UnNews:Waldo reunited with Family after 20 years of separation
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
12 October 2007
That's right. The famous missing child, Waldo, commonly known as "Where's Waldo?", has finally been found after twenty tireless years of searching, and his family couldn't be any happier. "You couldn't imagine how I feel," says Waldo's mother, Search (for) Sarah. "Having one child found, out of all of his siblings that are missing, is a true blessing. Especially for a family that insists on dressing the same!"
Waldo first went missing in 1987, when registered child-knabber Martin Handford abducted Waldo from his own backyard. Many have wondered how his many siblings couldn't have seen being taken away in time to call for help. Some say that the reason lies in the fact that his family is frightfully oblivious, hence why all of them tend to get lost in crowds. However, his very siblings, such as Pinpoint Peter and Find Fred, claim that Waldo's twin, Wally, saw the kidnapper and did absolutely nothing about it. This is suggested to be based on the fact that Wally was jealous of Waldo's success in the picture books describing the events during the kidnapping that were released after the whole ordeal was over. This statement is described to be 'nonsensical' by some and 'a dumb joke' by others, though neither of these claims have been independently confirmed.
While Waldo was held in captivity by the notorious Martin "The Photographer" Handford, he was forced into the cruel mind games of "The Photographer." Handford would 'accidentally' let Waldo escape, and while Waldo spent his time wandering through crowds trying to find the police station, Handford would take photographs of Waldo's progress from surrounding high-rise buildings. With Waldo becoming more and more frustrated, wandering around busy streets, zoos, and what have you and wearing his family's trademark clothes, Handford would take rolls and rolls of pictures. These sets of pictures were sent to the police daily and later were published in book form, being widely distributed in a popular picturebook form by the FBI. Martin was eventually captured when attempting to take pictures for his newly planned book, Where's Waldo? Girl's Locker Room Edition and was ironically arrested for peeping.
When Waldo was finally reunited with his family, he stood tall and proud with a feeble position stature and muttered, "Hold me...", to which his father, Detect Derek, replied whole-heartedly, "No."
Waldo was then surrounded by the crowd of his siblings, being welcomed the aforementioned Pinpoint Peter and Find Fred, as well as Locate Larry, Track (down) Teresa, and Hunt Harry. Sources say there were many more siblings there, but this reporter was unable to locate them all.
After a few greetings and friendly games of "Peek-a-boo", the family disappeared into the crowd, apparently heading back home.