User:Mr-ex777/Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag
Haribo sugarless gummy bears seems like your everyday gummy bear, but in reality it's just satan's cum condensed. In fact, in NO situation you should eat this evil of a candy unless you want to torture yourself with a gastrointestinal distress like nothing you have ever experienced, even worse than eating raw oysters from the Victoria harbor. Why you would watch zombie movies while you CAN become a zombie yourself?
Symptoms[edit | edit source]
The candy does not taste bad, at lest it does tastes like a typical gummy bear. However, after eating a couple dozen, (You will, just like most candies) all hell breaks loose. The first symptoms are cramps on the stomach which feel like getting hit by a gigantic multi-hit shockwave that kills you instantly, then Satan and his legion of demons will set camp on your digestive tract and you will start farting like the demon's trumpet and the smell of your farts will be the smell of 66666 pairs of rotten teeth trying to sing Beethoven's symphonies. After about 5 minutes Satan will start his infiltration against your digestive tract and your will start to have blast diarrhea that are comparable to a rocket setting off from a launch station, combined with the looks of watery beef soup mixed with 3 cups of sawdust and the smell of the flesh of somebody that has taken krokodil for 4 years, each day nonstop. Then you will stay in the toilet succumbing to satan's attack on your digestive tract for 3 to 4 hours and the diarrhea will blast from your anus like the Niagra falls and are hot like molten chocolate. You will also start wiping your anus until it's hot and red and you will struggle between sleeping in the toilet and farting because the diarrhea will drain all your energy and sanity away. Your legs will have cramps because you sit in the toilet so long as well. When you get out the toilet, you will become insane after seeing images of gigantic swarms of diarrhea-inducing gummy bears trying to stuff your anus just like the worst hentai from Pixiv.
Seriously. What you saw above this line was all true. So is the things below this line.
How can you use these gummy bears to your own profit[edit | edit source]
- Send it to your office as a cruel joke. Make sure you DO NOT eat them. When about 5 to 6 of your enemies eat them, lulz ensues and you can sit behind the scenes as diarrhea fireworks play.
- Use them to feed random dogs. when dogs eat them, they shit bricks. Especially when encountering a stray Rottweiler who is guaranteed to give you rabies.
- Feed it to the zombies so they will fart and die. This is an excellent weapon against zombies as they will still eat it anyway.
- Turn it into a DeviantART or Pixiv fetish. (The latter is not recommended unless you are Japanese.)