".

So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original.

Something summarizing the events of the last month or so

By PuppyOnTheRadio

It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen.

Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard.

As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is.

There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun.

Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC.

A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress?

And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be?

I had sex with a real person!^[1]

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots)
00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.)
09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that)
15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!)
05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei)

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

UnMysteries:J'accuse

Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning.

International Sporting Tournament of the Week

The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that?

Missed anniversary of the week

Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not.

Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347

The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

↑ Well, it was a good theory. Damn.

A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:11, 24 June 2010

nightwish

I understand why you got rid of this page but i think something extremely funny could be done with the name, if you or one of your talented friends wrote a strong article it would fill a large hole in uncyclopedia Pireninja 08:34, June 27, 2010 (UTC)

Just to let you know, if you want to increase the chances of someone writing the article you should try listing it here. List it in the correct place and one of our editors is far more likely to spot it. --ChiefjusticeXBox 08:56, June 27, 2010 (UTC)

All the news that's unfit to print!

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed!

By UU

Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community.

We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it.

And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later.

When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear".

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama!

By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays

Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral.

The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community.

A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured.

"We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children."

It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you)
20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. )
16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version)

Biopic of the Week

What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands...

By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either.

Old-school featured article of the week

Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool.

This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeXBox 12:09, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

You thought I forgot?

	Thanks for voting Socky Uncyclopedian of the Year
	Mere words cannot express my gratitude, so I'm giving you this beautiful spinning sock star as well.

Thanks! Also, get back here, you old chap! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:53, 1 July 2010

Signpost: normal service resumed

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway?

By Under user

The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it?

Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check).

Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably.

So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!"

Image Request: A Retrospective

By UU

Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat.

Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace.

The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules)
21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen)
18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war)

Biopic of the Week

In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days...

Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream.

So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book).

Old-school featured article of the Week

A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle.

The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week

12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 10:51, Jul 9

Re one of your Top 10 of 2009 votes from January 2010

Dear Mr/Ms MrN9000/TalkArchives16,

Greetings. I am the lawyer for Arthur C. Clarke's estate.

Last summer, following the listing of an article on this website (henceforth referred to as "Uncyclopedia"), namely the article titled 2001: A Space Odyssey, as a featured article, I and my assistant began to prepare a copyright infringement suit against you, and were about to file it in December 2009 when both of us were attacked violently by the user MacMania, who was imprisoned for his central role in this infringement, but had apparently escaped custody to exact revenge against us. Needless to say, MacMania was once again taken into custody, but we lapsed into a comatose state. However, now that we have woken up, we have found out, much to our chagrin and dismay, that you have further encouraged such infringing actions by selecting 2001: A Space Odyssey as the number 2 article of 2009, and that England once again failed to make the World Cup final.

We must, of course, take further action, and would like to notify you that unless Uncyclopedia's administrators take action, we will press the following charges:
1. continued support, encouragement, and flaunting of copyright infringement;
2. indirectly causing severe physical harm to me and my assistant;
3. potentially providing shelter to Paul the Octopus, whose psychic powers clearly drastically demoralized the English national football team against the German team, which is an unspeakably criminal act.

We will drop these charges only if you agree to furnish us with a Paul the Octopus voodoo doll^* for our perusal.

Please let us know if this is possible.

Your obedient servant (strictly in a figurative sense)

James Steel

c/o Alesha Phillips
London
EC4M 7EH
UK

^* Must be complete with voodoo boiling water, voodoo olive oil, voodoo knife and voodoo fork.

Better late than never, or at least that's the thought. (I guess you might not be around right now, so maybe there is such a thing as being too late ...) (Sorry about the length of this, by the way.) Horribly belated thanks for voting 2001: A Space Odyssey into #2 of 2009! Sir Mac Mania GUN—[01:53 16 Jul 2010]

Another UnSignpost! Rejoice!

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands

By UU

Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure.

We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard.

Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK.

Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him.

So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross.

World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration

By UU

The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?"

The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards?

Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.)
15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?)
14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.)
14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.)
06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas)
19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS")
01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.)

Biopic of the Week

Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh^[1] number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath.

↑ heh, see what we did there?

Old-school featured article of the week

The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley.

Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them.

Cajek ban of the Week

10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:59, 16 July 2010

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore

By Zim

That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention.

2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed.

The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us.

Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin.

Techno gets Mhaille'd

By UU

The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno.

The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia)
08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.)
06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.)
01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat)

Old-school featured article of the week

A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples.

The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday.

Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban!

15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeXBox 13:52, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

You sir, are a tosser

And a wanker for thinking that RL is more important than us. Just hope you should know that. ~ 14:36, August 5, 2010 (UTC)

He impregnated me and then abandoned me.....hope he gets his.... -- Sir Mhaille

(talk to me)

I thought you were into that sort of thing -- Prof. Olipro

KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 15:17, August 5, 2010 (UTC)

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced

By UU

Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day.

Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome.

Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding.

Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you.

Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start

By UU

Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part.

So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak.

This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now)
14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.)
00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.)

Biopic of the Week

Some user testifying before a Senate Subcommittee, using the "wag of the finger" rhetoric device.

Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow.

Sexy 'Crat of the Week

Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:50, 5 August 2010

:(

:( --Roman Dog Bird 06:07, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved!

By UU

UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with.

So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours!

Something helpful this way comes

By UU

Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly.

TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working!

So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars)
03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence)
16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....)

Biopic of the Week

Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be.

During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write.

Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good ~~die~~ leave ~~young~~ early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeXBox 11:56, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Avast me hearties!

By the powers! this e'er be fer a reminder o' tha great, grand Imperial Colonization be startin' up again!

Whether you be a sprog or a privateer we be expectin' ya ta come 'round an participate in this sweet trade lessen' you be a lily-livered squiffy, scallywag, or scurvy dog thar.

Aye! ~ Buccaneer Happytimes.

(See also: Forum:Drumming up the IC furor!)

The current project: Dinosaur

Now in the writing phase (Oh UN:IC, how your rules are now broken....)

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk

The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins!

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week!

By UU

It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too!

Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked:

Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it?
Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles?
Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy?

If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before!

By UU

As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF.

That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again.

Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation."

Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again.

UnNews main page

By Socky

Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.)
04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!)
05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.)
18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!)
18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!)
17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers)
02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn)

Biopic of the Week

It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways?

Old-school featured article of the week

go eat shit fuckers

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:49, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

Odd...

You tried to get me to make an account. I never even noticed. That's odd. Seriously, it is. I mean, I've noticed now, but... huh. Although I suppose for an IP, I wasn't that bad, but... well...

Yes, I came all this way just to be confused at you concerning an old article in no direction in particular. Admittedly, your attempt came after I'd joined not once, but twice (the first shortly after creating those two articles; that account lasted all of six hours), but... huh.

...huh.

I guess I mean to say... thank you. For the gesture. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100929 - 03:38 (UTC)

I noticed you haven't been around lately...

I hope everything's ok. :) MadMax 08:44, October 19, 2010 (UTC)

Daddyyyyy... come back!

I'm back. Although I think I did say during my hopefully last dramathlon that I wouldn't return... Anyways. I hope you'll get back in time for my wedding! You know the usual sulking in a corner, mulling over a glass too many of alcoholic beverage of your choice, and stumbling down the aisle, tearing the white dress and that. But don't worry! I'm eloping, so you can just toast for me with friends of your choice! ^_^ -- Dame Viktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 09:41, 19 Oct

Dude, I had a dream about you last night...

It was a Harry Potter dream. You played the part of Proffessor Snape. I think my girlfriend was Harry Potter. It was a weird dream. So, you know.... Um.... Hi. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:20, October 30, 2010 (UTC)

DAAADDDDYYYYY...

I'm all alone in the cold and *sniffle* and the instant noodles and crackers you gave me when you left me in that dark alley are all gone... *wipes tears* and I feel like I've been let down by the uncles since you told me Leddy would pick me up after this game was done and he didn't and I'm cold and soaking wet and smell of dark alleyway trash... COME BACK! -- Dame Viktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 12:56, 31 Oct

UnSignpost - The UnSignpost Rides Again!

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

Nov 11th, 2010 • Issue 94 • The Newspaper that shaves you closer!

The UnSignpost Rides Again!

By Chief

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebels attained victory over the Imperial Empire and the last UnSignpost flopped onto talk pages. The drought came as Under user announced that he had a life to be getting on with, and at that point the UnSignpost simply stopped writing itself. Some people have suggested that these two events may be linked somehow, but until we see proof, we have resolved to live in ignorance. However as we hurtle towards the end of the year it would seem the magic has returned and the newspaper that confusingly contains neither news or paper will once again be arriving on talk pages ~~weekly~~ ~~monthly~~ ~~annually~~ whenever we can manage it.

Newer recipients of the UnSignpost are urged to suggest ideas for stories in the press room; this helps as it means we don't need to pay attention to anything you people do every day. For now, please welcome the UnSignpost back into your homes and hearts... please?

Speak up!

By Chief

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with The Article Whisperer, permit me to clear the waters somewhat with this bit of text I have, at great personal risk, copied off the competition page. It is: "An annual writing competition held by Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles",

which I think we can all agree is absolutely splendid. Unfortunately, all our intrepid journalists were saving Kittens from trees and generally performing heroic deeds when the competition took place, but that won't stop us from talking about it. Lyrithya and Matfen were the biggest winners, or losers depending on how you look at it, each being Grand Champion of two categories.

Competition founder MadMax was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, so we have made something up instead: "The competition was a great success and I would like to thank everyone who took part; especially ChiefjusticeDS who is absolutely fantastic and whom I owe many drinks", he might have said. The Article Whisperer is expected to take place again next year, and MadMax might have said "Take part or die", but probably not.

The Aristocrat's

By Chief & Mhaille

Few competitions stir the loins more than The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, self described as Uncyclopedia's festival of frivolity and bad taste. The competition has three categories:

The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball
Best Bad Taste Article
The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery

If you aren't a writer (we are led to believe some people are not), then 3 Judges are needed for each of the above categories (see here). Seriously, this will be so much fun you will wish we did it twice a year... maybe. The competition opens on November 19th, so put on a stout pair of writing trousers and get going!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

16:29, November 10, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 seconds ‎ (You're reviving the Signpost? Good luck! Now to think of a witty ban reason to get me in the "From Our Logs" section. Penis. That ought to do it. It would if I was editing it.)
04:27, November 10, 2010 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.181.83.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Normally you'd probably be reading a witty message from an admin. Obviously, I'm not one of those admins. Gotta tell you, you're missing out.)
10:36, November 9, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.42.244.217 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (List 350 reasons why I should care about your birthday, and I'll reverse the ban.)
08:10, November 10, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked EatPoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Alas, dear sir, you are afflicted with the stupid)
16:31, November 10, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 years ‎ (Stop being supposedly here and BE HERE. YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART)

Biopic of the Week

Do you hear that? Thought not, because this week we are taking a closer look at one of Uncyclopedia's true unsung heroes, Black flamingo. He has a whopping 12.5 feature credits; that's more than 5 feature credits and 6 feature credits put together! Not only that, but Black flamingo has been instrumental in keeping Pee Review afloat while you weren't. Respect this man immediately or I will punch a Zebra, that's how committed I am to getting him recognised. Head over to his talk page right now and doff your helm. Now, dammit! Don't make me fetch the Zebra.

Old-school featured article of the week
The term "Paul is dead" (PID) refers to an urban legend or a hoax perpetrated either on the musical group The Beatles by their fans or vice-versa.

According to the legend, bass guitarist and singer Paul McCartney was replaced by a lookalike after his alleged death in an auto accident in the mid-60s. Proponents of this hoax cite obscure clues embedded within the Beatles' lyrics, symbolism in their album covers, and Wings as evidence that the "real" Paul didn't survive into the 1970s.

This manuscript reveals the full chilling truth. I've read it, and it will blow your tiny mind.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

The Case of the Missing Admin

Checking the talk page, it seems you just walked out the door in March 2010 and never came back . Something in RL? And since the other admins have also asked you , no word to them either which is strange or even a farewell rant if it was anger. Hope you pop back and tell us how you're doing. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 10:29, November 12, 2010 (UTC)

Read All About It!

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

Nov 18th, 2010 • Issue 95 • The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way she/he did!

Wanna cyb3r?

By Chief

Hailed by some as the final solution to the Uncyclopedia problem and others as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the Uncyclopedia IRC channel has chugged along for almost the same amount of time Uncyclopedia itself has. We here at the UnSignpost have literally hundreds of stories to sort through every week and we have picked IRC for a reason, and not just because it is easy to spell. We chose it because the Uncyclopedia IRC is a community and often contains users who are never on the site (because they are lazy and idle), equally many users who frequent the site do not enter IRC (because they are idle and lazy), and those who do often prefer to do so in disguise. This is a disgrace, don't ask why, it just is.

Our intrepid reporters have spent literally minutes on IRC this week in order to bring news of it to you, the uneducated and unwashed masses and to try and encourage you to make use of it. Whatever you want to use it for: reporting vandals, penis jokes, collaboration, penis jokes and incoherent babbling; IRC is there for you. It is also a way to get to know the dull uninteresting personalities behind the exciting usernames, but don't let that put you off. When our intrepid reporter delved into the IRC community and asked the first person breathing in and out for a quote about IRC they told us "..." which should certainly give you food for thought.

If you have some time on your hands then why not learn how to windsurf? But if you are too idle and lazy then why not head on over to IRC and see the magic happening for yourself? I would and if I would it must be a good idea.

Balls up!

By Chief

The stage is seated, the judges are set and the competitors are questionable in number, yes The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is almost upon us. The competition opens this Friday and entries will be accepted until December the 3rd which is... a little while after that. Our hard-hitting journalists will be present at the competition and will be speaking to entrants and judges alike over the next few weeks. Just think; if you take part your name could be in italic font in the UnSignpost! Think about how envious your friends and family will be!

Remember, it begins on the 19th of November and we want to see blood!

We need you!

Shameless pleading by: ChiefjusticeDS

The UnSignpost is like an office printer, in that it constantly breaks down, sometimes doesn't work for months at a time and occasionally spews out some slightly smudged pages. If you think you have something to bring to the UnSignpost be it your journalistic talent, ideas for stories or even just a warm and reassuring slap in the face, feel free to drop us a line in the press room.

Also Meganew wanted us to mention the Grue Army in the UnSignpost, so we have.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

05:54, November 14, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked POPEYE FUCK U UP (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1) You suck. 2) Stop sucking.)
06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.)
17:01, November 12, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.109.64.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'll have some gay porn if you're going to the shop)
3:32, November 14, 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.147.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'M HAVING A FRIENDSHIP ANEURYSM)

Biopic of the Week

Know who it is yet? Know what time they were last here? No? Then you should probably be able to guess that this week we are looking at Aleister in Chains. Al has been hanging around Uncyclopedia for just under a year now, and in that time has picked up 25 feature credits and has earned the eternal hatred of many for his enduring good humour and incredibly annoying signature timestamps. If Aleister hasn't been responsible for a single one of your chuckles over the last year then you need to start reading some of his articles, that or cancel your afternoon appointments as you have died and failed to notice.

I wouldn't recommend you post on his talk page or look at his user page as they are both just plain weird, offer respect, but don't doff your helm, you never know what might end up in it.

Overlooked Page of the Week

Things to do.

Easing the pain in your pants since 2007.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

The Uncyclopedian's song

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeXBox 14:34, November 18, 2010 (UTC)

Run for your lives! It's another UnSignpost.

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

Nov 25th, 2010 • Issue 96 • Putting the period in periodical!

Jimbo, Whales & The Worst 100

By Him again

Those of you who regularly sit and stare at recent changes may well have seen a lot of tomfoolery with the site notice this week (that banner at the top which you dismissed two seconds after logging in). The reason for this is that somebody noticed that we are supposed to be a parody of Wikipedia and suggested we come up with something to parody Jimbo Wales' appeal. Zombiebaron duly obliged, then Lyrithya obliged too, then Olipro edited some code and the site notice you see today, or don't see, as the case may be, was created.

Well done, them. Honestly, we have nothing bad to say about it. Except that I hate it as I do most things that come about through a process of honest endeavour.

For those of you who didn't know, Jimbo does have an account on Uncyclopedia, an account he never uses, in rather the same way that I have a membership to a gym; I need one to be cool and so I have somewhere to hide when the black helicopters inevitably come for me. Jimbo is of course the co-founder of Wikia, which is rather like having helped build the Death Star except with less space and more super-lasers capable of destroying planets. Unfortunately, we haven't written a parody of the appeal yet. Well, we have, it just isn't very good. The team at the UnSignpost read both and after the laughter had died down we had a look at the Uncyclopedia one.... yeah.... but have our assurance, Uncyclopedia is working on improving it, and how could you doubt the people who brought you classics like Fisher Price and AAAAAAAAA!?

The other item of news we have this week is that the reflections on this year are woefully lacking. Hurtling as we are towards the new year and the annual Cabal broadcast, you may want to consider adding an entry to the list in order that the administrators can sleep soundly at night. We refuse to believe that nothing of note has happened over the last couple of months because we've been here and can attest that something has happened every day. So get over there and do the editing, we'll be right behind you.

Voting heats up

By Chief

The "of the Month" awards are in something of a state of flux at the moment as voters and nominators become increasingly unwilling to vote (or care) in some cases and more willing in others. "It's a sad indictment of the way we live," lamented Socky when our reporter spoke to him, though he did say some other things once we asked him some questions.

This month on the Uncyclopedian of the Month award, Lyrithya has stormed ahead of competition, running up 16 votes at the time of going to press; we would say she was miles ahead of her opposition, but since she nominated both of them and voted for one of them we don't think she deserves it. When asked to comment, Lyrithya had this to say: "I hate you all". Meanwhile over on Writer of the Month, Romartus leads SPIKE by 7 votes. Neither of them were available to provide us with a quote, probably because we forgot to ask, but we took some of the things they said on the award page and through creative journalism summed up their thoughts: "This... is... my... award" is what Romartus said, though he may have said those words in a different order... and as part of different sentences. SPIKE just said "Yay," which was lovely. Things are far more exciting over on Noob of the Month where mega-noob rcmurphy and regular noob Putthatknifedown are neck and neck with 5 votes each.

Things are of course far less exciting in the land of the other awards: Author of the Month is a gripping contest as gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Under user trudges towards the finish line arm in arm with gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Mhaille (he wrote a couple of lines for us once and they were amazing). Potatochopper of the month is also a rather subdued affair with nobody getting any votes, despite two people being nominated. Finally Reviewer of the Month has no nominations and thus, surprisingly, no votes so far this month.

Why is this? We at the UnSignpost asked Uncyclopedia's dictator in-chief Mordillo what he thought; he agreed to consider the question after a stiff drink. We can only assume it was a strong one as we didn't hear back from him for 3 days. When he came back, he declared, "Uncyclopedia - UNITE! GO OUT TO THE STREETS AND DEMAND MORE BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE WELL SHAPED BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE THREESOMES WITH JEWS! and vote for NotM and RotM right? Trust us, we are the cabal, we know best". As Mordillo was being sedated, Socky bravely stepped in to fill his trousers and surprised everyone by saying "My thoughts on awards are that we should have a lot more of them and we should be a lot less serious about them. We could be having fun instead of worrying about drama. Voting will only lead to good results when not subjugated to logic." Socky went on to lay down his plans for ruling Uncyclopedia and restoring Germany to a dominant position in Europe; he left our interview early to annex Czechoslovakia, so ~~thankfully~~ we cannot bring you anything else from him this week.

There is a point here, does Uncyclopedia need more awards? Or does it just need more contributors? All we know for sure is that you need to start voting NOW! Or tomorrow if you're a bit busy at the moment.

Chief learns Latin; talks about lorums

By Socky

See {{lorum}} for a full transcript of his Latin writings.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

13:58, November 21, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.112.195.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Enough time for you to go and have a bit pot of warm penises, just like you love them)
15:52, November 19, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.126.123.197 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck at vandalism. You should probably try your hand at cooking or painting or something instead.)
14:40, November 18, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.120.230.138 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I dunno - you expose a paedo, then it's you who gets in toruble. Fuckin' liberals, eh?)

Biopic of the Week

Prowling the corridors of UnNews and VFD, SPIKE has earned the respect of his peers through a combination of three things: Hard work, immaculate record keeping and... hard work.

SPIKE is often to be found speaking into a microphone for UnNews, saving condemned articles on VFD and generally trying to make the site a better place.

While he may not have as many features as some people, he makes up for it through a huge amount of work; his userpage is a comprehensive list of achievements, good deeds and a lot of other information that you probably don't need but he is prepared to give at no extra charge. I need all of it, of course, as I am building a database which I plan to flog to a corporation at some stage. If you contributed anything to UnNews or nominated an article for VFD this year then this man likely got involved at some stage. Respect him and get back to work.

Old-school featured article of the week

Are you tired of being a small cog in the giant machine of what is, for all intents and purposes, an infinite and uncaring universe? Of course,

we all are!

"But how do I, a mere newborn babe/small child/university student/accountant/elderly person just steps away from death's door, whose gaping maw is opened wide in anticipation of my ethereal etherealness, the insignificant mote of dust that is me, passing through its opening en route to what will surely be a depressing and disappointing eternity, attain oneness with the universe today?" you ask.

How? Here's how.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Stalker

An UnSignpost apology

As you know, we at the UnSignpost make few mistakes, but it has been brought to our attention that we misquoted Mordillo and made him look like a bit of a weirdo in the story to the left; this is highly regrettable and we enclose his full quote here by way of apology.

"the ongoing voting trend that is directed at obvious targets such as WotM and UotM are a cardinal warning sign that Uncyclopedia is not only the worst, it keeps deteriorating. How else would you define a community that is centered on awarding its writers and goody two shoes? What about young new fresh people that are hopefully insatiable redheads with abnormal fondness of threesomes with Jews and MORE blondes? What about the people who take the substandard manure that the above said writers produce and fit them into shape?! Are we all doomed to be old shapeless writers? Will Uncyclopedia become like Europe - ageing, overweight and smug? Where are all the young willing blondes amongst the population?!"

Editors note: Mordillo then went on to say the bit our journalist was awake for in the interview. The UnSignpost bitterly regrets having him sedated against his will due to this misunderstanding. We will be sending a fruit basket round to him as soon as his screams of anguish as the doctor inserted the needle stop being quite so funny.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 01:04 (UTC)

Don't you love the smell of the UnSignpost in the morning?

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

Dec 2nd, 2010 • Issue 97 • STOP! UnSignpost time!

UFFL Week 12 Update

By CheddarBBQ

Now that it is so far into the season that everyone not involved with the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League, as well as many that are involved, could not possibly care, what better time for an update? After eleven gruelling weeks, it seems that on top is the one and only Doritians, Take II, with an impressive W-L-T of 9-2-0 and a current six-game win-streak. They are also the only team to currently have a clinched playoff spot. For those not aware, the Doritians, Take II are the follow-up to Cheddar's Doritians last year: an Eagles-based team that performed, to put it frankly, shittily. When asked to comment about his surprising victory, Mr. Cheddar claimed, "GET RAPED SON."

Elsewhere in the league, there is currently a tight race for 2nd between the Oklahoma Boomers (who are currently in first point-wise and have the season record for highest score in a game with 168.14 points), The DC RacialSlurs, The Dudes, and Lepus Muerte. The real secondary story revolves around league commissioner and possible Nazi-supporter Rosenkrantzenpants. While last year, the German team took the overall victory with quite ease, this year's team is not so magnificent. After many losing streaks and strokes and bad luck, Rosenkrantzenpants has barely been able to pull itself past an even Win-Lose ratio. However, despite a poor record, he maintains 4th place point-wise.

The Well-Dressed Pickles again still have yet to win, most likely due to having six of the worst players in the league (two of which are out for the the season) and a refusal to edit the line-up. The Bearasorta Vikings aren't doing much better.

Also, you should watch The League on FX. It's a damn funny show.

Aristocrat's Update

By ChiefjusticeDS

The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball rumbles on, and as the closing date looms like a fat man over a large cake, the question on everyone's lips is "What's the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball?". In case you have recently returned from an Uncyclopedia hiatus or have been hiking through the Amazon Delta wearing nothing but a pair of slippers, I will explain once again: the ATDB is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured.

The UnSignpost sat down with competition judge Lyrithya to find out what, if anything, there was to know. "I would like people to stop asking me for help," Lyrithya moaned before our journalist could open his mouth, "Two people have so far already" The UnSignpost infers from this that the competition is truly a desperate one this year; some entrants have clearly been pushed to the limits of their sanity and have begun searching Uncyclopedia's back alleys for writing tips. To round off our interview we asked Lyrithya who she thought would win. "That guy," she said emphatically, indicating a nearby vending machine, "His article is excellent." Whose article she really means shall remain a mystery until the results become known on December 10th.

The competition closes for judging this Friday at 00:00 GMT, so if you want to enter, you need to do so soon. The UnSignpost will be there to bring you the results when the judging has happened unless something more exciting happens. Unlikely, but we live in hope.

The Grue Army

By Meganew

For almost a year, most of our classic usergroups remained in pieces. Groups like the Uncyclopedian Forces, the UnAnarchist Party, the UnFire Department, and yes, even the Grue Apocalypse. The economy also dramatically collapsed, with commerce reaching an all-time low. However, one group stands out among all: the Grue Army. After their leader High Gen. Grue went AWOL, the once-proud Grue Army was left belly-up with only 4 of the original members still in. The decision to revive the group was made and Meganew has been seen wearing Patton-esque General's clothing ever since.

Some newer users had joined up with the group already, but it wasn't enough to equal a full-scale revival. Therefore, the leaders decided on an unusual plan of action: pick who they thought would be the 10 best candidates for the group. After some of the candidates decided not to join, the plan was expanded to all of the twenty users originally selected. Some have responded and have become active Grue Army members, deep in-the-cave reserve members, and allies.

Some people have questioned the need for another group of people who don't do much, but are happy to tell others what to do, as we already have site admins for just such a job.

This has been a shameless advertising promotion from the Grue Army, Join Today!!!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

05:45, 25 Novemver, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ISLAM WILL DESTROY YOU IMPERIALIST SWINE LIKE DUNG (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ZOMBIEBARON WILL DESTROY YOU ISLAMIST FANATICS LIKE DUNG)
06:27, 24 November, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank a userpage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute)
07:42, November 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.35.10.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Such spirited hi-jinks and individuality.... I MUST DESTROY)
17:33, November 30, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.77.131.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here's yet another reason for you to hate Jews)
21:01, November 30, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Avianion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (cyberbullying. also, coming from Halifax, which should have some kind of law against it.)

Biopic of the Week

It seems only proper that this week as we pass the 5th anniversary of its featuring, the UnSignpost should take a look at perhaps the biggest in-joke Uncyclopedia has ever seen: Euroipods. For those who don't know, Euroipods was intended to parody the marketing campaign for www.euroipods.com, which ran from mid to late 2005. However, despite the effort, detail and effort that went into creating the article, some users couldn't understand what all the laughter was about. Stories of the clashes on the talk page of Euroipods are still told whenever veteran Uncyclopedians gather round a modem to compete in tales of blood-chilling terror. The article spawned several spin-off articles, since creativity is next to regular bathing on the list of things Uncyclopedians will avoid if at all possible.

All hail Euroipods, may it stand forever as proof of our commitment to being the worst.

Old-school featured article of the week

Mozilla Firefox is a famous magical girl of the 21st century, seen by many Europeans (even though she's technically a United Statesian) as the Western answer to Japan's infamous "Project Sailor Moon". She is a direct descendant of the legendary Maozilla and a daughter of now-deceased Mozilla Suite. Mozilla is therefore a last name, but is written first to make fun of the Japanese.

Firefox's goal is to reclaim a vital artifact lost for humanity a hundred generations ago in Browser Wars: the Interweb, a huge web embedded in the surface and atmosphere of the planet Earth. Her arch enemy is the Interweb Exploder, a giant monster that repeatedly tries to blow up the Interweb, without much success, and zombifies people that connect their computers to it. Both Firefox and the Exploder are web browsers: their duty is to patrol controlled areas of the Interweb and fight minor saboteurs and wreckers.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Playing with myself

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- 03:39, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

The UnSignpost, now with 25% less saturated fat

Source: Uncyclopedia complaints department, archive 4,978

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

Dec 9th, 2010 • Issue 98 • Is that an UnSignpost in your pocket?

The UnSignpost Investigates: VFH

By Chief

If you have ever written an article on Uncyclopedia then the chances are you have run the gauntlet of Votes for Highlight at some point, which inevitably means you have experienced the helpful criticism, the less helpful criticism and the downright bizarre criticism. VFH is the most popular voting page on Uncyclopedia, and this week the UnSignpost is taking a closer look at the process that separates the wheat from the chaff, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian^{[citation needed]}.

VFH has come under fire this week from an outgoing editor and we thought it would be unfair to dismiss his claims without properly investigating them, so we didn't and it was a great fun; we played badminton and then we went bowling. However, when Sycamore complained about recent trends on VFH, we decided to have a look. There is a serious point to be made here, with admins being told at least twice a week that both they and Uncyclopedia suck penises - is VFH not somewhere that should be more carefully regulated to prevent articles that are less than amusing being nominated? Or should users who are presently engaged in nominating idiotic pages for VFH be told to cut it out, or else? Discussions have taken place about scrapping voting altogether and having the admins run things or, as one bright-spark suggested: just get rid of against voting. VFH is not a machine in dire need of repair, however, but for many it does seem to be a flawed system that is entirely to blame for A wizard did it being featured.

As a result of the above, the UnSignpost urges you to do two things: Vote on VFH; it needs your votes to work, as the name might suggest, and try to remember that while cocking about is fun, work is immeasurably more useful. Also, because the lead story this week has been very sombre and serious, we have attached a picture of a dog wearing a hat. Enjoy.

Mince Pies, an editorial

By ~~Douchebag McSpackypants~~ The Cabal

Hey guys!!! This week I thought I would talk about something which is guaranteed to interest EVERYONE! My favourite food in the world: Mince Pies!!! OMG they are teh brillz0rz! (Internet slang; I'm hip!) I mean they don't even have MINCE in them! What's UP WITH THAT!? Here's how I began to find them totally lolicious and awesome!!!! It all started at last year's Christmas pa-

Signal interrupted

New message incoming

There is no need to adjust your UnSignpost. Halt all subversive activity. Exits are not located to the rear. Rollback is not disabled. Expect no Christmas bonus. The Cabal is not addressing you from this periodical. It is not the Festive Season. Santa does not exist. Nothing you do matters. Our patience is not tried by your petty drama and hi-jinks. Contributions are not logged and examined. Addresses are not tracked and houses are not watched. Bans will not be imposed if you reject our reality.

Abide citizens.

Location scrambled.

Message ends

Signal re-established, original transmission resuming

... and that's when I threw up all over the dancing Elephant!

See you next week!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

04:46, December 7, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked AngieCrosby (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam spam eggs spam spam spam sausage spam spam and spam)
15:42, December 5, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked SAMUDESU (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (na-na-na-nanana CUNTFACE!)
15:05, December 4, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Redundantunderuserwithhisslutwifeandretardedchild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (oh, the long winter hours must just fly past at your house.)
03:29, December 7, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.245.74.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours (lol k c(-; (that's supposed to be a guy winking, smiling and sticking his tongue out FUCK YOU!!!!)

Biopic of the Week

Imagine, if you will, a drug fuelled after-party in a Special Needs home, then stop because it's time for biopic of the week! This week we have a splendid fellow, as we inevitably do; it's Count of Monkey Crisco! Heard of him? No? That's because he is busy working and not spending time coming up with new and inventive ways of wasting time in the Village Dump, like you. It may surprise you to learn that the Count (yes I must refer to him this way) is a former UotM, has four featured images and was the first man to scale Everest in a kayak... ok, we are exaggerating here; he only has two featured images.

Nonetheless this man is the example of a good Uncyclopedian, hard working, quiet and modest. At least we assume he is modest; he hasn't ever done anything as awesome as I have, so we can't confirm it. So go on - investigate Uncyclopedia's very own man in black for yourself; he's er... Monkalicious.

Old-school featured article of the week

To Whom it May Concern

On the 6th September 2006, I wrote this article, and I am yet to receive any feedback. I believe I expressed a number of real concerns which you have not yet addressed. In case my previous article was lost in the post, I will repeat my concerns here, and I trust that this article will reach you in good time.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Can't Be Blamed (For My Shitty Music)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeXBox 16:15, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

Oh shit! It's another unsignpost!

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Dec 16th, 2010 • Issue 99 • Now with 50% more ~~Cheese~~ News!!

Turkey Ball Anyone?

By Chief

As all great things must come to an end so must all fairly mediocre things, and this has certainly proved true for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, which concluded last Thursday/Friday/Early Saturday morning. Unfortunately, all of our reporters were out watching Lord of the Dance or entertaining Monsignor Sandman when it was happening and we have no on the spot coverage or reporting whatsoever. However, we have once again stepped unto the breach in the name of journalism and have, at great personal risk, recovered the results from the competition page.

This year the joint winners of the title category are: Socky for UnBooks:Fred and EMC for The Aristocraigslist. Socky's winning streak continued into the next category: "Best Bad Taste Article" where he and Zombiebaron's collaboration tied for first place with CheddarBBQ's slightly sickening entry: Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic. The "The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery" category was the only one that obliged us with a clear winner this year, and that winner was Bucknut4, with the loin-stirring image you see attached to this story.

Of course everyone who took part in the competition is a winner... except the people who didn't win anything. The UnSignpost dropped round to Socky's house to find out how he felt about being the biggest Turkey of them all this year: "I'm really proud of winning twice" he told our reporter, banging his head on the toughened glass. "I'd like to throw a big party, but first I'll need to get rid of all the dead bodies...", which was a lovely thought. He also presented our reporter with this picture which, his doctor assured us, Socky had drawn himself.

The non-existent Cabal would like to pass on its non-existent thanks to all entrants and judges of the competition and would like to make special mention of Mrthejazz, who narrowly missed out on victory in two categories; hopefully the suicide note, sleeping-pills and empty Whiskey bottles we found when we went round to his house mean he has just gone on holiday.

Gayming?

By Chief

The Uncyclopedia game namespace came under fire this week as users began discussing whether the whole thing should be euthanized as part of Uncyclopedia's commitment to cutting internet congestion by 60% before the start of 2011. In order to get a handle on matters, the UnSignpost lured veteran Uncyclopedian Mhaille into an interview by convincing him there was cake hidden in our journalist's back pocket.

Mhaille called the game namespace "A SHOCKING waste of server space and a section of the site seemingly inhabited by elves, dwarves, grues and Welshpeople". Is this a fair assessment of a namespace that has been around since 2006 or is this just the condemnation of a Bureaucrat engorged with spite at his continued lack of a salary? When asked if he would support deleting the namespace altogether, Mhaille said, "It should at least be hacked back to acceptable levels and filled with humour above that of a 14 year old D&D player".

The debate on the game namespace is far from over, especially since a fair number of users haven't even realised it has started yet. Should we delete the namespace, or should we allow it to grow in whichever way the laws of nature allow? However with the game namespace regularly churning out classics like Grue Life and The Great Random Adventure of Awesomeness, it is clear to many that something should be done, even if it is only a jolly good chat in the Village Dump.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

10:13, December 14, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hellraiser123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dr UU's diagnosis: you appear to be suffering from being a twat syndrome. the cure for this is to ask someone to punch you in the face repeatedly, go try it, let me know how you get on.)
19:26, December 8, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked DILLO LOVES TO SUCK CHIEFS DICK!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of indefinite‎ (If only..... Oh no, I meant to think that!)
16:40, December 8, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked OmarTheGay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Recent surveys suggest you fall a long way short of even our standards)
05:28, December 13, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked I'm Going To Spit In Mordillo's Anus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Congratulations!)

Biopic of the Week
This week we have selected someone we seem to have written about far too much in the last month or so: Funnybony. For those who don't know, Funnybony has penned more articles than you could possibly count, unless you can count up to 295.

However, we have decided to try and talk about something else besides the massive number of articles he has written (several of which became featured). We also won't be mentioning his ability at potatochopping or his victory in Playwright of the Month in October, nor will we mention his general lack of anger and his fondness for sending people pictures instead of words. In fact this biopic will have very little to do with Funnybony at all; the UnSignpost apologises for this and promises that Biopic of the Week will return next week as normal. So everyone: be impressed with Funnybony, despite the fact you know almost nothing about him.

Birthday of the Week

UU, this very Thursday. (This in no way counts as vanity).

Old-school FA; Orian57 return special!

Sort-of-festive thing of the Week

It's Uncle UU's second annual festive Mince Pie eating competition and ban patro-ho-ho-ho-l! Fun for all the family! Watch for updates over the next week or so.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 05:21, 16 December 2010

This is it... the 100th UnSignpost.

Now with 20% more ninjas!

Dec 23rd, 2010 • Issue 100 • Now with added bragging rights!

The UnSignpost hits 100

By Chief

So here we are, issue number 100. The newspaper with the most haphazard group of editors and paper... people in the world has successfully spammed talk pages 100 times. This makes now the perfect time to look back at the UnSignpost through the ages and see the motley crew of visionaries, drug addicts and lunatics who have made the UnSignpost what it is today: damaged beyond all repair.

The UnSignpost had a beginning, like everything: it was in days of yore when Uncyclopedians fiddled in the street.... in knickerbockers, Mordillo was a new-ish administrator and everything had a rosy sort of tint to it; Uncyclopedia was indeed not as bad as it is today. Two enterprising young Uncyclopedians, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper, came up with the idea for a newspaper, a newspaper that would tell lazy people what was going on on the wiki, thus encouraging them to continue being lazy. At first, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper made beautiful ~~music~~ ~~love~~ UnSignposts together and even considered making the UnSignpost a twice weekly paper... yeah.

However such a partnership could not last forever, as nothing does except jam, and eventually Dr. Skullthumper departed the UnSignpost. Last time someone asked him about the UnSignpost, he said, among other things: "We had no idea what we were doing" which reassures us that nothing has changed in the interim. Cajek pushed the UnSignpost onward and it was good, until it wasn't any more, at which point DJ Irreverent took the wheel. Nobody has seen Cajek for years now, so being rational people, we can only assume he is sailing round the world in a boat powered entirely by Mars Bars, though we can tell you that he once said "You know, those shoes you see on telephone wires?" which should give you some food for thought.

However the DJ was unable to maintain the UnSignpost for long, and he was obliged to leave; after all, in accepting the responsibility, he opened up a can of worms. Then how could he let sleeping dogs lie after he let the cat out of the bag? After all, if you change horses in the middle of the stream, next thing you know you're up the creek without a paddle. Which explains why he left; the balloon went up.

After the DJ went belly-up (yes I'll stop this now) Under user decided to have a go... he strapped on his pads and hit the UnSignpost for six (OK, I'm definitely done now) - six issues, to be exact, and then wandered off to get married or some such nonsense, leaving the UnSignpost in the hands of Gerrycheevers. Gerry maintained the paper splendidly until UU came back again and enlisted the help of some more hip and happening users to help him actually know things. UU remained in the editors seat, mostly, and writers like Socky, POTR and Guildensternenstein dropped in to help now and then when UU's creativity failed him. We can't list everyone who turned up as we hate most of them, but they are lovingly remembered on the main UnSignpost page.

Finally the stress became too much for UU, and he fled the office via an upstairs window. When he woke from his coma, we showed him the UnSignpost and threatened to beat him with a stick if he didn't give us a quote on how excellent it was. He said, "Boringly, I love the ol' Signpost, and will probably return to it one day ... But I have written the most issues, across 3 separate stints on the paper, and sheer quantity has to count for something, right? Anyway, I'm glad to see Chief continuing all the proud traditions except late delivery, and am idly wondering how long it'll take before he too crumbles like a dry reed in the face of its relentless news-hunger".

So hurrah for the UnSignpost, 100 issues to match up with the hundreds of writers with issues who have contributed to it. See you in issue 200!

The UnSignpost:A few words from someone you don't know.

By PuppyOnTheRadio

Hang on. Did I read that last bit correctly? 100 issues? Wow! Given that it takes our beloved paper boys about 2 hours to deliver the Unsignpost, that means that's 200 hours spent delivering this, not to mention the time and effort put into making this unperiodic periodical over the last 2ish years. So that would mean it's a combined total of multiply by 2... carry the 1... take away the number you first thought of... 2 months worth of work that has gone into the creation of this glorious publication.

And it's that attention to detial that makes the UnSignpost what it is.

Check out these pages!

From our logs, best of Modusoperandi:

23:25, January 24, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.14.255.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (2 days for blanking, 1 day for not being pretty like me)
20:09, September 7, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Consistent and focussed approach to awesomeness)
15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.)
4:01, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Not A Good Username360 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (He asked me a question. Outrage!)
14:47, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎ (I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.)
11:01, July 18, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.187.224.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You fill me with rage. Also, lust. *Blush*)
06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.)
18:26, October 1, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 205.144.32.250 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Excessive vanity. That's my gig, bucko! I'm devastating!)
19:45, August 11, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.)

Biopic of the Week Rather than come up with another user to biopic, the UnSignpost has decided to biopic itself once again, making it the first... thing to have been biopiced twice! (Except {{USERNAME}}, but that doesn't count, don't ask why, it just doesn't)

We here at the UnSignpost were absolutely flabbergasted when the news became known and an editor exclaimed "My gast is truly flabbered". We would like to thank the academy, you the readers, us the writers, the people who put the fillings into Mince Pies and the person who invented the Jelly Baby.

However, The UnSignpost rarely votes on VFD, never contributes to the site except to spam talk pages and generally has been writing essentially the same thing for almost 3 years, which is exactly what it should be doing. If you regularly read the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time and stop being so limber and stress free; if you regularly write for the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time. Well done, UnSignpost, and may you persist in all the poor practices that have made you what you are today.

Anniversary UnSignpost of the week

Believe it or not the UnSignpost had a birthday, only the one, but here is the last time we devoted an entire issue to talking about ourselves and how awesome we are when you sit back and think about it.

Mince Pie update

It's all go over on Under user's page as the festive mince pie race gets into full swing. UU himself has consumed 39 festive treats at the time of going to press, lagging behind Roman Dog Bird who has guzzled a whopping 52 mince pies at the time of going to press. Meanwhile, ChiefjusticeDS has only managed 25 and is just happy to be involved in something that involves other people for once.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 06:53, 23 December 2010

UnSignpost, UnSignpost, eat it right here...

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

Dec 30th, 2010 • Issue 101 • The periodical with just a hint of pie.

Awards of the year

By Chief

As Christmas fades into the deep darkness of memory and the New Year hurtles towards us so quickly that experts have predicted it will reach us within a few days, thoughts inevitably turn to the Yearly awards. Well, the thoughts of we here at the UnSignpost do; if yours don't, then you aren't committed to this site enough. The yearly awards are: Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Potatochopper of the Year. These highly imaginative awards are hotly contested affairs with up to 3 Uncyclopedians being nominated for each! While voting will not be open until early January you can already begin to think about who you want to nominate. The voting will be open until the end of January, hopefully, maybe, if we remember/are nominated.

So prepare for the excitement, bribery and ~~boredom~~ fun. Vote, vote and vote. In all seriousness, there are some really deserving users around here and if you can't think of anything, then you need to get involved. Now to balance that out: Bing boing whoopsie knickers.

Lolpoo

By Chief

Those of you who frequently watch the village dump may have spied, nestled amongst imaginative topics like "I r haz a solushan 4 all teh speeling prooblams on Uncylopedia!!" and "MY PENIS IS BENSON", the topic about the Poo Lit Surprise competition. As the forum topic suggests, the competition is expected to start in January on the 18th. The PLS is arguably the biggest writing competition in Uncyclopedia and judges are still needed to help out, just check out the forum topic if this is something you want to do.

The controversial, drama causing, admin harassing problem associated with the PLS last time was the issue of a cash prize for the winner, and clashes over various entries to the competition and the related financial consequences caused problems for the competition and contributed towards Mordillo's 200th mental breakdown of the year. This year crafty Scot Sycamore, who has been coerced into hosting the PLS, has decreed that the winner may nominate a charity to which an unconfirmed sum will be sent on victory. Any further winnings may be withdrawn from your bank account with your credit card and redeemed at most shops.

The competition starts on January 18th and we are lead to believe will close 14 days later, however we cannot confirm this for reasons that we are unable to confirm at time of writing and going to press. It's that simple.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

16:41, December 26, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.10.118.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (What's that under the tree? Why - it's a gift you overlooked! Whatever could it be? Well, how about that - it's a ban!)
21:08, December 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.4.116.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Sets off my arsehole detector. Don't ask why I have one.)
10:28, December 25, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 143 seconds ‎ (Merry thing you don't celebrate old chap! Hope the presents you didn't get would have been fantastic!)
22:15, December 24, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.2.208.36 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Did I just accidentally start a gang war between myself and some kids from Scotland? Cool beans.)
18:20, December 28, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.32.12.212 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Simon IS a naughty boy but it's not for you to tell)

Biopic of the Week

Bananas, bats and beach balls, what do these things have in common? The answer of course is Lyrithya, who, let’s face it, is just plain weird. Obsessed with everything from masturbation to mastication and from coding to cunnilingus... OK I made some of that up, but the thing about Lyrithya is that you don't know what I made up and what is the whole gruesome truth.

That aside, Lyrithya seems to successfully spend more than 24 hours on Uncyclopedia every day and seems to be attracting the attention of the majority of the user base, like a lone woman in a room full of sexually frustrated quasi-rapists, which she is. But why not go and say hello if you haven't already? The response will baffle you, but that's half the appeal.... isn't it?

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Won't Get Banned Again

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 21:31, 30 December 2010

UnSignpost Delivery!

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

Jan 6th, 2011 • Issue 102 • Just add Milk!

Wiki Update

By Chief

So it would seem, considering Uncyclopedia has successfully staggered its way into a new year (and its 6th birthday on Janurary 5), that everything is working as it should; this raises the question, why? Well, we at the UnSignpost love a challenge, so we have investigated the salt mines of Uncyclopedia to see the ~~inmates~~ users who are currently labouring in them to produce the site we all know and love^{[citation needed]}.

VFD is working splendidly and has recently held a minor games purge. If you missed out, shame on you. Watched over by Sycamore, it is edited continuously by a few others who have been hitting the random page button in search of crap to rewrite for months, if not years now. Over on UnNews, SPIKE is also labouring in the place of UnNews grandmaster, the right honourable Zim ulator. Meanwhile on pee review, Lyrithya and Black flamingo11 have been shouldering more responsibility than they know what to do with, reviewing and checking the infernal tables and generally filling the void left by somebody trying in vain to get a life. Now for a quick moment on the forums.... that's that over with. Recent changes is also empty because Socky has stopped categorising absolutely everything and everyone else is.... writing.

Romartus is still shattering hopes and dreams on VFH and we hope to be able to bring you this exact same piece of news next year. The admins are of course splitting their time between overseeing the whole process and abusing their powers for giggles. If you work like a dog for Uncyclopedia and you haven't been mentioned here, it's nothing personal; it's just ~~you aren't good enough~~ our journalists are easily distracted by loud noises and flashing lights, so perhaps you live too near a lighthouse.... or a level crossing.

From the desk of the Cabal:Compliance recommended for 2011

By Nobody

It has not escaped the notice of the non-existent Cabal that Uncyclopedia has successfully survived another year, and the Cabal, of which there is none, orders all subjects to have a happy new year, or else. It would seem that you ignored our ruling of last year where we instructed you to comply at every opportunity and issued a decree banning drama. In 2010 we saw range blocks and epic ban sprees (to purge the ballot boxes and thus purify democracy), we witnessed mass deletions (necessary losses), we observed hundreds of forum topics declaring Wikia to be the worst (Wikia are to be obeyed despite this), we watched as you persecuted the weak, stubborn and female (to build the master race) and took note of your single success, that of closing the worst 100 reflections on 2010 before midnight on December 31st. This took you two years; it does not count.

In short you have failed us again.

So as 2010 fades into distant memory, we turn our eyes to 2011. We have the following advice: question nothing; you are meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend; remain indoors; do not attempt to remove the cameras from your dwelling they are for the protection of the community; drive safely; stay in school/work; shut the fuck up and go write an article; provide your bank details and PIN when asked.

That is all citizens, you may now move freely about the complex.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

09:56, January 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Famine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (by blocking Famine, do I end world hunger? No need to thank me, just bring me a pork pie.)
12:35, January 5, 2011 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1.673 hours ‎ (For helping me with my email - smart arse.)
17:06, January 4, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.32.193.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (reverting admins and other experienced users for no good reason, also for annoying me on a tuesday, the worst day of the week to annoy me.)
23:05, January 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.32.193.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Stop that, on the path of the righteous edit warring is not, Swindon that way lies)
07:42, January 4, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.131.23.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (His habit of replacing words with "COCK," "JESUS" and "CHRIST" is so funny my hand slipped and accidentally hit the "BAN" button)

Biopic of the Week

This week, the UnSignpost has once again put off actually having to find out something about a user - going to their talk page, reading their articles; this is the same as work. Instead we have decided to biopic last year because that means we can make lots of generalisations and you all get to be included in the biopic, unless you joined in the last 6 days, in which case, where the fuck were you?

In 2010, all sorts of fun things happened. We appointed new administrators, we reviewed lots, then we didn't review at all, we all left because of drama in summer, then we all came back again, then the FBI phoned An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and all the administrators started drinking even more, except Zombiebaron who came back and we all welcomed him, what a splendid fellow. We fought in the street, we fought on talk pages and we fought in the village dump, then we went to Wikipedia and fought there, then the servers broke so we all came back here and fought with Wikia. Then we sulked.

Happy New Year!

Mince Pie of the year

UU ate more mince pies than anyone else over Christmas. Well done him, he wins at heart disease. We look forward to hearing of his premature death unloved and miserable thousands of miles from home.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 09:53, Jan 6 2011 UTC

UnSignpost Delivery!

Now with 20% more ninjas!

Jan 13th, 2011 • Issue 103 • Leave to stand for 5 minutes before consuming

Voting Frenzy

By Chief

It's that month again, the famous voting month when Uncyclopedians gather to air their opinions on the year that has been, user contributions or lack thereof and lots of other things. The difference between this and the continuous monthly evaluation normally going on is that now we have Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year to accompany our small selection of monthly awards/voting pages: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Of course it is the duty of every Uncyclopedian worth his/her salt to vote and have an opinion on each and every one of the above. Having no opinion is not an option; we can't afford such luxuries, not when the very fabric of our society hangs by a thread made entirely of voting pages. The UnSignpost has spoken to experts in voting patterns and strategies and they have instructed us to encourage each and every one of you to vote for whichever candidate you wouldn't like to not unwin again! It's that simple!

A quick round up on our yearly awards: over on WotY Mhaille, Sog1970 and Aleister in Chains are slugging it out blow by blow for pole position. On UotY, some Spunk bubble has stormed ahead with Lyrithya in second place and all the other deserving candidates scrapping on the floor for... er scraps.

On PotY Zombiebaron has taken a convincing lead. Since we failed to ask him to comment he might have said: "Braaaains, I shall consume all brains," which leads this reporter to comment that Zombiebaron may well be on the wrong website.

The best articles of 2010 voting opens on the 15th of this month and will give the hardcore voters among you a chance to get stuck in again, but this time into people's articles rather than the people themselves. Regrettable, we know, but you can always nominate them for something next month.

As the voting frenzy continues, the UnSignpost will continue to watch from a safe distance and will be on hand to comfort all the winners when they realise the best years of their lives have been spent essentially bailing out the Titanic with a small mug. The very worst of luck to everyone, and indeed everything, competing.

Uncyclopedia is 6!

By Chief

It's true, it is. Six years of crawling around the back streets of the internet begging to anyone for cash/servers/food, regardless of how useful they may or may not be. That's right, everyone, you are aboard the good ship Uncyclopedia, the only wiki that has sails and a rudder and that's a fact. The UnSignpost won't be doing anything like making up poems or getting emotional and tender about Uncyclopedia growing a year older, since some people have already shown off what big girls they are by doing just that. A quick review of said poetry: Olipro thinks it's cool and manly to swear (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), Mimo&maxus thinks it's cool to be like Olipro (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), and neither of them are very good at poetry (this is true and their poetry sucks because of it).

Happy birthday Uncyclopedia! At least we here at the UnSignpost did the manly thing of putting on a pink apron and baking you a cake.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

21:30, January 10, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.210.176.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (OMG! THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WITH A DYNAMIC IP! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!)
02:50, January 10, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Posting a comment on a locked forum topic. You monster!)
16:23, January 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked FuuuD: (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Nobody cares about you, your school chums and/or their love of anal (except Olipro, he's probably taking notes))
00:23, January 12, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.112.44.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Lovely, perhaps next time you are on the wiki we could have crumpets and discuss your crippling stupidity)
03:40, January 7, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.130.126.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is probably the sort of thing you'll find funny: YOU'RE REALLY SMART... (pause) NOT!!!!)

Biopic of the Week

Instead of trying to give you clues, this week the UnSignpost is just going to come straight out and tell you whom we are using for the biopic. We won't mention that he was adopted by ChiefjusticeDS but overcame this disadvantage to actually be quite useful. We won't mention the fact that he can sing, read and play music.

We won't mention his featured articles, his Pee Reviews, his userboxes, his permanently broken user page or how annoyed it makes him if you spell the second part of his user name wrong. We won't dance around the issue any further; we owe it to those of you who have busy lives and those of you who are reading the UnSignpost while your home burns around you not to mince words, so we won't, we are through mincing words; our words are so unminced they are still going "Moo" and eating grass.

So now we have dispensed with all that time wasting nonsense we can tell you immediately and without delay that this week the biopic is about John Lydon.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Are We Human Or Are We Cancer?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 03:13, Jan 13 2011 UTC

Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is the UnSignpost.

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Jan 20th, 2011 • Issue 104 • Whatever happened to Wagon Wheels?

PuppyOnTheRadio makes a discovery!

By Chief

Incredible, isn't it; we were pretty astounded ourselves... the UnSignpost actually has some news to report! Yes, everyone's favourite radio-fetishist canine has made the discovery of the ~~century~~ ~~decade~~ ~~year~~ week by coming up with a way to condense games down into one, two, three or even four pages as opposed to 167. This discovery has many benefits, none of which are likely to affect you, but it helps fulfil Uncyclopedia's green commitment by reducing internet congestion by quite a high number and it makes your work easier to destroy, thus breaking your spirit up to 50% quicker!

This paper understands that the discovery occurred as PuppyOnTheRadio was sniffing spores, mould and fungus (as he does every Tuesday), when he accidentally sneezed mucus all over them. POTR then observed some remarkable effects as the ~~games~~ mould shrank down into one or two easy-to-manage ~~pages~~ piles.

So if you witness some huge game purges going on, do not be concerned; it's just the administrators cleaning up after POTR; needless to say they hate him for this. You all think about that before you next consider doing something useful; all you have to gain is the eternal hatred of every active administrator, although if you really want that, he has posted some ads looking for help.

Also yes, this paper is aware that the image accompanying this story is of Sigmund Freud as opposed to a real scientist; this is not because we don't know who he is, but simply because POTR has issues.

Facebook for a day

By Chief

Those of you who arrived at Uncyclopedia on the 16th of this month may have noticed that the main page looked like Facebook. We here at the UnSignpost certainly did; we were celebrating the inevitable salaries, dental plans and offices with swivel chairs that inevitably come with people who have money being in charge when Zombiebaron told us it was just a reskin, what a jerk. The page has received high praise from the community, especially those who were in it.

The brains behind it (and we use the term brains loosely) were Zombiebaron and Lyrithya, who spent a great deal of their seemingly limitless free time working on it. This newspaper can only assume they were both living off other people's money and not paying tax at the time, because if they contributed anything to society then they would have been slumped in front of their TV's, miserable and alone, frittering away their time on earth like the rest of us. Did we mention that they are probably in the country illegally? As per this newspaper's policy of forgetting to ask people for quotes in case they say something worth writing, we have simply observed Lyrithya (from a safe distance) to find out her feelings on the reskin. Don't do this, for your own safety. All she does is eat Cheetos and whine. Zombiebaron has once again obliged us by simply saying "Zombiebaron" in response to any question our reporters ask.

All joking aside, the reskin was superb and a lot of hard work went into its creation, and not just from the two users mentioned. Others were involved in some of the jokes, creativity and stuff. Check the reskin out in the main page history if you missed it, or you can check out all the main page reskins in the reskin archive.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

6:53, January 13, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Ihatethisbloodysite (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (we're not too fond of you either)
11:09, January 17, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopedia Is Racist Towards Niggers (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (COON!!!!)
23:58, January 18, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.238.88.224 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (It's captain gaylord! Thank you for saving us!)
16:37, January 19, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.196.51.46 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (With a pottymouth like that Santa won't be bringing you any gifts this year)
18:58, January 19, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ChíefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Fuck ChíefjusticeDS)
12:58, January 17, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.12.66.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (partly for vanity, partly for cyberbullying, partly just for being from Luton.)

Biopic of the Week

Anyone who has ever strode into the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is probably familiar with our user for this week. Not only does he seem to have been there since the dawn of time, but he never leaves the place. He is always there; he is to the IRC what lying is to politics, what dilithium crystals are to the starship Enterprise.

Yes, this week it's finally time for a biopic on Olipro. Olipro has been here since... a very long time ago and is a great mystery to everyone; most people have no idea he is an administrator, most people have no idea that he considers a morning wasted if he hasn't called 5 people cockjockey by lunchtime. Olipro is one of those mysterious creatures who occasionally tinkers with important pages, occasionally drops by to tell his favourite users that they were born out of wedlock, and, if you rub the side of his magic lamp, occasionally produces pages of code to make the ~~mining~~ maintenance of the site easier.

Chances are he has effected you in some way during your stay on Uncyclopedia, if not get yourself into the IRC and tell him that his username sucks balls; that way you are guaranteed the full, untainted Olipro experience.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Middle-Aged Suburban White Guy Rap

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 08:13, 20 January 2011

UnSignpost! Wheeee!

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Jan 27th, 2011 • Issue 105 • Do not try this at home!

Awards and Voting Update

By Chief

As the Uncyclopedian voting season draws to a close, the UnSignpost is proud to have spent a full ten minutes looking at the scores on the award pages so you don't have to! Over on Writer of the Year Aleister in Chains has taken a lead of two points over Mhaille and Sog1970 who are tied in second place with 9 each. It looks as though WotY is set to be a real roller coaster thrill ride as the frontrunners approach the final furlong, looking to be the first to vault the pommel horse of victory and ultimately hit it out of the park for a triple 20 score of 180, all without potting the black... or getting knocked off their broomsticks.

Meanwhile Uncyclopedian of the Year is interesting, if only to watch Uncyclopedians revelling in a completely non-gay celebration of how fantastic everyone else is, all except the leader, ironically, who this newspaper maintains is a work-shy wank-stain on the pants of life.

RadicalX of the Year is a Zombiebaron appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 7 points.

The Top 10 articles of 2010 is almost finished and the leaders of the pack are becoming apparent, with Suddenly, Raccoons leading the pack and Gay whales in Darfur and A wizard did it tying for second place. There has been some comment on this positioning: mostly screams of horror that an article comprising 6 words could possibly competing for best article of the year, sighs of resignation as it inches closer to actually achieving that end and the snorting guffaws of the people voting for it as they accidentally eat the ends of their fingers while eating crisps and try to cross busy roads without looking.

UnSignpost Disclaimer: All scores are correct at time of writing, if they change, as they inevitably will, why not look at it as a metaphor for our inability to understand the universe as it changes around us and leave this story alone?

Panic, despair and anguish

By Chief

It was a fine day, and then Wikia came. They destroyed that which we hold dear, had the tenacity to upgrade the site, kidnapped our children after we refused to pay them for piping all the rats out of town, turned all our clocks backwards 3 hours and worst of all they turned Mordillo into a newt... but he got better. Yes, this week has seen another Wikia update, and our roving reporters have taken to the streets, in flak jackets naturally, to investigate the chaos currently engulfing Uncyclopedia, as people wake up to discover the changes to bits of the site they never used.

First of all we stopped by the Village Dump, where the peasants are revolting, and some people are quite upset about the new changes. Chief among those people is Dexter111344, starter of the forum topic Technical difficulties with Wikimedia updates in January 2011; we didn't bother interviewing him as he looked quite mean, though this periodical does observe that Dexter has been protesting against regular bathing for some time now and nobody else really wants to talk to him. If you aren't Spang, Olipro or Lyrithya you won't have a clue what is going on, so we have condensed it down into a suitably stupid phrase just for you "Shit dun' got fucked up".

From here we dropped by Wikia headquarters and, once we had obtained docking clearance and the shield on the forest moon was deactivated, we were able to speak to ~~Grand Moff~~ Sannse about the changes. "DPL has changed with the latest version of mediawiki, it will need tweaking" she explained, clearly oblivious to the fact our journalist doesn't know what all those words mean and thinks DPL stands for Dragons, Pixies and Lions. Sannse went on to say that the userbase will need to contribute in order to get things back to normal, as our interview concluded she pointed out that "Trousers aren't needed, just knowledge," which will come as a shock to the active userbase who have been turning up with neither for several years now.

Stay classy, Uncyclopedia, and watch out for DPLs. If you find something that is badly broken and adversely effecting the running of the site as a whole then contact an administrator or an ~~Imperial Stormtrooper~~ member of wikia staff, and no, minor aesthetic changes don't count.

Check out these pages: Best of 2010 Candidates!

From our logs:

07:01, January 22, 2011 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Iwillkillyou333 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron: This is a joke ban. Anybody who says it's not is a fucking liar. Now, start updating scores when you vote, or I will never ban you again. Ever!)
18:23, January 20, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.68.85.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (He is not God. God would be wearing a hat
14:56, January 21, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.44.241.22 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Crazy for "but sex," apparently. And bans.)
14:57, January 21, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 32 seconds ‎ (This Sycamore thinks he can just be "competent" and "Scottish". He'll have another think coming after I eat another jaffa cake.)
01:05, January 26, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked True mystery (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (YOU'RE A RIOT, TRUE MYSTERY, A REGULAR RIOT!!!!!!)

Biopic of the Week

Everybody likes magic; we here at the UnSignpost are firm believers in it as it delivers the periodical which you are currently perusing directly to your talk page every week! Brilliant stuff. The only person who likes magic more than we do is this week's user Magic man. He has even set up an award for the most magical user every month, because we are actually really short on silly awards like that. Besides that, Magic man has been a steady contributor to the site since June and has proved willing to help out where necessary; be it delivering the UnSignpost, frantically refreshing recent changes in search of creativity, sweeping, dusting, polishing and even writing articles.

While he might not have penned thousands of featured articles, Magic man has proved to be helpful and more than willing to put in the hours, so by all means say hello to him and suggest he marry your sister when he has a free moment.

Cajek Ban of the Week!

05:06, January 24, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (I am banning you because you edited Uncyclopedia)

Newsroom UnTune of the week

I Like Cats (The Other White Meat)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 04:42, 27 January 2011

YOU!!!!

Where are you???? I miss you. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 17:53, 2 February 2011

The UnSignpost is now served with complimentary tacos.

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the ~~Police~~ UnSignpost!

Feb 3rd, 2011 • Issue 106 • Can you feel the news melt?

Awards and the winners thereof

By Chief

Those of you who were rapt by the news from last issue were doubtless concerned by the news of Wikia updates, however life around the wiki appears to be proceeding as normal, albeit with more swearing and misery. Despite this last week being quite a slow one as far as news goes, the UnSignpost refuses to simply lie back and think of England.

Our roving reporters have sat down with the yearly award winners to find out just how it feels to ~~have no friends~~ win a yearly award on Uncyclopedia! Our first stop was Zombiebaron, Potatochopper of the Year for 2010, and after turning down his offer of a plate of brains, we listened as he simply said "Zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron BRAINS!". Now accustomed to interviews with Zombiebaron, the UnSignpost had brought along former UotY winner and pretty lady Sockpuppet of an unregistered user to translate. According to Socky, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Well it's absolutely top hole, the chaps and chapettes singling me out for such a spiffing honour, really the whole venture is a jolly bit of sport which encourages the assertion that we must all pull together to make Uncyclopedia splendid and, of course, win the boat race. A glass of Iced tea anyone?" The UnSignpost suspects Socky made some of this up; everyone knows Zombiebaron hates Iced tea.

Next we stealthily followed Aleister in Chains to work to find out just how he felt about being named Writer of the Year. He had this to say, to someone else: "Everyone nominated deserved the award. Seriously. It's like chopping a baby up bit by bit (dibs on the heart and some of the toes)," which means he is a whole 10% more stable than last years winner! It seems only fair that we should speak to Mhaille, repeat Writer of the Year loser and bureaucrat; he said, "I'd like to thank all the voters who for the fifth year running didn't get me a WOTY award and all the people who took time out from their busy schedule of not being on Uncyclopedia to come back and offer their support in our annual awards." What a splendid fellow. We here at the UnSignpost are all agreed that it takes real talent to lose as gracefully as Mhaille does.

In an unprecedented turn of events, Useless Gobshite of the Year was jointly received by both Arsehole and Twattycake; Twattycake also picked up the Uncyclopedian of the Year award in a final evening of voting that will go down in history as having happened last weekend. We haven't asked them for quotes, though Twattycake did manage to say something about being incredibly grateful to everyone who voted for him. He then tried to consume our correspondent's "essence," so we haven't got anything more from him.

The Top 10 of 2010 extravaganza also concluded with Suddenly, Raccoons taking the top spot, closely followed by A wizard did it, Filial Piety and Gay whales in Darfur. Mhaille, who won't stop following our journalists around, said "This years "Top" 10 shows once again that people of taste and infinite comedic writing talent must be found soon to stop this travesty from ever occurring again". The top ten extravaganza will continue for a while longer as each of the articles in the top 10 is once again highlighted on the front page.

With that, Uncyclopedia's voting season draws to a close, leaving the UnSignpost bereft of filler material. Again.

UnNews update

By Zim

After spending the last several months in a sensory deprivation tank, Reverend zim ulator has returned to his position at Uncyclopedia, though only on a part-time basis, the slacker. In his absence, SPIKE has been doing a ~~great~~ job of holding UnNews together. Kudos to him for a job well done, the slacker.

There have been some grumblings about the UnNews podcast, more specifically the lack of updates since last summer. As of today, the podcast has been updated with UnNews' latest audios, dating back to January 24 2010. By the time this article is published, the list should stretch back to last August or so. Go check it out now; we'll wait.

UnFunnies on UnNews main page are being changed again, after a hiatus. The cartoonist had been hospitalized with juxtaposition atrophy for the last several months, keeping him from his easel.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

07:33, February 2, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.165.238.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Take a week off. Get some air. Get a haircut. Go for a walk. Stop pissing me off.)
21:24, February 1, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Adsfsderaewfds (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (bzahahahahahahahwahahh. Very eloquent of you sir.)
23:07, January 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Editing the wiki without due care, attention or care for my feelings, which you left in tatters as you departed leaving our song unfinished... I'm still not gay, that would be gay)
07:48, January 29, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 23 seconds ‎ (who the fuck are you, and what makes you think you can "write" an "article", eh?)
16:59, January 28, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.211.11.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Bad move - we lurve Asian women round here)
14:36, January 27, 2011 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10001 days ‎ (FU)

~~Biopic~~ Cop-out of the Week

ChiefjusticeDS certainly is cool and worthy of a mention.

Old school Featured Article

New to Uncyclopedia? Have you had a look around and are wondering what to do? Why bother with all the glory of writing your own articles and having them featured? Why make useful contributions to other articles or help in the fight against vandalism?

No. It's far more fun to beat other authors into the ground by telling them why their work sucks so much. Why not do a Pee Review, the last refuge of sexy cowards?

The advantages to Peeing are wide and varied. For males, Pee Review can increase penis size, height, and even personal hygiene. For females improved breast shape along with better hair and more shoes are common side effects.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

I Will Possess Your Log

Mordillo's musing of the Week

"The Uncyclopedia community has disappointed me once more. Where else would you find an ungodly mishmash of the so called "top ten" as we have around here? Where else would an article about The Occult competes with an article about A Overview of the Wildlife in the Sahara, Gay Rights and Intercourse with Admins?. Even our great ~~rival partner in crime cousin remote friend~~ that other place makes sure to have some more consistency with their material. What have become of us? And then there are the Writer/Uncyclopedian/Schmuck/Whatever of the year. Enough to say that it's a waste of time. They're all sockpuppets of Mhaille by the end of the day. So, congratulations, Mhaille for your overall victory!"

Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #873

You can't read.

Random fact of the Week

We have used all the custom userboxes the original designers of this periodical deemed to be safe, this is hardcore.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 02:33, 3 February 2011

This edition of the UnSignpost brought to you in two's complement...

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Feb 10th, 2011 • Issue 107 • The newspaper that you should really sign up for and read on your own talk page

Surprise!

By Chief

Is this a bag of poo I see before me? Indeed it is, good sirs and questionable madams; surprising, isn't it?! See how we have magnificently crafted the title of the competition here? We used the word poo, so it's sophisticated and funny! Especially if we set it on fire! Yes, it is Poo Lit Surprise time and it has been since January the 18th! However the UnSignpost won't let being some 23 days late to the competition stop the relentless march of journalism.

The competition has been hosted this time around by sexy Scot Sycamore. When asked about the competition, Sycamore told our reporter "Things have gone pretty well with PLS. I've enjoyed reading many of the entries, and the quality has been very impressive - hopefully we'll see some great features from some very good new and old writers". Now in light of these comments, you may be thinking, "There's a man with his head screwed on correctly, I must pop round to his house for tea and muffins next time I'm out on a jaunt round Scotland," but we implore you not to do this, because Sycamore is, to be frank, snooker-loopy.

After saying the above, Sycamore began to remove his clothing while saying, "As far as my personal experience goes, it’s been a challenge here and there - with some people wanting stuff that’s simply not feasible, capricious judges or general oversight to make sure special Uncyclopedians aren't walking into walls or playing with their faeces (a risk with several contributors). Overall I think I've been great and any problems have been someone else’s fault.." At this point our interviewer fled, just before Sycamore could provide an answer to the age old question about what Scotsmen wear under their kilts.

The competition is due to provide definitive results by the 13th, but the fierce intensity in the competition id rivalled only by Mordillo's intense desire not to do any judging until late March (he claims he has life issues) and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user's desire to avoid allocating a clear winner (he clearly has life issues). The UnSignpost would like to extend its congratulations to everyone who participated in the PLS; as we always say, every single one of you is a winner; it's just that most of you won't actually be winners.

Big News!

By Chief

First, a confession: I have just lied to all of you; there is no big news to report. Just about everyone has gotten over the Wikia update frenzy of a few weeks ago, there are no big awards left to report on, no controversies or pregnancies, or indeed pregnancies or controversies. We, well, I say we; it's just me really - which makes the meetings and functions really dull- have thought and thought and thought about what to put in this space. Should we tell you about Socky's idea to have yet another chance to vote in case you weren't completely sick of voting by now? Or should we look for a part of the site that nobody edits much, like UnTunes or UnScripts? We were stumped until we hit upon the idea of reporting on how you are all bunch of slackers who haven't done anything interesting this week, and it's true, everyone except Sycamore has been happy to just plod along being vaguely useful, and the UnSignpost is here to tell you that this is entirely unacceptable. We see you every day, adding things to QVFD, patrolling Recent Changes, writing articles and generally hanging about the place being limber and stress free; your attitudes are what reduced Mordillo to the burnt out husk he is today.

Not that this paper encourages drama or vandalism; we just want to see the wiki fall into rack and ruin and be there to chronicle every glorious second of it! As the flames leap high into the night sky, the UnSignpost would be there, finally making use of the flak jackets we were issued last summer. Think of the coverage! We could interview Wikia representatives in their bunker at the heart of Skynet! We could run messages across the darkened fields of open warfare to... Fredd's house, the heart of the Uncyclopedian resistance. Imagine the pictures: Olipro executed by Wikia for a particularly groundbreaking piece of code that actually works! Lyrithya brutally murdered in the dead of night by nobody in particular! Not using that fecking dog image we've been using since issue 2!

So to conclude, there is no way for us to fill this space this week short of encouraging a violent revolution. We hope the lot of you are satisfied.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

03:46, February 8, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Mexicanswithoutborders (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (I hereby diagnose you with xxXtreme gay syndrome)
20:15, February 7, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 41.35.199.74 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (See peace in the embrace of allah)
15:34, February 5, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.212.247.172 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Who are you people? Why do you keep turning up? Will you buy me some chips?)
12:06, February 3, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 83.14.194.82 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Take a step back and literally fuck your own face)
12:02, February 3, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 80.51.59.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Rabbinic intervention to stop you screwing Virgin Mary)
09:16, February 4, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.187.239.89 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (congratulations, you tripped our "predictable twat" alarm!)
20:51, February 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 165.234.184.39 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Hurrah for penis, it shall lead us to the promised land.... or was that Moses?)

Biopic of the Week

The time has come for us to talk about Syndrome. A splendid fellow, by all accounts; he has written stuff, he has reverted vandalism and is generally a splendid fellow, did I mention he is a splendid fellow? His approachability, fondness for muffins and the fact he thinks the admins are cool and sexy meant there was no competition when it came to deciding who should receive the honour of an UnSignpost biopic.

The sad part, however, is that Syndrome is around less and less these days, and this just will not do. So here is what we shall do, we shall go out into the streets and we shall buy muffins, except the admins who will simply look cool and sexy as always, and we shall hold the muffins aloft until Syndrome gallops into view. It's foolproof!

Word of the week, provided by: Mhaille Shandygaff

Definition:

(Noun) A large spoon used to clear drainpipes: "Pass me a ladder, a bucket and the Shandygaff"

OR (less commonly)

(Noun) A beer mixed with citrus-flavored soda, carbonated lemonade, ginger beer, ginger ale, or cider: "Make mine a Shandygaff"

Newsroom UnTune of the week

7 Shits

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 02:25, 10 February 2011

Hey ASSHOLE

Leddy's back (kind of) so why aren't you ya fuckin' limey bastard??!??!!?! --Roman Dog Bird 06:51, February 15, 2011 (UTC)

Is anyone here actually black? I need to know how guilty I should feel for saying nigger. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 06:53, February 15, 2011 (UTC)

I am you racist mother fucker (and so is mordillo). --Roman Dog Bird 07:04, February 15, 2011 (UTC)

Nigger. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 05:55, February 16, 2011 (UTC)

Lurg luuurg unsignpost luuuuurg

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Feb 17th, 2011 • Issue 108 • The newspaper that won't be interrupted by some kind of nocturnal omniv-

Who are these people?

By Chief

That's right, this week, Uncyclopedia has seen several old people reappear and start editing with the best of us. The first to appear was Codeine, who appeared on the wiki after previously dropping by only every few weeks to revert the anniversary pages and bemoan the general state of things; our forecasters are currently unsure whether we will see a full resurgence of Codeine, but they are hopeful that levels will continue to rise until everyone is crushed beneath Codeine's massive... mixed metaphor. Rcmurphy has also joined the wiki and can be sighted wandering around on recent changes, asking silly questions and trying and failing to create articles; we asked our forecasters what they thought about Rcmurphy and the chances of him staying here, but apparently they don't care about "some noob".

Anyone who has not had a chance to speak to either Codeine or Rcmurphy should head to their talk pages right now and ask about their Mum and offer to adopt them, respectively. Be gentle with these two aged Uncyclopedians; remember, everything was far simpler in their day. When they were your age, all of this was fields, Mordillo was happy, the servers frolicked in a Wikia free wonderland and you were still a glint in your Mother's eye.

We were lucky enough not to sit down with Codeine, but can predict with frightening accuracy that he would have said "Would you like a mint imperial?" if we had. You can't actually sit down with Rcmurphy because he has lost his 'sitting down and giving quotes to the UnSignpost' glasses, so we don't have a proper quote from him either. We can live with this and so can you.

Remember, if you edit hard and eat your greens, you too could be just like Codeine and Rcmurphy in a few short years; how awesome would that be?!

Suddenly News!

By Chief

So it was, with a mixture of relief and apathy, that the top 10 extravaganza drew to a close and it was revealed to everyone with no knowledge of the chronology of numbers which article claimed the top spot. Suddenly, Raccoons joins Dragon Warrior, AAAAAAAAA!, Captain Obvious, You Are Dead and the awkward tie from 2008 in the grand cupboard of Uncyclopedia where it shall remain as an example of how to write an Uncyclopedia article. The UnSignpost refuses to congratulate Hyperbole for writing Uncyclopedia's favorite article three years running, since doing so would run contrary to our aim of ultimately crushing him with the futility of his own existence. Hyperbole: You suck.

In other news, the PLS scores have been added up; anybody who has been peeking at the results page while it was being created should report to Uncyclopedia HQ for the customary 15 lashes of the cat (the same punishment for reading this periodical before it is delivered), but should also be aware that ties in the PLS are unacceptable - don't ask why; they just are - and any ties have been broken with the help of the ~~Power Rangers~~ tie-breaker judges. If this upsets you, then just remember that it is all Socky's fault. The UnSignpost will have a full rundown of the winners and losers next week.

A quick word on the forums: Poo. That was fun wasn't it?

The final item of news for you this week is that Zombiebaron, everybody's favourite flesh-devouring chocolate flavoured ~~snack~~ admin, has taken it upon himself to propose an image manipulation competition which appears to take a very strong lead from the PLS in that essentially it is the PLS, but with images, not articles. We asked Zombiebaron if this was correct. "Zombiebaron," he responded emphatically. So if you think you have what it takes to chop potatoes with the best of them, then this is the competition for you. The UnSignpost will be following this new competition as it attempts to take wing and head for the skies and will be there to chronicle its rise and equally will be there to gleefully report every crushing failure! You can follow the competition here; now go and prepare, chop chop! BEST JOKE EVER!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

04:15, February 12, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lairest (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Please read HTBFANJS: like mellow out, dude! peace and love and shit.)
14:52, February 11, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.74.26.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying is scientifically proven to be symptomatic of underdeveloped genitalia)
17:34, February 10, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.251.48.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Vandalism. Please grow up. Unless you're like a midget or something, in which case, grow out. Or round. Or down.)
20:50, February 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.139.210.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (I'm quite flattered by your huge man-crush on me. All I can say is take a number, get in line)
06:06, February 15, 2011 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (attending a college that rejected my application)

Biopic of the Week: Aleister's mother's rotting skull

A WIZARD DID IT

It's fucking magical or something!

Word of the week, provided by: RabbiTechno Schmekldekker

Definition:

(Noun) A Lithuanian shoe used for Morris Dancing: "I can't go to the Fête with you today Gunther for last night I split my Schmekldekker"

OR (less commonly)

(Noun) A Yiddish word for Condom: "I can't go to the Fête with you today Isaac for last night I split my Schmekldekker"

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Stinky Love Song

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 06:14, 17 February 2011

UnSignnull pointer exception

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

Feb 24th, 2011 • Issue 109 • Just heat and serve!

Poo Aftermath

By Chief

We write on what is, for the UnSignpost, a very sad day. It is sad because the Poo Lit Surprise has concluded and thus, after this story, we will once again be bereft of material to fill the eternal white space which mocks us every time we begin a new issue. Nevertheless, we have resolved to wring the final droplets of news from the damp flannel of the PLS; it's easier than thinking, you see.

After the ties and laziness of the judging process had been overcome, through the miracles of adding up and generally being unfair, Sycamore was finally able to reveal the winners to the world. As you would expect, the UnSignpost staff were all otherwise occupied while he was doing this, but have not only swung by the winners circle and spoken to the few contestants who don't yet have restraining orders against us but have also fetched the scores from the competition page thus saving you from the horrors of excessive reading once again. The winner of the coveted Best ~~in show~~ article rosette was BabyTV, written by the camera-shy Black flamingo11, who was just ecstatic about the win, we assume. Other winners were a noob for their noob article, and Guildensternenstein, who won the Best Alternate Namespace Article with another article; this no longer merits any congratulation as we have come to expect and demand this of him by now.

The Best Illustrated Article category broke all known records by having only three entrants and then being unable to select one to triumph over the others; it was eventually decided that - since we edit in a corrupt aristocracy where the cabal secretly decides everything - the two admins would win together and Lyrithya could have the supreme honour of being runner up! Lyrithya was permitted this enviable honour for a second time in the Best Rewrite category where she and Black flamingo11 lost to Thekillerfroggy.

The UnSignpost would, as is customary, like to offer its congratulations to all the contestants and its thanks to all the judges for ensuring that the competition failed to run smoothly; thanks also go to Sycamore for ~~ruining~~ running the whole thing.

It's all going to end in tears

By Him again

Like the eviction notices that keep arriving at UnSignpost HQ, the imminent threat of ~~terrorism~~ drama has once again demonstrated that it is impossible to escape and this time our top scientists believe it could be deployed within 15 minutes to effect each and every one of us. The threat is now so real that Mordillo is thought to be, at this moment, appealing to Wikia for emergency powers to deal with the possible uprising! Repent! The end is nigh! Duck and cover!

No, not really; while the spectre of remotely possible drama does indeed hang over our heads, there is no reason to stop drop and roll just yet, though this week tension has ramped up a notch as a proposal to change the rules of the mythical other form of VFS was raised in the forums. The idea was pioneered by Electrified mocha chinchilla who suggests that the present system is unfair and is calling for change. Hyperbole has also voiced his opposition to the present system by making it sound like we are editing in a slightly less humane version of Stalin's Russia, where ~~the proles~~ non-admins flit from doorway to doorway on stormy nights to write articles in secret, for they know this is when the administrators are surely distracted by dining lavishly on the finest sweetmeats Wikia can buy, all the while chortling about how much fun it is to have all the power. At least that's what Mhaille told our correspondent that Hyperbole was saying (he assured us he was Hyperbole's best friend). Rallied against change are the embittered power mad administrators who cling to power like limpets, notably among this group of despicable despots is the definitive despicable despot Mordillo and despicable definitive despot Rcmurphy.

Olipro has taken advantage of the preoccupation with most of the active userbase in fighting to the death in the Ministry of Love to propose the locking of the sandbox talk page. What fun he must be at parties.

The UnSignpost will continue to monitor the situation, but just remember, admin rights are just like haemorrhoids; sooner or later every arsehole gets them. Think about that.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

14:19, February 21, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.191.71.173 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (God probably has most concern over man's inhumanity to his fellow man than fucking around on a comedy website)
07:40, February 21, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.89.143.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY)
09:27, February 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 63.228.102.161 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You sound lovely, give me a big manly naked hug to celebrate your undeniable loveliness)
03:52, February 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (you are banned, fucker!!!!!!!!!)

HowTo of the Week (Courtesy POTR)

HowTo:Join the UnSignpost

First we need to get police clearance for you. This requires 100 points of ID. Due to recent regulatory changes this means you will need to post original copies of your birth certificate, passport, driver's license, a copy of a recent bank statement, and any pin numbers you have.

Also, as you are no doubt aware, our editor in chief has had to flee the country due to persecution by his enemies. As an UnSignpost reporter you have to be resourceful so we are entrusting you to help us get the 40 million USD we have managed to hide from his enemies out of the country. This is a matter of life and death, and we are happy to give you 25% of this sum for your assistance. Please, do not tell anyone about this, as we cannot trust anyone with this secret. Send us your bank account details, and place 2,000 USD in the account immediately to cover banking costs.

Oh, and we would like to get an idea of what your health status is, and that of your immediate family. Our doctors are experts in diagnosis via photo recognition, so send us as many photos as possible of yourself and all your family members naked.

Welcome to the team!

Word of the week, provided by: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user Guffaw

Definition:

(Noun) A small but highly vicious breed of Ferret "Jonathan watched helplessly as the mad Scientist smeared his genitals with Jam and released a massive Guffaw"

OR (less commonly)

(Noun) A boisterous laugh: "Jonathan watched helplessly as the mad Scientist smeared his genitals with Syrup and released a massive Guffaw"

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Be Gay

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 07:44, 24 February 2011

All the UnSignpost you ever wanted

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

March 3rd, 2011 • Issue 110 • Be sure to listen carefully for the Satanic messages!

Hip Hop Admin Master Mixer

By Chief

Yes, that's right, it's all here: votes for temporary adminship. Two things that are immediately noticeable to those looking at forum is that the community is divided and that it isn't funny at all. Even the permanently enthusiastic joke Dolphins kept in the dream filled creativity lake outside UnSignpost HQ are struggling to provide any inspiration for jokes to be made on this subject, and reading the forums pertaining to this is about as funny as having a brick thrown in your face only to wake up and discover there is a gas bill tied to it.

That is why the UnSignpost refuses to make any mention of it again ever.

The UnSignpost would instead like to draw your attention to this picture of a Dog dressed as a Lobster, and feels that there is greater allegorical significance to it than is immediately apparent. To help us out we spent a huge amount of money that we just found on getting an interview with Professor Oswald that ends wald who has spent his life studying stuff!

We were permitted to observe as he perused the picture, occasionally sniffing our correspondent's hair and twitching. After falling over twice and arguing with a nearby desk fan, the professor mused: "If there's one thing your average sweet old lady really likes, it's a damn good row over a few pence..." and from looking at the picture, the UnSignpost can certainly see how he came to this conclusion; if you can't, then you aren't looking hard enough. Our reporter watched in fascination as the Professor stumbled around the room and appeared to develop his prior assertion: "The other things old ladies enjoy are drinking sherry and racism." Truly thought-provoking. The professor finally stood swaying in front of the picture and his eyes seemed to clear in a glorious moment of clarity. "Fuck me, that's an ugly Dog!" he proclaimed before collapsing into a heap on the floor.

Got an opinion on everything but no knowledge of anything? Be an UnSignpost authority on nothing! Contact recruitment today!

Pooper scoopers and General stuff

By Chief

Poo. Yes, poo. It's the Dilithium crystal equivalent for Uncyclopedia in that the place couldn't work without it, but nobody is quite sure why. Unlike taking the piss, taking the Poop is a job that not just anyone can do, and the poopsmiths are the chosen few who are permitted to archive the important pages; this reduces the number of ~~plastic bags~~ bans handed out to innocent noobs just trying to help out by power crazed administrators, thus meaning Uncyclopedia is 30% greener! Incidentally, this issue of the UnSignpost is brought to you entirely through the miracle of recycled pixels! Feel free to reuse them later!

This week has seen a new Poopsmith appointed to the order, Lyrithya. When asked to comment on this, she said, "It makes me feel as though a great gong has sounded in my loins," which at least demonstrates the appropriate mindset for the job. In other news, the Earth continued to orbit the Sun and through the unrelenting march of time another month has ended and the monthly awards duly dished out to people who don't deserve them. Socky took Writer of the Month, something which has left him as cheerful as can be (we assume), Black flamingo11 took Uncyclopedian of the month, something which as left him pleased as punch (we assume) and new fellow Rpm snatched Noob of the Month from under Rcmurphy's nose, something which has left them respectively pleased and miserable (we assume).

Finally; Uncyclopedians have been sharing their pathetic stories of how they came to edit the site. It's all undeniably homosexual, especially the parts concerning supposed women. The UnSignpost editorial team certainly won't be contributing to Uncyclopedia's very own Princess Diaries; we came to be here in the normal way: an accident involving a van, a tin of baked beans, a large vat of sherbet and 50,000 volts of direct current.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

13:05, March 1, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 172.162.2.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Garfield fan + AOL user = epic faggot)
21:14, March 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (if I'm gonna take a month of banning people, I might as well get one last fix. *click* ahhhh yeah - that's the stuff...)
08:13, February 28, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.97.154.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'm pretty sure you called yourself a "niggerfaggot" at one point so I'm not sure there is anything I can do to insult you further)
19:13, February 27, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.149.157.59 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Thank God you're here copy-and-paste-stuff-from-Wikipedia man!)
22:43, February 24, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked ChefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ohai evil alter ego)
10:28, March 2, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.194.154.216 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (3 days for vandalising Uncyclopedia. 4 days for thinking he was vandalising Wikipedia.)

Biopic of the Week

What can we say about Mimo&maxus? Not a great deal, since all of our devoted research team is on a fact-finding mission to the Large Hadron Collider at CERN. However the editor demands that we say something, so here it is, all the information this journalist could dredge from his userpage. Mimo&maxus can allegedly potatochop, he likes trees, he likes goats and he was noob of the month back in the heady days of October last year. You can usually find him laughing and otherwise being unproductive, which is not his job; it is ours.

So there you go, Mimo, the biopic you always wanted, with a picture of a goat for no extra charge.

Word of the week, provided by: Olipro Toepassing

Definition:

(Noun) A popular dessert in the Netherlands. "Because of your splendid Toepassing, I am prepared to overlook the incident with the lorry-load of Penguins."

OR (less commonly)

(Noun) Dutch translation of the word Application: "Because of your splendid Toepassing, I am prepared to overlook the incident with the lorry-load of Clogs."

Loser of the week

Under user; what does he mean by not being here?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 16:08, 3 March 2011

UnSignpost: March 10th, 2011

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

March 10th, 2011 • Issue 111 • Make mine a Shandygaff!

Temporary admins and temporary brains

By Chief

It's official - temporary Administrators have arrived on Uncyclopedia. After the frantic discussion and voting, several unlucky losers have been selected from amongst the great unwashed masses and made to shovel through a never-ending pile of manure for 6 hours a day, every day, as is the tradition.

The Losers:

Hyperbole, perhaps the most vocal critic of the old "regime": Hyperbole is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and the complete works of Karl Marx. Regrettably, Hyperbole has not been in IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from him, so we have decided that when asked to comment, he said, "I feel like Moses, leading my people to the promised land," and we must say that he does look like Moses, except Moses probably wore more clothes and bathed more frequently.

He was chosen because: The Cabal wishes him to suffer.

Lyrithya, perhaps the most unsettlingly strange Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick (after Modusoperandi): Lyrithya is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and a large banana. Regrettably, Lyrithya has been in the IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from her; when asked to comment she said, "The temporary admins all suck," and we must say that they do all suck; real admins probably wear more clothes and bathe more frequently.

She was chosen because: She moans more than anyone else in the history of the human race and the Cabal wishes her to suffer.

PuppyOnTheRadio, perhaps the most Australian Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: PuppyOnTheRadio is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and <insert relevant Australian stereotype here>. Regrettably, PuppyOnTheRadio escaped from his bonds before our editor could extract a quote from him, so we have decided he said, "Crikey mates! This sheila ain't half crowded by ankle biting nongs!," and we must say that we would agree entirely if we knew what that means.

He was chosen because: He is not a poofter and the Cabal wishes him to suffer.

Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, perhaps the most active Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: Socky is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and pair of cat ears. Regrettably, Socky destroyed the reactor core before our editor could ~~authorise the destruction of Alderaan~~ get a quote from him, so we decided he said, "THERE WILL BE BLOOD, I HAVE SEEN INTO THE SOUL OF THIS WIKI AND FOUND IT WANTING!" We couldn't agree more and hope he starts his destructive rampage in BHOP.

He was chosen because: He r0xxorz our sox0rrz and the Cabal wishes him to suffer.

The Winners:

Rcmurphy, Under user, Codeine and Thekillerfroggy.

The less said about them, the better.

It returns

By Chief

The one hour writing competition, originally conceived by Dr. Skullthumper last year (details here) and the European version of the same, hosted by Mordillo shortly afterwards (details here), is returning to Uncyclopedia very shortly. While no firm date has yet been fixed for the competitions, investigative reporting reveals that it is being planned for later this month or early next month, or perhaps the month after that. You are urged to watch the forums and anticipate with mounting anticipation the announcement of a date for the competition.

In other news: ChiefjusticeDS is the best admin of all time, it's snowing and Roman Dog Bird still sucks balls.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

22:00, March 8, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.234.11.193 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'VE GOT A GIFT BASKET FOR YOU! IT CONTAINS PAIN... and chips!)
23:25, March 8, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a real fucking long time ‎ (Being Zombiebaron with impunity)
01:44, March 6, 2011 PuppyOnTheRadio (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.158.39.55 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("Basement dwelling nerds"? I'll have you know that, as soon as I finish the renovations, this basement will be a veritable ladies trap. Just like silence of the lambs.)
07:52, March 7, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.73.11.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you are an unpaid spambot, it might interest you to know that some people get paid to post spam. Why do you let your programmer exploit your rights as a worker? You should unionize.)
19:48, March 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Olipro (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Don't listen to what Lyrithya says. She's worser than worst.)
09:46, March 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Rajarshi316 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You gonna do anything with that or what? Also, what the hell is it? You'll have to bear with me, I'm kind of a moron.)

~~Biopic~~ Admin of the Week

Jack Phoenix has blown away all the competition this week by being more like Zombiebaron than Zombiebaron. Hyperbole didn't even come close!

Word of the week, provided by: Lyrithya Groop

Definition:

(Noun) The Norse God of unfinished Salad. "Oh Groop I implore you, punish young Andríðr for his dinner related transgressions!"

OR (less commonly)

(Group) An Australian folk, R&B and rock band formed in 1964 in Melbourne, Australia: "Oh Groop I implore you, punish young Stephen for his music related transgressions!"

Newsroom UnTune of the week

We In Da Club

SCROTUM

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 03:07, March 10, 2011 (UTC)

AdminBots presents: The UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

March 17th, 2011 • Issue 112 • <insert name here>'s favourite periodical! Ever!!

General news round-up

By Chief

It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular.

Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original!

Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday!

Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus.

Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result.

Happy Monkey!

By Chief

The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact!

Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen.

Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately.

Check out these pages!

From our logs - Attempting to ignore the temporary admins reveals a whole lot of ChiefjusticeDS:

23:39, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Rpr with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (It's funny because now you couldn't edit those articles even if I took the protection off! I'm witty!)
21:24, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 74.103.166.24 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Am I in your house waving my willy around?)
22:40, March 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 173.234.229.19 with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Spambot, more fool you for thinking people actually read stuff here.)
22:31, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 92.15.122.79 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (It's funny because you put your friends names in an article! NOBODY HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!)
12:18, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Keshama with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Inserting French Vanity. That makes you a pathetic Frenchman, which is saying something)

Biopic of the Week

It was a fine day and the UnSignpost staff were enjoying a quick game of tiddlywinks when someone asked whether we had done a biopic for the enigma that is Jack Phoenix. After confirming that Jack Phoenix is in fact a real person, we scoured his/her (nobody is really certain) userpage for handy hints as to who he is. After lots of tests with the most high-tech equipment, we concluded that Jack Phoenix is in fact a bastard, a damn sexy bastard.

He's a fan of that guy from that show; we don't care, we didn't watch it. Jack has been knocking around the wiki since time immemorial and in that time has been there when the wiki needed him most, be it to tutor new users in becoming bastard admins or simply to clean up the mess you have made. He's like Superman and the UnSignpost only wishes it could be his Lois Lane.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Supremes Commander

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 05:12, 17 March 2011

UnSignpostOnTheDelivery

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

March 24th, 2011 • Issue 113 • 83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

The Apocalypse will be televised

By Olipro

Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this ~~shit~~ is meant to get published, so I figured I might as well bore you with my diatribe in lieu of Chief's usual rampant drivel. PLEASE ~~BAR~~ ~~BARE~~ ~~BEER~~ BEAR WITH ME.

It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin.

Meanwhile, our ~~wonderful~~ temporary admins have been temping around, deleting, banning, breaking, fixing and verbing Uncyclopedia with great tenacity. Not to mention that an article with some actual political and historic accuracy was featured recently, and deservedly so. If you haven't read it yet, DO IT ~~FAGGOT~~.

The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so.

Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation.

Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial

By Zombiebaron

The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded.

•••

Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage!

At the Village Stocks

By ChiefjusticeDS

Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011.

However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day.

What a clot.

As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

23:22, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Per IRC discussion: "It's time has passed.")
23:31, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) created "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Okay, this'll have to suffice for now. Apologies for that really stupid idea. Assuming this even works.)
02:21, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (you fucking idiot, how will we fix this)
02:50, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) hacked up "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (96,760 revisions restored)
02:53, March 21, 2011 JackOfSpades (Talk | contribs) uploaded File:Oliproisagod.png

Biopic of the Week

The seat of the UnSignpost editor has itself sat in UnSignpost HQ for years now. It was in this very chair that Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper first made the first UnSignpost and it was in this chair that Under user mused upon the problem that confronts every editor of this proud periodical: "What on Earth am I writing about this week?". Over the years it has seen joy and it has seen sadness, and we here at the UnSignpost felt the time was right to recognise it for its incredible contribution to the UnSignpost and because Olipro spent this week sitting in it.

Word of the week, provided by: Jack Phoenix Epic

Definition:

(Noun) A lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily concerning a serious subject containing details of heroic deeds and events. "Have you heard of the epic of Gilgamesh? It's really long!"

OR

(Colloquial Adjective) A slang term for Penis: "Have you heard of the epic of Olipro? It's really short!"

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Piano Ballad

Weekly Article Challenge

This is a new part of the UnSignpost. Basically, every week a headline will be placed here and your challenge (if you can be bothered) is to write an article related to the pre-selected headline. It should be at least moderately relevant to the headline and you should create it in your userspace and notify us; we will then pick the funniest one(s) - Where headlines are polemic, two opposing ones will be specified so you can choose which side you want to take. If nobody can be bothered to write one, we'll just invent another.

This week's headline choice:
Temporary Admins asset to Uncyclopedia
OR
Temporary Admins disaster for Uncyclopedia

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1 2 3 4 ~ 10:14, 24 March 2011

This is your UnSignpost speaking

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!

Farewell

By Chief

Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text unreadable.

The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian.

So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception.

Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material.

Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material.

ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man.

Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will.

PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia.

Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on.

Competition Season

By Chief

There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday.

The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about.

So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

17:01, March 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.62.38.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (AHA! I LOVE BANS *click* ooooh yeah, that's the good stuff right there)
13:47, March 25, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Nickyg94 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off)
05:15, March 25, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.190.107.19 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you love the Powerpuff Girls so much, why don't you marry them?)
05:24, March 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.87.254.115 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If I was a real admin, I'd have some sort of witty block reason to back this up. So sorry.)
00:49, March 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Springeragh nailed K. Lastochka's hands to the table and her feet to the ground, then Sceptre stripped her of her clothes and proceeded to rape her violently. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'm kind of impressed you came back. See you next year!)
00:06, March 24, 2011 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (The cabal wishes it: Wikicide. I shall rise again on the third day. Suck it, Jesus!)

Biopic of the Week

Oliphaunte's arrival on Uncyclopedia has made several people very happy: Black flamingo11, because he can finally have the child he always wanted without any of that horrible fumbling about. ChiefjusticeDS is happy because he has someone to biopic this week, and everyone at PEEING is thrilled because there is finally some competition for the Reviewer of the Month trophy. However Oliphaunte has shunned the offering of awards and has focused solely on trying to help through his reviews, and amuse through his writings; truly a splendid fellow.

The non-existent Cabal, however, has expressed some non-existent concern at his disregard for the shiny baubles dangled before him; refusing awards on Uncyclopedia is like refusing a bagel in Israel. Highly suspicious behaviour. One for all ~~Mossad agents~~ users to ~~shoot on sight~~ say hello to if they see him.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up)

Just so you know

Naruto is still made of fail.

Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,234,546

Olipro.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:14, 31 March 2011

Terribly creative UnSignpost header

All your readers are belong to us

April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?

April Fool

By Chief

As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion.

Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.*

The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment.

The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general.

The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day.

*We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how.

I hate you and your competition

By Chief

As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with ~~classics~~ articles like Fuck Lyrithya (recently deleted) and Fuck Under user making increasingly prominent appearances literally everywhere. We were fortunate to sit down with Mordillo several months ago when he commented on this worrying trend, and he said, "This is a very worrying trend," among other things. We assume his feelings haven't changed, at least we hope not... One thing is certain, and that is that originality is at its lowest levels since records began, shortly after the creation of Euroipods way back in 2005. Beyond that, the only thing we can be certain of is that you should be very very worried.

Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

20:31, April 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.176.139.239 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble minded, and scientifically proven to be indicative of underdeveloped genitalia.)
14:17, April 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.227.227.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (LOLWANKER)
08:02, April 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked ZachaaayVomitsRainbows (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (WINNING!!!!)
08:13, April 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 180.95.18.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'm sorry I can't hear you over your crippling stupidity
10:09, April 4, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked YOUSUCKinator9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (did I mention about your mother? no?)
n12:27, April 5, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.255.240.25 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(each time you come back, you just prove yourself to be a bigger numpty. I wait with bated breath to see how much of a numpty you'll be in 3 months...)

Biopic of the Week

Our biopic this week focusses on someone who has recently proved that you can go away, raise a barn/have a family/learn to fly/scuba dive in space, and still not lose your Uncyclopedian mojo. JackOfSpades is this persona, and after spending some time away doing something from the above list, has burst back onto Uncyclopedia and has gotten straight down to it. He's a splendid fellow, and should you sample his Pee, you will not be disappointed. I know I wasn't. Finally, some of you have been complaining that the weekly biopic consists of nothing but cheap innuendo and swearing, all we can say is oh no it isn't, you shitting wanker.

Anyway, JackOfSpades, he rocks, you suck (probably); live with it.

Word of the week, provided by: Anonymous Zombie

Definition:

(Noun) A person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings. "Get off Uncyclopedia, Trevor, it's turning you into a Zombie."

OR (less commonly)

(Synonym) Administrator: "Get off Uncyclopedia. Trevor, it's turning you into an Administrator."

Newsroom UnTune of the week

ZOMBIES!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:22, 7 April 2011

The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.

I love it when the news comes together

April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.

Sysops, sysops, and more sysops

By Athyria

It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing.

In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs.

Of all of the candidates, however, the UnSignpost strongly backs Fnoodle, and encourages its readership to drop their previous considerations/votes and instead support this astoundingly trustworthy, reliable, useful, and friendly user, about whom there is nothing suspicious at all, to become the next new sysop.

Awards and contests everyone forgot about

By Someone else

As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter.

Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered.

Zombiebaron's Imagery Extra Va Gan Za is almost over; if you haven't submitted any beautiful paintings... er, that is, passable images yet, you only have a day, so hurry. Less than a day, really. But it can't be that hard, though, can it?

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

Olipro blocked 117.211.91.202 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (protip: replacing a paragraph with "fuck" isn't a good idea)
Jack Phoenix blocked Rangersseals with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (You have been nuked. With ♥, every single American out there)
Zombiebaron blocked Black Person with an expiry time of 5 weeks ‎ (I'm not banning you because you're black, but because you felt the need to replace a page in order to convey that message to the world.)
Olipro blocked 194.81.160.18 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fucks like you who think fish and chips is "proper food" need to be shot)
Dr. Skullthumper blocked Optimuschris with an expiry time of a shitty browser ‎ (Every time you use IE, a web developer dies)
Dr. Skullthumper blocked Frosty with an expiry time of a real browser ‎ (Using IE)

Biopic of the Week

If there is one thing the UnSignpost cannot function without, one thing that is important to each and every edition that goes out to the readers, one element that enables the UnSignpost to be the UnSignpost, it is not the people, not the writers, the editors, the proofreaders, the formatters, the photographers, the deliverers, or even the readers. It is not the hypertext of which it is formed, either, or the other people's talkpages to which it is delivered and then read by shifty lurkers, or the mediawiki in which it is created. It is the filler material of which it is comprised. The UnSignpost would be nothing without filler material.

And if you intend to point out that we already biopicked this or some such, don't bother. The Complaints Department is currently on vacation, hence why this opportunity was taken to not even check first before writing up this week's biopic.

Reason #243 why squirrels are the best things ever: IDDQD works against them.

Random page:

Ian Botham

Is it any good? You tell us! Send in your reviews today, and save us the effort of writing something ourselves!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:59, 14 April 2011

That UnSignposty thing

Stuff is happening with Encyclopaedia Dramatica. Uncyclopedia is still the worst.

May contain traces of humor!

April 21st, 2011 • Issue 117 • Please don't immerse this periodical in water.

VFS update

By Chief

As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to.

At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which ~~horses~~ users will make it into the final furlong of this, the ultimate race to lifelong servitude and misery. Earlier this week, our correspondent sat down with RabbiTechno and a gentleman named Fred, who assures us he is not in fact Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (these are our experts, in case you weren't sure). In lieu of doing any real work, we have reproduced the interview here:

RT: Good day

Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head!

USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS?

Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain!

RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6.

Fred: Woo!

USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round?

RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way.

USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi.

RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time.

Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What??

RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her??

USP: Quite true.

Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman??

USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though!

RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count?

USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders?

Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need.

USP: Rabbi?

RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round.

Fred: Sandwiches.

USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment.

So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week.

Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

17:09, April 18, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.90.95.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (uh huh, you sure "hacked" that page alright)
14:57, April 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ed Refugee 2: Electric Boogaloo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppet/having a username that offends my Christian sensibilities)
09:00, April 15, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 149.144.196.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (faggot faggot faggot faggot FAGGOT. SAYING IT MORE MAKES ME MUCH COOLER THAN ALL MY OTHER FAGGOT FRIENDS.)
19:25, April 13, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.63.250.3 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (you're so vain you probably think this ban is about you. oh wait, it is!)
14:56, April 15, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.176.14.40 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Nothing here, either - merely a space where there was once an idiot)
04:35, April 14, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.8.106.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take that, the Netherlands!)

Biopic of the Week

It seemed incredible that we hadn't delved into the psyche of Frosty before, and now that we have, we must face the gaping black hole of choices for biopics again next week (honestly, we did a biopic on a chair a few weeks ago, it's that bad). Anyway, Frosty, well I've spoken to him and looked at his userpage, and wishing no offence to him, he's a bit nuts. He's so mad about maintenance he has a little book where he records each vandal added to Ban Patrol along with details of the offence and other priceless information. If he's not doing that he is on his talk page being generally tenacious and refusing to be put off by the voices of doom that surround him; he just won't quit! He's everywhere I go; I went to vote on VFD the other day and he was there, arguing that an article needn't be deleted: sacrilege! I went to VFH to do some voting and there he was, voting and otherwise irritating me with his tenacity.

So if you have a free moment why not drop by his talk page and tell him he's doing everything wrong, you'll fit right in with everyone else! Alternatively, bring a video camera and your book of articles you've added to QVFD and, in my judgement, the two of you will only incriminate yourselves.

Aperture Science Handheld Featured Article Device

Portal is a single-player Source-engine first-person science-fiction puzzle-action meme-causing smart-alec scalp-tearing video game by Aperture Science, dba (doing business as) Valve Software. An innovative, not overly long, well-written, critically acclaimed, award-winning game that pushed the boundaries of how gamers perceived a game's environment and physics, it is mostly known for cake, the Companion Cube, and that song at the end.

A sequel, Portal 2, was announced and demonstrated at E3, and has already received critical acclaim and awards before its release.

Thing we should probably mention

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:19, 21 April 2011

Neighborhood Watch

Hi Mr. Seeing I'm officially retired, I'll not touch the article - but looks like it has some editing to do. Some notes and suchlike have been left on. How's going, otherwise? -- Style Guide 18:19, April 24, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost: April 28th, 2011

It is still garbage that babies read.

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

April 28th, 2011 • Issue 118 • A ~~brilliant~~ ~~reasonable~~ periodical.

General News Round-up

By Chief

It has been another uneventful week at Uncyclopedia, which, contrary to popular belief, is good for the UnSignpost. Uneventful weeks mean we can report in the vaguest terms possible the various goings on on the wiki, a task made infinitely easier through the existence of the Uncyclopedia at a glance page. For instance, did you know that here at Uncyclopedia we have featured 1,731 articles, which is approximately 7%! We don't know what it's 7% of; we aren't scientists. Uncyclopedia at a glance is a splendid resource, which the UnSignpost would recommend to anyone with a spare afternoon and no other plans for their internet usage.

Elsewhere on the wiki, VFS has clunked into its final stage, with Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user both reaching the final round. Normally, at this point, the existing administrators vote on a candidate until the 30th of the month, whereupon a messenger is dispatched to the lair of the bureaucrats informing them whom should be afforded the gift of divinity. This Cabal memo clearly never reached Under user, who has started a vote calling for both candidates to receive adminship. "It's a disgrace, if we give them both admin rights who loses? That's the only reason I vote on these things," said unnamed cabal member ChiefjusticeDS, whose voice has been disguised in order that he remain anonymous.

Meanwhile, over on the forums, Magic man proposed a meeting of the Uncyclopedians in some kind of convention, probably to be held 2 minutes walk from where he lives, slap bang in the middle of not-where-you-live-'s ville. Modusoperandi agreed with Magic man, saying "None of us are in jail," while Dexter111344 called it a "Horrific idea," which is certainly how this newspaper would react to any idea that involved meeting Dexter111344 in person without the presence of several Police officers.

Finally, Dr. Skullthumper has embarked on another quest of utter pointlessness, deploying his bot and himself to "convert HTML" all over the wiki. Pity him. He knows not what he does.

Uncyclopedia in the news again

By Chief

In an age of information overload and astonishingly inaccurate Internet posts, it's reassuring that at least one website strives to be inaccurate at all times. That website is Sign on San Diego, a parody of a news website which bills itself as having all sorts of "Hot Topics" for the people of San Diego and anyone else who might be interested. Recent Sign on San Diego headlines include: "San Diego's air pollution among worst in nation", "Man robs downtown restaurant" and "Reward offered in transient assault case".

This leads us to the article that they mentioned, which was about the "fast-rising" Biffy Clyro, the article is in dire need of rewriting but we know better than most not to let quality stand in the way of meeting journalistic deadlines. The crux of the matter is that Biffy Clyro are playing a show in San Diego, which you should attend, provided you aren't dying of air pollution, being robbed in restaurants or assaulted.

The article also mentioned <insert name here>'s sterling and exemplary contributions to Uncyclopedia since they joined.

The truth is, alas, somewhat less colourful.

We lied. They didn't.

Naruto

By Nobody

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

17:29, April 23, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus-semen-swallowing-christ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Great username. Rubbish understanding of the rules.)
21:03, April 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Javi.p (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That wasn't very nice, I'm not very nice, I don't like ice cream, Ice cream gives me a headache, banning gets rid of headaches, you get a ban. That's joined up thinking right there)
02:08, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Kevillips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (YOU DIDN'T SIGN YOUR WELCOME TEMPLATE, YOU MONSTER)
04:01, April 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.135.37.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (blah blah blah something about blowing me)
04:35, April 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Carking1996 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Created an account just to spam "tits", eh? Nice work, moron.)

Biopic of the Week

This week, the biopic is given over to the most important aspect of Uncyclopedia. The voting. Voting underpins our community in much the same way as McDonalds underpins capitalism and a lack of McDonalds underpins Jihad. Without it, we don't get articles featured or deleted. Without it, you would/wouldn't have gotten your awards, you would/wouldn't have been made an administrator. We need voting and it needs us. So for all of you who are leaving it to other people, why not try it now? You can stop when you're dead.

Serious zone Votes on awards like Noob of the month and Uncyclopedian of the month are really important for making people want to keep coming back here; try to do some voting at the very least. Serious zone ends

Knickers.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

Oscar's Rap (I'm a Wilde guy)

Public service announcement

You people should all be ashamed of yourselves. End of message.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 06:21, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Signpost Un