UnNews:Teenage Girl smashes computer monitor in Royal Bank

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

4 April 2009

Half-horse half-man Heinrich Spinoza enjoys his G20 protests with a beer and a flower up his nose.

SMARMY GLEN, Scotland -- A 17-year-old today pleaded guilty to smashing a computer monitor in the middle of the Royal Bank of Scotland, after the G20 protests. She also pleaded guilty of additional charges of using a keyboard to smash a window.

“She got on a desk and was going to use a keyboard to smash her way out of the building.”

~ Tiffany-Corinne Moise, for the prosecution

Sources say that by smashing the window, she enabled G20 protestors to storm the building, who then each effectively wiped out all the remaining computers in the building before getting drunk on 4 cans of heavy lager.

The prosecutor stated that the reason she smashed the computer was through peer pressure, beer, and because her boss was an asshole and therefore it was not the teenager's fault. The prosecutor was hereby fired for supporting the wrong person.

The girl was released. She will be sentenced on the 24 of April, and, if found guilty, will have to be found by the police also.

Sources

• "Girl admits G20 protest vandalism" BBC News, April 3, 2009