UnNews:UN supports Darfur 'No-Fly" zone
14 December 2006
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DARFUR, Sudan -- Britain and the US have both indicated they would support a UN-backed no-fly zone over Sudan's Darfur region to prevent flies from landing on all those kids' eyeballs, officials say. An estimated 20,000 children have had flies on their eyeballs in Darfur since 2003.
"It's bloody disgusting is what it is!" said Maj. Leslie Francis Pease, leader of the British Royal Army expeditionary force in Darfur, "These flies are huge! And they're on their eyeballs! Right on them! Don't these people know how to blink?"
"This will not stand," Said Mr. Blair."These children deserve to live their lives with dignity and to not only not have flies on their eyeballs, but also not on their face or, well, certainly not above the neck. Britain pledges to the people of Darfur a better life - one with Citronella candles, bug spray and maybe some of those purple zappy lights. If that does not work, then we shall fly huge tanker planes over Darfur and spray the whole country down with insecticide if that's what it takes to get the job done."
Yet President Bush refused to commit to Mr. Blair's plan, "Yeah, I heard about those flies. That's bad. Heh-heh. Y'know we also got flies down in Crawford. Heh-heh. Big ones, too! Texas-size flies. Heh-heh But, uh, not on our eyeballs. That's gross. Heck, I'd put on some goggles 'fore I let that happen. Hey, hey, Tony, how 'bout we buy everyone in Africa some goggles? Matter of fact, I think Dick use'ta be head of a company that made goggles. Maybe we could hire them."
Meanwhile, the UN has said it will have to consider other options if Sudan's government continues to block the deployment of a UN-backed fumigation team.
- Oscar Wilde "Humanitarian crisis grips Darfur." Grue Press, Daecember 14, 2006
- Aida Pickle "Wilford Brimley eaten by Grue." Wisconsin Cheese, December 14, 2006