UnNews:Wikipedia goes /b/, the 4chan Featured!
14 January 2009
TAMPA BAY, Florida -- After a long and well-fought battle, the 4chan has won over Wikipedia...by getting their article featured after 3 years of work, despite countless acts of vandalism, arguments and Desu Desu Desu.
"I am proud to state that 4chan has finally been recognized by the Wikipedia community without the need for DDOSing, vandalism or infiltration. We at 4chan are proud to support our Wikipedian brethren and hope this will bring forth a step in showing that the Internet community, as a whole, are not full of...oh geez, I have to hide, there are some /b/tards coming," stated a representative for the 4chan, a Furry hiding in the shadows. According to the highly trustful website Urban Dictionary, a /b/tard is "one who joins other internet superheroes in the poasting [sic] of content on /b/. A true /b/tard knows all the memes of the land and is disgusted by nothing. A true hardened warrior."
As part of the celebration, the 4chan's members held a massive convention in Tampa Bay, Florida, home of Wikipedia's servers. Although most media outlets were not allowed at the festivities, UnNews was given an exclusive press pass to the hotel where the celebrations occurred. Additionally, Wikipedia founder Jimmy 'Jimbo' Wales was invited to the party, acknowledged as the guest of honor. One man dressed as Wikipedia mascot Wikipe-tan performed a showcase. His cosplay included a dance with Jimbo and Wikipe-tan, although the jig ended abruptly when a drunk disorderly ran into the hall shouting, "Nine-thousand! Nine-thousand!" while swinging an oversized mallet.
After the interruption, dinner was served. Jimbo, the guest of honor, used a laptop to officially change the main page feature from Battle of Dien Bien Phu to 4chan. Unfortunately, before Jimbo could hit the 'Submit' button in his browser window, a 4chan member took control of his account from a laptop and proceeded to vandalize Wikipedia with unprecedented root access. After the member was dragged out and Jimbo's account was unbanned, he tried again, only to be stopped by a teenager blasting Tay Zonday's Chocolate Rain song from a pair of 400-Watt speakers. Finally, Jimbo got around to featuring the article, 20 minutes later, causing a panic on Wikipedia that was resolved through ArbCom processes.
"It is an honor to feature the article of a well-known website. It is not often we get to do this, create a convention for featuring an article, and thanks to you--and ten thousand dollars from our donation drive--we made it happen. Enjoy these next 24 hours, but please stay out of the pool, it is infested with AIDS and, as I am told, 'fail.' Thank you... and please stop laughing. I don't see what's so funny," stated Jimbo Wales after he made '4chan' a featured article. Unnoticed by Mr. Wales, a picture of Rick Astley radiated on the screen behind Jimbo, and had been there since he began his speech.
For the 24 hours that the 4chan was featured, her jubilant members frolicked around the hotel and city, such as the gentleman shown in the photo above. Although UnNews attempted to acquire another interview with our aforementioned anonymous Furry interviewer, attempts to locate her were unsucessful. However, she is believed to have been at the fchan convention across the street. The celebrations went well into the night with minimal issues, although there were two arrests due to indecent exposure towards a prostitute in the hotel. One drunken individual was also seen exiting the locale with the aid of security after allegedly telling patrons to "(y)iff in hell, furfags."
- Rouge 'Miles' Hedgehog "O RLY? 4chan and Wikipedia Friends? Ya Rly!". CNN, January 14, 2009
- Moot Point "i can haz feetur?". Fox News, January 14, 2009