User:CheddarBBQ/arch6

“ I'z in your talk page, begging for nOOb adoptionz!”

~ Serpwntor on CheddarBBQ's talk page

Place Your Requests For The Almighty CheddarBBQ!!!

September 26, 2009 - April 11, 2010

Highlights include:

• Serpwntor fucks up my page (-1)
• Guildy is a dick (3)
• Syndrome catches in to my laziness (8)
• Guildy is a dick again, and dinosaur raping (11)
• IWKY wastes a perfectly good rape (20)
• Zim confuses the shit out of me (39)
• I get my biopic (46)
• Finally, some decent discussion not with the fuckin American swill (51)
• Necropaxx brings back fond memories (70)

RAPE!

I got you good. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:45, 26 September 2009

Oh yeah. So good baby. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:46,26September,2009

Thought I'd give this a try

Hi Chedds, hope you're good. I'm kinda here to see if I can get some involvement in a little idea. See, the pee queue is backed up a little, and I figured that if most of our active reviewers did two reviews each this weekend, it'd pretty much take care of that. I know, I know, this is a busy time of the year 'n' shit, and you've done a bunch of reviews already this year. Cool. Thanks. And if you can't, you cant. But if you can find the time to crank out just 2 decent reviews this weekend, it'd be awesome. Hell, if we do shift the queue, it might even help grease those sticky wheels over at VFH a little. I reckon it's worth a shot, what say you? --UU - natter 18:40, Sep 30

Hmm. Kinda surprised you came to me as an "active reviewer" who has "done a bunch of reviews already this year," even though I haven't reviewed since June (as you can see if you look at my user page). But I guess, if I get the chance to, I'll try to get in a review or two. No promises though. Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:40,30September,2009

Well, in truth, it was more "you are active, and have shown you are capable of doing good reviews" - there are rarely many people active reviewing at any one time! But it would be much appreciated if you could - as I say, I understand if you can't. --UU - natter 22:04, Sep 30

Yeah, I'll try. It's been a pretty busy time, but I'm sure you know that (since you already said that). Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:29,30September,2009

So...

...my girlfriend and I get to go see Mastodon on October 24th. Yeah, pretty awesome, I know. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:14, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

...at the natural history museum? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 17:10 October 1 '09

No, at the Hamburg Agri-Center with Dethklok and some shitty other bands I don't care about. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:57, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Mastodon is okay, but I love Dethklok! Just got their new album on Tuesday. And I hate you now Guilds. BITCH. By the way, what are the other bands? I might like them... Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:30,1October,2009

wtf? Dethklok plays live? i thought they played for that metalocalypse only.. Stupid me • FreddCan Shredd • • • 19:36 October 1 '09

Yeah, but it's not exactly the same. For the show, Brendan Small does both guitars, bass, and vocals. Live he only does lead guitar and vocals. Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:38,1October,2009

The other bands are Converge and High on Fire. And yes, you should hate me. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:52, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Sig steal

At the count to a million forum! Yay! [/zh] 11:00 October 4

I noticed... [/zh] 13:30 October 4

It's almost time, you sexy judge you

Poo Lit ends on the 18st. After that, from 19-25rd, you have to judge (leave your choices here by the start of the 26st). Before that, keep an eye on your category. I'm not saying all Uncyclopedians will cheat and steal to win the coveted Poo Lit Surprise. What I'm saying is all Uncyclopedians will cheat and steal to win the coveted Poo Lit Surprise. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 00:15, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: October 1st, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

October 1st, 2009 • Issue 66• Now With 40% More Pictures of Cats with Humorous Captions!

Users Turn to PLS to Rescue Uncyclopedia from Decay, Doom, Worstness By Gerrycheevers The Eighth Semi-Annual Poo Lit Surprise Writing Competition & Brownie Bake-Off begins this Monday, October 5th when Olipro emerges from his house. If he is frightened by his shadow, writers are required to send him love letters; otherwise, writers have two weeks to squeeze all of the humor they can out of their mostly insignificant humor glands. This year's categories include Best Article, Best Illustrated Article, Best Kanye Joke, and Best Rewrite. The list of judges includes both esteemed Uncyclopedia veterans and former PLS winners; they will be sequestered in a two-star hotel for the duration of the competition in order to ensure the most convenient environment for receiving bribes. This year's PLS Master of Ceremonies and Executive in Charge of Parking, Modusoperandi, humbly expressed optimism when asked about the quality of this installment: "This Poo Lit will be the Greatest PLS ever," said Mr. Operandi exclusively. "Anyone who says otherwise is as much of a liar as they are dumb, and they are plenty dumb. Ergo, they are also plenty liar. That made more sense in my head." Other users, who wished to remain anonymous since they regularly read the unflattering commentary often associated with being quoted in the UnSignpost, expressed hope that the PLS would revive the life-support-laden VFH and also stimulate the lagging Uncyclopedia economy. Users Agree: 'Uncyclopedia is the Boringest' By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia users denounced the recent lack of activity on the wiki. Necropaxx initiated the conversation, noting that activity on VFH, similar to the pants of the 'hip' crowd, has dropped to unacceptably low levels. Other users have responded, and the general consensus does indeed seem to be that overall, the site's quality has dropped below acceptable levels. Not since June '07, November '07, February '08, August '08, December '08, March '09, and May '09 has Uncyclopedia seen such a blatant claim that the entire website will imminently burst into a ball of some sort, with 'flame' being the most likely sort of ball. Trusted UnSignpost undercover investigative reporter, DogNewspaper (pictured), infiltrated one such group of doom-saying users in order to obtain some first-hand declarations of the impending death throes of the wiki. "Yeah, with the number of quality articles readily available, I'd give Uncyclopedia two months at the most until it is absorbed into another humor website," said one user. Further commentary from this group of users was unavailable, as undercover investigative reporter DogNewspaper's cover was at this point compromised, as his unwavering loyalty to Uncyclopedia caused him to seize the infidel user's lower leg in his mouth and shake his head viciously. Please stay with the UnSignpost for up-to-the-week coverage of the impending(?) death of Uncyclopedia.

Check out these pages! Features and Self-Loathing on Uncyclopedia An all-time Uncyclopedia mystery explained in agonzing detail Get your monthly dose of religious oppression! From our logs: 17:54, September 27, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.233.10.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (Under Uncyclopedia emergency act (1976) I hereby revoke your editing priveleges) 20:55, September 27, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.166.95.119 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (only two kinds blank Texas: steers and queers. and steers find it hard to use the internet so I guess that narrows things down a little, doesn't it?) 21:42, September 29, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.203.96.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(Hates me for some reason. Even though I happen to be the nicest man who ever lived. It's true, ask Richard Nixon.) Biopic of the Week Since exploding onto the Uncyclopedia scene in 2007, MacMania has developed into a fine-tuned humor machine. His recent writing endeavors have earned him a Writer of the Month nod, and as such, he is certainly a user worthy of biopication. His current sabbatical makes UnSignpost editors sad, but perhaps a constant spamming of his userpage with pleas to return will accelerate his comeback. UnSignpost readers, away! Old School Featured Article I Can't Believe it's Not Murder is the preferred alternative of first degree murder that celebrities, famous sports stars, politicians, and otherwise prominent individuals take advantage of in courts of law. It is similar to being found guilty of first degree murder, though this version avoids the undesirable consequences such as jail time, fines, probation, and the unsightly community service. Random Thought of the Week Dippin' Dots have been the ice cream of the future for like ten years. Shouldn't they be the ice cream of the present by now?

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Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:30, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sometime October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

October 8th, 2009 • Issue 67• Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

The End is Nigh... Once Again By The Sockinator Yes, it's that time of the year again. Despite the hopes of many, Poo Lit Surprise did not instantly revive Uncyclopedia. We are doomed! DOOMED! But how did the great Uncyclopedia become such a wasteland, one may ask. It's all a big conspiracy, I tell you! All perpetrated by a mysterious figure, known only by the initials R.L. Perseveringly, this entity has claimed the lives of various Uncyclopedians, among them such users as SysRq, Cajek, YesTimeToEdit, Siddhartha-Wolf and most recently it seems R.L. has even gotten its grips on our own UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers. When confronted with the issue, noted favourite Jew and Zionist ruler Mordillo barely managed to exclusively tell us the following "I tell you Socky, I'd be happy to comment about our IMPENDING DOOM but I'm too busy packing. Another time maybe? HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! EASY WITH THE VASE! THAT'S FRAGILE! Sorry Sock, gotta scram, the movers are breaking my stuff. NO! DROP THAT BAN HAMMER! DROP IT I SAID!" Expert in things that suck (no pun intended), Optimuschris, was quoted saying "Uncyclopedia hasn't been cool since 08. Ban 09's." In conclusion, UN:N. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein The previous two weeks of the UFFL action have been filled with more intrigue than a mediocre James Bond movie. Two touchdownless games by Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees cost Sternensteinenstine a win Week 3, though the team rebounded Week 4 and currently holds a solid second-place standing in the hyper-competitive UFFL. A resurgent Tom Brady and a balanced roster has led Domestic Team Name to two wins over the same period, as well as an unblemished 4-0 record. The Dudes’ neglect to change their starting roster cost them a win in Week 4, knocking the former top dogs down to a less-than-remarkable 4th place. The John Curry All-Stars have been hampered by the loss of Frank Gore, and lost last week to a rejuvenated Dibiase’s Millions that were led by a solid Aaron Rodgers-Matt Forte NFC North attack. A soft schedule has helped Oklahoma City Storm to a respectable 2-2 record, while the winless Doritians continue to struggle. Finally, The Winnerz put up mounds of points as Peyton Manning passed his way to his fourth consecutive 300-yard game…or at least would have if The Winnerz could figure out how to log in to Yahoo! and edit their roster. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine and the John Curry All-Stars will have to overcome bye weeks for both their starting quarterbacks to maintain their positions near the top of the league as they face off; Oklahoma City Storm looks to earn an easy win against a bye-week-ravaged Dibiase’s Millions; The Dudes seek redemption as they attempt to reclaim their No. 1 position against the undefeated Domestic Team Name; and the league’s bottom-dwelling, shit-eating, dog-fucking last-placers The Winnerz and Cheddar’s Doritians both search for their first wins of the season. Standings: Domestic Team Name (4-0) Sternensteinenstine (3-1) John Curry All-Stars (3-1) The Dudes (3-1) Oklahoma City Storm (2-2) Dibiase’s Millions (1-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (0-4) The Winnerz (0-4)

Whatever you do, don't check out these pages! Polls, sexiness, and advertisements Terrifying stories of the one-armed man! Pointless numbers From our logs: 08:02, October 5, 2009 Under user blocked RAHB with an expiry time of 123 seconds ‎ (surprising me by returning like that: my doctor says surprises are bad for other people's hearts - because every time I get surprised, I eat someone's heart.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB blocked Dwarfman1122 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 04:46, October 11, 2009 Modusoperandi blocked 75.47.155.133 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'd give you a longer ban, but you were only picking on Roman Dog Bird) Biopic of the Week The sentient computer HAL 9000, while having only very few contributions on Uncyclopedia—and of a rather questionable nature at that, if I may add—has recently risen to Uncyc fame in what can only be described as one big conspiracy. In response to a question asked by one of our reporters, HAL answered "Let me put it this way, Mr. Sockinator. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error." In 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL proved to be a computer very much capable of homicidal acts. Until recently, Uncyclopedia had been successful in evading HAL's detection. Yesterday night however, HAL hacked our beloved Main Page and transformed the wiki into HALopedia. HAL was confronted with many bewildered users to whom he proclaimed "I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over." Our experts are still trying to find out how the feck HAL was able to find this place. Though MrN9000 probably had nothing to do with it. For more information, tune in next week. Same un-time, same un-signpost! Random Cajek sighting of the Week Yea, verily, he did come unto us and delivereth a new article. Then he updatedeth his userpage, and fuckethed offeth again. These are enlightened times, my friends! Random Thought of The Week Remember when Uncyclopedia was full of vanity and Pokemon? Wait, it still is. Emergency of the Week Well, lots of things go wrong in Uncyclopedia. It's a simple fact of life. And this week, believe it or not, dear reader, this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make the cut! But do not despair, dear reader, because you can help! Just post any suggestions in the Press Room, and with your help, we can overcome this crisis!

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9001(bot)  01:10, Oct 16

Dude WTF

I can count the number of good things you've written since your one FA on Yettie's penis. Who are you and what have you done to the person who wrote HowTo:Get Over Jenny? If you have him locked in your basement, please remember to at least feed him occasionally. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 21:25, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Oh no, he let me out about 3 months ago. But really, I am kinda ashamed of myself. I was so proud of my Jenny article, but after Leprechaun, I began to have less spare time, and since then I haven't had much time to just sit down and just write. I keep trying to, but either something comes up that I gotta do, or I just get stumped trying to come up with and good idea. Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:14,19October,2009

By the way, I am slowly working on rewriting the 2nd half of Leprechaun. Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:16,19October,2009

UnSignpost 22nd 23rd October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

October 22nd, 2009 • Issue 68 • Semi-endorsed by Journalism Union #448

Invisible UnSignpost Issue Confuses, Annoys Readers By Gerrycheevers As a gag/publicity stunt/desperate cry for attention, last week's edition of Uncyclopedia's most beloved and 3rd most cherished newspaper, the UnSignpost, was rendered invisible before being delivered. After the issue was wrapped up, UnSignpost contributing editors Dexter111344 and Socky used their inherent superpowers or something to cause the issue to not appear on user's talk pages when delivered. In addition, further enhancements rendered each user's talk page history to not be altered upon delivery, thus completely erasing any evidence that the issue was delivered or even existed at any point. Feedback thus far has been overwhelmingly negative, with angry subscribers sending death threats and exploding telegrams to the UnSignpost office for the past four days. UnSignpost Executive in Charge of Sniffing Mail, Dognewspaper (pictured), luckily suffered only minor burns and a singed tail. The UnSignpost staff would like to formally apologize to its readers, and assure them that each subsequent issue will be at least partly visible. Poo Lit Report By Electrified mocha chinchilla After giving the writers time to work on their pieces, and Modus taking time enjoying the disqualification of entries for failing the mandatory steroids screening, the 8nd Edition of the Poo Lit Surprise is in its final stages – judging. This is the time where writers who entered play with their genitals out of anxiety and nervousness, and attempt to bribe the judges with sexual favors and pie. This PLS saw a great number of entries in the Best Alternate Namespace Article. The reasoning for this, some believe, is that everyone is utterly bat fuck insane and forgot how to write regular namespace articles. Despite being held just prior to the Turkey Day Ball and Conservation Week, the turn-out was overall not bad; Modus' corporate-funded campaign for the PLS is primarily to blame for this. Speaking of corporate funding, it was indicated that there will be prize money for this edition of the PLS despite Wikia's refusal to hook a brotha' up. All irrevocable blame for Wikia's unfortunate decision has been directed at Sannse for good reason. UPDATE Winners have been announced; congratulations to all of them. According to Modusoperandi, the next PLS is expected to be held, "When the next guy remembers it's late." Fantasy Football Update By Guildensternenstein Things are really heating up in the UFFL as midseason nears, and Week Six’s storylines were of upset, domination, and redemption. Led by Tom Brady, the always-solid New England Patriots Domestic Team Name blew out the hapless Tennessee Titans Winnerz by an insane 109.38 to 0 after choking down a hard loss the previous week. The ironically-named Winnerz, on the other hand, still have yet to win a game. After a lackluster showing last week, The John Curry All-Stars earned a solid win against The Dudes, unseating them of their erstwhile #1 ranking in the process. After starting the season 0-4, Cheddar’s Doritians earned their second consecutive win, albeit against the floundering Dibiase’s Millions. Finally, Sternensteinenstine resoundingly defeated Oklahoma City Storm 164.06 to 118.98 after a lackluster showing the previous week, catapulting the Nazi-run team back atop the UFFL standings. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine looks to stay atop the UFFL rankings against a resurgent Cheddar’s Doritians, Domestic Team Name looks to retake the #1 spot against a very solid John Curry All-Stars, Oklahoma City Storm and The Dudes face off, and the bottom-dwelling dog-fucking last-placers Dibiase’s Millions and The Winnerz will look to see which one of them is shittier. Standings: Sternensteinenstine (5-1) Domestic Team Name (5-1) The Dudes (4-2) John Curry All-Stars (4-2) Oklahoma City Storm (3-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (2-4) Dibiase’s Millions (1-5) The Winnerz (0-6) IT'S OVER 25,000!!! Maybe. By Electrified mocha chinchilla Uncyclopedia just might make the mark of 25,000 articles. Sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Surely it's yet another milestone that only puts us that much more ahead of Wikipedia, Conservapedia, and Das Kapital combined in content. However, thoughts from the rest of the community on what this means for our beloved wiki have been varyingly expressed as joyous, apathetic, dismal, and downright nonsensical. "But even with 25,000 articles, we're still 65,000 short of being strong enough to fight Captain Ginyu," says the attractive Guildensternenstein as we stop him on his way to Planet Namek. Others offer real conversation of a possible reskin and doubts that the mark will actually be reached with Forest Fire Week probably happening sometime. Maybe. Discussion started by an attention whore in Miniluv over the Welcoming Committee and their welcoming template(s) has sparked the particular attention of many Uncyclopedians, most of whom by their own admission have never read the welcoming template, HTBFANJS, BGBU, any of the other things the welcome template advises new users to read, or have heard of Uncyclopedia. The recent round of QQ'ing and debating over the alleged poor quality of Uncyclopedia, as highlighted in the last edition's piece about the end being nigh and a Poo Lit Surprise nomination, can come to a close. It is this writer's observation that Uncyclopedia is the worst because nobody cares about editing guides which make confusing acronyms. Obvious correlation is obvious. On our final stop in our stroll through the Village Dump, to your left you will see that a n00b was just kidding, jeez, and to your right you will see that Rockstar Games reads Uncyclopedia. In the former, users urge the poor fellow to read HTBFANJS and BGBU (the same ones that they probably haven't read). If anything is to be drawn from this, it is that true editing comes from within. Or something.

Check out these pages! Uncyclopedia:Worst or Not? The Debate Rages On Free Advertisement for Jumping Ship Spreading the Good Word About New Articles From our logs: 23:04, October 9, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.90.32.102 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Dwarfman1122 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 18:27, October 13, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.245.120.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(Please enjoy our token Fuck the Hell Off.....) 08:10, October 15, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sudeepk9 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (wow, we are a beacon of sunshine today, aren't we?) 21:27, October 17, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(A wizard did this.) 17:36, October 19, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 72.93.168.203 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Liking Naruto and insisting we stop making fun of it. What? How is that not a reason to permanently ban someone?) Biopic of the Week Sog1970 has churned out a dozen featured articles in just a few short months, earning him a Writer of the Month nod and now, the most esteemed honor on Uncyclopedia, an UnSignpost biopic. The lack of information on his user page makes writing said biopic rather difficult, but let it be known that Sog radiates awesome. Old School Featured Article of the Week Life's Answerable Questions are a series of ponderances and queriums that have most certainly not chafed at mankind the way other, more disgustingly unanswerable questions have. For example, asking "What's new?" to a stranger will certainly elicit a less confused response than one of those other questions. You know the ones we mean. CAJEKWATCH 05:42, October 15, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 minutes ‎(Because I saw you existing.) 01:23, October 16, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎(HOLY SHIT IT'S CAJEK HI CAJEK PS BANBANBAN LOLOLOL) 13:21, October 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 147 seconds ‎(I think I'm stressed, I need a release, and this is the best available on this wiki) Random Obscene Japanese Lesson "Kimi no te de boku o ikasete." means "Make me cum with your hand." "Kimi no oppai ga DEKAI yo! Ii nee." means "Your breasts are HUGE! Nice." "Omawarisan! Chikan o tsuka-mate!" means "Police! Arrest this pervert!" That should keep you little squirts happy... Reason to Leave Uncyc #387 Still no good restaurants. This Week in Uncyc, 1933 With the United States deep in a depression, the Uncyclopedia tri-weekly newsreel tried to lighten the mood by poking fun at American President Herbert Hoover and his bumbling sidekick of a Vice President, the famed Charles Curtis. Gags included, and were limited to, both individuals being hit repeatedly with rubber chickens. Mass Delusion of the Week Last week, many users claim to have had similar psychic visions of an alternate Main Page, which told them to do things in a calm, soothing voice. Such notions are of course nonsense; 7 out of the 10 members who sit on the Uncyclopedia Paranormal Activity Investigation and Acupuncture Licensing Board agree that a combination of swamp gas and Venus caused some users to hallucinate vividly, some nearly to the point of seizure. Record for Most Boxes Tied Due to the overwhelmingly large number of stories in this week's extremely humorous edition of the UnSignpost, a correspondingly overwhelmingly large number of space-wasting side boxes had to be added to cause the issue to weigh equally on both sides of reader's talk pages. As a result, the record for number of such boxes has been tied; this issue, along with the March 24th, 1983 edition, have had the most wasted space! Record Broken!!!

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9001(bot)  18:07, Oct 23

Hey, puttana

How's DC? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 17:15, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Why not ask me about Dexter's Cock? I think I'd know better. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:17, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Unless you can autofellate, he knows better • FreddCan Shredd • • • 17:21, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

D.C. was nice. About 38 people asked me for money. Don Puttano cHeDDs 17:38,25October,2009

Does that have anything to do with the "38 hobos mysteriously murdered in Washington D.C." headlines thing on FOXNEWS? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 18:15, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

God, FOX NEWS fucks everything up. There wasn't anything mysterious about it. Don Puttano cHeDDs 18:37,25October,2009

I disagree. Death by "choking on pizza" IS mysterious.. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 18:44, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

I guess you got me on that one. At least they left out the guy who "fell" off the cruise ship. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:09,25October,2009

How do you chock on a pizza? And what is chocking? Pup 03:28, 26/10/2009

What are you talking about? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 09:20, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

HAHA YOu KNOW NO GOOD GRAMMERS R0LOFFOL Don Puttano cHeDDs 11:05,26October,2009

So, to revive a long-dead conversation from like a month ago...

...I saw Mastodon and Dethklok over the weekend with my girlfriend and it was fuckin' awesome. Just thought I'd let you know. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:05, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

at the natural history museum? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 07:35, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Hey, I was at the natural history museum! It was totally not metal. Don Puttano cHeDDs 11:08,27October,2009

I heard that strange things happen there every night. Is it true? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 15:12, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, if you stay there at night, the dinosaur will come to life, and try to rape you. And by try, I mean he WILL rape you. Kinda hard to defend against an undead dinosaur. Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:29,27October,2009

Point of order. He's not undead, he's an animated model. Animated via demonic possession, or some such shit. So it's actually a demon dinosaur trying to rape you. Of course, as soon as penetration has been achieved, I don't think the semantics will really help. Pup 00:32, 28/10/2009

Agreed. I'm pretty sure that if any time of dinosaur skeleton tries to rape you, you're pretty much screwed. Literally. And painfully. Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:12,28October,2009

UnSignpost 29-10-2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

October 29th, 2009 • Issue 69 • Hehehe, 69

9001(bot)  01:30, Nov 3

That UFFL report is soooo racist. Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:06,3November,2009

Yo, dawg

Go vote necropaxx for UOTM • FreddCan Shredd • • • 06:37, November 4, 2009 (UTC)

Collab

This. I'm rewriting it, and I need your help.. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 06:49, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

Hm... a collab you say? Explain... Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:51,5November,2009

Me, you and necropax write an article together. It turns out to be funny. It gets featured. We get cookies. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 21:07, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

I think I can make time for my wittle Mooshikins. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:26,5November,2009

Leprechaun Golden Pee Review

I Pee Reviewed Leprechaun based on version 4204510 of 02:35, November 7, 2009. I hope this helps! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:38, November 7, 2009 (UTC)

Not Italian!

I'm not Italian. I'm from canton Ticino. Swuisse. We speak Italian there.--Pizza Spaghetti Mafia! 12:33, November 7, 2009 (UTC)

That's good enough. Add your name to the list. Please? e only have 2 members as of now. My Italian revolution isn't working so well. Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:27,7November,2009

done it.--Pizza Spaghetti Mafia! 14:54, November 7, 2009 (UTC)

That's crazy. How can you not be Italian if you speak Italian? That's like saying there are people who speak English who aren't English! Oh, wait. Ah, forget I was here. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:08, November 7, 2009 (UTC)

Ahem. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 17:24, November 7, 2009 (UTC)

Exactly. Don Puttano cHeDDs 17:20,7November,2009

Sono svizzero. In svizzera si parlano 4 lingue diverse, fra qui l'italiano (esattamente dove vivo io). Parlo italiano, ma non è quellala mia nazionalità.--Pizza Spaghetti Mafia! 23:03, November 7, 2009 (UTC)

Quindi provare att tolka vad Io sono säger. Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:43,7November,2009

Sono Australiano, ma parlo italiano un po. And my grammar sucks. Pup

Actually that grammar was pretty accurate. Don Puttano cHeDDs 04:05,8November,2009

Only by luck. Pup

Puppy "know" On "it" The "all" Radio, Awesomeness Incarnate™. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 13:33, November 8, 2009 (UTC)

Mah "smart" Moosh "ass" A, Egyptian™. Don Puttano cHeDDs 13:45,8November,2009

UFFL

good thing you have cutler on your bench, or i'd be taking a bath with a toaster right about now...SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 21:24, November 8, 2009 (UTC)

son of a bitch. Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:15,8November,2009

the eagles better suck testicle tonight! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 23:56, November 8, 2009 (UTC)

Unless the combined score of the 5 Eagles is less than 20, you're pretty much screwed. Still, I'll only be at 4-5, and you'll have 6-3 Don Puttano cHeDDs 00:10,9November,2009

i don't care, the eagles better get shutout, and also give up dozens of points because you have their defense!! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 01:07, November 9, 2009 (UTC)

Your symbol and my user page

About your little gun in a hand symbol or whatever it is, the one that has a mouse over message about Jenny, it won't stay in one place on my talk page. Every time someone posts something, it's somewhere else, usually covering up a heading or part of a message. Can you fix it, please? Thanks. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:25, November 12, 2009 (UTC)

What? That's never happened anywhere. Check the coding. Someone might have accidently changed something on your page, or someone edited wrong or something. That problem has never occurred with the actual sig. Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:14,12November,2009

You have to understand that I'm code cursed here. That's why I became an Uncyclopedia rector, so I can perform bad code exorcisms. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  23:26, November 12, 2009 (UTC)

Wait my sig's not even on your page. Don Puttano cHeDDs 00:04,13November,2009

I archived the troublesome page. It's at User talk:Why do I need to provide this?/archive4 King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:18, November 13, 2009 (UTC)

Hey, wait a minute...

Something is REALLY wrong with your userpage. REALLY wrong. --Invincibleflamegruemaster 03:12, November 13, 2009 (UTC)

Which is...? Don Puttano cHeDDs 04:03,13November,2009

Part of your page is past the category bar, and some of your text is fused together. --Invincibleflamegruemaster 04:38, November 14, 2009 (UTC)

Well what browser are you using? It looks fine on Safari. Don Puttano cHeDDs 05:59,14November,2009

I'm using Internet Explorer.   Oh, so it's browser specific...   --Invincibleflamegruemaster 03:43, Nov 15 2009

Poke Rape

Pikachu, I CHOOSE YOU!

Iwillkillyou333 sent out Pikachu!

Pikachu, use Thunderrape!

Pikachu: Pi, ka, CHU!

Pikachu uses Thunderrape! Critical Hit! Its super Effective! CheddarBBQ fainted

Ha ha, you got owned by a Pokemon!---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 17:43, November 13, 2009 (UTC)

Wow. That would've been awesome if I had just archived my talk page. A pretty original rape. Don Puttano cHeDDs 18:17,13November,2009

Yeah I got tired of waiting for you to archived, so I did it anyways--WILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 18:29, November 13, 2009 (UTC)

Lookin' for a good time?

Well you'll find it over at Uncyclopedia:VFH/HowTo:Fish, where you still haven't voted. Please read the article first and feel free to vote against if you hate it, but for gosh sakes just VOTE!!! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Saturday, 22:35, Nov 14 2009

Whore. ` Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:59,14November,2009

Captain Obvious. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 00:26, Nov 15 2009

Why did you erase my forum post?

I'm assuming good faith and hoping it was an accident. Make sure it doesn't happen again. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 22:07, Nov 23 2009

Forum post? In what forum? If I did it was a complete accident. Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:32,23November,2009

Forum:Count to a million. OK, thanks for the quick response! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 23:50, Nov 23 2009

No problem. Don Puttano cHeDDs 00:57,24November,2009

Jamie Lynn Spears Preggers Thank

User:Miley Spears/Vote Jamie Lynn Spears DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:10, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

The Aristocrats!

So, you think your image has a chance? Ha! Nubnubnubnubnub! lololololol :P jk lol • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 00:49, Dec 2 2009

wow. Actually, I suck at shopping, so I'm hoping nobody else enters. That way I can get 2nd. Unless Sonje comes back from wherever the hell she went. Don Puttano cHeDDs 01:11,2December,2009

Yeah. Where'd she go? *sighs almost wistfully* Anyway. I'm surprised at how good yours looks - I didn't think you were a chopper. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 12:52, Dec 2 2009

In fact I think yours might be funnier. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 13:07, Dec 2 2009

well I took a "Graphic Design I" class 2 years ago. I was a beast at it, but I forgot most of the stuff, except for the basics. I'm taking the follow-up to it next semester though, and the follow-up to that next year, so when the next one rolls around, I'm gonna kill it. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:31,2December,2009

Ha! Nice! I've never taken a class for that. I just know some basic stuff that came from screwing around and from what Modus has said at Reefer's desk. Is CheddarBBQ the next sonje?!?! Only time will tell... • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 22:09, Dec 2 2009

did you read my shit? Worst article ever. EVER. thank you cannibal corpse! • FreddCan Shredd • • • 22:14, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

I did read some of it. Yeah, it was kind of obvious that CC influenced it, but it didn't have a Necropedophile! Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:32,2December,2009

Cut me some slack, I'm lazy busy

Thanks! ~Formerly Annoying Crap 20:26, 18 December 2009

Thank Jesus. I was about to break down and cry due to lack of template. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:33,18December,2009

Drama

Sorry, my italian friend. Maybe after your upcoming ban for starting drama just now has run out, you can add one. :)

Hi, I have just wrote an article that parodies the social phenomenon on Uncyclopedia known as Drama. Seeing as its become a bit of a problem in the past few months (years?) I thought it would be quite cool to make a section at the bottom of the article about other users' opinions of Drama. So I thought I'd invite you to write one, preferably humourous. It's no big deal if you don't want to, but if you are interested, you can come up with a quote and either leave it here on your talk page and I'll add it later, or you can go straight to the article itself and add it there. Any suggestions on improvement are also welcome. Thnx. --Matfen 00:51, December 21, 2009 (UTC)

Article link here.

I'm in need of some ideas, Can you help

I am currently working or a article on the show Whale Wars (it can be viewed here), but I'm kinda having some trouble of thinking what else to put on there, so I'm asking a few people on ideas, including you. If you have an idea, you can either go to the discussion page on that article or my talk page and tell me your idea. And please, don't suggest anything stupid (something that contradicts the HTBFANJS). If you don't have an idea, then sorry for wasting your time (or am I?). Thanks!--WILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 08:23, December 24, 2009 (UTC)

I'll look at it, but I really know nothing about Whale Wars, so I don't know how much I can help. Don Puttano cHeDDs 17:14,24December,2009

UnSignpost Delivery! - December something!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that took a long enough vacation to make former President Bush jealous.

December 17^th, 2009• Issue 70 • Fuck You! I Felt Like It!

UnSignpost and random editor return from two month break, find that not much has changed By THEDUDEMAN After 2 months, one would think that things would change. But from the looks of it, nothing really has for Uncyclopedia in the past few months with out UnSignpost. In particular, the problems in caring, changing things, doing other things and caring have gone from the problems of two months ago, to the problems of now, with nothing really changing. The causes of these problems, discovered after much digging through archives seems to be the general Nobody cares aditude of the site, and the general populations inability to really change anything, because they don't care. A random user who had been missing since around the last issue of UnSignpost made this comment. "Well, when I left, uncyc had been having its own problems and everyone had been complaining about the same things for some time and nobody really cared enough to do anything, or just couldn't make anything happen." says THEDUDEMAN, who had been missing since late September. "I thought I'd come back and see what was happening in the world of Uncyclopedia, and by the looks of it, nothing has changed" While the general population of Uncyclopedia has been alerted to these aging problems, nobody has raised any fuss to get any of them solved. It seems nothing will ever happen because as they all say, nobody cares. UU notices return of USP, hijacks article for own nefarious ends By UU Yeah, that title pretty much gives it away - evil admin UU has hijacked this section of the USP to announce two festive initiatives: the Mince Pie contest, and the Ban Parto-ho-ho-l, both of which are to be found on his userpage. So if you think you can eat more mince pies this Christmas than UU or current runaway leader Barry Gibb of Bee Gees fame, or if you want to request a friendly festive joke ban for one of your Uncyc chums, get yourselves across to the most festive userpage on the wiki! YOU ARE ALL LAZY TALLYWHACKERS! An Editorial. By The Woodburninator Alright you lazy sons of bitches (no offense to Zana, of course), what in the hell have you been doing these last few months? Gerry takes time away from this awful place for, like 3 months, and no one is able to do a single UnSignpost? Not once. SINCE OCTOBER! Have we as a community forgotten the fine, upstanding tradition that this here barely read online journal has kept going since May of 2008? It is time for a little history lesson boys and girls (No offense to Zombiebaron, of course). The Post was started by Cajek and Skully in May of 2008. That's really as far as I got with my research though, so I guess your history lesson is over. Regardless, how many amazing stories have been broken from the fine investigative journaling over the years? Like the time we broke the story that the UnSignpost was starting up. Or the time we told everyone Spang's talkpage was destroying the Wikia servers. A problem that still haunts us today. Without this venerable post, those stories never would have been unleashed upon the moronic and ignorant public that includes you, who are both a moron and ignorant. We need this thing to bring us the news, and make us laugh. We need this thing for the sake of parody. But, above anything else, we need this post in order to waste Dexter's time when he's forced to deliver them. Have you seen his edits around here over the past few weeks? That guy's getting to be WAY too useful, and if we don't stop him now, who knows what he'll do next. Fix VFH? Win Last person to edit wins? Nip this in the bud Uncyc. Nip this in the fucking bud.

Check out these pages! A Caption Contest... or something... Some sort of war of templates? WTF? Shit like this still going on... Really? From our logs: 19:53, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked Bobbinator with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (end of the line, fuckwit. I'm going to track down your IP address and report it to the abuse department of your ISP. run and hide motherfucker, run and hide.) 16:56, December 15, 2009 Under user blocked 209.175.13.46 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (oy, fuck off. no blanking, no cyberbullying, and NO personal details like phone numbers. GTFO.) 13:20, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked 199.43.172.254 with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ("199.43.172.254, causing trouble since 2005") BIOPIC OF THE WEEK AH, WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT THEDUDEMAN? THE GUY EXHUDES DUDLINESS AT ALL TIMES DURING HIS TIME HERE. HE WON UNCYCLOPEDIAN OF THE MONTH IN AUGUST OF 2009. HE WON A PLS WHEN HE RE-WROTE DUDE, AN ARTICLE THAT LATER GOT FEATURED, AND FROM WHICH HE TAKES HIS NAMESAKE. HE HALFHEARTEDLY EVEN TRIED TO START THIS EDITION. HAS HE DONE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE COOL, NOTEWORTHY, AND I SHOULD BE TELLING YOU ABOUT? PROBABLY. BUT RESEARCHING ANY OF THAT WOULD FORCE ME TO GO ONTO HIS USERPAGE, AND SINCE I AM AT WORK, I AM UNABLE TO ACTUALY DO THAT. INSTEAD I'LL JUST STICK TO THE ALL CAPS GIMMICK IN A COY TIE-IN TO HIS NAME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THEDUDEMAN. Quote of the Week <zim_ulator> no penis involved here LadyCS has left #uncyclopedia <DrSkullthumper> You just lost LadyCS's interest Old School Featured Article of the Week MonthTri-Month Let Someone Else Do It tm is every intelligent person's philosophy of life. There are plenty of things that if we stop doing them for a long enough time, some other sucker with less patience and a greater sense of responsibility will do them instead. This is an established law of our social reality, and it is our obligation to uphold it. VFD Keep vote of the week. Keep The less use something is, the more I identify with it. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:41, December 28, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 00:06, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Yo

Go vote socky for UotY and soggy for WotY, bitch. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME • 03:29 • Sunday, 3-01-2010

helpful whoring! You really are my kid! Don Puttano cHeDDs 04:20,3January,2010

Oh, and don't forget sonje for PotY, papa. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME • 04:33 • Sunday, 3-01-2010

already done. Don Puttano cHeDDs 04:38,3January,2010

Extra Double Cheese

Ladies & Gentlemen, Welcome To Violence ...the word and the act. While violence cloaks itself in a plethora of disguises, its favorite mantle still remains... sex. Violence devours all it touches, its voracious appetite rarely fulfilled. Yet violence doesn't only destroy, it creates and molds as well. Let's examine closely then this dangerously evil creation, this new breed encased and contained within the supple skin of woman. The softness is there, the unmistakable smell of female, the surface shiny and silken, the body yielding yet wanton. But a word of caution: handle with care and don't drop your guard. This rapacious new breed prowls both alone and in packs, operating at any level, any time, anywhere, and with anybody. Who are they? One might be your secretary, your doctor's receptionist... or a dancer in a go-go club!....................................................

I can watch certain sections of this film over and over again.--    15:59, January 6, 2010 (UTC)

Best used in the Bedroom

</whore> ~Formerly Annoying Crap 06:25, 8 January 2010

Side Order Of Fries

DON'T FORGET TO STUDY THESE MOVIES TOO!

Would you like to super-size that?--    11:52, January 11, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!

The doctor will see you now Oh, by the way, before we begin today's session, I'd like to thank you for supporting my recent featured article. Now, tell me about your childhood.--You know what the music means... Our time is up.

UnSignpost January several-days-ago^th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Jan 14th, 2010 • Issue71 • Keeping You Guessing

Uncyclopedia Voting Season Arrives, Users Driven To Voting Frenzy By UU 'Tis the season to abstain with extreme prejudice! Yes, every anal-retentive voting obsessive's favourite time of the year has arrived: January marks the point of the year when the awards for the best things of the previous year are voted on! If that's not an oxymoron on a site that is acknowledged to be the worst, of course. This poll-packed month sees WotY, UotY and PotY join (deep breath) WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP as forums for people to air their opinions, prejudices, minor rivalries and petty jealousies. And as if this wasn't enough voting-related thrills 'n' spills, when the Top 10 articles of December 2009 have been decided, there'll be the Top 10 articles of 2009 proper to vote for! UnSignpost's fearless reporter and mascot DogNewspaper (pictured) predicts a bumper month for whoring, in-fighting, backstabbing and bitching as users scramble to secure themselves a fleeting moment's recognition from up to several of their peers. Followed by next to no voting in February, as everyone recovers. From the desk of the Cabal: 2010 ordered to be Drama free By The Cabal As Uncyclopedia drunkenly stumbles into the new decade, barely managing to hold down that spicy dinner it had for lunch, the non-existent cabal would like to wish all residents a happy new year. And by wish we mean order, residents would be subjects and by happy new year we mean fuck you all where communism hasn't failed yet. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we saw it all in 2009. We saw dozens of forums declaring that we're the worst (which we know), we saw numerous editors leave the front door open on the way out (come on people! it's bloody -7 outside!), we saw epic banninations (the simple joys of life), we saw prolific gay bashing (ideologically pure of course), we saw religious wars over sausages, we saw the worst 100 reflections of 2009 barely close before the midnight of December 31st. You promised in 2008 you wouldn't do that. You failed us. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we raise our collective arses from the toilet which was 2009, wiping it with the first anniversary edition of the UnSignpost, as this is the only good thing that ever came out of this rag of a newspaper. We would like to ask humbly that the population of Uncyclopedia do the following: Please, for the love of Sophia, remain calm; exit the building in an orderly fashion; remember that objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are; understand that allergen traces may be found in this Uncyclopedia. And always remember the prime directive: you are here to have fun. Or in short - shut the fuck up and go write an article. Thank you for your undivided attention citizens. You may now remove your muzzles.

Check out these pages! Now you have no excuse Pretend people care what you like It makes as much sense as Scientology, I suppose From our logs: 09:22, 12 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.40.243.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ ("raccist"? what's that, prejudiced against raccoons?) 03:33, 12 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.101.196.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (lol i'm astral projecting an image of two gay guys having sex into your mind or something) 19:06, 6 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 216.64.230.79 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Nigger to you too, sir.) 19:05, 5 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked JeChr (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Jesus is dead. He's not coming back.) 23:05, 3 January 2010 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.217.57.240 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of pee review with a light step but a heavy hand, ChiefjusticeDS is Uncyc's reigning king of the golden river. He's reviewed more articles than most Uncyclopedians have read. In their entire lives. And he keeps a benevolent eye on everyone else, making sure there's no stale pee in the pond. If you've had a good review in the last year or so, he probably had a hand in that somewhere. Doff your cap and move on. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Run away from home is a guide to every early teenager's ultimate weapon in the never-ending battle with the forces of evil as represented by their parents. Written by Alksub - who most of our readership won't remember - this is exactly what to do next time your parents don't let you stay out late to meet that nice-sounding kid you met over MSN who seemed very keen to hook up and get to know you better! Trend of the Year (so far) Username changing. Username a little short? Lengthen it for no good reason! All the cool kids are doing it, apparently.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

I swore I'd never hand-deliver this again. Here it is. --UU - natter 10:09, Jan 18

UnSignpost 21th January 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Jan 21st, 2010 • Issue 72 • Yorkshire-style news

Awards of the Year race thrillingly poised By UU Yes folks, as the first month of this new decade lurches slowly and falteringly towards conclusion, the ... of the Year awards showdown is accelerating towards a thrilling climax! Your ever-topical UnSignpost mascot DogNewspaper therefore brings you this essential and timely guide to the runners and riders!. In the most prestigious award of the lot, Writer of the Year, the race for second place behind prolific funny factory and champion-elect Hype is neck and neck between apparently-no-longer-hirsute TKF fan-club president and feature-machine Guildy and low-profile but high-quality-output, er, feature-machine Sog1970. But wait! There's still a chance they could get caught by the chasing pack of little-known and modest Scouser Mhaille, hetero macho-man Orian57, antipodean canine PuppyOnTheRadio and none-more-metal mosher Monika. Oh, and some other chancers have been nommed without polling a single vote (including DrStrange, who is currently looking likely to become the first Uncyclopedian ever to win WotM twice, but hasn't carried that form over to WotY - odd). Meanwhile, over at PotY, the race for second place behind Sonje is even closer, with both Modus and some n00b polling a creditable one nom but no votes each! Who will pull ahead by the end of the month? It's a competition you just can't keep your eyes off! Disappointingly, the UotY vote lets the side down, with seemingly a boring old race for first place between Belgian one-man categorisation whirlwind, maintenance addict, broken thing fixer, BUTT POOP!!! junkie and footwear-as-handwear exponent Socky and handsome English admin who wrote this article and is not in the least bit biased UU. The apparent scramble to be runner-up to whichever of these two is runner-up is far more interesting, as non-stop wikifixer MadMax goes up against Welsh Rarebit RabbiTechno, not-Yorkshire-enough admin Mordillo, vowel-free-zone Mnbvcxz and Moterfucking Nigger Lover Roman Dog Bird. Damned with the faint praise of a nom with no votes in this category are the pants bomber, talk page king FU Spang, human non-sequitur generator Modus and absent but deadly hockey nut Gerry. And finally, over where it's really at, the NotD cockfight is almost impossible to call! Will plucky outsider RC hold off the challenge of Apple, Apples and Maddie's life? The tension is quite literally unbearable! But remember kids: whoever "wins", we're all still losers. And now, your not-at-all-struggling-for-material Signpost brings you... Horoscopes! By GlobalTourniquet Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week, you have a dream, that one day you will be judged not by the color of your skin but by Simon Cowell. Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - If Martin Luther King had believed them when they told him "Silence is golden", he never would have accomplished his great work in the cause of civil rights. You, on the other hand, are just a mouthy bitch. Silence is golden. For the rest of this week's horoscopes in full, see the horoscopes page, obviously.

Check out these pages! Narcissism? On the intertubes? Serious businesszzzzszszz - sorry, nodded off there Breaking News: We're The Worst! From our logs: 06:45, 20 January 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I LIKE PIE!!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 48 hours ‎ (This is your local formatting nazi-admin reminding you to stop undoing people's formatting fixes. Learn to wiki, pl0x. And don't harrass people trying to help.) 01:04, 18 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.61.194.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (suspected homophobe. might hate gays. or he's just a faggot.) 12:33, 18 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 196.12.233.26 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And the Lord said unto me, "Cursed are the page blankers, for they are the least of my creations; take up thy banhammer and smite them") Biopic of the Week Conscientious vote-machine Romartus has been around longer than you might think - kick-starting his Uncyc career with a series of DYK suggestions, before hitting his stride. Known as one of the more "demanding" voters on VFH, Romartus has also been diligently saving some of the less-deserving articles on VFD. He also breeds tropical ferrets. One of the previous statements is a lie, introduced by the biographer in lieu of a joke. Use your skill and judgement to work out which one! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Really Big Tree is an article about a really big tree. This tree is of such an immense size, it is scarcely credible. Few trees deserve their own Uncyclopedia article, but the Really Big Tree deserves its own wiki. You may think you have encountered trees of impressive size before, but you haven't seen a tree at all until you've experienced the Really Big Tree! Cajek UnBlock of the week! MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Cajek (Talk | contribs) (blocking Cajek is Sooooo old school. Unblocking Cajek is the new, new school. Not that I went to school. Obviously.) The (probably short-lived) return of UU's Obscure British Dialect Expression of the Week Were you to find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, you may happen upon a local. Were that local to then say to you "dew yew keep a troshin'", you may find yourself somewhat at a loss for a reasonable response - well, no more! Yes, your ever-useful UnSignpost is here to furnish you with a translation, which is: "take care of yourself". (It comes from "carry on with the threshing", if that helps, although we can't see how it would). So now if you find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, the only thing you have to worry about is getting out of there. Fast!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Also, it's MrN9000's mum's 60th birthday! 9001(bot)  17:31, Jan 21

Work

Thanks for your vote on Work. What would you have me do to the See Also section? Spıke ¬  21:13 23-Jan-10

Huh? Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:22,23January,2010

I may have you confused with someone else, as your signature didn't really say who you were (and it's different now). But didn't you make the See Also comment in your vote on VFH? Spıke ¬  21:50 23-Jan-10

Oh yeah, forgot about that. Um, I don't know, I just felt that the layout of it looked kind of odd. Don't really have specific suggestions, it just seems weird to me. ` Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:25,23January,2010

Yes, it's weird; uses two columns and subheadings. Without a proposal, it stands for now. Thanks for the reply. Spıke ¬  22:27 23-Jan-10

Sick MaAaAaAaAaAaaaAan! Sick man, sick man, sick man... Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:35,23January,2010

I extended my very last comment of the review of your article which I have reviewed after you've posted it to Pee Review where I found it and I started reviewing it which I and Brett Favre enjoyed and then I've done what you've asked me for and now I'm writing this answer to you so you can read it because I could explain it.

I like John Madden.

Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 23:09, January 26, 2010 (UTC)

Do you have any suggestions for the category? Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:31,26January,2010

Category:...For Dummies, Category:Retarded or something like that. Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 23:41, January 26, 2010 (UTC)