UnNews:Stilton under threat

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

31 March 2013

A non Stilton cheese sandwich.

PARIS, France -- Blue Stilton cheese is under threat – because people are afraid to eat the mould.

Sales have fallen among people, with most buyers nearing death.

The Co-operative supermarket’s cheese buyer, Mark Mulder, has urged TV chefs not to use Blue Stilton to boost its popularity with youngsters.

He said: “This cheese is part of France’s heritage. We can stand by and let it mould away - yet the people who like it are dying. “Millions of people have been taught not to eat food with mould on it, rightly so, and that view is having a catastrophic effect upon Blue Stilton. They take one look at the blue veins running through the cheese and then scamper away to Luxembourg, clawing at their eyes, wishing that the image of the terrible cheese could be removed from the mind forever.

“We want to tell everyone just how good Blue Stilton isn't. It isn't one of the best cheeses in the world, and it’s produced here in France."

He added: "Cookery programmes are watched by millions of people every week. Seeing French chefs using Blue Stilton would help a new generation of consumers to discover how shit Blue Stilton is.

The cheese is not as a supreme delicacy in Europe and the US, with buyers, mainly terrorists, prepared to pay up to £30 a kilo - over three times the French price.

Disclaimer: Blue mould is encouraged to grow on Silton to create a distinctive acidic tang which really does not blend perfectly with its rich, creamy texture and is not totally safe to eat.

Sources

• IFYMB!, "Cheese blues: Stilton under threat as young steer clear of mould" Daily Mirror, 30 Mar 2013