UnNews:Update: Sherrod won't rejoin Agriculture

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
UnNews Logo Potato.png This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

24 August 2010

Shirley Sherrod may spend her free time suing Andrew Breitbart for the edited tape that suggests she is preoccupied with race.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Agriculture bureaucrat Shirley Sherrod declined the U.S. Department of Agriculture's offer to re-hire her.

Ms. Sherrod gained national fame when conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart published audio of her refusing to help white farmers because of their race. But the unplayed audio revealed that Ms. Sherrod learned from the episode to instead refuse to help white farmers because of their social class. President Obama phoned a personal apology to her for her firing.

USDA Secretary Tom Vilsack, who dropped Ms. Sherrod like a hot potato after the episode, offered her a job in the department's Office of Advocacy, which works on civil rights issues. Such issues in agriculture include equal treatment for black cows, subsidies for chocolate milk, translators to speak Ebonics to dem jive-ass chickens, and whether blacks own too few farms because crackers snapped them all up through family connections.

But Ms. Sherrod declined the offer and Mr. Vilsack said she may become a consultant instead. This would let her spend three days a week for twice the pay, and let her decide the "time and manner" in which she performs the "work." In Washington, such deals are normally reserved for cases involving serious blackmail against officials. But the current administration is not at risk of embarrassment. Because it is post-racial.

Ms. Sherrod said she looks forward to some arrangement with the department. She said, "We do need to work on discrimination and race in this country."

The opposition party in Congress, originally giddy that the publicity embarrassed Mr. Obama on a minor issue, had no comment. Its leaders, whose names were not known, are begging its candidates not to promise to repeal Obama-care if they win the House this November, but only trim its funding a little.

Sources[edit | edit source]

Mary Clare Jalonick "Ousted worker Sherrod rejects return to Ag agency" Associated Press, August 24, 2010