UnNews:New prophet concerned with women's rights

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Monday, August 10, 2015

Dubai beaches have recently witnessed an impressive spur in religious activity.

DUBAI - "A woman of piety and integrity cannot leave herself at the hands of men, or otherwise she'll bring onto her family and herself only shame and dishonor," - this was the discourse held yesterday by an unidentified family man on one of the Dubai beaches.

According to what witnessed said of him, however, one thing seems clear. The beach man spotted with his wife and kids, seemed to be offering everyone a lesson on what socially and religiously active should resemble. It became obvious that he was willing to teach non-believers from personal example, when he let his own 20-year old daughter swim next to the beach and did everything to prevent the rescue team from getting to her in time, when she started drowning.

It was noted that the man was still in cold blood, when the first cries were heard. He even uttered that "nowadays a woman should know how to save herself from any trouble". Only when the non-believers furiously persisted in their intentions to steal the young girl from the clemency of the All-forgiving, did the man, apparently of sound mind and body, put same to use - against the life guards. Meanwhile, the daughter slowly drowned, but the prophet explained to his listeners that he preferred her "dead rather than dishonored".

When asked why she was allowed to a mixed company in only a bathing-suit in the first place, the man seemed to be puzzled. "After all, it's not so much the question of religious beliefs, as it is of giving the modern woman the right to be responsible for her own actions," stated in a private interview Rev. Buffalo, an UnNews expert on religion.

The teaching

The UnNews invesitgators soon came to a conclusion that the only point which could blur the man's teachings was the lack of resemblance of what he preached to any other known religious belief system. Indeed, even after a tremendous amount of research was done, nothing in any of the holy texts -- from Qu'ran to the Bible -- could be seen as supoorting the man's theory. Yet, this is a non-issue for Reverend, who explains that all well-known prophets preferred starting from scratch when it came to promoting a belief system, at the risk of first being seen as socially deviant.

"What makes this one particular is what he has to offer society, - Reverend argues - meaning a clear definition of the modern woman's social place, which is a sure compromise between what is proposed by various Middle Eastern dictator regimes and, well, ISIS."

As to the man's daughter's life, not much is lost, as the prophet reassures everyone. "In case she was saved by the male strangers, - he tells - she'd still have to be honor-killed later the same day."

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