User:Crazyswordsman/IJesus 2.0
History[edit | edit source]
Invented in 1932 by Ralph Wiggum (formerly known as "that guy who eats your garbage"), the iJesus 2.0 is one of Apple's greatest successes and a vast improvement over the original iJesus. Apple technicians are currently working on an "iJesus 3.0: The Resurrection", which is believed to be able to connect to a USB Bible and send Bible verses at speeds of up to 12ppm (prayers per minute).
Specs[edit | edit source]
The iJesus 2.0 has 40TB RAM, a 26-core Intel Jesium Processor, 1 Googlebyte of storage space and the ability to connect up to the universal "heaven" feature. The iJesus 2.0 is also a Bluetooth and WiFi compatible device.
iSight[edit | edit source]
The iJesus 2.0 contains an iSight camera to SEE AND RECORD ALL. The iJesus 2.0 constantly takes 4,600 photos per minute and wirelessly uploads them to iGod. (Only in iWiFi hotspots). It can also see 7 minutes into the future, a vast improvement over the original, which could only see things 7 seconds after they occurred.
Additional information[edit | edit source]
The iJesus 2.0 has the ability to sprout inflatable legs in order to walk on water, giving users the ability to listen to their favourite music in the bath or swimming pool. It also contains a minibar with a water-into-wine feature.
The iJesus 2.0 is said to be the best magician ever, including curing sick and old people by touch. Also, it is said to be able to split up food into infinite amounts, so someone will be sending one to Africa any minute now. This is also said to actually be a load of bollocks as said in the iBible.
iBible[edit | edit source]
The iBible is an accesory for the iJesus 2.0 talking about its history. However this is grossly exagerated and very controversial because the New Testiment said the complete oposite of the Old Testimant.
Potential hazards[edit | edit source]
Controversy has surrounded the iJesus 2.0 ever since the potential risk of fanatical dogmatism was discovered, when a user decided to start a religious crusade. The iJesus 2.0 was not taken off the market, however, because of the process of iDesecularization began by iSenator Joe iMcarthey in the 1950s.
The Holy Family of the Jesii † | †||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
The Sacred Host of Major Jesii
The So-So Company of Other Jesii
The Abandoned Hallway of Unwanted Jesii
The Sacred Host of Minor Jesii
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