UnNews:Pigeon violence increases in London

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31 January 2007


Pigeon overfeeding is a new urban nuisance.

LONDON, England -- Pigeons, the common bird seen as you stroll down to the marketplace have always been a staple of intercity life, a harmless nuisance or just something you could chase around if you're bored. The birds blissfully waddle around competing for scraps of bread or fries, occasionally flapping away from the troublesome five-year old. But recently, the dull and stupid pigeon has taken on a different role.

A more irritating one.

A decline in bread prices has allowed scraps of bread to be bought for cheap and wasted on these filthy rats with wings. Flocking around people who spread the bread chunks around, they were a mere once in a while sight to see a single person flocked by hungry pigeons. Now, with bread so cheap and available there are more pigeon feeders devoting time feeding the birds and more pigeons have gotten used to being fed by people. Due to this here habit of pigeon feeders pigeons are now as a result overly reliant on people actively feeding them. Pigeons, instead of lounging around fountains and food courts now actively follow men and woman wherever they go, expecting meals. A flock of hungry and disappointed pigeons will occasionally gang up on shoppers carrying bags of food hoping for their quick bread fix.

Remedying this problem is very money-consuming and would be best spent elsewheres, so the only helpful advice is to not carry bags around, and be accompanied by a small child at all times. These are effective solutions, since the small child is the pigeons natural enemy and are plentiful to come by. If attacked by a hungry pigeon, try to push it away and make the offender hit the high road, then briskly walk away as if nothing happened.

Sources[edit]

Horace Paxty "Ran right into me today." Olde news, January 30, 2007