UnNews:Sudanese man forced to wed goat
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
5 January 2008
THE DARK CONTINENT -- An Uncyclopedian huffer has taken a goat as his wife, after being rejected by the all of the women in his village, four mules, a marmoset, and Mr. Bean.
The goat's owner, Mr George "Crackers" Alifi, said he caught the Administrator with his goat composing Attic Greek love sonnets. Although this sort of behavior is normal this time of year, when the Nile reverses its flow and crows fall dead out of the sky, it is considered gauche and illicit among all of the religions which coexist harmoniously in sub-Saharan Africa.
Mr. Alifi (or "Bubbles" to his friends), took him to the local council of elders demanding satisfaction, or at least approval of his latest loan application to fund the Alifi Perpetual Motion Mechanism.
Rather than , the elders ordered the man, Mr Guy Marsupial, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars (or exactly Jack Shit in American dollars) to Mr Alifi. In return, the goat was turned over to Marsupial, along with an expenses-paid honeymoon cruise to Alaska, USA'
"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.
Mr Alifi, of Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 3 January and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Marsupial with his goat, surrounded by papyri containing elegantly written declarations of homeopathic love in rhyming iambic heptameter.
"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up, then had my way with him. I know my religion discourages fudge packing, but unlike Iran, there are homosexuals in Sudan."
Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.
"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he courted it in a gentlmanly fashion," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- D.T. Suzuki "Blokes buggering goats are the new metrosexuals" Olde Worthen Press, January 5, 2008