User:EMC/DYK

... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
... that the square root of computer graphics is a pixel?
... that if you find snakes on a plane, the best thing to do is to scream and panic?
... that the internet is a series of tubes?
...?sdrawkcab si ecnetnes siht
... that this website may contain words?
... that Mr. Tambourine Man won't take another Bob Dylan request?
... that in 1983 a short, brown haired man named Tom read the dictionary to check for spelling mistakes, and upon finding a word he believed to be misspelled he consulted his dictionary, only to find that the word was spelled correctly?
... that Facebook is not real life?
... that if you pick up the phone booth, you die?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
... that the average male under 30 thinks about sex, on average, every 9 seconds? And that the average person over 50 thinks about outliving their retirement income on average every 5 seconds?
... that the more you run over a dead cat the flatter it gets?
... that the day of the storm is not the time for thatching?
... that Dodongo dislikes smoke, yet has no qualms with crack cocaine?
... that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?
... that the theory that amputating the left leg is a cure for the common cold is not widely accepted in medical circles?
... that there was never actually a man from Nantucket?
... that if more societies burned environmentalists instead of coal, CO2 emissions could be cut by up to 40%?
... that 99% of heroin users started out on milk?
... that video killed the radio star?

... that almost every ellipsis is followed by the word "that"?

... that due to international copyright laws, U Can't Touch This?

... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?

... that there is no other word for thesaurus?

... that the world’s only vending machine vending machine is in Kathmandu?

... that the gorilla in King Kong was real, but Jack Black was created with CGI?

... that it was Colonel Mustard in the Billiard Room with Your Mom?

- ... And the lead pipe?

... that the phrase "Did You Know" is copyrighted by Scholastic Publishing and this website is currently being sued for unauthorized use?

... that, following Greenpeace protests, it was made illegal to eat cheese taken from the moon?

... that it's probably not the weekend (odds are 5/7)?

... that instead of eating or drinking, Mr. T absorbs the crushed self-esteem of the fools he has pitied?

... that using the wrong kind of feces in your Poop Cuisine can lead to a metallic aftertaste?

... that the external combustion engine is over 300% more efficient than its internal counterpart?

... that Jesus loves you, but everybody else thinks you're a dick?

... that I give a shit only after taking laxatives?

... that there are, in fact, several wrong ways to eat a Reese's?

... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?

... that Wikped doubleplusungood crimethink?

... that James Bond fought for our freedom on numerous occasions, yet not one single day is set aside in his honor?

... that the shampoo adverts were lying; you are in fact not worth it?

... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?

... that people in New York change careers as often as their underwear?

... that April is National Boycott Websites that Insult Their Contributors Month? See ya in May, asswipe!

... that more than 200,000 people die every year of papercuts?

...where your children were at 11 P.M. last night?

... that God made children annoying on purpose so people wouldn't have too many of them?

... that in 1804, Lewis and Clark set forth across America only to discover...themselves?

... that all the evil people in Star Wars have a British accent?

... that Soylent Green is people?

... that a pricing analyst is the world's third oldest profession, right after the whore and the pimp?

... that, according to Steven Tyler, a reason for losing your mind sure can be the fact of going crazy?

... that your wife is cheating on you with the pool boy?

... that Billy Joel is an accredited driving instructor?

... that the toaster was invented by accident by a piece of bread which attempted to commit suicide?

... that Vincent Van Gogh was the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous?

... that although Gridley Bryant invented many railroad technologies in the 1820s, he never wrote any of the Thomas the Tank Engine books?

... that Beaver College changed its name to Flange College because it "too often misled wildlife conservationists"?

... that in a pinch, hydrogen peroxide can be substituted for alcohol in most cocktails?

... that a coping saw is used to overcome weight loss, alcoholism, and gambling addictions?

... that all trees speak, but only some people hear them?

... that everyone else is generally recognized as the largest and most diverse ethnic majority on Earth?

... that Anti-pesticidal maniacs are responsible for the extinction of on average six species of insect every day?

... that the maximum number of cats you can juggle is fourteen, after which you can juggle no more?

... that the Sun God's gift of cancer is honourable?

... that the construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza was twice halted because the builders ran out of Lego bricks?

... that some species of turtle are remarkably resistant to centrifugal force, and can reach upwards of 5000 rpm before their wee little flippers fall off?

... that Afghanistan's primary export, after hard drugs, is dental floss?

... that Mussolini's favourite film was Land Before Time IV?

... that Tolstoy had to completely rewrite his manuscript for War and Peace when his hard drive crashed?

... that for every sixteen breaths you take, Sting earns a million dollars?

... that due to its evil, Planet Rupert is invisible to anyone who is pure of heart?

... that two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left?

- ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do?

- - ... that four lefts make a circle?

... that at the moment, I'm not wearing any pants?

... that all wooden legs are sold with a kick-stand?

... that questions end in question marks? Not with periods. Or exclamation points!

... that all your base are belong to us?

... that you have partial custody and may only see your base on weekends?

... that the world is NOT actually your oyster, it belongs to ME - ALL MINE!

... that baby Jesus cries every time Limp Bizkit comes out with another album?

... that I just saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Gecko?

... that encoded into the dot of the "i" in the well-known phrase "Tesco - Every Little Helps" is a carefully worded contract binding your soul and all earthly estate to the will of Beelzebub, our Dark Lord and Master?

... the muffin man?

... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

... that WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, and that IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH?

... that Oceania is at war with Eurasia (it has always been at war with Eurasia)?

- ... that the above message is two minutes out of date? Oceania is at war with Eastasia, fool!

... that Phil the mechanic has the keys to my garage?

... that you have the right to remain silent, and that anything you say can and will be used against you?

... that in the criminal justice system the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: The police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and that these are their stories, doink doink?

... that the Romans are currently looking for the one they call Spartacus?
... that I am Spartacus?

... that no, that I am Spartacus?

... that you are dead?

... that you were always dead on the inside?

... that you shall not pass?

... that when you clap, you're really giving yourself a high five?

... that if you put a polythene bag around your head, you can stay underwater indefinitely?

... that it's not the cough that carries you off but the coffin they carry you off in?

... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?

... that the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?

... that it was I who let the dogs out?

... that an astremely astonishing asperiment has show that acessive asposure to Strong Bad Zone has an astraordinarily affect on grammar?

... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

... that the kingfisher, despite its name, also preys upon queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and other high-ranking members of the nobility?

... that four lefts actually make a square?

... that if tea and coffee are mixed together, the resulting substance closely resembles toffee?

... that verb is a noun?

... that this is a recursive interrogative sentence?

... that the Matrix had you, and then lost you in the sequel?

... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?

... that male vampires are delighted when female vampires are on their period?

... that contrary to popular belief, it actually isn't all in the wrist?

... that in August 10, 1519 Ferdinand Magellan set out to circumcise the globe with a 100 foot clipper?

... that in Afghanistan, sandpaper can be used as a map?

... that a comatose homosexual is both a fruit and a vegetable?

... that starting up your computer in MS-DOS mode and entering 'del *.*' makes your computer run infinitely faster?

... that I can't write?

... that you can't read?

... that they say that "Shoot first and whatever you hit, call it the target."?

... that full penetration of the subject of sexual innuendo requires a long, hard look at the target and a strong grasp of linguistic intercourse?

... that this is the funniest page on all of Wikipedia?

... that if you uncoiled the intestines of 200 people and tied them together, it would be long enough to reach the moon?

...THAT 8.3 IS A COMMON SHORTH~1 FOR THE LIMITS ON FILENAME LENGTH IMPOSED BY THE FAT FILESY~1 USED BY DOS AND VERSIONS OF MICROS~1 WINDOW~1?

... that I left my keys on your mom's nightstand?

... that

horizontal lines

should be used sparingly?

... that yo' momma so fat she got more curves than space-time in the presence of a large mass?

... that "this sentence is true" is not true, and neither is this one?

... that 100% of facts on Uncyclopedia are adequately sourced?^{[citation needed]}

... that 1 is the loneliest number?

... that all of these Did You Knows are actually rhetorical questions?

... No, I didn't know that.

... the way to San Jose? Burt Bacharach certainly didn't.

... you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish? Ha ha ha! [Takes gun out - shoots self in head]

... that during the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan, more actors were killed than in both World Wars combined?

... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?

...that this sentence is 50% invisible?

... that the Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within Another Fish is -- as its name suggests -- a fish within a fish within a fish within a fish within another fish?

... that gazebos are very large creatures of legend, some growing as large as small houses?

... that twilit parasite diababa is a giant enemy plant that comfortably resides at the bottom of a dungeon in a pool of acid?

... and that Link must defeat it before it wreaks havoc on the uninhabited dungeon behind its heavily locked door?

... that a pixel is a very tiny winged fairy whose body is constantly surrounded with a square field of color?

... that when the first explorers came upon the platypus, all but one of then converted to atheism (and not the peaceful kind either)?

...tfel ot thgir morf nettirw si werbeH taht?

... that canned quotes are generally regarded as the best source of humor on Uncyclopedia?

... that rocks were first domesticated around the Stone Age, where they were trained to do tedious mind-numbing tasks like breaking other rocks to make rocks for breaking other rocks?

... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy?

... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy?

... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy?

... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?

...that i c-can't find my inhaler?... do you m-maybe know where it is?

... that, honest to God, I am not kidding this time?

... that if cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl?

... that the setting of Dinosaur Comics is a post-apocalyptic dystopia, in which war, disease, and environmental disaster have reduced nearly everything to a white, featureless plain?

... that both the Grue King and the Ur-Grue are dead, thanks to your 1337 skillz (and a shadowy figure, but more on that later)?

... that air guitars are similar in shape to normal guitars, with the notable difference that they are made entirely out of air?

... that in psychology, deja-vu (French for deja vu) is the feeling that one has lived through something before?
... that in psychology, deja-vu (French for deja vu) is the feeling that one has lived through something before?

... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

... that in psychology, Deja-vu (French for Deja vu) is the feeling that one has lived through something before?

... that the hills actually have no eyes?

... that the walls actually have no ears?

... that the hills are alive with the sound of music?

... that if you stop singing, you're committing murder?

... that you have you have 10 minutes to move your car?

... that you have 5 minutes to move your car?

... that your car has been impounded?

.... that your car has been crushed into a cube?

... that you have 10 minutes to move your cube?

... that Gerrymander evolves into Gerrymeleon?

... And finally into Gerryzard?

... that for every erection there is an equal and opposite re-rection?

... that lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, suspendisse vulputate?

... that 100% of facts on Uncyclopedia are adequately sourced?^{[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]}

... that when it says 'Do not try this at home', it actually means 'Do not try this at all'?

... that, due to lack of interest, tomorrow has been canceled?

... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?

... that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?

... that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?

... that your husband isn't really taking tennis classes every Sunday?

...that this article or section does not adequately cite its references or sources?
...and that you can improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources? (help, get involved, you pussy!) This article has been tagged; now it's "it".

... that, even though it is stated that the people performing this stunt are professionals, only 1.5% of them have graduated from college?

... that slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe?

... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?

... that if you uncoiled the intestines of 200 people and tied them together, you would have 200 dead people and a bunch of useless skin in coil? (What the hell were you thinking?)

... that in one of the most heavily aired TV specials of all time, Link participated in a two hour long debate with Half Life alumni Gordon Freeman, defending video game characters' rights to silence? The debate was considered inconclusive and was witheld indefinitely since neither side could speak.

... that they have the nerve to put me into this funny farm, then force me to stay? I'll show them! I'll show them all! Mheh mheh mheh!

... that every time you stifle a sneeze, the force of the sneeze cannot simply disappear from existence? It must manifest elsewhere, often causing a small creature to explode or a chef’s hat to fly off into the air!
... that reading your mama's diary prevents turning into an alien?

... that the glass is never half full? This is partly because the volume-to-density ratio and the surface tension matrices are mutually exclusive, and partly because I hate you all.

... that crutches are like funny anecdotes, while wheelchairs are like sad stories?

... that spoonerisms are honey as fell?

... that those little packets found in a shoe box that say "do not eat" are in fact very tasty?

... that death is but a doorway?

... that time is but a window?

... that I'll be back!?

... that comedy equals tragedy plus time?

... that comedy also equals marijuana plus anything?

... that in Soviet Russia, people know when a joke has run its course?

....that in both reverse and in ROT13, "Gert" would become "Treg"?

... that a Canadian who doesn't play hockey is like an American who doesn't stereotype people from other countries?

... that pimping is just like marriage?

...just without the marriage?

... And with more STDs?

... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?

... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins, but all of them are Star Trek geeks?

... that heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible?

... that I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year?

... that airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value?

... that I work for Fark.com, so I am really getting a kick out of most of these replies?

... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!

... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?

... that running backwards makes you gain weight?

... that Uncyclopedia is the truth^{[citation needed]} and therefore everything on Uncyclopedia is cited and 100% true?^{[citation needed]}

... that "Pokémon: Invisible Version" was released for blind people?

... that 'en passant' is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along"?

... that Bode Miller's drunken attempt to ski back up a mountain was the inspiration for the Drunk Olympics?

... that this is Sparta?

... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?

... that it was a match with Jackson Pollock that actually drove Bobby Fischer insane? After only 6 moves, Fischer began frothing at the mouth and twitching uncontrollably, like a rabid, frothing vibrator. Pollock was declared winner by default.

... that you're not allowed to say Shalom in a bathroom (and this is true, I'm not being stupid for the hell of it) because Shalom is also one of the names of this big beardy dude who lives upstairs, who a lot of Hebrew speakers know, and many of them are a bit scared by him?

... that the Bavarian Illuminati used That's what she said as a secret code? No one knows exactly which she they were referring to, as they were a very sexist organization and had vowed collectively forsake the female species. Go figure.

... that Hollywood has only actually filmed one chase scene, and they simply reuse it over and over?

... that in the last 5 minutes, 20 movies were made about penguins?

... that Captain Obvious tends to regularly state the obvious?

...* KingK Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

... that half a bee (philosophically) must ipso-facto half not be?

...But half the bee has got to be vis-a-vee its entity?

...But can a bee be said to be or not to be an entire bee when half the bee is not a bee due to some ancient injury?

... that paint is a colored substance which is liquid or liquifiable and can add funtionality, decorate, or guard a substrate, and usually include fillers bought from the People's Republic of China in which relatively young slaves work to fill their days quota of paint filler, and get a low payment rate yet a high work hour rate, which hurts the economy of China and the United States of America by reducing the cost but also the value of certain products, which leads to global warming, which will lead to Florida melting off America to "chill" with Hawaii, which will lead to Florida suing Hawaii for existing, which will lead to Hawaii being rejected as a state, which will lead to a shortage of pineapples, which will lead to a liberal suing the world for damages, which will eventually lead to him winning, which will lead him to let the earth be eaten by a grue?
... that it is better to have loved and lost than to find yourself living with a psycho for the rest of your life?
...that you don't actually eat Reader's Digest?
... that Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo?
... that in space, deaf people can't hear themselves scream?
... that he who smelt it, dealt it?

... that he who denied it, supplied it?

... that he who said the rhyme, did the crime?

... that Bill Nye is standing behind you about to scream, "Now you know!"?
... that tinfoil hats actually amplify the secret government broadcasts?
... that for the purposes of espionage, a nod is not actually as good as a wink? A recent study showed a 24% higher fatality rate among spies using the nod to communicate covertly, as opposed to their winking counterparts.
... that a stitch in time saves nine - but condemns a further 81 to eternal damnation?
... that curiosity is serving a life sentence for cruelty to cats?
... that he who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not get clawed to death and eaten?
... that when you gaze long into an abyss, you may suffer from vertigo?
... that 1 + 1 = 3 if you don't wear a condom?
... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
... that if you look carefully during the opening sequence of Disneyland's Star Tours, you can catch a glimpse of Walt Disney frozen in carbonite?
... that two wrongs don't make a right, but making excruciatingly bad puns about the words "left", "right", and "wrong" do?

... that if you strike me down I shall become more dead than you can possibly imagine?

... that if your parents do not have any children, there is a 100% chance that you won't have any either?

... that drinking and deriving is dangerous?

... that Abraham Lincoln was born and raised in a log cabin he built himself?

... that Leonard Bernstein was the first fictional cartoon bear to conduct the New York Philharmonic in Carnegie Hall, as well as the first fictional cartoon bear to maul displeased members of the audience afterwards?

... that narcolepsy can strike at any ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

... that multiple sclerosis isn't as much fun as it sounds?

... that he who laughs last will probably be an evil maniac with his finger on a large red button?

... that you can produce holy water by boiling the hell out of it?

... that Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band would get more girls if they didn't wear those fruity outfits?

... that swallowing your own head can be harmful to your digestive system?

... that if all the Chinese people in the world jumped at exactly the same time, a whole lot of people would be jumping?

... that when the Google Earth map photos were being taken, every cloud in the world was sucked inside a giant vacuum cleaner for a day?

... that Uncyclopedia doesn't have an article on moral responsibility?

... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?

... that the back of your back is your chest?

... that to be Frank, I'd have to change my name?

... that Jesus dies on page 681?

... that before you can read our article on bureaucracy, you must first fill out the required form UN-4895-8473-89534-7-D in triplicate?

... that I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each?

... that I do not think that they will sing to me?

... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?

... that 7 out of 10 Uncyclopedians believe their DYK submissions are somehow humorous?

... that the eleventh secret herb and spice is marijuana?

... that every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one of them?

... that it gets up and kills?

... and the people it kills get up and kill?

... and THOSE people start dancing to Michael Jackson's Thriller?

... that, because of the startling success of Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky decided to follow it with a sequel that became known as Law and Order?

... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"

... that no one is out to get you? (Unless you count trying to: ruin your career, steal your wife, and cause your death!)

... that violence is not the answer?

...but it gives you time while you figure out the answer.

... that sometimes I wish I had the guts to tell my stepdad how I actually felt about that time he kicked the cat? At the time I laughed but... well...I suppose that this isn't anything to do with you. I'm sorry.

... that, contrary to popular belief, no recipes in The Joy of Cooking start with, "Put two penguins in a blender?"

... that, according to Dr. Seuss, fed-up fish fight ferociously?

... that an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are kicking my ass right now for telling those jokes about them?

... that Schrödinger's Cat is currently: not alive?

... that one person can change the world?

...but the admins will probably just revert it?

... that the first Rule of Thumb is: you do not talk about Thumb?

... that this sentence no verb?

... that once you've seen it, you can't unsee it?

... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?

... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?

... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!

... that The Matrix was marketed with the tagline Life is a program, humans are a glitch and we're all heading for debuggery?

... that intestinal parasites can't be claimed as dependents on your federal income tax return?

... that Hyrule is the natural habitat of the morning deku?

... that Occam's Razor uses a single blade?

... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?

... that intestinal parasites CAN'T be claimed as dependents on your federal income tax return?

... that that guy who reads in public is not actually reading? He just hopes a hot chick will approach him to talk about the book.

... that successful suicide bombers never target the same place twice?

... that the daily eviction of demons is good exorcise?

... that the Earth is bipolar?

... that all Chuck Norris facts are just Kim Jong-Il facts that escaped across the North Korean border?

... that Jumanji was actually based on a game of Mornington Crescent gone horribly wrong?

... that sharks can't stop swimming, or they'll die?

...that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?

... that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings? Scientists have calculated that, given the immense number of bells rung worldwide, on a daily basis, there are probably vast, titanic numbers of angels, and if we ever go to war with the angels, we will be massively outnumbered. Also, most of them can fly, because we kept ringing those goddamn bells all the time.

... that germs originated from Germany?

... that inside Morrissey there are several happy people struggling to get out?

... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?

... that Benito Mussolini ("Il Douche") was so unliked that the people of Italy executed him 37 times?

... that snow is what happens when angels are sucked into jet engines?

... that section T, sub-section LZ45, amendment K4.6 in the Official Chess Rulebook allows you to throw a tantrum, scatter all of the pieces and to claim that your opponent was cheating the entire time if you lose?

... that in chess, after 44 minutes of play, queens are allowed to teleport?

... that screaming "UNO!" at the top of your lungs after every single turn of Uno will greatly increase your chances of winning?

... that the safest place to store your most important files is the Internet?

... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?

... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?

... that Wales is merely a figment of England's imagination?

... that if you stick a pen down your sleeve, you meet the DOHS definition of an armed enemy combatant?

... that Scotsmen who live over the age-expectancy of 76 run the risk of choking on their own accent?

... that when there is news of a Google Earth helicopter flying over a town, there is a sevenfold increase in appearances of giant inflatable Cookie Monsters in said town?

...who took the cookie from the cookie jar?

... that in Nazi Germany, cats say "SIEG HEIL" instead of "meow"?

... that the 24 Hours of LeMons includes such penalties as tarring and feathering a racer's car and crushing a car via audience vote?

... that American entrepreneur Timothy Dexter defied the popular idiom and actually made a profit when he sold coal to Newcastle?

... that six latrines at Black Moshannon State Park in Pennsylvania are listed on the National Register of Historic Places?

... that men are able to be insured against alien impregnation?

... that in a few villages and towns of southern France and Spain it is illegal to die, and that there are attempts to have the same law in a town in Brazil?

..that Wiener sausages are named after the mathematician Norbert Wiener?

... that the World Snail Racing Championships were held annually for over 40 years, with only the 2007 event cancelled due to inclement weather?

... that James Garner sent two of his associates into a room filled with toxic chlorine gas?

... that the common woodchuck (Marmota monax) can chuck up to 75 kg. of wood per day?

... that he who laughs last thinks slowest?

... that flipping the finger is a valid solution to the traveling salesman problem?

... that in an A-level music exam, all you have to do is listen to Led Zeppelin and write about how cool they are?

... that the capital of China is C?

... that an infinitely long train never stops arriving at the station, but also never stops leaving?

... that when you turn sixty you will immediately begin to emit the 'old people smell', no matter how hard you scrub?

... that U2's lawyer works Pro Bono?

... that there is a school of art called postpostmodernism?

…that the record for most transferals of a single piece of chewing gum between two kissing mouths is 419 times?

…that the average delivery time for bottled messages cast into the ocean is 91 years? (pictured)

... that embargo backwards is 'o grab me'?

... that candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker?

... that adverts make you buy stuff?

... that, as of late, I have been perturbed nearly to the brink of madness by an acute, stinging pain manifesting itself about by scrotal region, and was hoping that I might beseech of you to prescribe for me a sort of ointment, or something of the like, with which to alleviate my aforementioned ailment, which, to this very moment, continues to inflict unrelenting discomfort upon my frail jewels?

... that putting #REDIRECT [[Hey, what's this?]] at the top of pages blocks the "noob cookie" assigned to all new users and their pages?

... that what REALLY happened was that JFK faked his own death, but there was a bullet in the rifle, kinda like what happened to Bruce Lee's son, so half of JFK's skull was blown out, but Aristotle Onassis shipped him to Lesbos to recover surrounded by beautiful lesbians, marrying Jackie as a cover, but it all failed when Lyndon Johnson's henchmen eliminated JFK in 1972, so the Warren Commission really is bullshit?

... that Oliver Stone has the right to use the above plot for a cheap political thriller in future?

... that, due to the 2008 financial crisis, the strongest world currency is now the tulip bulb, currently valued at five ships, 120 oxen, and 200 cows?

...if the sun was taxed for contributing to global warming America could pay off 40% of foreign debt?
...that 99.9% percent of China's population is Chinese?
...that if you squint, wear a collared shit and a tie, and work at Microsoft or Blizzard, you're an asshole?
... if you do not copy and paste this and spam the shit out of your friends you will die?
...that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that 69% percent of statistics contain to sexual innuendo?
... that the world's most typical person is a 28-year-old Han Chinese male?
- ... that this individual has one breast, one testicle, and half a penis?
... that doubling the turns in Russian roulette quadruples the fun?
... that it's a felony to tease the order box?
... that Joe Biden's teleprompter contains slightly fewer words than this sentence?
... that if you are illiterate, something is wrong here?
... that, whenever a death-per-second statistic is mentioned, someone will inevitably start counting?
... that you can nearly eliminate the risk of contracting HIV by killing yourself?
... that contracting hypothermia is a sure-fire way to be cool?
... that you forgot to do the washing-up and you will be punished?
...when you go poo-poo in potty you are a good boy/girl?
... that a camel's breasts are on its back?
... that Casey Anthony's second victim is due in nine months unless she decides to save time by aborting?
... that comparing religion to magic is always funny?
...if you spread out the entire respiratory surface of a pair of human lungs out it would cover an entire tennis court and I'll probably have to clean it up? So don't get any ideas and stay away from my tennis court.
... that Asians sleep with their eyes open?
... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
... that you know that you know that I know that they know what we know about what we all know about knowing what everyone wants to know?
... that to heal someone with a Bieber-fever, you must Bieberblast or Bieberheal him/her?
... that China still keeps the law "don't make babies every weekdays" until now even though their population is still currently rising.
... that every time you defecate you are actually sodomized by your own excrement?
... that ignorance is bliss? That's why rednecks don't fear cancer.
... that I have an erection?
... this DYK didn't start with "that"?
... that that wasn't chicken?
... that dividing by infinity yields undefined?
... that P^P?
... that nobody cares?
... that the Did You Know section is no longer funny?
... that <insert name here> sucked his own dick?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but found it again at age 35?
... that DYK submissions are funnier than most TV shows?
... that there is not going to be a party tonight?
... that repetition isn't funny?

... that repetition isn't funny?

... that Morgan Freeman's ancestors were not free men?

... that Bin Laden is living in a cave south of Iraq in relative comfort?
... that I cry myself to sleep at night?

... that Skywalker or Starkiller are actually names of psychological disorders?
... that Borat is actually from South-Northern Kazakhstan?

... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?

... that repetition still isn't funny?
... that repetition still isn't funny?

... that you sunk my battleship?

... that I would have been your daddy if the neighbor's dog had not gotten out and beat me to it?

... that you don't give a crap if you're constipated?

... that the Pope's nickname amongst his pals is "Eggs Benedict" on account of his yellow flag?

... that your next book will also be your first?

... that Bertrand Russell is still faithlessly following his principles in the next life?

... that Peter North aims to please?

... that baking a cake is not a piece of cake?

... that Asians squint because of generations of opium usage?

... that if ax 2 + bx + c = 0 then x = ( -b (b 2 - 4ac) ) / 2a ?

... that thing we talked about never panned out in the end?

... that it is impossible to keep your mouth open and bob your head at the same time?

... that door-hinge rhymes with orange?

... that Jesus can walk on water as long as it's frozen?

... that it's hard to say what my wife does for a living? She shells sea sells...se sells shea shells...

... that I like you? :-)

... that you are going to die?

... that Scooby Doo can poo-poo but Jimmy Carter is smarter?

... that We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence,[1] promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America?

... that all black people must leave the store immediately?

... that you just lost the game?

... that the biggest number in the world is not 76?

... that apple pi is slightly better than apple root 5?

... that the meaning of life is to bomb Iraq?

... that you gotta do what you gotta do?

... that the cake is a lie?

... that it isn't rape if you yell "SURPRISE!"?

... that the Wu-Tang clan ain't nothing to fuck with?

... that if a drummer is too tired for an encore the drummer is too tired for the after party?

... that death is bad for your health?

... that the bird is the word?

... that cows go moo?

... that everything hurts when you poke it with a broken finger?

... that media forms can underwrite cultural mobilization and resistance by articulating the voices of the marginalized, enabling them to formulate their own identities in opposition to hegemonic discourses that position them at the margins?

... that my milkshake brings all the boys to my yard and damn right, it's better than yours?

... that the internet is not a big truck?

... that this DYK is self-referential?

... that you did not know this?

... that Unciclopydia is misspeled over 75% of the time?

... that if you notice this notice then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing?

... that "Yo mamma" jokes are so old they make yo mamma look young?

... that no one actually understands R2-D2?

... that a question mark looks like this?

... that Uncyclopedia is an example of the Infinite Monkey Theorem?

... tahtt wrting typoes can reslut in suddden instnat death+

... that everything dissolves in sin?

... that everything sounds more intimidating when you put "or else..." at the end of it?

... that you can press Z or R twice to do a barrel roll?

... that you are adopted and nobody loves you?

... that Big Brother is watching you?

... that the bird is officially no longer the word in the state of Massachusetts?

... that life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapeños?

... that if you can read this you may not be blind?

... that life evolved on Earth after God puked on a roller coaster ride in Disneyland?

... that by reading this you agree to the terms and conditions on page 6,423 of file 96 sector 108 and will now burn in hell for all of eternity?

... that that is that and this is this, you tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get?

... that dark matter is passing through us constantly?

... that the efficiency of a speeding lawn mower in 5.72 knot winds at exactly 3.739 inch grass with moderate puffin combustion is 14√¯x+|15|=|71|?

... that covering yourself in salmon blood is not an effective bear repellant?

... that I knew that as well?

... that Pokemon is nearing its end because I caught them all?

... thatmyspacebarisbroken?

... that if you own a Ford and you are perfect at driving, you can be part of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as Ford Prefect?

... that ChAoStExT iS aCtUaLlY iS tHe FaStEsT wAy To BoTh TyPe AnD rEaD?

... that you have failed me for the last time?

... that this sentence is free from both spelling and grammar errors?

... that the world record for biting a baby alligator's tail and flinging is five feet and 21 milliliters of baby alligator tears?

... that we are the champions, my friend? And furthermore, that we will keep on fighting til the end?

... that life as we know it is wrong?

... that all hummingbirds are allergic to magma?

... that 42 is the answer?

... that qwerty keyboards are named after early '40s inventor Renatus J. Qwert?

... that whenever you play a flight simulator you're controlling an actual plane halfway around the world?

... that you cannot find a hay in a needlestack?

... that I know that you don't know that he knows that you and I don't know that they don't know that she knows that I don't know that we don't know that they know that I don't want to know that you know that they and we know that she knows?

... that the only universally recognized gesture is jazz hands?

... that hippos make for delightful pets if you lobotomize them?

... that giant squid wrangling pays well as long as you don't mind the smell and your lungs are made of diamond?
... that Lava Gardens, Inc. may not be the wisest investment?
... that "skiji" is not a word in any language?
... that the game of jacks has never entertained anyone?
... that the Vietnam War was a hoax?
... that this is a Did You Know?
... that many tentacle rape monsters are friendly if you get to know them?
... that before Pangaea the earth's landmass was composed of 12,000 tiny continents, each one independently named "Jyroxos" by the microbe kings?
... that Amelia Earhart is currently on exhibition in an underground museum?
... that the Hindenburg was actually filled not with helium, but with lighter fluid?
... that Excalibur was actually first drawn from the stone by a particularly stupid Lars gibbon?
... that evolution nearly granted antelopes the ability to spit lightning?
... that somebody set us up the bomb?
... that I can see you picking your nose?
... that reading this wastes 3 seconds of your life?
... that this is a sentence?
... that that means this?
... that only Enrique Iglesias knows what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the doors has changed?
... that you should get off this website and get a life?
... that during World War 2 five thousand combat deaths were attributed to sword wounds?
... that in my day you got whipped to within an inch of your life for such behaviour?
... that objects in the mirror are closer than they appear?
... that Rome was, in fact, built in a day, if you are talking about a day on Venus, which is nearly 165 years long?
... that it takes a male rabbit on average six thrusts to produce 17,544 offspring?
... that today was my hundredth failed suicide attempt?
... that six years ago to the day the date was exactly the same as today, except it was 1969?
... that "The Song That Never Ends" never ends?
... that there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time?
... that by the time you have read this nearly three seconds have passed?
... that you are the favored host to a certain debilitating brain eating virus?
- ... that they have eaten your brain?
  - ... that the person next to you is the favored host to a certain debilitating brain eating virus?
... that hell is post mordem depression?
... that telling someone that you are bleeding from the mouth only makes it worse?
... that I wasn't really wearing a condom and I'm sorry?
... that you probably shouldn't try this at home?
... that i'm not righting the write way, am i?
... that DYK stands for "Did You Know"?
... that you already knew this?
... that this can't possibly make it to the main page?
... that I hate you, mom?
- ... that I hate you more, and that I'm not really your mom?
... that abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxy and z?
- ... And next time won't you sing with me?
... that you are reading this backwards yesterday?
... that you have a very low risk of developing Zombosis, unless you are in fact reading this at this very moment?
... that when your mother kissed you goodnight, you had no previous information on where that mouth had been?
... that cheese contains animal stomach lining and pure fat? It's a good thing to think about when you've had "one to many" at your grandmother's funeral.
... that no one likes you?
... that this is the Main Page?
... that if you were me, then I'd be you, and therefore I'd be gay?
... that you shouldn't ask questions you want to know the answer to?
... that Rick Astley will, under no circumstances, give you up?
... that Republicans believe reading is a sin?
... that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I didn't know that?
... that sleep is for the weak and materialistic?
... that during the height of his career, MC Hammer was clinically proven to be both dope on the floor and magic on the mic simultaneously?
... that the word "gullible" is not in the dictionary?
... that old people often take 10 sec. showers because they don't remember how long they have been in there?
... that there are invisible people everywhere? Really! Look behind you!
... that the most philosophical question of all time is: does one drink or eat soup?
... that flutes make really good blow darts?
... that you should pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
... that swearing is banned here. #&@% it!
... that Ke$ha wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy?
... that you put the lime in the coconut?
... that the word 'like' is the most commonly used word by teenage girls?
... that you have less than 500 years to live?
... that if you say Dumbledore really slow it sounds like the word "gullible"? No? say it slower, or maybe faster.
... that if your IQ is below 80, you have 'special abilities' such as tripping over your own legs and making weird noises?
... that 99% of statistics are made up?
... that we serve both Coke and Pepsi products here?
... that if you die, you fail the reality TV show Life and don't win the washer/dryer combo?
... that we aren't here, we are just more likely to be here than to not be here?
... that today is Judgment Day? Show me your boobs and I will judge them.
... that over 60% of kidnappings don't involve either kids or naps?
... that murder is the leading cause of death in murder victims?
... that this statement has no information that you didn't already know?
... that life is better in HD?
... that I actually did this and that with this guy and that guy to that girl?
... that there is no Santa Claus? Tuff, I know.
... that it is currently room temperature?
... that the bird is the word?
... that if a fly losse its wings, it is called 'a walk'?
... that?
... that The Killers are actually dancer, NOT human?
... that in Rock Band 2, there is a secret unlockable mode called "shitty garage band", where you live with your parents, boring them about how "I'll make it one day" and can't get any gigs?
... that you are sitting alone in a dark room, probably doing immoral duties?
... that I'm getting kind of blue and am looking for an interesting way to go. Know of any cheap flights to Las Vegas? That Roaming Gnome guy really creeps me out, so Travelocity is out...
... that your parents aren't proud of you because they wanted you to become the next pope?
... that Lindsey Lohan wanted to keep dating Luke Skywalker, but his work got in the way of their relationship?
... that Shakespeare was just a really, really naughty elf as a child?
... that Americans move occasionally when provoked?
... that bitches most definitely be crazy?
... that the arc wielder on Jak 3 is more effective on organic enemies than robots?
... that the Dyson vacuum is the first vacuum that manipulates the laws of physics to achieve a new level of convenient cleanliness?
... that Vladimir Nabokov was the only person who ever knew what the hell Vladimir Nabokov was talking about?
... that if you see certain words on the screen, you will instantly turn oedipal?
... that the members of AC/DC haven't died from over exposure yet?
... that Barack Obama's initials are "B.O."?
... that help isn't coming?
... that all dogs go to Hebburn?
... that I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!!? <slurp!> <slurp!> I DRINK IT UP!! <slurp!> <slurp!>
... that mosquitoes have 42 teeth?
... that 42 is the only number that equals 42?
... that Wayne Brady had to choke a bitch?
... that if you laugh while telling a joke, people will automatically appreciate it more?
... that you're eating too much dairy?
... that guy? No? Too bad, he has your money...
... that spam isn't made of real meat?
... that hot dogs aren't made of real dogs?
... that Harold Shipman was a very credible member of the community and that many of his patients should have attended his funeral out of respect?
... that there are no black munchkins in Munchkin Land?
... that if you start me up I'll never stop?
... that Tay Zonday died from suffocation because he forgot to step away from the mic to breath?
... that the cake is a lie?
- ... that while the cake is a lie it is in fact very delicious?
... that the Bermuda Triangle is actually a square?
... that gullible is actually in the dictionary and that asshole who told you otherwise has been killed in a car accident?
- ... that "credulous" is not in the dictionary?
... that murdering your twin is legally considered suicide?
... that all you need is love? ... and some food, and water, and oxygen...
... that you are the evil twin?
... that "A" is a letter?
... that if you insert fingers up both nostrils at the same time you see only in black and white?
- ... that everyone reading this page just stuck both fingers up their nostrils?
... that you only have 4 Minutes to Save the World?
... that candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker?
... that I find your lack of faith disturbing?
... that 80% of the population prefers to get on the high horse instead of taking the high road?
... that you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil is always lead?
... that I know that you know what I knowingly knew before you knew that I knew what you know as well?
... that foo and bar all the most commonly used filenames for nonexistent files?
... that if a quiz is quizzical, then a test must be...?
... that you talk to yourself when you pray?
- ... And therefore, by default, you are God?
... that nobody can find the fucking droids you're looking for?
... that scientists have shown dieting is bad for you, and starving is healthier?
... that the Earth is flat?
... that cancer is a carcinogen?
... that things are not always as they seem. Sometimes a balloon can spell your doom, but a gory head stump can mean good luck?
... the Muffin Man?
... that you really did know that? But you've just been denying it whenever your friends ask you?
... that the bird is a word?
- ... that everybody knows that the bird is the word?
... that the last condom you used had a hole in it?
... that your last sex partner was a hermaphrodite?
... that there is a good chance you will die before your dog
... that the shape of a vegetable can decide the date of your next birthday?
... that the prophet Mohammad still has an outstanding parking ticket after he left his horse in Jerusalem?
... that Led Zeppelin were originally going to be called Barrage Balloon?
... that in western Norway, it's cooler to wear a t-shirt with a tractor on it than a black metal t-shirt?
- ... that's not just Norway, guys. Tractors RULE!
... that before Bill Clinton banged Monica Lewinsky in the 90's as President, in the 80's as Governor of Arkansas he banged a hooker named Elvira, Mistress of the Dark?
... that if you knew your future, you could spit right into the face of karma?
... that the universe is a good source of existence?
... that it isn't funny to? mispla.ce, punct"uation marks"/
... that you just lost the game?
... that when you die, you wake up and realize that your whole life was all just a dream?
... that the Egyptian pyramids were actually built by a bunch of aliens who only did it to confuse us many years later?
... that people with longer toes have better eyesight?
... that someone set us up the bomb?
... that you can give a hand to Uncyclopedia by sending it through mail? preferably in a leak-proof container.
... that I saw you through your bedroom window last night, those underpants looked awfully tight.
... that you should close the curtains in future.
... that by saying this I'm being stupid and not just funny?
... that you are not who you think you are?
... that "that" is that no matter what you say?
... that I forgot what I was going to say?
... that the roof is really on fire?
... that Portugal is a country and the national language is Portuguese and not Spanish?
... that Elvis is dead? I didn't.
... that I now see the light...oh no wait...wait...it's a FREAKIN' TRAIN!!!
... that if you are reading this then you have just read it?
... that longcat is long?
... that the most thought about thing when people wake up is, "why are there more spots up there?"
... that I just realized that my DYK submission has already been used?
... that homosexuals are gay?
... that the Disney Channel will make anyone a singer?
... that the Earth is flat?
... that this is Uncyclopedia?
... that words don't come easy to m ?
... that 100% of shark attacks involve a shark?
... that you can have your cake and eat it too?
... that every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal?
... that everyone generalizes?
- ... that no-one believes this?
... that watching Family Guy will make you realize that nothing is funny about the show?
... that I stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
... that the 80's never actually existed, they were just a scary drug trip?
... that if you insert money into a vending machine, you get a free refreshment of your choice?
... that life is the cause of all diseases and all deaths?
... that you am not as think as you drunk I are?
... that the majority of people alive are not dead?
... that you don't know?
... that hablo español, pero no haces?
... that╝ █I▐ τknow◄ ¥how↔ σ toª ·insert" µfancy╫ symbols?
... that §fancy♪ ₧symbols☼ ►don't◄ ▒improve┘ αwriting♪ ªquality┌ ║whatsoever?
... that I've got ants in my pants and they make me wanna...statutory rape?
... that after Monday and Tuesday even the rest of the week says W.T.F.?
... that if Annie says she is okay, she is REALLY not because some guy came into her window, and there was the sound of a crescendo, and some guy made a song about it so she is ticked off?
... that you are not from Hawaii?
... that it's technically not masturbation if you marry yourself?
... that the penalty for suicide is death?
... that I'm letting you off this time with a warning?
... that it's not butter?
... that Godzilla was made in China?
... that Miss South Carolina is not an expert in geography?
... th...tha..t...t...that...eh...I am a...a...stut..stutte..stu..stuttererer....stutterer?
... that once Calgon takes you away, you are never seen or heard from again?
... that stabbing yourself in the eyes hurts?
... that the Twilight Saga has no fans, only people who have yet to admit they hate it?
... that the only thing better than lots of missiles is more bigger and faster missiles?
... that bad guys always get a second chance?
... that death hurts like hell?
... that GLaDOS is glad it got burnt?
... that you spin my head right round, right round when you go down, when you go down down?
... that sometimes when we touch, the honesty is too much?
... that smart Americans are about as common as a bad Canadian beer? They exist but are very rare.
... that I like turtles?
... zat ven you overlay bose kindz of Nazi svastikaz, you get ze Vindows logo?
... that Mary had a little lamb?
... that Jesus is the only being to have ever revived Aeris without a Pheonix Down?
... that a wild SQUIRTLE appears?
... that a wise old man once said, "If you don't succeed, try again...but if that fails then try taking your shirt off and spinning it in the air like a motherf***ing helicopter!"?
... that the only man to have ever completely read a terms of agreements page was Bill Gates?
... that only one Falcon Punch is required for a surprise abortion?
... that James Cameron's Avatar was actually created using Windows Movie Maker (XP Version)?
... that it's not me, it's you?
... that in Congo they conga for 20 hours every day?
... that you were only invited out of pity?
... that tomorrow is your boss's birthday, and he has been dropping hints all week about gifts?
... that every time Microsoft Office crashes, a Microsoft employee flips a coin to decide if your document is saved?
... that this sentence is false?
... that I'm on the highway to hell?
... that I saw a skinny, white man yesterday with nothing but boxers on, running up and down across the street screaming, 'OHHH OHHH OHHH OHHH!?'
... that if you can't handle the truth, you can handle a lie?
... that 'putting it in' and 'taking it out' can mean putting your butter knife to scoop the butter and taking the butter knife out?
... that we've only got 3 1/2 minutes to save the world?
... that PISSING out the window and SHITTING out the window are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS?!
... that more people are killed each year by falling coconuts than stationary ones?
... that you will probably never use your degree?
... that this...is the Matrix...
... that the cake is not a lie, according to Minecraft creator Markus Persson?
... that the majority of Uncyclopedia vandal edits are made from open proxies and school IPs?
... that every time someone micspams a Gabe Newell remix, he deletes the existing data for Episode Three?
... that the only reason Half-Life 2: Episode Three hasn't been started yet is that all the developers are obsessed with making more Team Fortress 2 hats?
... that the movie Transformers was based on a true story?
... that アンサイクロペヂアの人は日本語が分からない？
... that Superman's costume was not a costume, but a natural Kryptonian skin pattern?
... that you didn't know about knowing this?
... that people named Fredrick are 4.32 times more likely to laugh at pictures of a mongoose than the average person?
... that on the internet the human head weighs 60 pounds?
... that Mormons believed the Garden of Eden was located in Jackson County, Missouri?
... that atheists can't go to heaven nor hell?
... that I want my eyebrow pierced and dont give a shit about what my parents think?
... that the last three of these were me and im severely bored?
... that 98% of statistics go unreported?
... that the point is generally pointy?
... that you are reading this?
... that you are adopted?
... that you were aborted but your parents failed at it?
... that some guy out there would suck off an elephant for a Klondike bar?
... that nobody reads this shit and i can vandalize it if i want? eat it bitches!!!11!!1one!!11eleven
... orgazmu tam dostal na miejscu?
... that <insert name here> is a forty year old virgin?
... that before you go to a foreign country you need to make sure to bring a towel?
... that you're a pussy, but you're my pussy?
... that despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage?
... that every 7.908 seconds, some idiot posts "... that you are reading this" on Uncyclopedia's Did You Know page?
... that the Hebrew name Jesus Christ roughly translates to "+Jimme Henderickss"?
... that the quick revive drink in Call of Duty's Zombies tastes a lot like fish?
... that religion is the longest running joke ever?
... that good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
... that every 23 seconds a Tupperware party starts somewhere in the world?
... that only a few animals were harmed in the making of this DYK?
... that alcohol impairs your ability to drive a car, operate machinery, and sing karaoke?
... that marijuana users who share needles may be exposing themselves to HIV and hepatitis?
... that there ain't no party like a Nazi party 'cuz a Nazi party don't stop?
... that the Bible tells you to respect your elders, and also their carnal desires?
... how to ask a question?
... that Princess Diana didn't actually clear away one single landmine?
... that if the crime is robbery, it may actually pay?
... that all four main biographies of Jesus Christ were unauthorised?
- ... and that the only authorised one is right here on Uncyclopedia?
... that you're not the father?
... that while Americans pronounce it potato, the British pronounce it potato?
... that if you keep yo momma out of my yard, I'll keep my yard out of yo momma?
... that a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down?
- ... unless it's insulin?
... that I'm totally clopping right now?
... that Kurt Cobain rhymes with cocaine?
... that "How the fuck did you find that out?" and "You're paranoid!" mean the same thing?
... that meta-humor is a sad substitute for actual humor?
... that it is better to have loved and lost than to have been impaled on a beaver?
... that having an itchy nose is the first symptom of chronic death?
... that what you don't know can't harm you?
- ... unless you don't know the difference between arsenic and cucumber?
... that 13 is a baker's dozen, not because bakers are generous, but because they are stupid?
... that the French are actually surprisingly good at fighting wars, just not nearly as good as everyone else?
... that there's a party in my tummy and salmonella isn't invited?
... that Julian Assange was put under house arrest for pointing out the obvious?
... that at one time in history, wigs were both a political party and something you put on your head?
... that we're all tired of your shit, Melissa?
... that this sentence is deliberately condescending?
... that you can talk your way out of a traffic ticket by waving a handgun in the air?
... that it is physically impossible to catch a fart between your teeth and paint it blue?
... that oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone?
... that Uncyclopedia hates lists?
... that metaphors are lonely bees buzzing around my erect penis?
... that if you cant beat them, join them; if you can't join them: beat them harder?
... that Wikipedia also has Did You Knows, but they are mostly plagiarism?
... that intelligence is only a lie away?
... that, no matter what Jeff Magnum tells you, there is no such thing as a neutral milk?
- ... that all milks are evil cocksuckers?
... that if "life is a box of chocolates", death is a Pot Noodle.
... that corn is really just yellow teeth?
... that orange is the bastard son of red and yellow?
... that something is even more dangerous than grues?
... that I JUST HAD SEX, AND IT FELT SO GOOD?

User:EMC/DYK

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