The writer of this article has become hopelessly, helplessly stuck.
Stfo w/ ya book readin wordz hatah!
“I enjoy crabcore as a soothing exercise, both while i am playing music and when nobody is home and i break out the air guitar and throw out some crazy crabcore moves. ”
“In Soviet Russia crabs play human-core!! ”
“heey! you stole my idea! i created crabcore why does nobody believe me!! ”
Crabcore is a contemporary offshoot from the emocore/screamo sub-genre of hard rock music.
Unlike almost all other genres and sub-genres of music, crabcore is defined not by aural motifs, tones, lyrical content, or specific instrument ensembles; but rather by physical gesticulations and contortions of the arms and legs of individual band members during live performances of their music. Sometimes, the moves are synchronized between two or more band members.
Chiefly among the crabcore musician's repertoire of stylistic gestures is the crabwalk itself, from which the genre's title is derived. The crabwalk is identified by the player's extremely low stance, wherein both feet are set apart from one another as far as possible, while still allowing the player to maintain at least a 90 degree bend in his knees. While in the crab stance, the player then purposefully transfers the weight of his upper body between each leg, achieving a swaying motion intended to have a hypnotic, nauseating and baffling effect on audience members.
Other moves available to crabcore players include:
- The "Alaskan King"
- The "Peanut Skinner"
- The "Jørgenslam"
- The "Dirty Hamper"
- The "Pestal Press"
- The "Arch Carrier"
- The "Cock Duster"
- The "Squirrel"
- The "OrBenetiko v.II"
Another somewhat controversial move has gained a foothold in crabcore circles recently, which sees the player simply standing in one spot and running in place.
The most instantly recognizable signifier of a band within the crabcore oeuvre is the presence of an Arch Cancerped (literally translated; "chief crabwalker"). The Arch Cancerped (or ACP) is an individual member of the band whose duty it is to set the speed, intensity, and depth of the crabwalk in a given piece of music. Much like the conductor of a symphony orchestra. Typically the ACP wears a black t-shirt and has a dyed-black sideways haircut.
Possibly one of the most complex crabcore maneuvers, known as the "Talladega Bench Press", consists of all guitar players (including bass) lifting their instruments behind their heads, then bringing them back down in synchronized fashioned. You will be lucky to see more than one of these per show.
Recently scholars have discovered that Crabcore stretches back thousands of years, as exemplified by this traditional Taiko drummer.
Crabcore draws unlikely influence from a plethora of blues guitarists, including Chuck Berry and Bo Diddley. The bands Attack Attack!, and Cannibal Corpse are currently playing crabcore, and are at its official origin.
Moscow band Shibo released an EP titled 'Crabcore' in the spring of 2009. They have a Myspace page and a Last.fm page. 
But, whereas this style of music has just appeared, the underground community is discovering that there have been several instances of famous bands pioneering the traditional Crabcore style years before the term was coined. The most known must be Metallica, very apparent in several live representations. See the references for an example of Metallica's Crabcore. This version of Crabcore is known as "proto-Crabcore". The increasing popularity of the genre is beginning to arise many questions among dedicated fans as to the official "root" of the genre. Credit is most often given to the aforementioned Attack Attack! mainly due to the success in their blatant exposure of the style, whereas groups credited as proto-Crabcore were much more subtle in their performances.
Crabcore in popular media
crabcore has shown up in the popular T.V. comedy series, Futurama, in the form of Dr. zoidberg. the weird crab doctor-thing that works for planet express. Dr. zoidberg is claiming to be the one to have created crabcore but seeing as he has no friends at all, this theory cannot ever be validated.
1. ^ Chuck Berry demonstrating the crabcore forerunner "duckwalk" 2. ^ Bo Diddley demonstrating the "Giant Step" and "Crouchop combo" 3. ^ http://www.last.fm/music/shibo/Crabcore+(EP)
- An example of pioneering crabcore
- Proto-Crabcore in action
- Clear example of Crabcore
- Article in UK broadsheet The Guardian on Attack Attack! and their crabcore