22 September 2006
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WASHINGTON DC -- White House spokesman Tony Snow has announced three new policy changes which will be enacted by the National Security Agency. His announcement, however, is not causing much concern about invasion of privacy.
The NSA will start monitoring all messages contained within fortune cookies. Mister Snow has made it clear that while most fortune cookie messages are not a direct threat to national security, the possibility for communication between terrorists utilizing fortune cookies exists in our reality.
The second tactic in the NSA's arsenal to combat Anti-American activity will be an attempt to crack the Morse Code. A subsection of this policy creates a clause which legally enables the NSA to closely monitor smoke signals.
Implementation of the third policy will begin in 30 days. All skywriting activity will be subject to surveillance by both U2 spy planes and by city police officers on the ground. The NSA feels that they'll be able to acquire the maximum amount of intelligence possible using this dual-sided perspective.
Although privacy concerns have not been raised by the American Civil Liberties Union, there are some who think the new plan is simply the NSA's method of wagging the dog. "The NSA is simply trying to divert attention from the negative publicity they've been receiving recently."
Tony Snow countered the ACLU's claim, declaring, "There is no dog, and I can neither confirm nor deny that if there was a dog, that it could be wagged. We are investigating the possibility that the dog's tail could be wagged, but the results will not be available for an indeterminate amount of time. If the tail does happen to wag, however, even a centimeter, the American people can be assured that the dog has full approval from Congress."
- Andy Alt "NSA May be Wagging the Dog with New Spying Policies" Mental Dimensions blog, September 22, 2006