28 February 2008
USA--Acting on recent allegations by various sources that the media has significant bias towards Presidential candidate Barack Obama, UnNews conducted a study to see if that were true. The result: absolutely, inequitably no.
Merely the fact that anyone would have the cruelty to accuse Obama of swooning the media is beyond this writer's head. One would have to have no soul whatsoever to insult possibly the greatest man to ever live, the sexiest man alive, whose soaring rhetoric causes babies to pop out of the womb prematurely and men to ejaculate in their own pants. Clinton must surely be the iciest, dumbest bitch to ever live to merely suggest such a stunningly unfounded accusation.
We sent the results of the study to the Clinton campaign. The response was swift and predictably without intelligence.
"First off, you're not even a real news source," wrote the possibly retarded campaign manager, Wolfson. As we're sure you're probably fuming at that accusation, we'll leave out the rest of the outrageous document, which included such crap as "You haven't cited any evidence of a test" and "We will be pursuing legal action".
The incredibly suave, sophisticated and orgasmically intelligent Senator Obama has not issued a reply yet. Which is understandable, right? After all, he's running such a tough campaign. Imagine the STRENGTH it must take to run for President! Wow! Truly this man has no equal. Hell, this writer would love to spend the rest of his life with the President-to-be. Would make him soup when it's cloudy. Massage his thighs when he's stressed. Would bear his manbabies.
The results of the study will be universally posted in due time, and will undoubtedly put a stopper on that bitch Clinton's accusations of media bias. Bias my ass.