User:Almoshowers/Grabbed by the Ghoulies
“I know this guy who grabbed my ghoulies...”
Grabbed by the Ghoulies is a video game created by Rareware for the Xbox. This game is most responsible for turning Rareware into a company primarily known for its supernatural molestation simulators.
History[edit | edit source]
After a long day of working on shitty squirrel porn games, a Rareware developer made his way home, only to be met by Bill Gates and his minions. Bill Gates ordered his minions to grab the developer by his "Ghoulies." The developed was confused at first, but soon found out that it was his balls that they wanted.
After massive ghoulie abuse, Mr. Gates decided it was enough, and told the developer to show him to the Rareware leader. If the developer did not follow his orders, more ghoulie torture would be in order. The developer was wise and granted Bill Gates' wish.
During Bill's meeting with the leader, Bill presented a large bag of money (with a dollar sign on it). The Rareware leader took it and ran. The last known words of his were "I can finally afford squirrel hookers!"
Rareware was now under the tyrannical rule of Microsoft. Their first order to the Rareware staff was to make a game based around dead Catholic priests attempting to grab a kid's ghoulies.
Gameplay[edit | edit source]
Gameplay centers around a stupid blonde kid looking for his pink-haired girlfriend in a creepy house. While in the creepy house, the stupid kid must avoid getting his ghoulies grabbed at all costs. If he does, his girlfriend will break up with him, prompting the kid to write awful, boo-hoo poetry.
These ghoulie-grabbers include zombies, ghosts, and clowns. Getting ghoulies grabbed by each of these has their own unique effects. Zombie-grabbed ghoulies will move slowly and moan a lot, ghost-grabbed ghoulies will be invisible and moan a lot, and clown-grabbed ghoulies will let out evil laughs and moan a lot.
Grabbed by the Ghoulies highly encourages the player to actually grab their own ghoulies while playing the game. The reasons for this are unknown, though supernatural fetishists found this game incredibly easy to play while masturbating.
Aftermath[edit | edit source]
Microsoft believed this game to sell incredibly well, but they were incredibly mistaken. The title sold all of 3.5 copies (the half copy was stolen by a hobo). Indeed, it was a dark period for both Microsoft and Rare.
Because of poor sales, Microsoft and Rare began distributing unsold copies of Grabbed by the Ghoulies to third-world nations. They also supplied defective Xboxes that were created without controller ports. This game is currently being used for educational needs, as well as masturbatory purposes for deprived adolescents.