UnNews:Oscar nominations 2018

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Thursday, January 25, 2018

Who's gonna win a 90-year-old naked dude this year?

HOLLYWOOD, California -- The Academy Award nominations were announced Tuesday and Hollywood is finally buzzing about something other than "Which respected celebrity is gonna be accused of something horrible next?" or "What's Trump gonna tweet next?"

Here's the list of stuffy British costume dramas nobody's ever heard of that will be competing for the Oscar in its 90th year.

Best Picture[edit]

Best Lead Actor[edit]

Best Lead Actress[edit]

Best Supporting Actor[edit]

Best Supporting Actress[edit]

  • Mary J. Blige - Mudbound
  • Allison Janney - I, Tonya
  • Leslie Manville - Star Wars Episode XXXVII: The Phantom Thread
  • Laurie Metcalf - Lady Bird
  • Octavia Spencer - The Shape of Water

Best Animated Feature[edit]

Best Cinematography[edit]

  • Sergei Blutarski - The Pee Tape
  • Roger Deakins - Blade Runner 2049
  • Bruno Delbonnel - Darkest Hour
  • Hoyte Van Hoytema - Dunkirk
  • Rachel Morrison - Mudbound
  • Dan Loustsen - The Shape of Water

Costume Design[edit]

Best Director[edit]

  • Sergei Blutarski - The Pee Tape
  • Christopher Nolan - Dunkirk
  • Jordan Peele - Get Out
  • Greta Gerwig - Lady Bird
  • Paul Thomas Anderson (ghost directed by George Lucas) - Star Wars Episode XXXVII: The Phantom Thread
  • Guillermo Del Toro & Ed Sheeran - The Shape of Water

Best Documentary Feature[edit]

  • Abacus: Something, Something Jail
  • Faces Places
  • Icarus
  • Last Men in Aleppo
  • The Pee Tape
  • Strong Island

Best Documentary (short subject)[edit]

Who cares?

Best Editing[edit]

  • Baby Driver
  • Dunkirk
  • I, Tonya
  • The Pee Tape
  • The Shape of Water
  • There Will Be Blood on Three Billboards Outside Blah, Blah, Blah, Missouri for Old Men

Best Film from a Shithole Country[edit]

  • A Fantastic Woman - Chile
  • The Insult - Lebanon
  • On Body and Soul - Hungary
  • The Pee Tape - Russia
  • The Square - Sweden

Makeup & Hairstyling[edit]

  • Darkest Hour
  • The Pee Tape
  • Queen Victoria & Paula Abdul
  • Wonder (not Woman)

Original Score[edit]

  • Hans Zimmer - Dunkirk
  • John Williams - The Pee Tape; Star Wars Episode XXXVII: The Phantom Thread
  • Ed Sheeran - The Shape of Water
  • Carter Burwell - There Will Be Blood on Three Billboards Outside Blah, Blah, Blah, Missouri for Old Men

Original Song[edit]

  • "Fake News" from The Pee Tape - Music by Elton John, lyrics by Tim Rice
  • "Mighty River" from Mudbound - Music and lyrics by Mary J. Blige, Raphael Saadiq and Taura Stinson
  • "Mystery of Love" from Call Me By Your Name - Music and lyrics by Sufjan Stevens
  • "Redbone" from Get Out - Music and lyrics by Donald Glover
  • "Remember Me" from Coco - Music and lyrics by whoever wrote "Let It Go"
  • "Shape of You" from The Shape of Water - Music and lyrics by Ed Sheeran, Steve Mac, Johnny McDaid, Kandi Burruss, Tameka Cottle, and Kevin Briggs
  • "Stand Up For Something" from Marshall - Music by Diane Warren, lyrics by Lonnie R. Lynn and Diane Warren
  • "That Isn't Me" from The Pee Tape - Music by Elton John, lyrics by Tim Rice and Donald Trump

Production Design[edit]

  • Beauty and the Beast
  • Blade Runner 2049
  • Darkest Hour
  • Dunkirk
  • The Pee Tape
  • The Shape of Water

Animated Short Film[edit]

Who cares?

Best Live Action Short[edit]

Meh.

Sound Editing[edit]

  • Baby Driver
  • Blade Runner 2049
  • Dunkirk
  • The Pee Tape
  • The Shape of Water
  • Star Wars Episode XXXVII: The Phantom Thread

Sound Mixing (Don't ask me what the difference is)[edit]

  • The exact same movies as Sound Editing

Visual Effects[edit]

Best Plagiarized Screenplay[edit]

Best Original Screenplay[edit]

Sources[edit]