User:Jjames-hall/Pants theorem

A pair of pants, ye beware who gaze at this evil

The Pants theorem, also popularly known as the source of evil theorem, is widely used to explain disturbances in the cosmos and in textile manufacturing

The Pants Theorem States...

First we must begin with the knowledge that the majority of people on earth do not have access to sufficient clothing. Thus we can deduce that: 'Pants are for rich people', and that we know rich people are the epitome of money and greed we can further explain:

$Pants=Money$

=> as we all know $money={\sqrt {evil}}$ then $Pants={\sqrt {evil}}$,which can be expressed as$Pants={\sqrt {666}}=25.8069758$

With this in mind we can use this information to describe many things in the world that we dislike or are not that good, eg. "Wikipedia is pants!".

Pants Lore

Pants have but one true nemesis ; trousers. Trousers stand for all that is good in the world, such as rainbows, lollipops, unicorns, onions, and jolly leprechauns ( not the evil, gold hoarding ones ). Ancient Greek folklore tells a story of how a great army of trousers defended the lands of the midgets against a marauding army of rich, pants wearing, lemon chewing clowns. This is pure stupidity, since everyone knows that trousers are inanimate objects that only moved when an animate being moves them. The pants were beaten in an epic struggle between the forces of good and pure evil in the form of 25.8069758..., the Trousers weakened in the battle and left, no-one quite knows where they are but it is said they are amongst us keeping a look out for the return of the leader of the pants.

Although renegade pants are among us causing much suffering, these threats are insignificant compared to the highly organized galactic pant army that once terrorized the entire earth.

How to defend yourself against pants

Depending of the material of the pants you are currently hiding from as they advance upon your mortal fleshy corpse, there are many disputed ways to deal with the threat of pants

if i told you that you were gay would you believe me?

1. Organic pants (eg. cotton or wool), are known to be quite flammable, a flamer thrower will suffice or a small controllable sun to unleash wrath.
2. Synthetic pants can be harder to vanquish, high concentrated acids have been known to break apart their long polymer chains thus weakening them, but this is a highly risky mode of attack, better known solutions include TNT, Nitro, Light Saber (limited availability) or resorting to calling upon your god(s) to show their wrath.
3. Contact with pants can be fatal, any skin will be easily infected with the pure evil that is pants (see proof). Experts recommend a form of de-lousing involving radio-active hyper-acids created in the belly of a gargantuan tree shark of Rigil 7, all skin must be covered with the mixture and ignited to destroy any tissue, plural amputations may be necessary.
4. In the case of a loved one, or another human turning from pant infection, destroying their corrupted vessel is the only solution. Use holy water liberally.
5. However the best known killer of pants is indeed the Trousers who defend all that is awesome in the universe(s).

Although the differences between a pair of trousers and a pair of pants are few and far between, and experienced Pants-Trousers Differentiator would be able to tell the difference by peering into the aura of the article of clothing in question. The aura of pants is jagged, and silky to the touch, it is usually a red or dark purple, but deeper inspection will reveal it is actually made up of a mixture of different browns. Trousers on the other hand, have a most beautiful aura, a light blue or orangey greenish yellow, and is rough to the touch.