UnNews:US thrilled over pleasant execution

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18 June 2014

Kiss that ass goodbye: Unlike many prisoners, Wellons had no obvious crack problem.

The US state of Georgia is celebrating after carrying out the first execution in the US since a botched lethal injection in Oklahoma in April - dubbing it "a pleasant experience for everyone involved."

Marcus Wellons, who raped and killed a 15-year-old in 1989, died by injection of a single drug late on Tuesday, despite a last minute appeal by his lawyer over the source of the drugs used to kill him.

"That was the only hitch, the whole night," reflected Sheriff Waylin Morris. "For a horrible moment there, I thought we weren't going to be able to execute him."

Of all the states with the death penalty, Georgia is perhaps the most peculiar, with the law stipulating that prisoners on death row pull down their pants and receive the lethal injection in the bottom, facing down and away from the executioner (usually an intern), who wears an Atlanta Falcons helmet to avoid identification.

A witness told us, "I have been to a few executions in my time, and they can be really sterile, staid affairs. I have to say they did this one really well. The lighting, the music - Outkast's greatest hits - it all felt very life-affirming. Well, for most of us."

The sense of relief and joy was so contagious that the state of Missouri impulsively executed John Winfield shortly afterwards. "It's like when you haven't had sex for a while, I guess," added Morris. "You worry you mighta lost your touch, but once you do one and get back up on the horse, it all flows back to you nicely."

Sources

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