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Wales Speaks Exclusively to UnSignpost!
- by UU
It's the big one folks, the interview they all wanted, but we got: shy, retiring Wikimedia mogul Jimbo Wales has spoken exclusively to your UnSignpost. Wales (pictured right in happier times) took time out from his busy schedule of inserting further Liberal bias into Wikipedia to share with us his thoughts on the credit crunch, the Obama administration, the Pope's visit to the Middle East, and the future of Uncyclopedia, and the insight is literally devastating in its incisiveness.
When pressed on these vital issues, Jimbo confided to us: "You kids get offa my pipe! Now, where's my lawn?" These are words that every user will interpret in their own special way - Jimbo, like all great orators, has the ability to make profound pronouncements that each and every listener will put their own unique spin on, so that it seems he is talking to them alone. Whatever pearl of wisdom you find in this oracular utterance, we are sure it is exactly what you were intended to find.
Crowning Acheevement
- by UU
UnSignpost co-editor, Imperial Colonization lynchpin and all-round star user Gerrycheevers has made Uncyclopedian history by becoming the first user ever to win all of the major monthly awards on the wiki: WotM, UotM, NotM, FPotM, and PotM. Plus RotM, although that's not really considered "major". This astonishing fact was pointed out by RAHB, proving quite conclusively that he must have no life whatsoever. When asked for comment, Gerry exclusively told us: "Well, I don't know what to say, really. I suppose my well-roundedness speaks volumes about my excessive amount of free time. My next objective will be to obtain a microphone and continue my quixotic quest to collect all of the awards".
Rules < Funny: The Essay
- by UU
Loveable Uncyc pyromaniac The Woodburninator, long known for his views on how "rules" and "funny" should relate to each other, has, in an alcohol-induced "moment of clarity", composed an essay on the subject. He encourages you to read it, and exclusively told us he questions the sexuality of everyone who doesn't. As a completely neutral wiki newspaper, the UnSignpost of course neither endorses nor doesn't endorse any of the views contained within the essay. It just agrees with some of them.
Is it a Usergroup if there are no Users Grouped in it?
- by Joe9320
It has been about a year and a half since Uncyclopedia's once shining usergroup network stopped operating and became extinct. As ever in such circumstances, conspiracy theories have quickly sprung up to explain how this could have happened. Some say that when Chronarion left Uncyclopedia to focus on another project, he left it to the Wikia staff to do all the patrolling, which caused Uncyclopedia's domain name to be changed in October 2008, and the user groups were left to rot with no activity, like the Hittites did when they destroyed their own city and left. Others say that UNSOC killed off every other usergroup, from the Grue Army to UNATO, and had a monopoly on the usergroups. Whether the theories are true or not, the usergroups appear to have all but died.
In January 2009, archaeologists from the Philippines dug through the ruins of the usergroups and found compelling evidence that there is still a small amount of activity in the UNSOC group, whose interim leader Necropaxx was heard to observe "UNSOC has about 3 or so active users right now; we just keep that gigantic list to inflate our numbers".
The non-existent Cabal have not made any comment about this being a dastardly plan of theirs to ensure the "golden Age" of Uncyclopedia 2005-2007 remains sacrosanct. Because they don't exist, obviously.
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From our logs:
- 18:42, 27 April 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I AM GOD (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Zeus called. He wants his title back. Something about missing having an excuse for incest.)
- 21:58, 13 May 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.141.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (seek the definition of life in the dictionary. Hint: it does not include so called venegance against humor wikis. Also, seek the definition of vengance. Creating wiki pages does not constitue as such.)
- 12:49, 14 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.41.56.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (don't blank pages, it's proof you have even less of a life than we do.)
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| Biopic of the Week
Colin "All your base" Heaney may possibly have the most annoying username to have to copy and paste into a Signpost biopic in all of Uncyclopedia. A mainstay in such helpful roles as VFD, Colin's accomplishments include contributions to the famed Al Gore colonization, having explosions in his sig that look rather cool when he signs a bunch of times in a row, and setting the record for most electrons used in a userpage and corresponding talk page. Go Colin!
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| Cajek Sighting of the Week
Co-founder of the UnSignpost Cajek was sighted this week in an alley behind his userpage, taking out the trash. He also updated his ban counter to a robust 117 and added electricity and magic to the iron fences surrounding the Cajek Mansion. Look for an exclusive fake interview with Cajek in next week's UnSignpost!
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Desperate Attention Seeker of the Week
- 00:55, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (The)
- 00:55, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (UnSignpost)
- 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (Had)
- 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (Better)
- 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (Run)
- 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (This)
- 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (Series)
- 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (of)
- 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (Bans)
- 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (Next)
- 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (Week)
- (There were more. We got bored copy/pasting them. Find the rest yourself)
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