UnNews:Nintendo recalls Wii-motes amid fears children are 'becoming fit'
23 December 2006
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"It's come as quite a shock" describes Nancy Vacca, whose son Clayton has allegedly 'been robbed' of over 50lbs since he started playing his Wii. "There you are, thinking your kids are playing safely in the next room; then you find out they're actually doing something beneficial to their health!"
Ms. Vacca, 44, is one of many concerned parents campaigning for the Wii to carry health warnings, detailing the risk of weight loss and increased muscle that stems from heavy usage.
"He spends an average of 13 hours a day on his Wii. I'm just glad I'm not one of those reasonable mothers who waits until Christmas to give their children $600 gaming systems - imagine all that Christmas dinner that would've just gone to waste!"
Nintendo have offered the Vacca family compensation in the form of Game Boys and home-delivery pizza coupons, and urge others who feel they have unfairly lost body mass to contact their Customer Complaints department. Mr. J Wario, a spokesperson for Nintendo, issued the following statement:
"It appears an engineer had their page set to 'portrait' instead of 'landscape' when printing the blueprints. While this did not initially appear to present any hazards, it has since become evident we didn't factor in the similarity our controllers would have to lightsabers. We apologise to any consumers whose less-than-energetic lifestyles have been disrupted, and assure you the Wiimote Mk.II has been successfully rotated and will require no more effort than the slight twiddling of thumbs you are used to."
The console's motion-sensitive remote controller can be used like a tennis racket, lightsaber or other maneuverable object; although a line of adult-themed games are due to hit the shelves sometime in the new year.
- "Obesity." Uncyclopedia, December 22, 2006