UnNews:Preacher revises date for the end of world

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

25 May 2011

A proposed design for the new billboards on the Coming of the Raptor.

OAKLAND, California -- Shortly after his newest failed prophecy on when the end of the world will occur, Rev. Howard Camping released a statement saying that he had "misinterpreted a key verse of scripture" and has now slated the new date for the end of the world via Raptor to come on October 21st, 2011.

He had clarified that certain events that had to happen before the world ended hadn’t happened yet; his main point was that Oprah hadn’t been cancelled yet. However, he notes that many other events that foretold the end of the world, such as Miley Cyrus covering Nirvana’s "Smells Like Teen Spirit", Snooki becoming a New York Times Best Seller, and Nickelback being voted by Billboard Top 100 to be the Group of the Decade, had already transpired. He also noted some erroneous scriptural evidence.

This comes off the apparent failure of The Raptor, which was supposed to happen on Saturday, May 21, 2011. Thousands of billboards had to be taken down because, apparently, people read billboards now. Camping is now advising his followers to watch for the signs and to follow three key statements for the Coming of the Raptor:

  1. Reinforce your door hinges,
  2. Replace all door handles with door knobs, because
  3. Raptors can now open doors.

edit Sources