Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/November

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November 1: International Destroy Tokyo Day

  • 1136 - Tokyo found destroyed. General consensus is that a wizard did it.
  • 1952 - As part of the weapons program Operation Ivy, the U.S. successfully detonates a 10 megaton hydrogen bomb in Eniwetok atoll, located in the Marshall Islands. Most historians regard this as Godzilla's birthday. Godzilla celebrates it every year by attempting to destroy Tokyo, or, if Tokyo is under attack from another monster, by saving Tokyo.
  • 1953 - Mothra hatches from an egg, destroys Tokyo.
  • 1965 - Birthday of Gamera. Gamera gets his ass handed to him before he can destroy Tokyo by Godzilla. Since Tokyo was not in any immediate danger, Godzilla destroys Tokyo.
  • 1967 - Cookie Monster born, then destroys Tokyo.

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MrT-stained-glass.jpg

November 2: All Soul Food Day

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BigBrother.jpg

November 3:

  • 1914 - The Party Revolution occurs in England, which is renamed Airstrip One by Big Brother.
  • 1957 - Let's thank Big Brother for increasing the chocolate rations to 30 grams!
  • 1999 - Inner Party founded, but fails to reach power under the leadership of Big Brother Sada Walkington.
  • 2016 - Was today, this time last year. And yesterday this time tomorrow last year. And tomorrow this time yesterday last year. Information will not be correct next year. Unless this is a leap year.
  • 2018 - Will be today, this time next year. Or today, if today this year is now yesterday or before. Or out-of-date after this time next year.

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Red states voted for Bush while blue states voted for Hussein.  People in Yellow states threw their votes away by voting for Ross Perot.

November 4: Artificial Limb Awareness Diurnal Period

  • 200 - Oedipus: One Bad Mothafucka released by Mythic Records, goes triple platinum.
  • 1600 and something - Descartes decides the mind is separate from the body, through logical reasoning and skeptical doubt.
  • 2001 - God wins Mega-Ball lottery. Fix suspected.
  • 2009 - List of people who steal lists is stolen.
  • 2012 - Mexicans win gold, silver, and bronze in Olympic Lawn-mowing.

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Uh oh... Government go boom.

November 5: Remember, remember, the fifth of November: Explode The Government Day (Britain)

  • 1605 - The Parliament building fails to explode.
  • 1854 - Anonymous inventor skinned while testing early hydraulic barber chair.
  • 1900 - Despite widespread panic and rumors in proposition, Big Ben doesn't explode, but the Prime Minister does.
  • 1984 - Despite the Brotherhood's efforts, Big Brother is not wounded in a suicide bombing. Lets thank him for increasing our chocolate to 20 grams!
  • 1987 - Margaret Thatcher's imminent Silent But Deadly reaches critical mass and explodes in her intestine.
  • 2022 - Some guy wearing a mask in London blows some shit up, rioting doesn't ensue (it's England NOT France)

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November 6: Rickroll Day

  • 1962 - Rick Astley born (homosexual).
  • 1987 - Astley robs a bank and finds himself involved in hopeless gunfight, but vows never to give up. Has idea for song.
  • 2007 - the first recorded Rickroll amuses internet uses for 15-20 minutes.
  • 2010 - the last recorded Rickroll, performed by your dad.
  • 2017 - Kids these days. Don't even know what a Rickroll is.

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You should always appreciate a leaf blower that does a good job.

November 7: Blowjob Appreciation Day, Canada

  • 1876 - Gay Canadians invent ice hockey to eliminate the possibility of teeth complicating fellatio.
  • 1962 - JFK ends Cuban Missile Crisis by having CIA agents perform blowjobs on everyone.
  • 1977 - Linda Lovelace given Freedom of Canada, but is made to do something unspeakable to the airport security.
  • 1995 - Quebec "no" in referendum largely attributed to English speakers' blowjob skills.
  • 1999 - President Bill Clinton, a native-born Canadian, celebrates his favorite Canadian holiday. Republicans feel left out.

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ERECTOR-SET.JPG

November 8: Erectional Pleasure Day

  • 1000000 BC - On the plains of Africa, the Australopithecus encounters an eerie black monolith, and for the first time in history, stands erect. Moments later, with "Also sprach Zarathustra" blaring in the background, the Australopithecus realizes his hands are now free, and begins to experiment with tool use. If you know what I mean.
  • 1173 - The leaning tower of Pisa gives the first sign of its famous erectile dysfunction problem.
  • 1653 - Taj Mahal, "Man's greatest erection for a woman" built in India.
  • 1889 - Eiffel Tower erected, giving pleasure to all Parisians. Rioting ensues
  • 1901 - Washington Monument erected as a reminder to all american men that their penis is more important than diplomacy

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Wikilogo.png

November 9: NWS Day (UK), NSW Day (Wales), NSFW Day (Pornovia)

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November 10: Like Yoda talking, International Day of,International Videogame Day

Talk funny, I do not.
  • 1927 - Lenin accidentally ordered to execute 10,000 Russian oligarchs imitating master Yoda with the words "Execute, do not, forgive"
  • 1967 - Mick Jagger states, "To meet you, pleased I am. Guess my name, hope you I."
  • 1998 - President Bill Clinton states "Sexual relations with that woman, I had not"
  • 1998 - Britney Spears sings "One more time baby, hit me you shall."
  • 2005 - Kanye West declares "Care about black people, George Bush does not."

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Beware the Red Warmongering Llama!

November 11: First World War Appreciation Day (Commonwealth States)

  • 1914 - Archduke Franz Ferdinand is assassinated in Bosnia. His final words were: "I know I won't be leaving here (with you)." While people are still wondering what the hell he meant,War is declared against France.
  • 1914 12:15pm - France surrenders.
  • 1918 - After four bloody years of battle, the first World War finally comes to an end on November 11, 1911 at twelve minutes past eleven o'clock. FDR took too long in signing the papers and spoiled the symmetry.
  • 1918, 13:51pm - France claims its total surrender was a tactical ploy to draw the enemy onto thier battlefield of choice.
  • 1918, 13:52pm - Whole world laughs at France for being undeniable pussies.

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One way to assure Lightning Awareness is to be struck by it.

November 12: Lightning awareness day (Worldwide), Scheissenfest (Austria), 65th Annual Japanese Remembrance Day (Japan)

  • 1513 - In one of his lesser known works, "Mein Scheisskampf", Martin Luther claims to have gotten into a battle with the devil, flinging his "Scheisse" as a weapon. No shit.
  • 1620 - A number of pirates shipwreck on a gigantic rock off the Massachusetts coast. In a measure to combat cannibalism amongst the surviving members, the Mayflower Compact is signed. In the end, however, nine are eaten with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
  • 1775 - American Revolutionary War: The Continental Congress passes a resolution creating two battalions of mimes, later renamed the United States Mime Corps. They are primarily used as human shields.
  • 1880 - Ned Kelly is hanged in Australia for beating around the bush.
  • 1996 - The Paris Hilton opens for its first customer.

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Dutch duck.jpg

November 13: Quack Like a Duck Day, Feast of Hermaphrodite, Day of the Cool People

  • 7,573 B.C. - Hermes and Aphrodite have a lovely bouncing boy, Hermaphroditus.
  • 832 - Saint Anselm is permabanned from the Vatican for setting fire to the Pope.
  • 1972 - Mediocre Britain votes on whether to join the European Community, turnout low, result 6-4.
  • 1978 - While starring in an open air production of Shakespeare's Henry V, Sir John Gielgud is carried off by a hunting kingfisher. He is found unharmed some hours later, having tricked the bird into incubating his egg-like head.
  • 1990 - The first webcomic is launched, entitled Two Sarcastic Badgers and Some Clipart.

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It takes a brobdingnagian word to describe a brobdingnagian face.

November 14: Brobdingnagian word day. Jokes That Don't Make Sense Day in Albanina.

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Iguanas have feelings too.

November 15: Awareness in Iguanas Awareness Week begins

  • 1491 - Christopher Columbus arrives at the New World, only to be told that he is a year early.
  • 1533 - Francisco Pizarro arrives in Cuzco, Peru. He notices that the iguanas have unusually piercing stares.
  • 1683 - War undoubtably raged somewhere in Eastern, Western, Northern, or Southern Europe.
  • 1941 - SS chief Heinrich Himmler orders the arrest and deportation to concentration camps of all homosexuals in Germany. The German Army, once the most fashionable in the world, soon find themselves poorly groomed and wearing fatigues that clash with their boots.
  • 2001 - Microsoft releases the Xbox. The most popular game is Hi/Lo, a first person cooking game starring a cyborg known only as the "Master Chef". Set in a futuristic spaceship and challenging the player to serve up meals for an entire ship, sometimes using alien cooking implements, the game is regarded as a classic in the "First Person Cooker" genre.

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I will eat your soullllllllll.... soulllllllllllll..... soulllllllllll.... MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

November 16: Feast of Saint Bukkake (Japan)

  • 1776 - American Revolutionary War: Hessian mercenaries capture Fort Washington from the Patriots. Startled revolutionaries say, "what the fuck is a Hessian"?
  • 1915 - Albert Einstein solves the problem of Uncyclopedia's many inconsistencies and contradictions, which scientists had been trying to solve for centuries. His theory states that in fact space-time is inconsistent, and Uncyclopedia simply follows a geodesic line through it.
  • 1960 - Clark Gable passes away. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
  • 2001 Elmo (pictured) goes on a killing spree, attacking and consuming 23 children attending a Sesame Street convention.
  • 2005 - The annual banquet the Feast of Saint Bukkake was cut short after the star of the feast declared "I'm full"!

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An icelandic swan dresses up as Bjork to celebrate Bjorksmas

November 17: International Celebrate Things That Happened On This Day in the Past Day; Bjorksmas (Iceland).

  • 1796 - Napoleonic Wars: Battle of Arcole - French forces defeat the Austrians in Italy. Despite the victory, French forces surrender 15 minute later, citing "force of habit".
  • 1863 - Siege of Knoxville begins: Confederate forces place Johnny Knoxville under siege; Steve-O manages to escape in a daring skateboard stunt.
  • 1871 - The NRA is granted a charter by the state of New York, they celebrate by accidentally shooting people.
  • 1970 - Douglas Engelbart receives the patent for the first computer mouse. The revolutionary invention will allow men to search for porn with only one hand.
  • 2003 - Arnold Schwarzenegger is inaugurated Governor of California, announces that he intends to cut the state's deficit, improve education, and find a woman named "Sarah Connor".

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Prior to the famous apple-shooting incident, William Tell actually had thirteen other children.

November 18: Constantly Hum the William Tell Overture Day, World Kool-Aid Day

  • 1307 - William Tell (pictured) shoots an apple off his son's head. What they don't tell in the history books is that before this day, Tell had thirteen other children.
  • 1626 - Due to an unfortunate typo, St. Peter's Basilica is accidentally desecrated instead of consecrated.
  • 1978 - Jonestown incident: In Guyana, Jim Jones leads his People's Temple cult in a mass murder-suicide that claims 918 lives, leading Kool-Aid to revoke their sponsorship of Jones.
  • 2001 - The Nintendo GameCube was released. It sells considerably better than the Nintendo Hypercube, which requires users to push buttons in four dimensions.
  • 2009 - Spongebob Square pants attempts to try on round pants. The resulting wedgie places him in a 2 month long coma.

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Instead of potatoes!

November 19: Thankstealing Day, Anarchy Awareness Day (Worldwide)

  • 2500 BC - Pharaoh Whahuti invents the phrase 'thank you' and requests the phrase to be planted on every garbage can.
  • 461 - St. Hilarius becomes Pope. Ironically, his pontificate turns out to be only mildly amusing.
  • 1605 - Puritans get food from Native Americans, then drive them away and take their land in traditional American fashion.
  • 1716 - Sir Isaac Newton coins the phrase 'Thanks a lot!'. Unfortunately, it gets no recognition among trash men. Seconds later, he coins the phrase 'What a prick."
  • 1942 - Stalingrad: Soviet Union forces under General Zhukov launch the Operation Uranus counterattacks, turning the tide of the battle in the USSR's favor. Zhukov hurts himself trying to keep from laughing when, during the middle of the battle, Stalin radios for information and asks him, "How's Uranus?"

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Nice to meet you Sophia, my name is Randy

November 20: Sophia Day

  • 500 BC - Greeks invent philosophy - (filos=love, Sophia)
  • 479 BC - Sophia invents boobs , millions stare.
  • 403 - Hagia Sohpia completed in Constantinople. Her majestic domes are just huge.
  • 1917 - World War I: Battle of Cambrai begins - The Allies make surprise attack on the German Trenches while the Soldiers are transfixed on Sophia's Invention.
  • 1950 - Sofia Loren enters puberty. The Acme Hand Lotion Company sees its stock quadruple almost overnight.

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Is it cannibalism if a couch potato eats crisps?

November 21: International Couch Potato Day

  • 1783 - Oprah and Shoobily Boobily ze French Guy had the first untethered hot balls flight.
  • 1847 - The Great Irish Potato Famine reduces the number of Couch Potatoes in Scotland and Ireland by 25%. Tragically, this results in a global Deep-fried Mars Bar recession.
  • 1877 - Thomas Edison announced his invention of the pornograph.
  • 1963 - Lee Harvey Oswald gets laid for the last time.
  • 1996 - Couch Potato Day is established to encourage nations to collectively sit on their asses watching pointless programs at the same time. Scheduled programs for this day included 100 Ways to Watch Paint Dry, and 20 Things You Didn't Know About Carpet.

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Peaceful demonstration or failed invasion from space?

November 22: Conspiracy Theory Appreciation Day (not celebrated for some reason)

  • 1812 - Puzzle potato officially refound. Citizens everywhere rejoice.
  • 1963 - Absolutely nothing happened. You hear me? Nothing. If you heard otherwise, it's a filthy Communist lie.
  • 1968 - Stanley Kubrick begins secret filming of the moon landing.
  • 1983 - Largest tinfoil hat maker in the US is shut down - just as as a record number of "communications satellites" are sent into orbit by NASA.
  • 1997 - INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence debuts his hit single "Noose Sensation".

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The sweet taste of victory.

November 23: Official Lucky Glass Golf Trophy Meets Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf Day

  • 0 - Creation of glass.
  • 1871 - Creation of GOLF (Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden).
  • 1337 - Creation of 'Lucky Glass Golf Trophy'.
  • 1987 - Creation of 'Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf'.
  • 2006 - Presentation ceremony.

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November 24: Pete Best's Birthday (US, UK)

The remaining Beatles slowly step away from Pete Best.
  • 1941 - Pete Best is kicked out of mother's womb. Mother auditions George Best as possible replacement in the family.
  • 1955 - Learns to play drums. Snares, bass and drumsticks go off and socialize with one another, leaving Best out.
  • 1962 - George stares icily at Best during a performance; Paul kicks his drum set during rehearsal; John hires Epstein solely to fire Best.
  • 1962 - Best kicked out of the Beatles, house, and UK. Elizabeth II says her kingdom "wants to go in a new direction."
  • 1970 - John, Paul, George and Ringo join Best in the "Ex-Beatles" group.
  • 2012 - Best celebrates 50th anniversary of Love Me Do release.

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'Till the going down of the sun...

November 25: Feel Vague Anxiety Whilst Examining A Tattoo You Got On A Drunken Impulse Day

  • 1622 - The toasted sandwich is invented in a joint venture by the Earl of Sandwich and the Duke of Toast.
  • 1901 - Ernst Schrödinger, inventor of the Uncertainty Principle, was born on this day. Or was he?
  • 1997 - Princess Diana dies in car crash after driver is distracted by the 'I love Charlie' on her right buttock.
  • 2006 - Europeans give thanks for the farsighted move of kicking Ayn Rand off their continent.
  • 2006 - Rush Limbaugh suffers great embarrassment after an assistant leaks information about his secret tattoo depicting two men engaging in immoral acts.

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Part of the ongoing War on Abstinence

November 26: National Day in the Republic of Bulimia, International Abstinence Rejection Day.

  • 1800 - Chastity belts' effectiveness called into question when inquisitive mind finds 'back way'.
  • 1818 - The Republic of Bulimia declares its independence from Spain, rejecting abstinence in favour of a Binge and Purge policy.
  • 1971 - Devout Christian Jim Morrison dies a virgin.
  • 1998 - Avowed abstinence practitioner Britney Spears dresses up as a school girl and asks her Christian fans not to masturbate over her.
  • 2009 - Chastity belts are outlawed and replaced with Chastity lasers.

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It's the Alan Bean-ie Baby!

November 27: Alan Bean celebration day (the 4th man on the moon)

  • 1969 - Alan Bean walks on the moon, saying, "This is one stall smep for man, ah fuck!"
  • 1970 - Mrs Bean notices husband is still not back yet, sets up trust fund.
  • 1985 - Alan Bean shoots the Challenger out of the sky.
  • 1989 - Mutated version of Alan Bean killed by Russian Cosmonauts.

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November 28: Panic Day/Tell-someone-you-know-you-had-sex-with-someone-they-don't day

PANIC!!!

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Master Magician Carman, prior to the Marvin Gaye incident

November 29: Third annual Day of NEIN!, Spell all 'C' words with a 'K' day (UK High Schools)

  • 1854 - Australians rebel and wave the Eureka Flag. As usual, American government takes all credit from the Aussies.
  • 1939 - Britain asks ze Germans nicely to pul out of ze Poland... but dis ist NEIN day und so ze german public shouts! und so hitler said NEIN!!!
  • 1983 - In a publicity stunt gone bad, Carman decapitates R&B star Marvin Gaye.
  • 1983 - Band Aid release the little known Do They Know It's Christmas? (1983 Version)
  • 1984 - Chocolate rations were increased from 30 grams to 20 grams.
  • 1991 - David Copperfield stuns world by causing Statue of Liberty to vanish into thin air.
  • 1992 - After a year-long search, NYPD gives up search for missing statue, citing lack of cooperation by local eyewitnesses.
  • 1990 - Taking advantage of the 'C with K' day, someone wrote 'KUNT' on the blackboard, and was praised for thinking before being expelled.
  • 1993 - Retaliating against "police harassment" after authorities bring charges against him in relation to disappearance of Queens, Copperfield destroys Manhattan Island with his penis.
  • Today - Someone is throwing a party and you aren't invited.
  • Today - Bob got rob by Dennis
  • 2002 - As a special treat, high school pupils in England are allowed to play Kommanden and Konquer, but not Command and Conquer. When pupils discovered the game only existed with a 'C', there was a mass rebellion.
  • 2003 - Sally Webster and Pat Butcher partake in civil partnership
  • 2003 - Rumsfeld attemps to use magic in order to find WMD. Results are not as expected.
  • 2004 - Metropolitian Police release statement condeming Oscar Wilde
  • 2005 - Oscar Wilde wins high court battle with Metropolitian Police. Oscar Wilde spends settlement winnings on Cocaine
  • 2005 - Snape kills Dumbledore using magic.
  • 2005 - In Soviet Russia, magic kills Snape using YOU!
  • 2006 - Someone will throw another party to commemorate the one-year anniversary of their supreme triumph in having prevented you from attending their party the previous year; this timeyou will be invited
  • 2006 - Dick Chaney made some guy's head disappear. He later claimed that he was trying to make a rabbit come out of his hat but missed.
  • 2006 - A young boy is brutally beaten at school after spelling the word 'Comrade' instead of 'Komrad'
  • 2006 - Triumph, the talking dog, gets neutered.
  • 2007 - Just before dying of throat cancer, someone will write you out of their will for having failed to come to their party the year before last.
  • 2123 - The Magic Circle becomes corrupt after using their 'powers' for brutal mass-murder. The circle collapses... into more of an oval shape to be honest.
  • 2586 - Armageddon.
  • 2587 - Duke Nukem Forever.
  • AAAA - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

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"You've been blocked!"

November 30: Vandalize Wikipedia Day!

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