UnNews:Vladimir Putin dumbfounded by the concept of free speech
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
"Comrade Putin," said Hamer Andsicel, his top Aide, "Police treatment of peaceful protesters in recent demonstrations have created backlash and instability among the subjects. They are angry that we are arresting them for publicly opposing us. So I would like to present an unusual solution to this problem: we let them demonstrate and do not arrest them for opposing us. Then they will be happy and we can get on with annexing Ukraine without distractions."
Mr. Putin rubbed his chin for a moment before lighting up with an evil smile: "Comrade, I like how you think. I see where this is going. We plant weapon and make it look they are violent, then we pack them off to prison camp! Then it no look like corruption!"
Mr. Andsicel sighed. "Actually, Sir, I was just thinking we let them go."
"Even better!" Cried Putin. "You are brilliant, man. We let them go home, then in middle of the night the secret police haul them off to Gulag!"
Putin's smile disappeared. "You mean no foul play? How can it be? That would go against objective of Communist Party! Nothing must stand in way of party! This was good joke, but sit down now."
"But sir, I am serious! This could have a positive impact on how the subjects see us! Maybe the international community would appreciate it, too!"
A long silence followed as Putin thought about this. Finally, in a soft voice, he said, "Mr. Andsicel, how could you be so naïve? Do you not realize that it doesn't matter if protesters angry? It is no concern of ours. This is why we have fleet of T-72, to deal with such problems. And besides, even if protesters angry, no one else will be. Because state-run news will not report demonstration if I tell them no. Our propaganda is more than enough to keep the people happy." Putin started getting noticeably angrier. "I thought you were smart. But now I see you have silly beliefs of western man. You are probably even a spy!"
With these words, men in black suits flooded the room, dragging Andsicel as he screamed pleas for mercy at his deranged ruler. "Off to Gulag," boomed Putin. He then started an evil cackle. Our reporters were rushed out of the room just as Putin began screaming his national anthem.