UnNews:ULTIMATE BUTT POOP found in Belgium
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 May 2013
The Internet is in a total state of boosterist buzz again! Early this morning a member of the prominent Belgian Fookfaes family, Dawrk Fookfaes, woke up and went downstairs. To his great surprise he found a piece of ULTIMATE BUTT POOP side by side with ULTIMATE YUKKY DOODY beside the staircase! The shock was so great that Dawrk immediately squirted his freshly-sipped coffee out of his arse and started running screaming along the walls. This woke up the rest of the household, who could get no coherent information out of Dawrk, except hints to a vague feeling that there was something terrible downstairs.
It took several hours for Dawrk to calm down. Once he did, he immediately contacted us with news of his findings. "I have found the ULTIMATE BUTT POOP!!!!" he immediately declared in jubilation. He was still frothing, but we managed to collect from his babbling that the poop and doody were gold-plated, and in every respect looked like things that really defined their category once and for all. "I'm afraid to poop any more", he told us in a pitiful state - despite having been jubilant only a minute earlier. "I don't think I will ever be able to match those magnificent piles of excrement", he added by way of explanation.
Our butt poop specialists are on their way to Belgium at the time of our writing this. Unless a platinum-plated poop is found somewhere in the USA, we can be secure in our knowledge that Europe has won the doody contest 6-0 - for the time being.