UnNews:Tesla world battery developed by Russia

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Wednesday, March 4, 2015


Genius among Internet memes, Nikola Tesla, the inventor of electricity, ray guns and the mIcrowave

MOSCOW, Russia -- Russian Foreign Minister Serge Lavrov has announced the completion of Russia’s ambitious plan to produce a single battery potent enough to power the entire planet.

“We are ready to unveil our Tesla Earth battery that could power all huts, houses, businesses, barber shops, topless bars and discos in the entire world,” Lavrov said on the side lines of the Minsk World War III “time-out” conference.

“The new universal battery will be fully operational this month,“ Chief Technology Officer JB Karnotaz stated, adding that the idea is “Захватывающий,” without further elaborating on the details of the design apart from the attached photograph.

Russia’s Tesla World Battery

“The power source will, of course, be in Moscow, and the world connect plugs will be wirelessly linked to converter satellites located in space, orbiting the earth. All countries in the world can have wireless, satellite driven terminals, which convert the power from Direct Current into Alternating Current, and then redirect it throughout their already existing power grids.” Lavrov said with a perfect Russian accent.

In this manner the world can plug into our new Tesla battery and power their respective nations. The power will be free to all, our gift to the world for all your kindness, understanding, mutual respect, brotherhood and consideration to Russia over the years.”

The idea was originally the brainchild of Tesla, but its development in the West was initially sabotaged by Thomas Edison, and then blocked by Big Anglo-Oil, except in Russia, where it has subsequently been developed and perfected by Gazprom, who created the diesel-guzzling Tesla battery by closely following the great Meme's instructions to a T.

“We will give free energy to the whole world,” said Lavrov, with a grin. “Our pleasure!”

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