UnNews:Thief returns daughter with an apology letter - and dessert coupon

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 April 2013

The girl is happy that she might get some of daddy's free chocolate lava crunch cake .

Having your child stolen is quite annoying. There are upsides of course, but society does not see that as "moral", and requires someone to go and find her.

But when the child is returned with an apology letter and a free dessert coupon, you can forgive the thief, can't you? Of course, society will say "we need to find this guy", but you're just happy with the coupon, aren't you?

The letter claims the unidentifiable thief was "6ft midget, between 15 and 50, and white with oriental features who looks like he was born in the heart of Africa." after a night out. They were in no fit state to find a brothel and too "broke", so he "borrowed" the child.

The thief also wrote that the ride was "lusciously smooth", but apologised for taking the child without asking.

Society has demanded that the child be looked after by doctors while the father, 32-year-old Gerald Frinper, is investigated by social services for "bad parenting."

A coupon for a free chocolate lava crunch cake from Domino’s Pizza was left with the note, though it appears to be out of date.

Images of the incident were shared on Reddit by the bike owner with the caption: "13 nights ago my child was stolen. It just turned up back in my yard this morning with this note… Ain’t even mad."

Sources

• IFYMB!, "Thief returns bike with letter of apology and dessert coupon" Digital Spy, 25 April 2013