UnNews:UnNews hoax about British MI5 seeking gay agents makes it to world headlines

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19 August 2008

Flexibility and versatility are the central skills for any ambitious secret agent.

LONDON, UK - A tentative attempt by a crew of creative UnNews writers to infiltrate British intelligence, particularly MI5, and feed it nonsense information, has been a smashing success. Parts of the planted information made it directly to Downing Street 10 and wreaked havoc in most of British politics; this went largely unnoticed by the general public, though.

However, a small hoax distributed on the side caused an immediate uproar. In the name of MI5, UnNews published a press release stating that MI5 is actively recruiting homosexual agents for active service and clandestine operations. This ridiculous idea seems to have strung a chord with the British and world press. It was promptly picked up by many papers and embroidered with bells and whistles by many an enthusiastic journalist who longed for a juicy story from the intelligence world.

And then, the hard guys also get the coolest cars.

For several days UnNews was able to spoon-feed tasty bits of absurd details to greedy scribblers. For example, the idea that zero-zero codes for agents would be subdivided: agents 001-003 had to be male heterosexuals, agents 004-006 had to be female heterosexuals, agents 007-009 had to be homosexuals (preferably one male, one female, and one transsexual or otherwise undecided).

In any case, an emergency conference of all UnNews secret agents has concluded that it is time to put an end to the joke before anyone gets seriously hurt. Therefore we hereby announce that of course MI5 and any other secret service of the world would never dream of hiring gay personnel. Fact is, every member of the service has to be prepared to seduce any male, female, or animal on this planet if it is for the higher good of the service.

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