UnNews:YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL, DAD!

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

30 June 2010

I may or may not be drinking 3 or 4 of these delicious teas.

PUBERSVILLE, Earth -- You NEVER understand me, DAD!!! You think you know what you're talking about, but you've never been through what I am going through RIGHT NOW! You think it's SOOOOOOO easy being me. Well you don't even understand what I have to go through every day! Like today, Jenny McMitchell told me that my dress was a nice color of Mauve... So What!? SO WHAT!? Don't you get that Mauve is so not totally in? A few weeks ago, Liz Macbeth came to school wearing mauve, and she had to pretend to be sick just to go home she was so embarrassed by it. And now Jenny said that I was wearing mauve, when I wasn't! My dress IS PURPLE! PUUURRRPPPLLLLE! All the kids laughed and picked on me, and you just said so what! You just don't understand what I am going through!

What do you do everyday, DAD?! All you have to do is work in that chemical factory every day. I WISH I could do that every day. Do you know what my homework was last week? I had to write a full sheet of paper on why I want to be a ballerina when I grow up. In cursive. It's so ridiculous that Mrs. Jones is making us write in cursive. It's so hard! Why should I need to connect all of my letters together? It's NOT FAIR!!!

And then I come home and have to deal with you saying SO WHAT! You have no idea what it's like to be my age. You've never had to go through this, and now you try and tell me that you UNDERSTAND! That you know what I'm going through! YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I wish Mom had been the one to survive that car accident, and not you! I HATE HATE HAT YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

.....What was that about ice cream? Oh, thank you so much daddy! Ice cream would make everything all better. I know what I want too! One Double Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream Sundae!

....What do you mean you can't afford a sundae?! This is SOOOO UNFAIR! I WANT A SUNDAE! I WANT A SUNDAE! If you understood how I really felt, you would let me get a sundae! YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND ME!!!!