UnNews:Orange you glad I didn't say banana

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10 December 2006

This banana is a moron.

AMERICA, WORLD - A proper joke is a delicate thing. Delivered with gravitas and precision timing, a joke can teach the world to sing again - or something equally sappy. But today, no such joke was crafted, for today is a day that jokesters will forever mourn. Today, the world's worst knock-knock joke was told.

Yes, knock-knock jokes are well known to be the most inferior of all spoken jokes - "interrupting cow", anyone? - but the joke told today was told with such bland lack of charm and unimaginative grace that it sparked mass boredom. The joke was as follows:

Adam Sandler
  1. Knock, knock!
  2. Banana!
  3. Knock, knock!
  4. Banana!
  5. Knock, knock!
  6. Orange!
  7. Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Victor Wooten
  1. Who's there?
  2. Banana who?
  3. Who's there?
  4. Banana who?
  5. Who's there?
  6. Orange who?
  7. ... Not cool, man.

After days of anonymity, the joke teller admitted his identity: Dick Hertz, a European man. He tried apologizing on David Letterman, but people wouldn't stop laughing at his name. "C'mon, people," (The) Dick pleaded, "It's not even that funny. My mother, she was a failed and bitter stand-up comedian. She thought it would be funny. Please just - STOP LAUGHING!" He stormed off the stage in a huff, crying. It was the first time he ever made people laugh.

The recipient of the joke, Humphrey Lee, had this to say: "Not funny. At all. Just stupid. Also, I'm suing him, because while I wasn't looking my home burned down, killing my pet goldfish. I mean the poor thing was almost 3 days old, I thought I might have had a world record for longest life span. But, seriously, it just wasn't funny, and I'm very annoyed."

Perhaps most terrifying about this whole ordeal is not the fact that it is a horrible, and perhaps the most horrible, joke, but that a worse one may follow. Some inside sources say they already know of such a joke. At least one person believes that the worse joke involves a petty insult involving the handsomeness (or lack thereof) of one's face, as seen here: [1]. But whether or not such an awful joke sees the light of day in the near future has yet to be seen.

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