UnNews:Scooby-Doo villans released due to "technicality"
11 August 2007
PISMO BEACH, California- Years of "crime fighting" by the Scooby Doo Detective Agency was undone today when the California State Supreme Court ruled (in a unanimous 9-0 decision) that all the "criminals" the group had captured over the years should immediately be released from prison.
The justices cited in their decision the fact that "spooking and scaring" aren't actually crimes. Police in the 1960s and 70s, they said, would arrest anybody to make it appear they were in control, so they let the arrests stand.
"I realize," said justice David Howard, "that these kids thought they were doing a great service for the communities where all this happened. However, the fact still remains; just because somebody dresses like a ghost or zombie to scare somebody away to find a million dollars or to take over an amusement park isn't criminal...it's just stupid."
Justice Howard also believes that some interesting fumes from Shaggy, one of the prominent members of the group, may have had something to do with the arrests.
"Look at how much that kid eats! The only person I've ever seen eat like that is my brother, and he was completely stoned all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if the kids caught a buzz from the smoke and thought, 'Hey! I'm so high! Wouldn't it be great if we get people arrested for scaring people?' How else can you explain it?"
Understandably, the members of the agency weren't too thrilled.
"Ri rink rit's a reat rinrustice!" said Scooby Doo, the dog for whom the agency is named. "Rit's an routrage! Row rare rey roo ris? Roo roo rey rink rey rar?" Mr. Doo was then stopped, as an interpreter was unavailable to translate for reporters.
Shaggy also had some comment.
"Like, zoinks, man! Wow! I mean, like, this is, like, totally messed-up, man! Like, if the world can't be safe from spooks and crazy creeps, then, like, how will things...hehehehe! Like, I don't even know what I'm talking about, man! Come on, Scoob! Let's get some liverwurst and ice cream sandwiches!" Shaggy and Scooby-Doo then ran off comically to a local diner, leaving a mysterious-smelling grey cloud behind them.
The rest of the members were unavailable for comment, as member Daphne accidentally drove them off a cliff trying to make a left turn.
- Frank Sinatra "It's My Line, Dammit!." Jeepers, Inc., May 22, 1970
- Richard Nixon "I'd Have Gotten Away With It, Too!." Meddling Kids Ltd., August 20, 1974