UnNews:Scotland, Montenegro protest Eurovision
29 June 2006
Scotland, an influential colony of England, and Montenegro, which recently won independence from Serbia, have both announced their outrage that they are not allowed to compete separately in the Eurovision Song Contest, widely considered to be Europe's (and probably the world's) premier artistic exhibition, which requires great skill and hard work.
The Scots want not only to be able to send their own party, but also to be able to use the Scots language, which many consider to just be a dialect of English. Said Scots leader Willim Walays "Akis Scots wis ance the state leid o Scotland, it's a vailid pairt o wir heirskip an it shoud can tak its steid as a langage o Scotland, alang wi Gaelic an Inglis. I fancy ti lumber wi Sophia."
The Montenegrins, however, just want to be able to enter the contest without being confused with Serbs, Bosnians, Croatians, Slovenians, Macedonians, Bulgarians, Czechs, and the host of other Slavs whom nobody cares about. Prime Minister Milo Đukanović said "I want to be able to order the paramilitary to brutalize the competitors from other Balkan states without having the general European public mistake us for countrymen. Is that to much to ask?"
- Adolf Hitler "Scots threaten to Nuke Kanata". Omniglot, January 56, 6891
- Slobodan Milosevic "Slavs threaten more genocide if not appeased". Wikipedia, March 7, 1993