User:Erviltnec
“I've never known a more reliable asshole, well, maybe one or two...”
uncyclomania[edit | edit source]
This place seems to be a haven for geeks, nerds, gamers, Trekkie types and Star Wars enthusiasts. While I was banging away on an old Apple II these guys were learning HTML on 686’s with pentium lll's and inventing energy drinks. They learned how to put funny cartoon heads on famous people or famous people’s heads on funny cartoons while I learned syntax and punctuation. How often I have read; bad: use, of - punctuation?or bad speeling on uncyclopedia! While most in my generation still see these things as glorified typewriters these guys don’t even know what a typewriter was - yeah, that noisy thing with the built-in printer... Had Hemingway spilled his mint julep on his HP he may have shot himself long before he later did. All he had was the standard qwerty keyboard and all of it’s punctuation keys and symbols. If you fucked up, you corrected the page with some worthless gloop or eraser or ripped it out and threw it away; and yes, you actually had a paper page!
The typical modern acceptance of violence over nudity seems to be the norm here as well. Violence is good, but sex is naughty - especially pictures of it, or if it's any good at all. You can have blood and guts and exploding heads, but don’t have a nice pair of tits or a round butt. It’s the gamer mentality, I guess.
I sincerely believe most of the people here are single, hopelessly dateless, harboring a god obsession (Satanism is not atheism; it's still deist) and a hatred of intellectualism (I can't believe the things that won't internally link). How else would they find the time to do what they do or write (?) what they write? I can tell who the writers are - and I can tell who the posers are, too. Knowing HTML does not a writer make…
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“I am not out to destroy. I really am friendly. Sometimes...”
my influences[edit | edit source]
Michael O'Donoghue, Doug Kenny, P.J. O'Rourke, Chris Miller, Henry Beard, Tony Hendra, Hunter S. Thompson, Kurt Vonnegut, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, Lenny Bruce, William S. Burroughs, Dr. Benway...
"Critics constantly complain that writers are lacking in standards, yet they themselves seem to have no standards other than personal prejudice for literary criticism. (...) such standards do exist. Matthew Arnold set up three criteria for criticism: 1. What is the writer trying to do? 2. How well does he succeed in doing it? (...) 3. Does the work exhibit "high seriousness"? That is, does it touch on basic issues of good and evil, life and death and the human condition. I would also apply a fourth criterion (...) Write about what you know. More writers fail because they try to write about things they don't know than for any other reason." – William S. Burroughs, 'A Review of the Reviewers'
The Night of the Seven Fires by Chris Miller, National Lampoon, October 1974:
my children[edit | edit source]
Uncyclopedia
- Katie Couric
- The Astelins
- dead at birth: Albert Pike (anonymous post, huffed overnight!) 2 years later...Working on an absolute foolish rewrite presently. Let's see where this goes...
- saw re-write tag on Hunter S. Thompson and couldn't resist the temptation to get banned!
- George Noory with the introduction of the character "Space Jesus." It came about while vainly attempting a rewrite of a related topic article. The article was in such pitifully sorry bad shape, I bailed!
UnNews
- UnNews:Scientists: Irish dolphins boorish drunkards
- UnNews:Sightings increase: Cows may be coming home
- UnNews:Falwell to Reincarnate as Flaming Poof
- UnNews:Bush Administration - "All is well in the Middle East" did major rewrite of what became front page UnNews article 21 May 2007 as user:64.24.35.16 - yep, that was me. When I started, the article was sooo bad I wanted to be anonymous!! Now, I am amazed it got as far as it did!!
- UnNews:New birth control pill makes periods permanent, euphoric
- UnNews:Ravers run toystores for Aqua Dots - Got featured!!
- UnNews:Iraqi attacks down 55%; Bush wants $200bn to celebrate
- UnNews: Study: Dial-up better than Broadband, DSL
- UnNews: Miss Piggy sues Britney over "intellectual property" dispute
I have also been logged as user:216.126.185.160.
Lost in the fog: http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/UnNews:Fire_breathing_dolphins_invade_Florida_coast
my music[edit | edit source]
Jesus myth[edit | edit source]
how to: be funny[edit | edit source]
Stare at people and rant incoherently. Works every time. Wait for the police.
leftovers[edit | edit source]
pics of invisible monkeys[edit | edit source]
So, I thought that with all the kitten huffing stuff and the Russian Reversal you could do an article about human-huffing kitties. That's why they look so cool - they are gangsta kitties - kitties on the fly that huff da guy an' leave 'em fo dead yo heard what I said - kitties wit a nappy head...but I'd just get fired and embarrassed nationally.