User:JetRun26/Super Mario Bros. 2
| Supa Mario Deux | |
|---|---|
 Mario delivering Barry Bonds his | |
| Developer(s) | Nintendo |
| Release date | The 80's! Rad! |
| Genre | Drug-induced |
| Platform(s) | Old Gray Box |
| Rating | God approves |
| Would Randy Savage play it? | If he could snort it after |
Super Mario Bros. 2 is a game based off of a vivid LSD trip Mario had during New Years 1989, and the Japan exclusive NES title Doki Doki Panic. When he was tripping, Mario (along with friends Luigi, Toad, and Courtney Love) had to wander the jungles of San Francisco, recovering crystal balls of angel dust to progress through the levels to eventually defeat Dick Cheney's head.
Playable Characters[edit | edit source]
- Mario: The most balanced of all the characters, and nothing else.
- Toad: He sucks at jumping, but makes uf for it with his superhuman strength, and the fact that he gets all the bitches
- Courtney Love: She is the weakest of the characters, and she can temporarily float in the air with the (A) button.
- Phil Collins: His strength is between Mario and Toad, and he can fly with multiple mid-air jumps.
Gameplay[edit | edit source]
After picking one of the four available characters (Phil Collins is available to be unlocked later on), you must progress through the level by throwing vegetables, blocks, and exploding black babies at the San Francisco Police Dept. enemies. LCD is available in glass test tubes, which opens an inter-dimensional door to Black Jesus's herb garden, where you can gain power by eating his mushrooms.
At the end of most of the levels, you must fight a giant ovulating pink vagina, which is commonly referred to as Birdo. After defeating the vagina and recovering the angel dust sphere, you proceed to enter a giant black bird's mouth to be digested into the next level.
The game would also have many different bosses at the end of each world, such as FryGuy, Splinter the Rat, and the Hamburglar. After defeating each boss, a Sage will appear before you and hand you a sacred medallion. After collecting all the medallions, Princess Zelda appears before you and presents you with the light arrows, which is one of the only things that can defeat Dick Cheney's head. However, Dick Cheney's head is aware of such shenanigans, and entraps Zelda in a giant floating ball of duct tape. Using the Sages' reawakened power, Tom Cruise appears and creates a giant gay rainbow bridge to gain access to Dick Cheney's head's castle.
Once in the castle, you must fight Dick Cheney's head by shooting the light arrows at him. When he is weakened by this, you finish the job by saying his name backwards, which will imprison him forever in a white empty room with Gilbert Godfrey. The final scene of the game shows Mario waking up in a dumpster next to a half-dressed Michael Jackson and a crack whore.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Pressing A B up down A will summon Jesus from the heavens to open up an old-fashion can of whoop-ass upon your enemies.
- The game can be used as a drug
- It's an upper, by the way
- Al Sharpton doesn't approve of this game
- The game can not be played with your penis