UnNews:Windows Vista doesn't work!

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

27 May 2008

The popularity of Vista have gone up dramatically in recent months, but still nothing close to decent.

In an astounding revelation made yesterday, it was discovered that Windows Vista doesn't work! Recently a class-action lawsuit has been made against Microsoft on the condition that the users computer was resenting the good, healing power of Windows Vista and that the evil Windows XP was trying to revolt. Microsoft has claimed that the evil spirits can be calmed, but at the risk of very bad system performance.

Msnproblem.jpg

Many programs do not work on Windows Vista, MSN Messenger for example. Many users have hinted about a problem with the entire Windows series but Microsoft assures us that evil spirits are to blame. Microsoft replied to complaints that "programs weren't working" by releasing a confidential list containing programs that wouldn't work on Vista. If the program wasn't on the list you were obsiviously mistaken and a technician would immediately come to aid you.

Now, you might say, "I've always had problems with Windows Vista, but Microsoft just blamed my inferior intellect." An easy solution some Microsoft VPs presented was to buy a $2100 Quad-Core mega-system with 7 Gigs of Ram they were then very satisfied with their system by saying things like

Cquote1.png I PERSONALLY got burned.. I now have a $2,100 email machine" Cquote2.png
What does Microsoft do to solve their problems you may ask?

Is there a point to computers besides porn and e-mail? No there isn't!

Other complaints against Vista include that any non-microsoft brand products would go and not work, and proceed in annoying the user with complaints such as "Windows Vista has detected potentially harmful hardware: mouse. This hardware will not be activated until you press OK." 30 suicides have been reported in people punching their computer screen until "IT WOULD PRESS OK".

When Bill Gates was consulted on the matter he replied: Life isn't always fair, bitch.

edit Sources

  • Gordon Tilden "Lawsuit". Beginning of lawsuit, May 26, 2008
  • Who da'Punk "VP comments". Monday May 29, 2006, May 26, 2008