UnNews:Obama promptly nukes North Korea
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25 May 2009
A LARGE HOLE, Formerly North Korea -- President Obama personally pressed the button to launch nuclear death against longtime brinkmanship partner North Korea today, mere moments after North Korea's nuclear test. "I won't stand for it." Obama asserted while watching the steady progress of American missiles raining down upon North Korean soil, "This whole North Korea mess that Bush left behind. It's got to go. The American people voted for change and I am changing North Korea - right now."
Russia, China, Japan and South Korea all immediately applauded Obama's bold move. "Thanks for clearing that up Obama!" commented foreign ministers from these and many other countries.
"Let that be a lesson to you," Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, addressing the few hundreds of surviving North Koreans who happened to be out of the country when the bombs went off. "We are not a nation to be fucked with!"
Sources close to former fearless leaders George W. Bush and Dick "the Dick" Cheney told UnNews that both men feel like sissies after Obamas' decisive decision. "Bush was swilling Scotch and staring at a photo of his landing on that aircraft carrier. Cheney was definitely swearing, but it was hard to make out. Something about blacks and lesbians, I think," said one anonymous reputable fly on the wall.
North Korea doesn't exist anymore so now the administration can focus on more pressing topics. Next on the agenda is fooling the American people into believing things are changing for the better, while in fact remaining basically the same.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Ilse Postulate "North Korea evaporates" BBC 4, May 25, 2009