UnNews:Uncyclopedia infallible, more factual than Brittanica
"Also causes cancer", says Internet expert Wimbo Jales.
25 May 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
THE INTERWEB -- In light of the almost recent controversy involving Wikipedia and Encyclopedia Britannica, Uncyclopedia has issued a statement. The controversy lies over the NSA (American National Sanskrit Agency) report that written-by-amateurs Wikipedia is almost as accurate as the Britannicas's peer-reviewed, professionally edited, hardcover, leather-bound, volumes of fact.
Not to be outdone by stuffy "intellectuals", Uncyclopedia has declared itself infallible. Using arcane rituals, a super-computer of networked Commodore 64's, and an onion, the Hamsterdam Alternative University computer sciences lab ran 40 days and 40 nights of computations in order to prove Uncyclopedia's Incontrovertability to be true. The result was not 42, as anticipated by Britannica's team of veracity consultants, but rather, "Uncyclopedia good, Britannica bad".
Uncyclopedia has long been the mainstay of information sourcing amongst college students, authors of scientific and medical journals, and members of the intelligentsia worldwide. Whether it is a College Student from Boston, or a school child in Africa, Uncyclopedia is a beacon for truth. No one need ever be wrong again.
The Vatican was vocal, as was expected, on the issue of infallibility. Spokesman for the Pope, Cardinal Salvatorre de Multo Fece, announced in a Papal Armadillo (less pwoerful than a Papal Bull, but like ignorable policies on Uncyclopedia, are best considered) that there is room for competition in the field. "Alla you WOPS get offa de lawn", said the Cardinal, doing his impression of Cheech Marin, doing his impression of a previous Pope. "Hah! This is fun, no? There's plenty of room in this town for more than one infallible source, and we feel pretty good about sharing turf with Uncyclopedia. At least they're not so boring."
“I was shitting myself at the thought of becoming Pope, what should I believe, is contraception against the Will of God? Are all the Jews and Heathens going to burn in the pits of Hades for all eternity? Is there a God? Thankfully Uncyclopedia had all the answers, and now I can force them on those poor schmucks down in South America. Thank Christ for Uncyclopedia!”
- Ray Kurzweil "Paramilitary Methods of Computation". Iran-Contra Press, May 24, 2006
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|