UnNews:Was 9/11 an outside job?

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

5 April 2013

Tragic: But could the 9/11 attacks really been caused by "Al Qaeda" terrorists hijacking real planes?

A recent survey has shown that more and more Young Americans reject the official explanation about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and actually believe it was a terrorist organization called Al Qaeda that was behind them and not the CIA.

"Haven't you ever thought about it?" says conspiracy theorist Mark Adman, who looks like he hasn't washed for days. "Every major calamity that has struck the US for the last 50 years, and everyone just buys the explanation that the CIA is behind it. JFK, Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy, all the way through to 9/11. Are you really that gullible that you believe that in today's complex world of cafe lattes and cam-2-cam video chats that one government organization did all that?"

The results of the survey suggest there are more dissenting voices than ever before. "I was finally convinced by Loose Change," said James C, one survey participant who agreed to be interviewed by UnNews with the condition that we didn't give his away his identity. "You know that documentary which tells you all that shit about how incoherent all the CIA explanations are?

"What really persuaded me was that whenever they present their alternative theory, they put on some hip hop in the background, which I associate with black people, who are generally not in power and therefore have no hidden agenda, and are also known for keeping it real," added the 25-year-old from Oklahoma, who has short blonde hair and a distinctive mole on his right cheek.

The theory that Collins Mr C espouses is the so-called Plane Truth which claims that members of Al Qaeda hijacked several passenger planes and crashed them into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and a beautiful bald eagle sanctuary in Pennsylvania. "What they don't want you to know is that the US government spends most of its time and energy on internal struggles for power and 95% of the CIA's wires are tapping Washington massage parlors. Meanwhile, people all around the world are bombing each other and smashing things into other things for reasons which are either unsatisfyingly pat or require reading something more culturally remote and dense than the Simple English version of Wikipedia."

The survey was conducted by California State University and professor of sociology Joanna Corey told us, "For years we have been spoon-fed this rather palatable theory that we, the big bad Americans, are behind everything, that we are the bogeymen. That's much easier to swallow than the idea that there is some complex, loosely connected terrorist group whose key players all seem to have an apostrophe or a hyphen in their name."

For many young Americans, according to Dr Corey, the idea that the World Trade Center attacks were all choreographed did not seem particularly plausible given that the war on terror was an absolute train wreck.

"The thing is, now in the age of the internet, people are starting to question the received theories - if the CIA had 9/11 planned for decades, why would they choose supposedly under-trained, non-Iraqi pilots to be the terrorists? If they were smart enough to build a drone aircraft that could be crashed into a tower, why weren't they smart enough to make it look like a passenger plane?

"And if they wanted a bellicose puppet President, couldn't they have picked a better one than George W. Bush?"

See also

UnNews Logo Potato.png
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.

Featured.png

Potatohead aqua.png Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 7 September 2013
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Template:FA/07 September 2013Template:FA/2013Template:FQ/07 September 2013Template:FQ/2013