UnNews:US bans trans-fats

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

11 November 2013

While transgender people are, by nature, used to change, many fat ones have criticised the FDA's move.

The USA has become the first nation around the world to place a ban on fat trans people - so-called "trans-fats" - saying they are not good for the nation's health.

James Spalding, spokesman for the FDA, told UnNews: "There is nothing I like more than watching porno with a lithe, busty, well-hung trans woman - and I mean nothing. But the fat ones have got to go, it's just not good for our nation's youth to be masturbating over that kind of thing."

Under new regulations, trans people weighing over 200lbs or with more than 30% body fat will immediately be banished to the badlands of Mexico.

“Trannie clubs will try to move as fast as they can to make sure their foods comply with the FDA’s Generally Recognized as Safe (GRAS) standard," commentator Kris Etherton said in an interview. “It’s not good for them to have drag queens out there that don’t have GRAS status. They’re concerned about their reputation, these places, and they obviously have a lot of politicians among the clientele.”

The FDA’s decision, while tentative, has led some to wonder if there will be further regulation in the future. “We will almost certainly continue in that direction,” FDA Commissioner Margaret Hamburg said on a conference call yesterday when asked about Adam's apples. "Nothing is final, but, like transitioning, once you take that first step, there ain't much going back."

Sources

• Leverage, "Artificial Trans Fats Used in Food Deemed Unsafe by U.S. FDA" Bloomberg, November 7, 2013