User:Ineedaname/Samuel L. Jackson

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Nsfpsnake.JPG NOT SAFE FOR PLANES!!
The snake you are looking at may not be plane safe!
If Samuel L. Jackson saw this, claim that he did not look like a bitch. Otherwise, continue to read it until your serpentine urges are sated. Or not.


HOW'S IT TASTE, MOTHERFUCKER?!?

SAMUEL L. JACKSON (BORN JANUARY THIRTY-FIRST, NINETEEN-FIFTY-EIGHT), ALSO KNOWN TO HIS ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS AS BAD MUTHAFUCKA, IS A LITTLE-KNOWN CULT CANADIAN MOTHERFUCKER AND PRESIDENT OF ANTARCTICA! WHY DO YOU THINK ITS THE ONLY CONTINENT WITHOUT ANY MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES?? HIS TALENT AND SKILL AS AN ACTOR CAN BE SEEN IN HOW EFFECTIVELY HE PLAYS A WIDE VARIETY OF MOTHERFUCKERS! HE PLAYS EVERY MOTHERFUCKER IN EVERY FILM EVER MADE!!! FROM "BOB" THE LONELY PLUMBER WITH A HEART OF GOLD IN "LOG JAMMING" TO THE NEUROTIC MOTHERFUCKER "TX-FOUR-TWENTY-ONE" IN "STAR WARS MOTHERFUCKER"!!!

JACKSON RECENTLY ENDORSED HIS OWN BRAND OF BEER, "SAMUEL L. JACKSON" "FUCK BUDWEISER, I'LL KILL THAT BITCH "Q"" (Reader's Comment: Why do you have to talk that way?) CAUSE THIS IS HOWS I TALK! HAVEN'T YOU SEEN MY MOVIES? MOTHER FUCKIN JUICE?! THAT MOTHER FUCKER WAS A GOOD ONE. DEEP BLUE MOTHER FUCKIN SEA? THEY ATE ME!! A MOTHERFUCKIN' SHARK ATE ME MOTHERFUCKER, AND I'M STILL MOTHERFUCKIN HERE!! YES, THEY MOTHERFUCKIN DESERVE TO DIE!! AND I MOTHERFUCKIN HOPE THEY MOTHERFUCKIN DIE AND MOTHERFUCKIN BURN IN MOTHERFUCKIN HELL!!

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For those without comedic tastes, the motherfuckers at Wikipedia have an article about this bad motherfucker.

Birth[edit | edit source]

Sam Jackson (Full name:Samuel L. Motherfuckin' Jackson), was born in Gotham City hospital on January 31, 1942.

On that morning, his mother, Janet Jackson, pissed herself to make her husband, the late Jesse Jackson, think that her water was broken. Being a Christian, Jackson didn't realise his wife was only three months along.

Amatuer video taken from outside the room Janet Jackson gave birth to Samuel L.

The story goes that, after driving through traffic with the Batmobile as an escort, the couple reached the hospital and, once a bed had been found for Janet, throwing off a homeless man with cancer, she revealed she wasn't actually giving birth. Oh, how they laughed.

That is, until Sam Jackson, annoyed he had been woken up in his womb for nothing, punched his way out of the womb using his kung-fuckin'-fu, killing his mother and his father.

Childhood[edit | edit source]

Born an orphan (does that make sense? Shit, I don't know), Jackson was sent to work in the acid mines of Gotham City, until he was three, when he was adopted by learned elderly Jedi master and condiment producer Yoda.

Moving into Yoda's penthouse apartment in San Francisco, young Sam learnt the ways of the Force, how to make damn fine mustard, and also began reading the Bible, in particular, Ezekiel 25:17, as one day, while making ketchup Yoda had a premonition:that Sam was destined not only to be a Jedi and a motherfuckin' kung fu master, but also....an actor. And that particular passage would prove very useful one day...

Filmography[edit | edit source]

  • War of the Motherfuckers (2300)
  • All Your Motherfucker Are Belong To Us (2101)
  • A Movie Without The Word Motherfucker In The... Wait. Oh Bugger. (2020)
  • Resurrecting The Motherfucker (2008)
  • Iron MotherFucker (2008)
  • 1-18-Motherfucker (2008)
  • Meet The MotherFuckers (2008)
  • Crouching Snake, Hidden Motherfucker (2008)
  • No Country For Old Motherfuckers (2007)
  • Mr.Motherfucker's Holiday (2007)
  • Supermotherfucker (2007)
  • The Motherfucker Ultimadum (2007)
  • The Motherfuckers Movie (2007)
  • Harry Potter and the Order of the Motherfuckers (2007).
  • Motherfuckerspray (2007)
  • Fourteen O Motherfucker (2007)
  • Transmotherfuckers (2007)
  • Ratatmotherfucker (2007)
  • The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Motherfucker (2007)
  • Motherfuckers of the Caribbean 3: At Motherfuckers' End (2007)
  • The Good Motherfucker (2007)
  • Afro Motherfucking Samurai (2007)
  • Smokin' Motherfucker (2007)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Motherfuckers (2007)
  • Grumpy old Motherfuckers(2007)
  • March of the Motherfuckers (2007)
  • Black Motherfucker Moan (2007)
  • Ocean's Motherfucker (2007)
  • Resurrecting the Motherfucker (2007)
  • Borat - Cultural Learnings of USA For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Motherfuckers. (2006).
  • Casino Motherfucker (2006)
  • Uncyclopedia - The Movie (2006)
  • Children of Motherfuckers (2006)
  • Motherfucker at the Museum(2006)
  • An Inconvienient Motherfucker (2006)
  • Motherfucker's Labyrinth(2006)
  • The Last Motherfucker of Scotland (2006)
  • Letters From Motherfucker (2006)
  • Flags of Our Motherfuckers (2006)
  • Home of the Motherfuckers (2006)
  • Little Miss Motherfucker (2006)
  • Snakes on a Plane (2006) also known as Motherfucking Snakes On A Motherfucking Plane
  • The Motherfucker Code(2006)
  • Motherfucker In the Water(2006)
  • All The Motherfucker's Men(2006)
  • Motherfuckers II (2006)
  • SuperMotherfucker Returns (2006)
  • Motherfuckers of the Caribbean 2: Dead Motherfucker's Chest (2006)
  • The Motherfucker Wears Prada (2006)
  • She's the Motherfucker (2006)
  • Diary Of A Mad Black Motherfucker (2005)
  • Brokeback Motherfucker (2005)
  • The Lion, The Witch and The Motherfucker (2005)
  • Mission Motherfucking Impossible (2005)
  • Motherfucker Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Motherfucker (2005)
  • M for Motherfucker (2005)
  • Motherfucker Begins (2005)
  • The Passion of the Motherfucker (2004)
  • Million Dollar Motherfucker (2004)
  • Meet the Motherfuckers (2004)
  • The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Motherfucker (2004)
  • Hotel Motherfucker (2004)
  • The Manchurian Motherfucker (2004)
  • Kill Motherfucker: Vol. 2 (2004)
  • Motherfucker 911 (2004)
  • The Last Motherfucker (2003)
  • Kill Motherfucker: Vol.1 (2003)
  • The Italian Motherfucker (2003)
  • Motherfuckers of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Motherfucker (2003)
  • Motherfucked in Translation (2003)
  • The Lord of the Motherfuckers: The Return of the Motherfucker (2003)
  • The League of Extraordinary Motherfuckers (2003)
  • The Motherfucker Revolutions (2003)
  • The Motherfucker Reloaded (2003)
  • The Motherfucker III: Rise of the Motherfuckers (2003)
  • The Lord of the Motherfuckers: The Two Motherfuckers (2002)
  • Motherfucker on Fire (2002)
  • Harry Potter and the Chamber of Motherfuckers (2002)
  • Motherfucker Wars Episode II: Attack of the Motherfuckers (2002)
  • Motherfuckers of New York (2002)
  • The Motherfuckers of Dog Town (2002)
  • Bowling for Motherfucker (2002)
  • Captain Corelli's Motherfucker (2001)
  • Harry Potter and the Motherfucker's stone (2001)
  • Motherfucker and Silent Motherfucker Strike Back (2001)
  • The Lord of the Motherfuckers: The Fellowship of the Motherfucker (2001)
  • Motherfucker Park 2: The Lost Motherfucker (2001)
  • Mulholland Motherfucker (2001)
  • The Motherfucker Diaries (2001)
  • Waking Motherfucker (2001)
  • The 51st Motherfucker (2001)
  • The MF-Men (2000)
  • Confessions of a Motherfucker (2000)
  • Requiem for a Motherfucker (2000)
  • Pokémotherfucker 2: Gotta Fuck'em All (2000)
  • Pokémotherfucker (2000)
  • The Greatest Motherfucker Ever (2000/1999)
  • Being John Motherfucker (1999)
  • Motherfucker Club (1999)
  • South Motherfucker: Bigger Blacker and More Badass (1999)
  • Motherfucker Wars Episode I: The Phantom Motherfucker (1999)
  • Deep Blue Motherfucker (1999)
  • Notting Motherfucker (1999)
  • The Motherfucker is not Enough (1999)
  • American Motherfucker X (1999)
  • Motherfucker the Hedgehog (1999)
  • The Green Motherfucker (1999)
  • The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill but Came Down a Motherfucker (1998)
  • The Thin Red Motherfucker (1998)
  • Saving Private Motherfucker (1998)
  • Lock, Stock and Two Motherfuckers (1998)
  • Dante's Motherfucker (1997)
  • Chasing Motherfucker (1997)
  • One Hundred and One Motherfuckers (1997)
  • LA Motherfucker (1997)
  • The Maltese Motherfucker (1997)
  • The Madness Of King Motherfucker (1997)
  • Die Hard With a Motherfucker (1995)
  • MIB: Motherfuckers In Black (1992)
  • Motherfucker & Robin (1997)
  • Great White Motherfucker (1996)
  • Crimson Motherfucker (1996)
  • The Usual Motherfuckers (1996)
  • Things to Do in Denver When You're a Motherfucker (1995)
  • Motherfucker Rats (1995)
  • Nine Motherfuckers (1995)
  • Motherfucker Forever (1995)
  • The Jungle Motherfucker (1995)
  • Interview With The Motherfucker(1994)
  • The Motherfucker King (1994)
  • Forrest Motherfucker (1994)
  • Pulp Motherfucker (1994)
  • My Big Motherfucking Greek Wedding (1994)
  • The Shawshank Motherfucker (1994)
  • Four Weddings and a Motherfucker (1994)
  • Motherfucker's Second Choice: The Reckoning (1993)
  • Motherfucker II Society (1993)
  • Motherfucker's List (1993)
  • Reservoir Motherfuckers (1992)
  • Motherfucker Returns (1992)
  • Motherfucker II: Judgement day (1991)
  • Beauty & The Motherfucker (1991)
  • Motherfucker Hood: Prince of Motherfuckers (1991)
  • The Silence of the Motherfuckers (1991)
  • Dances With Motherfuckers (1990)
  • GoodMotherfuckers (1990)
  • Tierna es el Motherfucker (1990)
  • Motherfucker of Love (1989)
  • The Little Motherfucker (1989)
  • Dead Motherfuckers Society (1989)
  • Motherfuckers on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988)
  • Rain Motherfucker (1988)
  • Super Motherfucker Brothers (1988)
  • Full Metal Motherfucker (1987)
  • Three Men & a Motherfucker (1987)
  • Motherfuckerformers: The Movie - Also known as Transmotherfuckers: The Movie (1986)
  • Romancing the Motherfucker (1986)
  • Ninja Ninja Ninja Ninja Ninja Motherfucker (1985)
  • Ninja Motherfucker III (1985)
  • Ninja Motherfucker II (1985)
  • The Motherfucker Ninja (1985)
  • Ninja and the Motherfucker (1985)
  • Motherfucker Ninja (1985)
  • Ninja Motherfucker (1985)
  • The Motherfucker Club (1985)
  • Back to the Motherfucker (1985)
  • Motherfuckerbusters - Also known as Ghostmotherfuckers (1984)
  • ScarMotherfucker (1984)
  • Return of the Motherfucker (1983)
  • Blade Motherfucker (1982)
  • Motherfuckers of the Lost Ark (1981)
  • The Evil Motherfucking Dead (1981)
  • The Motherfucker Strikes Back (1980)
  • Raging Motherfucker (1980)
  • The Elephant Motherfucker (1980)
  • Motherfucker vs Motherfucker (1979)
  • Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Motherfucker (1979)
  • Monty Motherfucker's Life of Motherfucking Brian (1979)
  • The Motherfucker Hunter (1978)
  • Motherfucker Does Dallas (1978)
  • Close Motherfuckers of the Third Kind (1978)
  • SuperMotherfucker (1978)
  • The Motherfucker Who Loved Me (1977)
  • The Motherfuckers (1977)
  • Saturday Night Motherfucker (1977)
  • Star Motherfucker (1977)
  • One Flew Over the Motherfucker's Nest (1976)
  • Dog Day Motherfucker (1975)
  • Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Motherfucker (1975)
  • Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Motherfucker (1974)
  • Foxy Motherfucker (1974)
  • The Motherfucker With The Golden Gun (1974)
  • Enter the Motherfucker (1973)
  • Deep Motherfucker(1972
  • Mario Puzo's The Motherfucker (1972)
  • Motherfuckers Are Forever (1971)
  • A Clockwork Motherfucker (1971)
  • Dirty Motherfucker (1971)
  • On Her Motherfucker's Secret Service (1969)
  • Bitch Cassidy and the Sundance Motherfucker (1969)
  • Sink the Motherfucker! (1969)
  • Rosemary's Motherfucker (1968)
  • 2001 - A Space Motherfucker (1968)
  • Night of the Living Motherfuckers (1968)
  • Planet of the Motherfuckers (1968)
  • Bonnie and Motherfucker (1967)
  • The Good, the Bad, and the Motherfucker (1966)
  • Soylent Motherfucker (1966)
  • Night of the Motherfuckers (1966)
  • Attack of the 50-foot Motherfucker (1965)
  • For a Few Motherfuckers More (1965)
  • The Sound of Motherfuckers (1965)
  • Dr. Motherfucker or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Motherfucker (1964)
  • Fistful of Motherfuckers (1964)
  • The Motherfucker in the Stone (1963)
  • To Kill a Motherfucker (1962)
  • La Dolce Motherfucker (1961)
  • Dial "M" for Motherfucker (1961)
  • Motherfucker of Arabia (1961)
  • The Motherfuckers of Navarone (1961)
  • Carry On Motherfucker (1960)
  • Anatomy of a Motherfucker (1959)
  • The Motherfucker on the River Kwai (1957)
  • 12 Angry Motherfuckers (1957)
  • The African Motherfucker (1957)
  • Lady and the Motherfucker (1955)
  • Seven Motherfuckers (1954)
  • Rear Motherfucker (1954)
  • Motherfuckers on a Train (1951)
  • A Streetcar Named Motherfucker (1951)
  • The Lavender Hill Motherfucker (1951)
  • 8 Motherfuckers in a Duffel Bag (1949)
  • Kind Hearts and Motherfuckers (1949)
  • The Treasure of the Chingo De Madre (1948)
  • It's a Wonderful Motherfucker (1946)
  • Double Motherfucker (1944)
  • Citizen Motherfucker (1941)
  • Of Mice and Motherfuckers (1939)
  • Gone With the Motherfucker (1939)
  • The Motherfucker of Oz (1939)
  • Snow Black And the Seven Motherfuckers (1937)
  • Motherfuckers 0f 1937 (1936)
  • Motherfucker, Where's My Car? (1935)
  • Mother Fucker 2: Payback's a Motherfucker (1934)
  • Motherfucker Kong (1933)
  • Mother Fucker (1930)
  • The Jazz Motherfucker (1929)
  • Motherfuckingtropolis (1918)
  • Birth Of A Motherfucking Nation (1915)
  • Motherfuckers #2 {1892))
  • Motherfuckers #1 (1892))
  • High Jinks at the Motherfucker (1891)

In 2004, Samuel L. Jackson decided he was bored of films and branched out into stage acting. His lead role in Oedipus Rex was critically acclaimed.

Following this success Samuel L. Jackson appeared in several productions of Shakespeare plays. Purists however were shocked by numerous changes made to the scripts. These included:

  • Othello: Rather than strangling Desdemona, Othello (Jackson) recites a passage from Leviticus and busts a cap in Iago's ass.
  • Hamlet: Hamlet (Jackson) pulls out an AK47 and kills absolutely positively every motherfucker in the room.
  • Richard III: King Richard (Jackson) arrives on the field at Bosworth with a huge clone army, wipes out the entire Lancastrian host and beheads Henry Tudor with a purple light sabre.

Music Career[edit | edit source]

In 2006, following in the footsteps of such talents as William Shatner and Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson released an album of cover versions. It was entitled The Transformed Motherfucker and contained the following tracks:

  • Common Motherfuckers
  • Lucy in the Sky with Motherfuckers
  • Mister Tamborine Motherfucker
  • Puff the Motherfucking Dragon
  • (I can't get no)Satisfaction Motherfucker
  • Tiptoe through the Motherfuckers
  • Some Enchanted Motherfucker
  • My Motherfucking Way

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • Was a child prodigy at playing the piano.
  • Once arrested for "unnatural acts with livestock" in Southwest Virginia, but when he took out his wallet to give the police his ID, they read the Epigraph "Bad Motherfucker" on the wallet. They immediately soiled themselves, then set Mr. Jackson on his merry way.
  • During an interview he acknowledged that most of his inspiration comes from the Shakespearean actor Paul Reubens.
  • Like Christopher Walken, he has also been in every movie ever made
  • Holds the Rank Of Bad Motherfucker in the Nubian religion.
  • Has 17 children, all with 20 differant women, all the same age, all of whom are named Samuel L. Jackson, except one who is named Sir Remington Winslow III.
  • Says that his favorite word is not "motherfucker", but is in fact "pistachio".
  • Was named head of the MPAA sheerly due to his performance in Pulp Fiction
  • Can cure cancer merely by screaming at tumors until they go into remission.
  • Was once a Jedi Master, but was fired after stealing Yoda's Big Kahuna Burger and Sprite.
  • Is also the father of two more children. The oldest being Aston Villa defender Jay-Lloyd Samuel and the younger being kiddyfiddling musician Michael Jackson. They had separate mothers.
  • In the Bible, it is predicted that Samuel L. Jackson is the baddest motherfucker in the universe and will battle Satan, Emperor Palpatine, the snakes from the plane, a crazy clown with chainsaws and Nuck Chorris.
  • Motherfucker.
  • Unlike Michael Jackson, He's the real motherfucker.
  • No one motherfucks with him. He's the real motherfucker to the second power.
  • Despite popular belief, he is not black, but albino.

Quotes[edit | edit source]

“I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKIN' SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' PLANE!”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on Snakes on a Plane

“I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKIN' MYNOCKS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' DELTA-7 AETHERSPRITE LIGHT INTERCEPTOR!”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on Mynocks

“I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THAT MOTHERFUCKIN' HIKARI ON THAT MOTHERFUCKIN' ANIME!”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on Hikari

“WHERE'S MY MOTHERFUCKIN' SUPERSUIT?”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on Supersuits

“YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL A MOTHERFUCKIN' QUARTER POUNDER WITH MOTHERFUCKIN' CHEESE IN MOTHERFUCKIN' FRANCE?”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on McDonald's

“I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKIN' ALLIGATORS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' GOLF CART!”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on Alligators on a Golf Cart

“I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKIN' BUSH IN THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' IRAQ!”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on George Dubya Bush

“He controls the Vatican and the courts! He's too mothafuckin' dangerous to be kept alive!!”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on Emperor Palpatine

See also[edit | edit source]

Jacksons.jpg
The Jacksons

Andrew Jackson • Bo Jackson • Jackson Pollock • Jacksonville • Janet Jackson • Jerry Jackson • Jesse Jackson • Michael Jackson • Randy Jackson • Samuel L. Jackson • Stonewall Jackson • White Michael Jackson • Who The Fuck Is Jackson Pollock?

v • d • e
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