UnNews:Vote your ass off

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Saturday, November 3, 2018

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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA -- The most important event of fall 2018 is not The World Series. It's not the retooled Conners without that Trump-supporting bitch Roseanne. It's not the newly rebooted Murphy Brown. (But seriously, if you're not already watching it, you damn well should.) It's not Mickey Mouse's 90th birthday. It's not the new remake of Suspiria. Hell, it's not even the new Halloween movie. It's Tuesday's midterm elections.

Nearly two years ago, the unthinkable happened. Shady real estate tycoon-turned-celebrity-turned-host of NBC's The Apprentice, Donald Trump, inexplicably won the 2016 election against clear frontrunner Hillary Clinton. Except he didn't. Turns out Russia rigged the most contentious election since 2000.

Trump and the Republicans have been free to destroy the foundations of our nation, attack its people, attack the press. Trump has clearly incited violence with his rhetoric, resulting in bombs being sent to Trump critics such as The Obamas, the Clintons, Need to Impeach founder Tom Steyer, Maxine "Michael Myers" Waters, "fake news" CNN, John Clapper, and even Robert De Niro. Trump's dangerous rhetoric also resulted in a mass shooting at a Pittsburgh synagogue.

Republicans, in ignoring checks and balances, have allowed this to happen. They are complicit. They are criminals. They are Russian puppets. ALL. OF. THEM. Not a single one can be trusted.

Are you as sick of the lying, attacks, racism, threats, tweets, sexism, misogyny, and RWNJ bullshit as I am? Then vote your ass off. But not just for anybody. Vote for, and ONLY FOR, DEMOCRATS. DO NOT give Republicans a single vote, especially if you give a damn about this country. If you haven't registered to vote and still can, do so now. Vote.org is your friend. No, you don't need a driver's license or State ID. If you don't have one (and/or can't get one), simply the last four digits of your SSN will do. And in order for your vote to count, you may need some form of ID. Check with your state which IDs they will accept, but if all else fails, you can use your trusty birth certificate.

And if you haven't already voted, you have until 7 P.M. local time to get your ballot filled. And if you're in line before polls close, your polling place, by law, MUST let you vote.

Some states, such as Colorado, where weed is perfectly legal, do all their ballots by mail, which is pretty damn convenient if you ask me. It'd also a good way to research who and what you're voting on. If you don't know the answers to those questions, you can receive flyers, watch political ads, watch your local news, or look up your local election on Ballotpedia.

Some smaller races, such as the Sheriff, may have only one candidate running unopposed. In these rare cases, it may seem as though you have no choice but to vote for them. Right? Wrong. Simply leave those ones blank. They'll still win (such is the nature of the single-candidate race), but at least it won't be with your vote. Remember, abstaining is better than voting Republican if you have no other choice. If abstaining is the only way to vote against a Republican, then abstain you must. But whatever you do, don't stay home... unless your voting absentee or by mail... in which case, you've probably already voted.

Remember the epilogue to Thursday's episode of Murphy Brown:

“Elections have consequences. Vote.”

– Murphy Brown, November 3, 2018

Oh, and I forgot to mention provisional ballots. Not on the roll? Don't have sufficient ID? Federal law allows you to win a participation trophy cast a provisional ballot. In any case, don't leave without voting. If anyone tries to prevent you from voting, call the Election Protection Hotline at 866-OUR-VOTE.

Sources[edit]

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.